21. Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-One
T he front door closed with a clack, breaking Cody out of the trance he’d fallen into the second Brooke said Kristi was his future, which sounded too much like goodbye.
She had to understand. He wanted his baby to have a mom and a dad under the same roof, not a fractured family like he grew up in. Like Brooke had growing up, too.
His gaze found Susanne’s confused one as she stared at him from the living room. Then her eyes and expression turned to one of understanding. She knew he’d never hurt Brooke on purpose. That didn’t mean he hadn’t inadvertently upset her over the years she’d chased after him.
Susanne gave him a fix it look, then turned and walked back to the dining room.
He didn’t think he could ever repair Brooke’s broken heart, or his own. Not after this.
He’d thought everything had changed last night. He’d woken up this morning thinking he’d started a new chapter in his life with a woman who had become so much more than his best friend and lover.
Brooke was perfect for him in so many ways, he couldn’t count them all.
In one night he’d had her and lost her.
His throat clogged and his heart hurt with every beat against his tight ribs, demanding he not do this and lose the one good thing he’d had in his life. The one thing he’d had and swore he’d never let go.
He’d never felt anything close to what he felt for Brooke with Kristi, but Kristi was pregnant, and she and his child needed his promises now.
Kristi sat on the couch, her grin falling flat as she looked up at him. “I know this is a shock. We didn’t plan it, but it’s happening.”
Right. They were having a baby. He couldn’t quite wrap his head around everything that meant.
As much as he wanted to wallow in the memory of his night with Brooke, in the heat and passion and overwhelming pleasure, he couldn’t hide from his responsibilities. But when he looked at Kristi, right now all he saw was the rest of his life without Brooke and that kind of love and passion.
He and Kristi would have something different. Something more subdued, yes, but they’d find a way to be happy. He’d been content with her up until last night, when he’d discovered in Brooke’s arms just what kind of life he could share with a woman.
He and Kristi would find a way back to their rhythm, and he’d settle into the routine they shared this past year.
Kristi sat up straighter, her smile brightening. “Now that I’ve told you, I’m kind of excited for us.”
The band around his chest tightened. The bright future with Brooke he’d gotten a glimpse of last night winked out, leaving him lost in the dark and lonely.
He’d never forget how much he loved her. He’d hold that inside his heart and soul like a secret.
Everyone deserved a few good memories to get them through the hard times in their lives. He’d have his memories of Brooke.
A baby really does change everything.
He choked back the raw emotions clogging his throat, walked to the window, and stared out at the rose garden. Fading in the winter-weak sun, the rose’s spiky sticks stood as barren as his heart.
“We need to plan what comes next.” Kristi couldn’t hide her excitement. “When should we tell everyone? I’ll move in. We’ll make this place ours. My things. Yours. We’ll set up a nursery. We’ll be a family.”
She’d moved on to planning.
He was still stuck on the bomb she’d detonated in his life and the fallout.
He couldn’t stop thinking about Brooke. “You shouldn’t have thrown it in her face that we’re getting married and having a baby. You know how she feels about me.”
I finally know how I feel about her.
One night hadn’t been enough. He wanted more. He wanted a lifetime. But it wasn’t meant to be. “You made it seem like she wasn’t welcome in her own home anymore.”
Brooke walked away. She left.
He wanted her back so bad.
Will this ache ever go away?
“I doubt she’ll want to spend much time here once she graduates college and starts her own life. What with you and me and the baby in the house, she’ll probably prefer a much younger crowd to us.”
He didn’t want to consider the fact that Kristi might be right.
Brooke walked out the door, and she might not come back. Not after what he’d done to her.
He didn’t even want to think of her finding someone else to have a life with and love. She’d loved him practically her whole life. She’d loved him with her whole heart and body last night and into the morning.
He couldn’t imagine her loving another man. It simply hurt too much to even contemplate.
He rubbed the heel of his hand over his aching chest, swallowing the lump in his throat, and tried to breathe through the pain.
But he still managed to make things crystal clear to Kristi. “Remember one thing. Brooke owns a quarter interest in this ranch. This will always be Brooke’s home. Don’t ever make her feel unwelcome here again.” He let her interpret the threat in his words any way she liked because he wouldn’t let her or anyone else hurt Brooke or keep her from coming home.
Kristi didn’t back down. “Are you going to let me make this my home now too?”
He’d never slept with her under this roof. He’d never asked her to stay over with him. But everything had changed and he needed to catch up. “Of course. Once we’re married, we’ll live here together.” He hoped a month or two would be enough time for him to accept that and move forward without this crushing loss weighing so heavily on him.
