Chapter 20
NEIL
Because I can’t do those things without you, rash whisperer. Isn’t that fucking obvious?
Why does the perfect response only plop into your head after the heat of the battle?
An hour goes by. With every Malteser I lob into my mouth, washed down by neat whiskey, I hate myself more. It’s a bumper box of Maltesers, equating to a fuck tonne of hate.
And a fuck tonne of whiskey. By the time we reopen at five, the pints I pull slam down on the wooden bar a little too hard, and the room’s got that seasick slow spin.
Every word from my fallout with Luke burns on my tongue.
I can’t do those things without you. It’s funny how fast you can slide from holding it together to holding nothing at all.
So funny, in fact, people and customers are starting to notice.
And by people, I mean Ezra. Isaac, Alaric, and Gerald are here somewhere too, as well as Jess, tiptoeing around me as if I’m a hand grenade with a loose pin.
“Neil. Are you okay?”
Ez sidles up to me. Too blind and too busy lining up four G it slips out of my grasp.
And then I’m tipping, falling, tipping falling, arms windmilling and backstroking through the air.
My shoulder hits the floor first, then my hip, my thigh, and then my face.
Ez screams—who knew Ez, cool, sexy Ez, could fucking scream?
My hands scream too, sharp, like lemon juice, taking my breath away.
A hot red bloom opens up on my forearm, so bright even my heart flinches.
Glass sticks out of my skin; I stare at it in wonder.
A big, jagged shard of truth and idiocy right there.
Time turns syrupy. I’m watching from above, as if this trainwreck’s happening to someone else.
Someone stupid enough to think destruction might feel like catharsis.
Stupid enough to believe in the cleansing power of anger.
And then the room tilts even harder; the pulse in my ears thrums even louder. Ezra’s arms around me are strong, Gerald’s stronger still. Alaric issues orders in his lisping shrill voice, Isaac calls for security, Jess phones for an ambulance.
After that, I’m swallowed by a red tide. I don’t give a fuck who does what.