Chapter Nineteen
Elora
Linc studies me for a moment. His eyes look dark green tonight, the pupils huge in the semi-darkness. He’s been so gentle and tender with me, kissing me for ages, skimming his large hands over my skin until I’m aching deep inside. I knew he’d be like this, but somehow it’s still a surprise; I’d wondered whether, once he was turned on, he might abandon his gentleness through no fault of his own, his body taking over any good intentions. But he’s stayed in control, putting me first, and for that I love him more than anything.
As if he’s come to a decision, he leans back and stretches his arms out on the back of the sofa. “You do it,” he says.
My eyebrows lift. “What?”
“You’re in charge. You take me inside you. Slow as you like.”
My lips part. I can’t do that. Can I? I glance down at him, at his erection that’s large and hard, straining toward me as if begging to be ridden. My heart bangs on my ribs. He wants me to lead the action. To do it at my own pace. He thinks it’ll help me.
Carefully, I move closer to him, lifting so he’s beneath me. He remains still, watching me, his dark eyes sending a shiver down my back. I slip a hand underneath and slide the tip of his erection until it’s just pressing into me. His eyelids lower to half-mast, but he doesn’t say anything.
I put both arms around his neck and wait for a moment. Bending my head, I touch my nose to his. Māori call it a hongi, which involves the exchange of hā—or the sharing of the breath of life. His breath mingles with mine, sweet, intimate.
Slowly, I lower my hips and take him inside me.
His eyes close.
I pause, feeling him just inside, stretching my entrance. My heart is racing, but I stay calm. I know I’ll tighten if I panic, and I don’t want that to happen. This is nothing like before. I’m with Linc, the one man I trust more than anyone, the guy I’ve been in love with since I was ten years old. I know that now. From a kid’s childish crush to a young girl’s deeper friendship to a woman’s desire, I’ve been in love with this guy almost all my life. I want to share myself with him. To show him how much he means to me.
Even though he’s breathing fast, he doesn’t move, letting me go at my own pace. I’m sure he’s worried that I’m going to ask him to stop, and I’ll be unable to go through with it.
I bend my head and press my lips to his in a kiss. “Open your eyes,” I whisper.
He opens them and looks up at me.
Keeping my gaze on him, I lift so he’s almost out of me, then lower again. This time he slides a little deeper in.
My heart bangs, and my thoughts whizz around my brain. I feel as if we’re in the middle of a tornado, the air spinning around us, ripping up furniture and throwing objects across the room. But in the center we’re calm, hardly moving, looking into each other’s eyes as we make love.
I lift up. Lower again. Slowly, I coat him with my moisture, making it easier for him to move inside me.
On the fourth time, I exhale and lower right down. Ooh… this is a very different feeling… I close my eyes for a moment, letting myself adjust and stretch to accommodate him. Mmm… that feels good… erotic… I tighten my internal muscles so I can feel him, all the way inside me, right up to the top.
“Fuck,” he says, his first indication that he’s not completely unaffected.
I open my eyes and touch my lips to his. “You have a dirty mouth,” I scold, moving my hips a little and discovering that by doing that I can thrust him in and out of me.
“Sorry,” he says, not sounding sorry at all. I can see his pulse racing in his throat, but he looks relaxed.
I rock my hips slowly. Ahhh… yeah this feels good…
“Am I doing it right?” I ask innocently.
His eyes narrow, and he doesn’t reply.
“Does it feel okay?” I whisper, leaning on his chest and bending to touch my lips to his.
His hands curl into fists on the sofa, but he doesn’t move them. “Yeah,” he says. His voice is husky with desire.
I touch my tongue to his lips, then slide it into his mouth as he opens it. Continuing to move on top of him, I kiss him deeply, teasing his lips with my teeth, slipping my tongue against his, and he gives a half-sigh, half-groan, his hips moving—just a little—matching the rhythm of mine.
I lift my head and look into his eyes. Resting my hands on his shoulders, I slide them along, admiring the muscles there, the tattoos, following the runes down to his hands. Then I pick them up and move them to my breasts.