“Excellent. We can turn the room next to Brooke’s into a nursery.” Kristi’s mouth drew into a tight line. “Of course, she’ll probably want to move to her mother’s side of the house so the baby isn’t waking her up all the time. Plus, we’ll need our privacy.”
Cody clamped his jaw tight, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and wondered how this had happened.
Kristi swore she was on the pill. He was focused on a career and thought he’d have kids in the future, when he was settled, which was why he always used a condom. It was his responsibility to protect himself.
Except with Brooke last night, he’d been too obsessed with being as close as possible to her. Nothing between them. Just the two of them lost in each other.
Hours ago, he’d been the happiest man on the planet. Now he couldn’t feel anything but loss and pain.
He was going to be a dad.
And Kristi’s husband.
He should feel something for them, but if he did, it got drowned out by how much he missed Brooke already.
To stop Kristi from talking anymore about changes she wanted to make to the house that used to be his and Brooke’s, he suggested something that would make Kristi happy and took him one more step down the path of his new future.
He turned away from the desolate garden and his thoughts of Brooke, and faced Kristi and his circumstances head-on. “Do you want to go pick out an engagement ring?”
Her smile went megawatt and she pressed her hands together at her chest and shouted, “Yes!”
Well, he’d made one woman happy today.
He wished he hadn’t destroyed what he had with another in order to do it.
Kristi grabbed her purse and he followed her out of the house to his car. He noted the missing truck and wondered where Brooke went, when she’d be home, and if she’d actually come back. Ever.
He drove out of the long driveway, hit the main road into the city, and tried not to panic that he’d never see Brooke again.
His heart sped up the second he spotted the truck parked near a copse of trees down a dirt road that led to the creek. He knew the spot well. Brooke went there when she wanted to be alone. He imagined her hiding out and cursing the day she’d met him.
“What kind of wedding band do you want?” Kristi asked.
He’d nearly forgotten where they were going. “I don’t know.”
“We’ll get something that matches mine.”
He didn’t know what to say, except, “Sounds good.”
The only thing he really wanted to do was find Brooke by the creek and beg her to forgive him.
The rest of the day went by in a blur of picking out Kristi’s engagement ring at a ridiculously expensive jewelry store. He'd set a limit with the jeweler. Of course, Kristi picked out the most expensive piece she was shown. He didn’t care. If she was happy, that meant he could be quiet and sink into his own guilt and pain.
They drove to her parents’ house and announced their engagement. Kristi’s parents were exuberant in their excitement and he felt like an asshole for being so staid in his response, so he faked his enthusiasm for Kristi’s sake, shaking Kirk’s hand and promising he’d take care of Kristi. That was the best he could do right now.
When her mother asked about the proposal, Kristi lied and said they’d had a disagreement last night and he’d called her to the house this morning because he couldn’t sleep, thinking about her and making things right. When she showed up this morning at his house, they’d talked and he confessed that he hated when they were apart and asked her to marry him.
Her mother thought his impromptu proposal was so romantic.
Kirk smirked and said, “You figured out you couldn’t live without her.”
He nodded his agreement.
They didn’t say anything about the baby. Kristi convinced him to hold off on telling anyone until after the wedding. She didn’t want to start any gossip. After a couple of hours of batting around wedding plans with her parents and holding up the plastered-on smile he’d kept in place for Kristi’s benefit, he took Kristi back to her apartment.
They sat in his car out front and Kristi turned to him with a serious look in her eyes. “The proposal story I told my parents will be exactly what we tell our friends and family. Agreed?”
“Sure.” As far as he was concerned, no one needed to know what really happened. He’d hold the truth about his night with Brooke in his heart and mind and hoard the joy it brought him to the end of his days.
“How about I come home with you? We could celebrate.” The sultry look in her eyes told him how she wanted to do it.
He couldn’t even think about taking her to bed right now. “I’ve got some work to finish up before Christmas in a few days. I’ll plan a dinner. We’ll celebrate then.”
“Promise?”
“Yes. Do you need anything? Are you feeling well?” He didn’t know anything about a woman being pregnant, except they got morning sickness sometimes.
Kristi seemed perfectly fine. “You’re so sweet. I’m doing okay.”
I’m not.
“Then I’ll see you soon. Call if you need anything.”
Kristi held up her hand, flashing the ring. “We’re getting married!”
At least one of them was excited.
He smiled for her, because he didn’t want to rain on her parade.
