Chapter 9 #2
"Let me get some tissues." I say as an excuse so I can get out of there. I rush to the kitchen and lean against the sink just so I can catch my breath. A wave of emotions hit me, the biggest one is guilt.
I hear footsteps behind me. Big, heavy. Light.
"Are you upset with me? I didn't mean to over step but when Tyler told me that you were taking a nap I didn't think we should wake you."
"You bought him food, you didn't have to do that. I'd have taken care of it." I speak but my voice comes out no more than a whisper.
"I know you would've but I did it already. You don't have to worry about it."
I don't have to worry about it.
Worry is all I have to hang on to.
Suddenly, the bough breaks inside of me and hard body wracking sobs explode through my body. I press both my hands to my mouth to stifle the sound but I know there's no way Light didn't hear it.
"Hey, hey. No, please don't cry." Light rushes over to me and wraps his arms around me.
Turning me around so my face is buried in his chest. I suck in big breaths, the smell of leather and soap assault my system and in that moment the smell makes me feel safe and small.
I wrap my arms around him and squeeze like he's my life line.
"Melissa, please." His words are strained. He grabs hold of my face and pulls me back a little so he can look into my eyes. Those beautiful, blue tortured eyes stare down at me full of confusion and sadness. "Tell me what I did wrong. I'm sorry. Please don't cry."
I shake my head as well as I can, "No, you didn't do anything wrong. This isn't your fault. I'm just overwhelmed. It's been a rough day." I tell him as I finally let go of him and wipe the tears from my eyes.
He moves my hands away and does it for me.
"What do you mean? Why? Did someone bother you?"
I shake my head no. "No, nothing like that. Just some issues I'm going to have to work through."
"We're going to have to work through." He corrects me.
"Light, you know we're not your responsibility right?"
He presses his forehead to mine, just for a second, just long enough that I feel the heat of him soak into my skin.
"I know," he murmurs. "But I want to be."
The tenderness in his voice nearly undoes me again. I shake my head and step back, needing the space even though every part of me wants to stay wrapped up in him.
"You don't understand," I whisper, my voice cracking. "At the doctor's office... they told me my insurance ran out months ago. That I owe over four grand already. That every visit now is just more debt stacking up."
Light frowns, his hands dropping to his sides, clenched tight.
"Four thousand? Shit."
I laugh a little, a bitter sound that feels foreign in my throat.
"Yeah. And that's just the beginning. I can't get another job without leaving Tyler alone.
I can't hire a healthcare worker to help with him.
And I can't afford to stop taking him to his doctors either. There is no extra money. None."
The kitchen feels smaller with every word that comes out of my mouth. The walls press in. The air feels thinner.
"I am stuck," I say, hugging myself tight. "I am stuck and there is no way out."
Light steps closer again, slow like he is approaching a wounded animal. He gently tugs my arms away from my body and pulls me into him again.
"I'll help any way I can, Mel," he says, low and sure. "I mean it. Whatever you need."
My throat closes up again, but I shake my head against his chest. "I don't want to drag you into this. I can't even take care of myself."
"You are taking care of him. Every damn day. Don't ever say you're not." His voice rumbles against my ear. "You are doing everything. You just need someone in your corner too. Let me be that, okay?"
I look up at him, and something shifts between us.
The way he is holding me.
The way he is looking at me.
Like I am not broken. Like I am something precious.
Slowly, Light lowers his head. His forehead brushes mine again. His hand cups the side of my face, his thumb brushing away the last of my tears.
The air between us grows heavy, electric. My heart hammers so hard I am sure he can feel it.
His lips are so close to mine that I can taste the heat of him.
I tilt up just the slightest bit, helpless against it, craving something real, something safe, something that feels like hope.
I see his mouth part, ready to meet mine.
And then?—
"Mom! Light! Look!"
We spring apart like guilty teenagers, hearts pounding.
Tyler stands in the kitchen doorway, beaming, holding up a crumpled, grease-stained napkin with a doodle of some video game character drawn on it.
"I drew this while you guys were talking! Isn't it awesome?"
I plaster on a shaky smile and nod. "It's amazing, baby."
Light scrubs a hand over his mouth and then crouches down to fist-bump Tyler. "Damn, kid. You got skills."
Tyler laughs and bounces back toward the living room, completely oblivious to the tension thick enough to cut with a knife.
I glance at Light, who is still crouched down like he is trying to catch his breath.
He looks up at me and for a moment we just stare at each other, both of us silently acknowledging everything that almost just happened.
Without saying a word, I turn back to the sink and pretend to busy myself cleaning up the invisible mess.
And Light lets me.
For now.