Chapter Twenty-One
S ienna was floating.
Her date on Thursday night had ended in a way she hadn’t anticipated. She’d not gone into it expecting her and Debs to sleep together so soon, but there was nothing about that night she regretted, which was a foreign feeling for her. But she couldn’t. Not when she had woken up to Debs gazing at her, fingers idly tracing over her bare arm, a look of adoration in her eyes that made her want to hide only because of its intensity. They lay there in the early morning sun, the sound of the world waking up through the window that Sienna had thrown open the night before to try and cool their heated bodies, cocooned in their own bubble until they couldn’t any longer, work calling for them both. As she reluctantly pulled herself from the safety and comfort of Debs’ embrace, she distantly wondered why they had agreed to a weekday date and not the weekend when they could have lounged about in each other’s post-sex haze for hours. But then, she reasoned, with the end of one date and a kiss goodbye before Debs took a cab back to her own home to freshen up before work came the promise of the next time they saw each other.
Two days.
In the grand scheme of things, it was nothing, but after Thursday night, it had felt like forever. It was as if now she had had a taste of Debs, of what she could be like when that already soul-consuming attention was focussed on her for entirely other reasons, she couldn’t even comprehend waiting for it to happen again. And in all honesty, the attention hadn’t faded even though they’d not physically seen each other. Friday had been spent with endless text messages, both clearly distracted from what they were meant to be doing in favour of contact with each other. Debs had even rang her in the evening, telling her funny stories of what had happened during the day.
Well, almost funny. It was funny in the end when Debs explained just what Joel Mitchell was like as a person. But the first mention of him and Sienna couldn’t stop the pang of jealousy that shot through her. Which was ridiculous considering, they had only been on one date. It was irrational, really, considering it wasn’t only one date. It was one date that had started with months of building a friendship between them, of talk and lingering stares, of dinners and lunches and coffee, of messages and conversations that had already cemented their connection. It was one date that had finished with some of the most mind-blowing sex Sienna had ever had. Which was both surprising and wholly not, considering it was Debs’ first time with a woman. She ought to have been nervous, shaky, and unsure in her exploration, but actually, just as with everything, Debs had studied and listened to Sienna, considered and communicated both their needs and wants. And really, Sienna concluded, it was so good simply because it was Debs.
In hindsight, though, it was that knowledge that she was Debs’ first that had kicked that envious streak into being, Sienna’s mind instantly thinking about the fact that Debs had only ever been with men, and why would she complicate her life by coming out after a straight marriage and two kids.
But the thought was quickly overtaken as Debs continued to rant about Joel’s arrogance, his cocky personality, and how he seemed to be almost desperate for Debs’ attention. And entirely stamped out when Debs smoothly segued into how she’d been thinking of Sienna all day. In an extremely not-suitable-for-work manner.
She wasn’t entirely sure how she was meant to remain professional when Debs showed at the centre soon. She absolutely had to restrain herself from pulling her into her office and making out like insatiable teenagers.
Her phone ringing brought her out of her risky daydream, and she cleared her throat, desperately hoping that whoever it was wouldn’t have a clue as to where her mind had been seconds earlier. She answered without looking, knowing it would be either Max or Debs, and neither would let her live it down if they picked up on her wavering voice.
“Hey.”
“Hello, Sienna, how are you?”
All the joy she had been feeling was sucked out of her body at her mother’s voice on the other end of the phone. There was nothing more deflating than her mother ringing during her mid-sex memory.
“M-mum. Hi.”
“Anna from my book club has emailed me a photo of you in the local paper. An article on some kind of charity event you were a guest at.”
Of course someone had seen the article. And of course they would have sent it to Penny. Because that was just Sienna’s luck when it came to her life. No matter how much she tried to keep the details from Penny, she always found out somehow. It also wasn’t a surprise that her mother had reduced her involvement down to just being a guest. She either hadn’t bothered to read the article or clearly read what she wanted to within it. Either was a plausible explanation. In no universe of Penny Daly’s could Sienna have organised or been responsible for something as large, successful, or praise-worthy as a charity auction.
“I wasn’t a guest, Mum. I organised the whole thing.” Sienna really didn’t know why she rose to the bait.
“I’m sure you had your own part to play. Is this Lighthouse place where you work?”
“Yes.”
“And it’s already having to raise money? It doesn’t sound like it’s a stable position if they’re struggling for funds.”
“We’re not struggling for funds, Mum. We need to constantly keep fundraising so we can offer a wider range of services.”
“You know, you’d have had that security if you stayed on at university.”
