Chapter Five Carden
Carden counted the days. He did not stoop so low as to count the weeks, because that would have been stupid and kind of pathetic, but he was counting the days.
Four days left until the end of the tour. Of course, there was no way he would be able to see Marius on the day the band came back, but they had made plans for next Friday.
To get his mind off Marius, he had agreed to meet Pearl for lunch or dinner or whatever it was called at this time of day.
It was food, and it was home-cooked; that was all that Carden needed to know.
He wasn’t a great cook, did not have the patience for it, nor the time.
He would not cut vegetables, fry things, or roll out dough if he could use that time to paint or draw.
On most days he lived off sandwiches and ramen.
It hadn’t been that way when he had a boyfriend who took care of such things for him.
Not thinking about the past, he reminded himself firmly.
It was all about the future now for him.
“Did you start on your self-portrait yet?” Pearl asked.
They were at her place because it was bigger and it was cozy, and her roommate wasn’t home for at least another month.
She had the place to herself. Sometimes he wondered why he and Pearl didn’t live together.
There were probably reasons, but he couldn’t think of a single one at this moment.
Carden made a face and then sighed. “More or less.”
“More more, or more less?” Pearl asked as she handed him a bell pepper to slice. Of course she forced him to help, but as she was doing most of the cooking, he didn’t even grumble about it.
“I was busy with other things. I couldn’t really concentrate on staring at myself.” He looked at the bell pepper in his hand and then grabbed a knife and a cutting board. He got to work.
“Just paint an abstract,” Pearl said.
“I don’t paint abstracts,” Carden replied, because he didn’t.
It wasn’t that he didn’t like abstract or minimalist art; it was just that he liked more realistic things better.
Not to mention color, flowers, and maximalism on his canvas.
Little details that you didn’t see at first, bugs between petals of flowers that you only noticed at the second or third glance.
“Are you painting anything right now?” Pearl wanted to know.
Carden let out a soft sigh. “Yeah, I’m painting.” Like a fucking obsessed person, but that was neither here nor there, and he would not tell her that.
“Something interesting?”
“Same old, same old,” Carden replied.
She turned to grin at him. “Naked men and flowers?”
Carden nodded. It wasn’t a total lie. The work was a bit darker than his usual stuff, a bit more edgy to suit Marius’ image, but yeah, it was basically Marius and flowers. He hadn’t done a frontal nude or anything, but in the half portrait he did of him, Marius wasn’t wearing any clothes.
“You could paint yourself from behind,” Pearl said. “If you don’t want to paint your face.”
“What would that say about me, you think?” Carden asked, handing the sliced pepper back to her. She threw it in with the other veggies she had already prepared in the pan, stirred, and then looked at him. “That you don’t like looking at your face.”
“Wow,” Carden said, sarcastically. “What an insight.”
She shrugged. “You hardly let people take pictures of you, and you always decline to sit for other students and painters.”
He grimaced because that was true and did not make him many friends. “When they ask, it always feels like a come-on. Besides, sitting for a painting is boring. Ask anyone. I have better things to do with my limited free time.”
“Like mooning over rock star Marius?” She asked.
Ah, they were getting to the meat of things now. “Is that why you wanted to meet up and cook and have fun?”
“Maybe? We see each other in school, but both of us are busy with projects and deadlines. So it seems like we hardly talk. I saw your post on their website.”
“I told you we talk,” Carden replied, because he had told her that much. They weren’t just talking, if he was honest; they were flirting. Had been from the very first DM.
“Yes, you did, and then you didn’t say another thing,” Pearl said. “Which you know is totally fine. You have no obligation to tell your friends about your love life. But after that douchebag Kevin, we as your friends worry just a tiny little bit.”
His first impulse was to tell her that not everything with Kevin or about Kevin had been bad, but he didn’t.
Things had only been great in the beginning.
The first few months were like a dream. But then the times when Kevin would put him down or grab him or fuck him a bit too hard piled up steadily.
He didn’t want to see it at first, and that was on him.
“Marius isn’t like Kevin,” Carden replied. He really believed it too. Kevin had been the only one of his boyfriends who had been abusive. Sure, others had been sometimes dicks too, but had never hurt him psychically.
“You didn’t think Kevin was like that either, in the beginning,” Pearl replied.
