Chapter 12 | Susan
TWELVE
Susan
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AFTER MY FATHER’S DEATH, I’d found myself going over and over his final days. Had I been dutiful enough? Had I told him how I loved him? Had I done all I could to help him? Had I been a good daughter to him?
Over and over again, like a tortured reel of guilt, the events of his last days played in my mind. I’d been busy and hadn’t had time to spend with him. I’d had so much work and my mind was elsewhere.
If only I’d taken the time... he would have come to me with his financial problems. I was a financial expert, an accountant, after all. I would have helped him find a better solution. At least help him not to have gambled away Selma Sanctuary.
I’d experienced a similar sense of guilt as I’d watched my mother grow more and more invalid. No matter how much I did for her, I sensed it just wasn’t enough, that I should be a better daughter; a better human being, a more giving and caring being.
The latest obsession was thinking and re-thinking of my last days with Brad. Had I misread him? Had I projected my own emotions onto him? What had I missed?
Why had he left without saying a word?
With his good looks and personality, he could have any woman he wanted. Perhaps he was merely playing with me, adding salt to the wound of him and his brother kicking us out of our own home.
Was Brad really that kind of man? Was he as cruel as his brother Jeremy?
There were no answers. No matter how often I shot the question out into the universe, there was never an answer.
After a few days of brooding over my halted relationship with Bradley, I finally found the strength to face the world again. Mother needed me, and while Holly was often off on her own, doing her thing, I knew I had to be strong for her as well.
What seemed to be her blossoming romance with Damen Dominic worried me. He was worldly, a well- known actor, a celebrity. He was miles away from the boys she’d known in Bath. Had she even the slightest notion of what she was getting herself into?
Then again, she was a grown woman capable of making her own decisions, as bad as those decisions often seemed.
Twenty years old was an age where anyone would feel invincible and excited for whatever the world brings.
That’s what Damen was...something challenging, exciting. Nothing serious, of course.
I’d quietly begun to delve into the movie production’s finances, happy to see that the previous accountant, Penny, had done a wonderful job of leaving everything easy to follow.
I simply had to pick it all up where she’d left off and for the past week, I’d been familiarizing myself with the way Keely worked.
I looked at the budget and compared it to the one from the previous movie and the movie before that. Although the budget for each movie grew, I was amazed by how much Keely could get done with so little money.
Her crew was very well paid, so she wasn’t saving there. The cast only had one or two major names, taking up much of the budget, but the remainder of the cast were unknowns, leaving Keely to negotiate fair and reasonable rates.
A knock at the door suddenly pulled me from the paperwork.
“Yes?” I called out.
“It’s me, honey. Your mother.”
Smiling, I rose to open the door, pleased to see her.
“I know you’re busy working, dear, but I was hoping to go out to get some fresh air.
The view from my bedroom window is spectacular, but nothing compares to going out there and breathing it all in.
Keely and her crew seem to be preparing to film something out in the garden so I can’t go there.
I’ve not gone beyond the garden, not to the right or left of the manor, nor have I seen the grounds outside.
I’m loath to go out there alone and was hoping you were due to take a little break to come walk with your mother. ”
“Sure, Mother. The fresh air would do me good as well,” I said as I went back to my desk to put a few things away. “Let’s go out front. I’ve not seen much of the grounds from that angle myself.”
I wheeled her to the elevator, and we went down to the main floor and out through the front door.
“This morning I sat and watched them shoot an outdoor scene,” Mother said as I wheeled her down the ramp and onward down the drive. “That Keely girl really knows her stuff. So impressive.”
“She’s been doing this for a while now,” I said, enjoying the tranquil stroll. “I believe this is her fifth movie.”
“No wonder she’s so sure of herself.”
After a long moment of peaceful silence, she chuckled.
“What has you so amused suddenly?”
“I might have a bit of a surprise for you,” she said with girlish excitement.
“Oh? And what would that be?”
“I’m not quite ready to share it with you yet.”
I smiled and played along. “You can’t do that, Mother. You can’t tell me that you have a surprise but not tell me what it is. Or at least give me a little hint.”
“Oh, I don’t know...”
“Come on, Mother. Just a hint.”
“I’ll give you a hint. I think you’ll be very impressed.”
“Is that all you’re going to tell me?”
“That’s all for now, dear. And don’t try to draw another hint out of me. My lips are sealed.”
I laughed, happy to see her so lively. She had certainly aroused my curiosity. Still, I let the matter drop.
We arrived at a narrow path that veered off from the drive. Of very small, crushed gravel, it looked smooth enough and I decided to try turning the wheelchair onto it. Though not as smooth as the asphalt drive, it was still pleasant enough.
“Oh,” Mother let out. “Will you look at that.”
Indeed. A series of trees were trimmed to look like a variety of animals; a koala, a parrot, a fox.
“This is what your father wanted to do,” she said, her voice breaking slightly.
“If this is too emotional, Mother, we can turn back.”
“No. No.” She cleared her throat. “I’m not emotional at all. I love this. It just reminds me of all the attempts your father made to improve Selma Sanctuary. It doesn’t leave me sad... not really... not anymore.”
“You like it here, don’t you?”
She nodded and chuckled. “Very much. It might even prove to be difficult to leave.”
“Well, let’s not think of that just yet.”
We’d reached the last topiary, trimmed in the fashion of a large squirrel holding a nut. The path circled around the squirrel and looped back to the path leading back to the driveway.
“Have you noticed how distracted your sister is of late?” Mother said as we returned to the smooth surface of the driveway.
I’d rarely known my sister to not be distracted by one thing or another.
On a few occasions I’d seen her smiling and laughing with Damon Dominic.
I knew little about him but sensed that he was as immature and irresponsible as Holly was.
I could see nothing positive coming out of her relationship with him.
“I think she might be quite smitten with one of the male actors in this movie,” I said, careful not to say too much.
“Oh,” Mother said with a giggle. “Yes. And I think it might be that Damen fellow. Oh, what a charmer he is. Did I tell you? He’s the one who wheeled me around the ballroom that first day. Yes. Yes. Quite the charmer. Were I Holly’s age, I’d be smitten, too.”
My heart sank as I momentarily found myself thinking about Bradley. A sharp pang hit my chest, and I grimaced. I tightened my hold of the wheelchair as his face came to my mind’s eye, so clear, so handsome, so... gone.
No, I thought with a shake of my head. Do not sink back into that headspace. It does no good. No good at all. What’s done is done. There’s no changing it.
“There are days when I miss Selma Sanctuary,” Mother said.
“Just the sense of being in my own home. But I have to admit that everyone here is so sweet and charming. What luck we’ve found.
” She twisted around to glance back at me.
“What luck you’ve found; working for Keely.
Have you seen her with Abbie and Ayra? How truly wonderful they all are. ”
I nodded. “Yes. I’ve become quite fond of all three. I had no idea when I joined the Jane Austen Association Club that I would meet such wonderful women. Indeed. We are very lucky.”