Chapter 23 #2
My instinct drove me to drift into the shadows and observe from a distance. It didn’t look like their conversation was in any way hostile. Lochlan smiled and nodded, and the woman eventually raised her glass to him then left. The moment she was gone, I slipped up behind Lochlan.
“What did she want?” I breathed. “Does she suspect us from a few days ago?”
He jumped a little. “I didn’t see you come up. And no, nothing like that. She simply recognized me from the knitting booth and was asking about the price of blankets. I believe I’m becoming famous.”
My abdomen unclenched and my shoulders dropped an inch. “Very well-deserved fame. Mable is right, your knitting is the finest in all of Berkway.”
“I wondered if Mable would be here—she always loves weddings. But I haven’t seen her,” Lochlan said. “Sorry to leave you back there; I was pulled away and thought the conversation would be shorter.”
“I’m not defenseless,” I said. “I don’t mind being left alone.”
“It’s poor manners to leave a lady alone during a date, and I promise to not repeat the same mistake. Would you like to dance?”
I hesitated. “I don’t dance.”
“But you can fight, can’t you? Dancing and fighting are almost the same thing.”
I couldn’t prevent a short bark of laughter that escaped me, which didn’t sound at all ladylike. “How so?”
Lochlan slipped a hand around my waist. “You predict your partner’s movements.”
“You mean my opponent?”
He grinned. “Sure. Predict your opponent’s movements, but instead of countering them, move with them. Try it with me.”
“I’ll step on your feet.”
“I’ll survive. May I?” He reached out for me.
This time, I allowed him to take my hand, and he swept me into his arms. “Just follow my lead.”
He had been right. Dancing shared many of the same principles as fighting, but this time, I matched my movements to Lochlan’s instead of resisting them.
He used the press of his hand at my back to indicate where I should move, and even though I tensed from the touch, it was accompanied by a pleasant, anticipatory tingle.
I did step on his feet a few times, but each time he simply smiled and continued to whirl me across the floor without a word of complaint. At first, the music was upbeat and fast-paced, but at the close of the song, the orchestra struck up another, slower melody.
Lochlan didn’t let go of me and held me a little closer as he began stepping in a careful pattern that was simple to copy: three steps one way followed by three steps another.
“You’re a natural,” he breathed into my ear. “How does it feel?”
“A little strange,” I answered. “Where did you learn to dance?”
He chuckled. “Roderick had me take classes when I was younger. Knitting, medical training, dancing, all sorts of things. He said it would make me into a person that no one would ever suspect of wrongdoing, and he was right.”
Another couple spun past us, the woman’s head resting on the man’s shoulder while he stroked her back.
“Why do you call him Roderick instead of Dad or Father?” I asked.
Lochlan’s mouth tightened. “He doesn’t want to be called anything but his name. But enough about me. The line is dying down. Do you want to go meet the royals?”
I looked over his shoulder. “Not really. I’ll wait until they’re done. I want to talk to Dahlia but I don’t care about meeting the others.”
“Fair enough. So what are your plans once you find your family?”
I paused. “I don’t actually know,” I confessed. “I’ve been looking for them for so long I don’t know what will happen once I find them. I’ve never let myself think that far ahead since there are so many unknowns.”
“You won’t need to be picking up odd jobs with crime rings once this is all over,” he said with a grin. “Do you have another career in mind?”
I continued to step in time to the beat of the music with Lochlan but let my mind wander.
What would happen once I found my family? I wouldn’t need to work for the Syndicate any longer. I already had enough money saved up to last years and years. Would I get married and have children one day?
“I guess I assumed that my family would just be happy together. We could get a plot of land and grow a garden or something. We’d read and go on walks and I would take care of my parents when they get old.
Who knows? Maybe I can find a teacher to show us how to knit and we’ll sell things at your booth.
” I glanced up at where Dahlia was leaving the raised platform along with the others.
The greeting line had dissipated, Jameson and Elena were headed over to the cake, and Tess was pulling Ernst over for a dance.
I wasn’t going to let this chance get away.