“I can’t go into a new relationship thinking the new guy is just as shitty as the last, Pearl. And Marius isn’t shitty,” Carden said firmly.
She took the stir-fry from the stove and told him to get bowls. The big ones. He did, and grabbed glasses and cutlery as well.
“If anything feels wrong. Anything at all you tell us, okay? Me or Adam, yeah?” Pearl said.
Carden nodded as she served them the delicious-smelling food. “But he won’t do anything shitty to me.”
Pearl smiled. “Good. Eat my amazing stir fry now.”
She didn’t have to tell him twice. He dug right in, and it was amazing.
◆◆◆
Marius looked good in a dark grey button-down shirt and black skinny jeans. His black hair was styled, and he put eyeliner around his eyes. Carden really liked the eyeliner. It did all kinds of things to him. He wanted to smudge it with his thumb as Marius went down on him.
He swallowed. “You look nice,” he said as soon as he was close enough to Marius and his car. It wasn’t a rock star car. It was a dark blue everyday thing. Carden wondered if Marius would soon be driving a rock star car. A classic, a Mustang, a Rolls-Royce, or something. A Ferrari, maybe.
Marius grinned. “This old thing? Too kind.”
Carden smiled. “You totally stole it from a stylist, didn’t you?”
“Maybe,” Marius allowed. “But is it really stealing if they practically beg you to take it home and wear it to clubs and parties so it would be photographed wearing me?”
Carden blinked. “You wear the shirt; that’s how it usually works with clothes.”
“I’m not so sure in this case,” Marius replied, smiling. “Anyhow, come on in. We have a reservation.”
“You didn’t say it was going to be a place where you needed a reservation,” Carden said, but he slid into the car anyway as Marius held the door open for him.
“It’s not too fancy, but I wanted a quiet table so we could talk, you know?”
“And maybe hold hands under the table?”
“Maybe hold hands over the table?” Marius asked, sounding hopeful.
Fuck, he was sweet. And a rock star. Could not forget that. His band was steadily climbing the charts, and his face was on posters and billboards.
They listened to the radio on the way to the restaurant. Twice a Citizen Clash song came up, and both times Marius changed the station. Carden wondered what that was about and vowed to ask him once they had some food and drinks.
Marius found parking with no problem, and they walked two minutes to the restaurant. To his surprise, no one seemed to recognize Marius.
Once they were seated and had ordered, Carden asked about the radio.
“It’s weird, but I don’t love the sound of my voice all that much,” Marius said. “I mean when I hear it. It doesn’t really sound like my voice. I like watching clips of our concerts, the ones fans put up that they recorded with their phones, but at a low volume or on mute.” He shrugged.
Carden blinked at him. “Does the rest of your band have the same problem?”
“No, mostly because they don’t sing. Owen sometimes sings a line or a chorus, but mostly it’s just me. They fucking love hearing our songs on the radio.”
“As they should,” Carden replied. “Your band is going places, and it’s happening fast.”
“Yeah. It is. I think it always happens fast, because fame is so sudden, you know?”
“Not really. I mean, I can imagine, but no, I don’t know how it feels to be famous,” Carden said.
“But you had your paintings in galleries,” Marius countered.
“Joined exhibitions mostly organized by the university. So…yeah.” He shrugged. He was good. Carden knew that, but it wasn’t like he was groundbreaking. It wasn't like wealthy patrons and collectors were waiting for his next piece.
“I like your paintings,” Marius said just as their food was brought to their table.
Carden smiled at the waitress, but she was staring at Marius. It seemed like she could not believe her luck.
“Did you ever sell one?” Marius asked.
“What?”
“I think it’s a bad sign when my date is spacing out before dessert,” Marius said, amused.
“Sorry. It’s not you or the conversation; I’m not bored,” Carden hastened to assure him.
“It’s fine if you are. That’s what dates are for, right? To see if you like the other person.”
“I already know that I like you, Marius. I’ve been thinking about you since that first time we had sex. Mostly because it was great sex.”
Marius blushed, which was endearing, and then grinned. “Glad you enjoyed it. I always aim to please when I get someone naked, hot, and bothered.”
Marius was getting him hot and bothered now. And that was not good, because they were in a restaurant. With other people all around them and a waitress who had recognized Marius as the hot singer of Citizen Clash.
“Stop it and eat your pasta,” Carden said.
“Am I getting to you?” Marius asked.