She slipped out of the car, leaving him in blissful quiet as he drove home. When he drove past the empty dirt road, he hoped he’d find Brooke at the house. He desperately needed to talk to her, to explain how he felt about her, and why he was marrying Kristi. He had to make her understand that after all these years, he’d finally realized how much he loved Brooke.
This situation with Kristi hurt him as much as it hurt her. But he had a duty and obligation to Kristi and his unborn child.
He never got the chance. When he finally drifted off to sleep on the couch in the living room near four in the morning, she still hadn’t come home.
He spent the next two days calling, texting, worried sick because she wouldn’t answer him, angry at himself for making this happen, and feeling the loss of her with every breath he took.
Four days and nothing from Brooke. He hoped to find her at home, sitting by the Christmas tree this morning. No such luck. The cheerful decorations in the house mocked him. The angel at the top of the tree stared down at him with contempt.
It was all he could do to sit beside Kristi on the couch, her body snug against his side, and not leap up and scour the earth for Brooke.
Even worse, Susanne sat across from them, patiently listening to Kristi’s jubilant plans for their upcoming wedding, talking about the doctor appointment he had accompanied her to two days ago after she’d gotten lucky, taking someone else’s canceled appointment. The ultrasound confirmed they were having a baby. He had the picture of his little bean to prove it. Kristi had given him a Baby’s First Christmas ornament with the photo inside. It hung on the tree, front and center. They’d delivered the news to Susanne this morning when Kristi presented him with the gift. What else could they do?
They still hadn’t told Kristi’s parents and asked Susanne to keep the news to herself. But he saw it in her eyes. She knew Brooke had left because of this but congratulated them anyway. She didn’t fool Cody. Her polite but distant mood had worn on him the last couple days. Susanne blamed him for Brooke’s absence and ruining the holiday.
“Ah, the happy couple.” Brooke walked into the room, an instant piercing pain stabbing her battered heart when the huge diamond ring on Kristi’s finger sparkled in the firelight.
Knowing her mother had worried terribly, she went to her and kissed her cheek in greeting. “Hi, Mom. Sorry I’m late.”
“You’re four days late getting home,” Cody barked.
He knew exactly why she’d left and stayed away and he was mad at her. No fucking way!
“Well, geez, Dad , I was shopping at the mall, and they had this killer sale, and I lost all track of time. Then Mindy Sue asked me to meet her in Vegas for a couple of days, and I just couldn’t say no when she was so excited. I couldn’t let her go all alone. Besides, I won a hundred bucks playing poker, met an honest-to-God card sharp, and spent a night working off my bar tab wrapped around a stripper pole.” She put her hands up like a prayer and smiled snidely at him. “Please don’t ground me.”
“You aren’t old enough to gamble,” Kristi pointed out.
Brooke refused to look at Kristi. Apparently, the stripper pole was more plausible than her gambling.
She never took her eyes off Cody. He had no right to ask her where she’d been, or snarl at her about staying away.
“People here have been worried about you. The least you could do is call home.”
She saw past the anger to the worry that made him snap at her like that. It did assuage her own anger and she felt guilty for ignoring his texts and calls.
“Yes, well, I checked in with Mom and told her I’d be back today.” She refrained from using the word home. Soon, this house would belong to him, Kristi, and their children. They’d be a family. This would be their life.
She wouldn’t be welcome, or feel comfortable here ever again.
He kept staring at her, and she wanted to tell him he had no right to sit there implying he was worried about her when he had his fiancée cuddled up beside him.
“Where have you been?” he asked in a softer tone but still demanded an answer.
She could go where she pleased, and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it. Her mother apparently kept the information about her calling and checking in to herself. Her way of letting Cody know he should be the one to suffer for whatever he’d done to Brooke. She hadn’t explained anything to her mom, only that she couldn’t be around Cody and Kristi right now. The engagement was enough of an explanation for her mother to understand Brooke needed time alone.
Brooke refused to tell him she’d gotten a hotel room and stayed in bed crying for the last few days. She wasn’t going to tell him how she’d wallowed in her misery, not eating, and barely sleeping. She’d taken the time she needed to grieve for him and a dream that would never come true.
She’d grieved the death of a wish and the death of their friendship because nothing would ever be the same again. He’d never be a part of her life like he’d been for all these years.
He had someone else. He belonged to Kristi and their baby. Nothing would change that now.
Instead of answering him, she turned to go to the kitchen, but stopped short when she spotted the picture frame ornament on the tree with their ultrasound photo.
There it was in black-and-white.
Tears threatened to gush once again, but she choked them back as the ache in her chest consumed her.
“Brooke.” Cody’s soft voice nearly broke her.