“Dahlia!” I called, breaking away from Lochlan and hurrying over. “Dahlia, I need to talk to you!”
She raised her eyebrows. “Fancy seeing you here and dressed like a girl to boot. I thought you just pretended to be a cabin boy now. If you’re looking for another bounty—”
“No, I’m not. But you grew up in the castle in Ebora, didn’t you?”
“It’s the People’s Republic of Ebora now, but I did, yes.”
“So you knew the other servants.”
“Correct. I grew up there and was Princess Odette’s handmaiden for many years.”
I could barely form words. “Right. I’m looking for a woman who was sold to King Raquel about sixteen years ago. Her name’s Brielle. She looks a little like me with blonde hair, or at least it was blonde sixteen years ago, probably gray now, and…and…”
An immense sadness had filled Dahlia’s eyes and her expression turned somber. “You’re one of her two daughters, aren’t you?”
The rest of what I’d planned to say dried up in my mouth and I swallowed several times, unable to speak. “Yes,” I finally whispered. The regret on Dahlia’s face was all I needed to see to know what she was about to say. Time ground to a halt.
“She spoke of you often, but she died several years ago. I remember it well. She was part of the rebellion trying to overthrow King Raquel. She wanted to leave Ebora and find you but died of malnutrition before she could.”
Bile burned at the back of my throat. “There might have been another Brielle,” I said, hating how my voice warbled. “Are you sure…”
“I’m sure,” she said kindly. “I knew all the rebellion members well. She loved you very much.”
Burning heat prickled behind my eyes, try as I might to blink it away. There had to be some mistake. My mother had been strong. She had been lively and kind and loving. She couldn’t have died. We were going to be a family again. I just had to find her and the others. They had been waiting for me.
“I’m so sorry,” Dahlia said, placing a hand on my shoulder, but I flinched away and took a step back.
The emotions raging in my chest were about to burst. I intended to thank her for telling me, but I couldn’t so much as open my mouth. If I did, I might cry or choke or pass out. So instead, I turned and fled.
“Wait!” Lochlan tore after me and grabbed my shoulder, but I yanked myself away and kept running as I’d never run before in my life. I didn’t want his embrace. I didn’t want him to see me vulnerable and breaking.
“Jillian, stop!” Lochlan’s voice faded until the only sound was of my pounding footsteps.
I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t even think.
I ran out of the party, away from the castle, then through the streets of Avalon, darting down alley after alley, the darker the better.
I didn’t want to be anywhere near the castle.
My mother probably died in a place just like that, and I wanted no part of it.
Each time my foot struck the ground, I took vicious satisfaction in urging myself on, going faster and faster until everything became a blur. If only I could run from the feelings threatening to consume me just as quickly.
I ran until I thought my heart might explode, then collapsed to the side of the road, gasping for air in short, frantic bursts.
I didn’t want anything but solitude. No one could hurt me when I was alone.
After all my work for all these years, I thought that I would swoop in and buy back my family members, easy as that.
My dreams of being the hero who reunited her family were just that—dreams. They were the fantastical imaginings of a desperate child with no grasp on reality. The real world was cruel.
My chin shook and, against my will, a hot tear leaked out of my eye and trickled down my face. I wiped it away angrily. I hadn’t cried in years. But once the first tear was out, more followed, along with a ragged sob, and my normally well-controlled emotions took over entirely.
My entire body wracked with sobs as I wept, arms hugging my knees as tightly as I could.
Even that didn’t feel like it was enough to ground me.
If Mother hadn’t survived, what were the chances of my sister and father surviving?
Without them, I had no future. There was nothing worth living for.
The possibility of my family being alive had given me the hope I needed to sustain me over the years, but now, that was gone too.
What was the use of accruing wealth if I had no one to share it with? Everything was hopeless.
I heard the crunch of boots on gravel, along with a man’s breathing, and someone pressed their hand onto my shoulder.
“Go away, Lochlan,” I said, head still burrowed into my knees. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone?
“Don’t be like that, lassie,” an unfamiliar voice growled.
I looked up.
It wasn’t Lochlan at all.
Two men leered down at me, smiling in the most unpleasant way.