He groans, lifts one hand to the back of my neck, and pulls me down to kiss me, while he cups my breast with his other hand and teases the nipple with his thumb. Ahhh… yessss… heat shoots through me as I realize how turned on he actually is. I love that he let me go at my own pace, but this is how I want him. I want his passion and his need. I want his fire to sweep over me and set me alight; I want to be burned to a crisp by his lust.
I begin to move faster, rocking my hips and enjoying the way he thrusts to meet me. I can tell he’s trying to hold back, but his passion is taking over, and that thrills me.
Our bodies move so well together, as if they were made for each other, and although I know that would be the same for every coupling in every species that’s ever existed, it feels special to me. It doesn’t matter who he’s been with before, or what happened to me; right here, right now, it’s just me and Linc, no past, no future, just today, coming together in the most beautiful way possible.
“Ahhh, baby…” he whispers as I straighten and tip back my head. My hair brushes my shoulder blades, which feels sensual and sexy, and the way he skims his hands down my back and then around to my breasts adds to the sensation.
He feels amazing, and I’m thrilled and excited to think I’ve finally gotten over the hurdle that I’ve been facing for so long. I’m actually having sex, with Linc, and it feels good, and I might not be the best he’s ever had, but it’s going pretty well, and oh my God I can feel my orgasm way off in the distance, like a bright star, verging on a supernova.
I drop my head to look at him again. He watches me as he slides a hand between us and teases my clit again with his thumb.
“How’s it feeling, baby?” he murmurs.
I suck my bottom lip. “Mmm… so good…”
“Do you think you could come for me?”
I close my eyes, my lips parting as pleasure ripples through me, and I nod.
“Go on then, sweetheart. Take your pleasure from me. Ride me all the way.”
Cupping his face, I kiss him, and he opens his mouth to me, his tongue thrusting against mine. It mirrors the movement of him inside me, which is so hot that I moan, and he groans in response, a rumble deep in his throat. His thumb circles faster, and with the fingers of his other hand he teases my nipple, and I’m never going to be able to hold back with him doing that.
I rock my hips harder, driving him into me, squeezing my eyes shut as I feel it beginning inside. Ohhh… everything’s tensing… ooh so tight… oh my God it’s so powerful it’s almost painful, and I cry out… and then the pulses start, and the only thing that exists is Linc’s mouth on mine and him inside me and the hot, hard pleasure that makes me cry out his name…
And then I collapse onto his chest, my breaths coming in huge gasps as I try to draw air back into my lungs. And I’m sobbing, because it was so intense, and so wonderful, and I couldn’t have done it without him.
“It’s okay, baby,” he says, wrapping his arms around me. He kisses my forehead, my nose, my cheeks. “I’ve got you.”
It’s just like the way he held me when we tumbled off the jump platform, when he said, I got you, baby girl . The trust I feel for him has enabled me to give myself to him in the most intimate way possible, and because of that he’s helped me, at last, to move on.
I wipe my face. “Thank you.”
His smile warms my heart. “You’re welcome.”
I bend my head and kiss him, long and lingering. Then, when I finally move back, I begin to rock my hips again. “Your turn now,” I whisper. “Will you come for me?”
He looks into my eyes. “You sure you want me to?”
“I do. With all my heart.”
He stretches out his arms again on the back of the seat. “You do it.” His eyes glitter in the moonlight.
My eyebrows rise. “What do you mean?”
“You’re in charge. If you want me, come and claim me.” His lips curve up—it’s taken from a Lord of the Rings quote.
“I don’t know how,” I say awkwardly. How do you bring a man to climax? In all the movies I’ve seen, it’s the man who directs the action, who takes his pleasure from the girl.
“Sweetheart, I’ve nearly come, like, four times already,” he says with a twist to his lips. “I’ve had to summon every ounce of willpower I own. So just keep doing what you’re doing. You’re so gorgeous you could just sit there, and I’d probably come after thirty seconds.”
I giggle and I put my arms around his neck. “Really?” I murmur, kissing him as I move slowly on top of him.
“Mmm.” He huffs a sigh, opening his mouth to accept my tongue when I brush his bottom lip.
“So you like it when I move like this?” I pull back until he’s almost out of me, rock a few times so the tip of him is teasing my entrance, then sink back down on him.