She couldn’t look at him. She couldn’t seem to pull her gaze from that picture hanging on the tree. “Smells like Janie has been cooking up a storm. I’m starved.” She really wasn’t. “I’ll go see about dinner.”
“Don’t you want to open your gifts?” Kristi’s voice had become nails on a chalkboard. Every time she spoke to Brooke in that perky, everything is wonderful voice, Brooke wanted to cover her ears and scream.
“Come on, darling, open your gifts.” Her mom nudged her toward the tree.
All the gifts had been opened, except for Brooke’s.
The briefcase she bought Cody sat next to the tree, along with several other things he’d received from her mom, friends, and no doubt Kristi. She’d spent a small fortune to replace his old battered and scuffed one. His career had taken off and he needed something that showed his success.
“You’ll love what Cody got you,” Kristi said. “It’ll keep you warm at school.”
She couldn’t help but glance over at Cody and yearn for him to be the one who always kept her safe and warm.
She couldn’t sit through opening the gifts and pretending to be happy and appreciative for all she’d received when the only thing she wanted, she couldn’t have.
“I don’t want to hold up the dinner Janie spent so much time preparing. I’ll open them later.” She turned for the kitchen.
“Who gave you flowers?”
She stopped in her tracks, and looked down at the gold box filled with dead roses and the card she thought came from Cody that she’d totally forgotten was still tucked under her arm. She’d completely forgotten about them in the truck until she finally found the strength to get out of bed, shower, put on the clothes she’d worn for four days, and come home to a reality she didn’t want to face. A life without Cody in it.
Why would he ask her who sent them when it only made sense that he ordered them for her?
A cold shiver raced up her spine.
She turned and faced him, looking for any sign that he had and was just trying to get her to acknowledge it. But all she saw in his eyes was a genuine question and maybe jealousy that someone else sent them to her.
“Actually, I don’t know.” Could it have been @youseeme? No.
How would he know where she lived?
How had she made his night remarkable?
Was he at the party?
In her house?
She thought about the silhouette of a man in her bedroom window the night of the picnic as the fireworks went off.
The chill inside her froze her bones.
“Brooke. Everything okay?” Cody’s concern touched her, but she wasn’t his responsibility anymore.
She shook off her dark thoughts. They were just flowers.
She didn’t answer him and turned to leave yet again.
Her mom’s voice faded as she made her way to the kitchen, but she caught every word. “Whatever happened between the two of you, fix it. We’re a family. This is our home. You two have been friends since the day we moved in. She’s leaving tomorrow to go back to school.”
“What? So soon?” Panic filled his voice.
“Yes,” her mom snapped. “Don’t let it be the last time she walks out that door.”
Cody hadn’t known she planned to cut her holiday vacation short and return to her dorm. Better that than have to spend any more time watching Kristi touch Cody and command his attention when Brooke would never get to do that again.
It hurt too much to look at him and know it was over. If she couldn’t be with him now, after what they shared, then she simply couldn’t be here at all.
Her mom followed her into the kitchen. “Are you going to tell me what’s really going on here?”
Their housekeeper and cook, Janie, read the tone and the shift in energy in the room and carried a platter laden with roasted leg of lamb and a bowl of mashed potatoes out to the dining room.
Brooke tossed the flower box on the counter next to the garbage can and slowly turned to her mom. “Cody and I… There’s never going to be… He’s not mine. He’s marrying Kristi. They’ll have a beautiful baby soon. And I have to start my own life.” Tears spilled down her cheeks.
Her mom cupped her face and stared into her eyes with sympathy. “I’m sorry.”
“I love him,” she confessed. It was the only part of what happened she could really tell her mom. “I know you think it’s silly. A crush. Whatever.”
Her mom shook her head. “No, Brooke. Those feelings are real and they run deep. I understand that seeing him with Kristi hurts.”
“I can’t love him and not have him. Not anymore.”
Her mom wrapped her in a hug. Brooke wanted to run away again. But she’d promised her mom Christmas dinner and wouldn’t back out now after spending days away and cutting her winter break short.
“It will all work out the way it’s supposed to, Brooke. You’ll see. You will love again.”
She didn’t think so. Not right now. Because she couldn’t imagine not loving Cody because she’d always loved him.
“Come. Let’s get through dinner, then we’ll go up to my room, crawl into my bed, and we’ll drink hot chocolate and watch Elf together. You love that movie.”
She wouldn’t be on Cody’s side of the house. She wouldn’t have to see him pass her room with Kristi and go to his, because of course Kristi would never leave Cody alone now. Not when she suspected something happened between Brooke and Cody. Not until she had a wedding band on his hand.