Sienna sighed. It was the same argument she had heard for years. It didn’t matter what Sienna did; Penny always found a way to bring her down, made her second-guess her choices, and doubt every step she took. This was exactly the reason she never told her mother anything. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to share her good news; she would love nothing more than to have a family who supported her decisions and listened to her successes. It was that actually her mother could never see the good in it.
“I’m happy here.”
“I wasn’t suggesting that you could go back to university now!” Penny laughed, the sound ringing with amusement at the mere idea that Sienna could do anything as ludicrous as go back and study again. “You’re almost thirty. What on earth would you do at university?”
Sienna felt her walls shoot back up at the dismissal of her doing anything with her life. She could argue that plenty of people, people much older than herself, had gone back to university and found a new career. She could argue that she wasn’t as close to thirty as her mother had implied. This was exactly the reason she hadn’t told Penny about going to university again. Even more than that, she hadn’t even told her about applying. She knew it would be met with the inevitable scorn of a mother who could only see the negative, as if her life had been thrown away that fateful day when she walked away from her education as a tender and broken eighteen-year-old.
She glanced around her small office, spotting the small cactus that sat on her desk in its pot with the message I’m Rooting for You . It had been a gift from Max when she had found out she was successful in her job application at The Lighthouse. Once she had been given her own desk, she moved it from her flat to the office, a daily reminder of Max’s encouragement. But right now, it no longer gave her the boost it usually did. Actually, she realised that was an unfair assessment. It did give her a boost, just not the one she wanted. What she really needed to see were the sharp, angular leaves and vibrant petals of the Bird of Paradise Debs had gifted her. What she wanted more than that was Debs to be here, to hold her the way she had yesterday morning, to make her feel she was worth something. The tears that threatened to spill at the sheer emotion she felt at the dichotomy of the past few hours caught her by surprise, and she furiously blinked them back, not wanting to let her mother know that she was close to crying. Penny would only assume it was because Sienna was being weak and foolish, regretting a decision she had made, and see it as another opportunity to give her a lecture about the supposed state of her life.
She tried to focus back on whatever her mother was saying, trying her best to stay interested even though the conversation had moved on and was of no importance to Sienna. She was grateful, even though she had no interest in what Penny was saying, that it just wasn’t a conversation about her or the sorry state her life was in.
Sienna hummed along when she felt her acknowledgement was required, agreeing when she was meant to, even though her opinion wasn’t wanted. Penny didn’t really ever ask for Sienna’s opinion; it was something she had never really valued, even more so once she had decided Sienna couldn’t make the correct decisions in life.
She hung up the call when her mother had had enough of regaling her with tales about what was going on in her life, apparently unconcerned that she had monopolised Sienna’s time when she was at work. It was unsurprising, really; she had no appreciation or respect for it, so why would she see it as an inconvenience to eat at that time? By the time the call was over, her good mood had all but been sapped from her body, Sienna now feeling more deflated than she had done in months. She hated that her mother still did this to her, but that was all part of the vicious cycle she found herself in, time and time again.
She heard the door creak open, straightening up quickly in order to hopefully disguise the fact that she had been disrupted from her task and was now feeling flustered after her phone call. She turned, expecting to maybe see Liz since the interruption came without a knock, as most people would do when Sienna shut herself away. What she wasn’t expecting was Debs, head peeking around the door, a gentle smile on her face and blue eyes sparkling.
“I’m not disturbing you, am I?”
“What are you doing here?”
“It’s eleven-fifteen. The kids have all abandoned me, and I thought I might have seen you out there. But then you were nowhere to be found, so I thought I’d come looking for you...”
“Oh fuck, I didn’t realise the time. Sorry.”
“It’s fine. Are you okay?” Those crystal eyes narrowed as if Debs was reading Sienna, and Sienna hoped that she wouldn’t be called out. While she longed for the comfort Debs would no doubt offer her, she wasn’t sure she was ready to unpack the full extent of Penny Daly onto her.
“Yeah, I’m just wading through a tonne of stuff I put off while I was organising the auction.” The thought of the auction brought back Penny’s earlier words, her dismissal of Sienna’s role within it, and she felt a knot tighten in her stomach.
“Anything I can help with?” Debs stepped closer to Sienna’s desk, leaning back against it. Sienna took in the loose white vest and fitted knee-length denim shorts she was wearing. Casual Debs, outside of the suits and heels, was by far Sienna’s favourite iteration of her, something about it softening her whole demeanour. It was like she had shed her armour. And it seemed to have a similar effect on Sienna. The tension in her body had lessened in just the few seconds she had been in her presence.