He grunts in response. His eyelids have slid to half-mast again, and he’s breathing hard. Even though he’s keeping his body relatively still, his hips move to meet mine again, as if he can’t stop them now.
Excitement rises within me. I want to make him feel the pleasure that I’ve just felt. And I want to watch him come and know that I did it— I made him feel like that. I begin to move faster, kissing him, pressing my breasts against his chest, and his tongue tangles with mine, his breaths turning harsher.
“Ah… Linc, baby…” I nip his bottom lip, then suck it. “Come for me…”
He groans and drops his head back, exposing his throat like prey to a predator, increasing this feeling of me being in charge of his desire. I kiss down his neck, lick at the base where it meets his shoulder, then, without thinking what I’m doing, fasten my mouth there and suck, hard. He shudders and says, “Fuck,” and then he gives a long, deep groan.
I straighten and watch, rocking slowly, drawing the climax out of him, and he exclaims several times as he jerks inside me. Ah God, he looks so hot like this, splayed out for me, vulnerable and helpless right now in the moment of his ecstasy, and I feel a surge of pleasure to think I’m the cause of it.
He shivers, inhales deeply, then blows out a long breath as he opens his eyes. The look in them is helpless, defenseless, as he gazes at me.
I lower my lips to his and kiss him gently.
With a sigh, he brings his arms around me. I curl my arms up and lean against his chest with my head tucked into his neck, and we sit there like that for a little while, just enjoying being close, while he strokes my back and kisses the top of my head.
Eventually, though, he says, “I’m going to have to move, sorry.”
“Oh, of course.” I get up off him, and he disposes of the condom, pulls up his boxer briefs, and gets to his feet.
Then he hugs me again. “You okay?” he asks.
“I’m absolutely fucking amazing, thank you.”
He laughs. “Glad to hear it.” He moves back, cups my face, and peers into my eyes. “You’re sure? I didn’t hurt you?”
“Of course not. I mean it, Linc. It was so good. I feel… reborn.”
His brow furrows a little. “I’m so glad,” he murmurs.
“Was it… uh… you know… okay for you?” I can’t imagine it was anything special, but at least he came, which must have meant he’d enjoyed it a little.
He looks amused. “Yes, Lora. It was okay for me. Couldn’t you tell?”
“Orgasms aren’t everything.”
He laughs. “I guess not.” He kisses me. “I’d kill for a cup of coffee. You want one?”
“I’d love one.”
“And I saw some shortbread biscuits in the minibar.”
“Now you’re talking.” Happily, I pull on my skirt and top while he zips up his chinos, and then we go over to the bar and make our drinks. When we’re done, we take them and the shortbread back to the sofa and sit next to each other. He turns a little toward me, and I curl up beside him, drawing up my knees.
We sip our coffees and meet each other’s eyes.
“Thank you,” he says.
My eyebrows rise. “Thank me ? What for?”
“For trusting me to do this with you. I can only guess what courage it took to do it, and yet you did it so sexily and gracefully. I thought you might freeze or back away at any point. But you just looked… beautiful. And hot.”
I blush at the way his eyes sparkle. “It was amazing. Just so… different that I didn’t have to worry. I didn’t think about before at all. Not once.”
“I’m glad.”
We sip our coffee, watching each other. He’s the same Linc he’s always been, and yet something’s changed between us. I feel conscious of him in a different way—I can smell his cologne on my skin, I can taste him, I can still remember how it felt to have him inside me. We’re not children anymore. We’re two consenting adults who’ve shared themselves in a special, intimate way. A very hot way. It was fantastic. And suddenly, it’s not enough.
“Can we do it again?” I ask.
His eyebrows shoot up and he stares at me. Then he starts laughing. “I’ve created a monster.”
“Well, if you don’t want to…”
“I didn’t say that.” He smirks and sips his coffee.
“Are we going to share a bedroom?” I ask. “Or do you want to sleep on your own?”
“What would you like to do?”
“I’ve never slept with anyone like that. It might be… nice,” I finish lamely. The truth is, I want it more than anything. The thought of cuddling up to him while we doze off, of waking up next to him, feeling his warm skin against mine… Did I die at some point while we were having sex? Am I actually in heaven right now?