“Sounds great, but I’ll need to pack first.”
Her mom held her by the shoulders. “I hate that you’re leaving.”
“It’s time I grew up, finished college, and started my own life away from here.” She had plans already in place without even knowing she’d not only want to live on her own, but would need to as Kristi slowly pushed her out. Well, with the baby coming, shoved was more like it.
Her mom frowned, put her arm around Brooke’s shoulders, and they walked out into the dining room. Her mom hugged her close as they approached the table where Cody and Kristi were already seated. “Maybe your secret admirer will contact you again.”
Brooke hoped not. Because now the messages had a stalker vibe to them that worried her.
Cody’s eyes filled with fury.
Brooke loved her mom for poking at Cody and trying to make her feel better. “I don’t have a clue who sent the flowers or what they meant in the card. Or why they didn’t sign it.” She scrunched her lips and thought about all the messages she’d been receiving since she returned to school after summer break.
Kristi gave her one of her famous not-so-nice smiles. “Well, you certainly got a lot of attention at the party. You’ve got your pick of those guys to choose from.”
Yes, so many suspects.
You’ve watched too many crime shows.
Someone likes you but isn’t sure how to approach you and is taking the long way around. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Right?
The only man Brooke wanted was seated at the head of the table, looking anything but happy about Kristi pointing that out.
And was that some sort of compliment? That Brooke could get anyone she wanted.
Except Cody.
Kristi made sure of that.
She didn’t have anything else to say about anything, so she took a seat at the table. Not the seat on Cody’s right where she normally sat, but the one her mom usually sat in. She didn’t want to be that close to him. She didn’t want to look up and stare across at the triumphant look in Kristi’s eyes that she didn’t even bother to hide. Instead, she put the scrumptious food Janie had spent more than an hour cooking for them on her plate, and managed to get a few bites down before Kristi launched into a whole bunch of chatter about wedding dresses and baby clothes and if it would be a boy or a girl and what color they should paint the baby’s room upstairs.
Brooke sat silently enduring it for her mom’s sake, but she couldn’t eat past the lump in her throat or fill her tight stomach. She found herself staring out across the living room and right into Cody’s office. The lights were out. She couldn’t see anything past the edge of the rug on the hardwood floor. All she saw was what they’d had and what they’d never share again.
“Brooke. Do you want dessert?” Cody’s deep voice brought her out of her stupor.
Dessert? She didn’t think she’d ever eat cake again.
Her mom touched her shoulder. “It’s your favorite.”
Brooke hadn’t even realized dinner had been cleared from the table. “Um. I’m not hungry. I think I’ll go upstairs and pack before we…” She tore her gaze from the study and looked at her mom.
“I’ll get the hot chocolate. We’ll have dessert later.”
Brooke nodded, stood, and walked away from the table and Cody’s gaze that she could feel on her back.
“Cody, honey, where are you going?” Kristi demanded.
Brooke was at the top of the stairs when she heard the study door close and Cody throw the lock.
“Cody, let me in,” Kristi pleaded.
Brooke knew exactly what Cody was doing. She’d found him in his office many times, bourbon in hand, worrying about a problem or situation that upset him. He’d never locked her out.
Apparently Kristi wasn’t welcome to join his brooding party.
Or maybe Cody just wanted to get drunk and forget what happened between them.
She really didn’t know anymore.
Not her problem, even if it put a heavy stone in her gut.
Packing didn’t take very long. She basically just tossed everything into her backpack and suitcase haphazardly and called it done.
She walked back toward the stairs and her mother’s side of the house. Just as she crossed the landing over the foyer, Kristi turned from the study door she’d been knocking on and asked, “How do you get him out of there?”
She didn’t miss a step or even look at Kristi and just said, “That’s your job now.”
She kept on walking when Kristi pounded a fist on the door and demanded, “You can’t ignore me like this, Cody.”
Apparently he could, because Brooke didn’t hear the door open. But she did hear the front door slam when Kristi left.
She wanted to go to Cody. She wanted to prove to herself and Kristi that he wouldn’t shut her out of his life. But that was petty.
And for the first time in her life, she wasn’t sure Cody would open the door for her. And if he did, what did that mean? That he loved her, too?
Knowing that would only make things worse.
Him opening the door would only complicate matters more.
She was right to leave. She was right to never come back.
She just hoped she could live with her decision and that somehow her mom would understand.
Maybe, in time, years from now, she’d be able to see Cody and not hurt like this.
Right now, she needed as much distance as she could put between them.