That’s just her.
Debs crossed her arms over her chest as she looked down at Sienna, and she tried to ignore the sight of her toned, tanned arms which were on display, but it was difficult to ignore when Debs’ supple skin was so enticing. Apparently, all she has to do is show up, and my mind is distracted, thought Sienna. She turned her chair so she faced Debs a little more, her leg brushing against Debs’, and the feel of their skin touching sent a shiver through Sienna. She cursed the fact she too had decided on shorts this morning, although it was far too hot and humid for anything else, but maybe the contact would be less consuming if she was wearing jeans.
“Sienna?”
“Hmm, what?”
“I asked if there was anything I could do to help.”
“Oh no. It’s my job and your day off,” Sienna said, pointing to Debs.
“Mmm, it is.” Debs stood, turning on her heel and leaning down over Sienna, bracing her hands on the arms of the chair. “And when did you last take a break?”
“I haven’t. I was waiting until you got here,” Sienna admitted, gazing up at Debs.
Debs’ voice lowered, leaning in even further. “And now I’m here.”
Sienna’s eyes fluttered shut as Debs closed the final short distance between them, sinking into the kiss. The feel of Debs’ lips against hers only served to remind Sienna of the days since they had last kissed. It shouldn’t feel like this, like she had been starved of attention and affection after just two days apart. She knew she had missed her, even though she tried to ignore it, tried to work through the need that seemed to have settled within her since they parted ways yesterday morning. But the sheer volume of rightness she felt now she was back within her orbit…Sienna tried not to give it too much thought, afraid of what it meant. Instead, she let herself get carried away by the languid caress of Debs’ kiss, humming at the warmth it evoked throughout her chest.
“I’ve missed you,” Debs murmured, before stealing another kiss, her fingers threading through Sienna’s hair.
“We’ve been texting all day. And you rang me last night,” Sienna reasoned through a breathy chuckle, although something about hearing that Debs felt the same as her made her heart race.
“Yes, but I couldn’t do this over the phone.” Sienna sucked in a breath as Debs’ lips moved to her cheek, drifting to that spot just behind Sienna’s ear, which made her shiver. Debs had found it on Thursday night and seemed far too pleased with the discovery, teasing the skin with her tongue and teeth until Sienna begged her to stop.
“Debs…”
“Yes, baby?”
“You can’t…fuck…you can’t do that here.”
“Why not? I’m not really getting the impression that you want me to stop.”
Sienna could feel Debs grin against her skin, clearly pleased that she was having such an effect on Sienna.
“You would be correct.” Sienna smirked. “But I still have to work the rest of the day. And you have to go find your kids in half an hour, and you definitely cannot follow up with where you’re heading in my office.”
Debs pulled back a little, eyebrow quirking. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Sienna playfully shoved at Debs’ arm, but Debs quickly caught her hand, entwining their fingers together. “At least, most definitely not while there are people outside.”
Debs raised their joined hands to her mouth, kissing across Sienna’s knuckles. “Fine. I take your point.”
Sienna opened her mouth, about to reciprocate Debs’ declaration about missing her, but snapped her jaw shut. Despite all the emotions that pointed her to this being so right, the taste of Penny’s phone call still lingered, and she couldn’t help the defence that had risen in retaliation to them. She’d learnt how to keep a distance between attraction and affection, and although she was aware that she had crossed the line and admitted it to Debs’ last night, the conversation with her mother had made her cautious of the ferocity of the emotions the beginning of a new relationship was presenting her with. If that’s even what this was. One night didn’t constitute having that discussion just yet.
“What?” Debs asked with a smile.
“Nothing. I just…” Sienna shook her head. “It’s just nice to see you.”
“Nice?” Debs scrunched her face up.
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Nice is such a beige word.” Debs curled her lip up further, the almost comical expression making Sienna giggle. It amazed her how this well-presented, put-together woman could be so playful and funny in the blink of an eye.
“Okay. It’s lovely to see you. Is that better?”
“Getting there.” She leaned back against the desk again, tugging gently on their joined hands to pull Sienna to her feet and step in between her legs. “I have an idea how we can upgrade from lovely, though.”
“Yeah? And what would that be?”
“Making out until it’s time to find my kids.” Warm hands slid around Sienna’s waist, her centre of gravity wobbling slightly as she fell further into Debs’ embrace. “What do you think?”
Sienna wrapped her arms around Debs’ shoulders, sighing contently as that feeling of belonging settled over her once again.
“I think I can get on board with that idea.”