“Nice,” he quotes. “That’s lame.”
“Well, stupendous. I didn’t want to appear over-eager.”
He chuckles. “It would be stupendous.”
“Don’t mock me. Astounding, then. Tremendous. Wondrous.”
“Wondrous is good.”
We both smile.
“How are you feeling?” I ask. “It was a very emotional day. A bit of a rollercoaster.”
“Yeah. My head’s still spinning, and you haven’t helped.”
“Sorry.”
“No, you’re not.”
“No, I’m not.”
He rolls his eyes. “I’m glad I managed to meet Edmund before I left. Hopefully we can keep in touch now on Zoom from time to time.”
“I’m sure he’d love to.” I hesitate. “Do you think you’ll come back and visit at all?”
He meets my eyes.
“I didn’t mean—” I begin.
“I know,” he says.
We’re both quiet for a moment.
“My life is in the UK,” he continues.
“I know.”
“I’m working on the new Sutton Hoo dig, and it’s going really well.”
“I’m so pleased,” I say, meaning it.
His eyes fill with pity. “Lora…”
“Don’t,” I say sharply. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s okay. Obviously, it would be great if we could catch up every now and again, but I think we both know that won’t be good for either of us. My life is there and yours is here.”
“Yes, I know.” I take a deep breath and release it slowly. “You’ve shown me that it’s possible for me to have a physical relationship now. It’s helped so much. And maybe, going forward, it won’t matter if I haven’t known the guy for a long time. If I can just take it at face value, maybe I will be able to have sex with another man now, for pleasure.”
I’m just thinking aloud, but as I look at his face, I stop speaking.
“Don’t glower,” I say, amused.
“I think you should become a nun,” he says.
I giggle. “No, I’m going to have sex with a hundred men now you’ve taught me how to do it.”
He puts down his coffee cup, takes mine from me and puts it down too, then picks me up in his arms and falls back onto the sofa with me. I laugh, trying to get up, but he tightens his arms around me and waits until I stop struggling.
“Don’t tease me,” he says. “I’m feeling like a Neanderthal right now.”
“Ooh.” I kiss his nose. “I was going to say, I really appreciate the way you let me take control. It definitely made it much easier that first time. But next time… can we be less like spotted hyenas?”
That makes him laugh. “You want me to take charge?”
“A bit. Maybe ten, fifteen percent more grrr.” My heart races at the thought. I want to experience that. I want him to be the one to drive the action. But I’m still a little nervous about how it will make me feel.
He strokes my hair back from my face. “You’re sure?”
“I want to explore sexual dimorphism with you in a safe, positive way.”
He chuckles. “That’s a very Elora answer.”
“Does it make sense?”
“Absolutely. I can do that.”
I wrinkle my nose. “So what does it entail?”
“Ten, fifteen percent? Ah… I handcuff you to the bed?”
“Linc!” My eyes nearly fall out of my head.
He sobers immediately. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t tease you like that.”
“Jesus. Give me some warning, at least.”
“I forgot…” He stops and frowns. He means he forgot about my assault.
“I’m shocked,” I tell him, “not scared.” I nibble my bottom lip. “I have to admit, the thought is a little… hot.” I don’t know why, but the notion of being subject to his kisses and caresses and having no control over my own pleasure… Ooh, yes, that’s actually quite a turn on. I’ve surprised myself.
But Linc says firmly, “There will be no handcuffs. No tying down of any kind.”
“Spoilsport.”
“Ten percent means maybe a different position.”
“You on top?”
“Maybe not yet. Perhaps side by side in bed. More equal.”
“Yeah, that’s good too.”
He laughs. “Come on. Why don’t we go to bed? I’m knackered after everything we’ve done today.”
So I rise from the sofa and pull him to his feet, and we switch off all the lights. I check that the door is locked, but only feel the need to do it once before I collect my bag and join Linc in the other bedroom.
He’s cleaning his teeth in the bathroom, and I take out my toothbrush and toothpaste and go and stand next to him to clean mine. Our gazes meet in the mirror as we brush. He smiles, and my face warms. I’ve never done this before: shared myself in this casual, intimate way. I could grow to like it.
Such a shame he’s returning to the UK next week.