Chapter 17 #2
“Good.” He opened the door but hesitated.
“If it’s all right with you, I’d like to come by every once in a while.
.. not that I would necessarily be checking in on you, but.
.. well, I do have to be at the Theatre Royal tomorrow afternoon.
I could drop in afterward... maybe I’d take you up on that dinner invitation. ”
“I would like that very much.”
He smiled. “Good. Very good.”
*****
I WAS AT THE PIANO every day, for hours.
The music came forth with surprising ease.
At times I was barely conscious of what I played.
As was my habit, I recorded every session on my phone and almost every time that I listened to the playback, I was surprised by the melodies I’d composed.
So much of it was dark, much darker than was appropriate. So much angst.
Nonetheless, I found lyrics to accompany those dark notes.
A broken heart means nothing to you
I know I’m just one of many
A passionate flame you snuff out like a candle
Are you happy?
You left me in the dark, out in the freezing rain
I bet you forgot me so fast
Tossed out like the trash... is that how you handle
A crush?
Building hatred comes so easy
You throw away those who would love you
I hate what you made me feel
I hate what you made me become
I hate that you can go on with your life
I hate that I still ask why
I slammed my fingers into the keys and grunted my frustration.
Hearing a shuffling sound, I looked up.
“I rang, but you didn’t answer,” Major Cooper said.
I pressed an unhappy smile. “You didn’t catch me at a very charitable moment.”
He nodded. “Yes. That sounded pretty harsh... pretty dark.”
“It’s cathartic.”
“If that’s what you need to get through this.” He held up the bag of groceries he held. “Does that dinner invitation still hold?
“You bet.”
“Good. I thought I’d prepare a little something for us.”
A genuine smile instantly came to my lips. “That would be really nice. What did you have in mind?”
“Pasta. More specifically penne arrabbiata.”
“I have no idea what that is, but it sounds delicious.”
*****
AS MY OBSESSION WITH Damen and the pain he’d caused me dissipated, Major Cooper spent more and more time at his London townhouse.
I never tired of seeing him. Our conversations never failed to be enlightening, and I learned so much about the world, about love, but more importantly, about myself.
He forced me to look at myself, to look at my place in the world, my place in my family. At times he was harsh, pointing out flaws in my character. But no matter how harsh the criticism, he always had the most tender way of presenting them.
“Mother always did coddle me,” I admitted.
I was curled up in the corner of the sofa while Major Cooper sat in that beautiful golden yellow armchair. He’d made a small fire in the fireplace, making the room so intimate and warm.
“I’m sure she had good intentions,” he said. “But there comes a time in every person’s life when they have to become master of their own fate. I think you’ve reached that time, Holly.”
I nodded. I knew he was right. I’d indulged long enough, getting what I wanted, doing what I wanted, all while letting those around me do the heavy lifting.
Susan suddenly came to mind, and I realized all she’d done so that I might have the freedom to be me.
“Oh,” I audibly gasped.
“Revelation number two?” he offered.
I nodded. “Susan. She’s done so much for me. So much more than a sister should have to. She’s worked, and I know that she sacrificed so much so that I could concentrate on my music... my musical career.”
“She must love you very much.”
I looked at him and smiled. “Yeah. You’re right. I never really thought much about it. I think I just always took her for granted.”
“That is quite the realization.”
“I want to show her that her time wasn’t wasted. I want her to know that I really did put that education to good work.” I stood up and clapped my hands together. “That show at the Theatre Royal that you mentioned a while back...”
“Yes? Is it something you’d be interested in?”
“I think I would. Yes. I’ve been working on a few new songs... not like the dark songs you heard back when I was... well... Anyway, these songs are more positive and filled with love and fun.”
“I’m eager to hear them.”
I nodded. “When I’m ready, you’ll be the first.”
I looked at him, appreciating him more and more. A few times I’d resented his intrusions and almost wanted to return to Moon Manor, but that resentment quickly disappeared, and I came to look forward to his every visit.
“What does that look mean?” he said, amused.
“You’re just not... I mean, when I first saw you, that day in the piano room at Moon Manor... you were... I mean, I thought you...” I chuckled, embarrassed with my initial assessment of him.
He laughed. “Let me guess. I’m old? I’m stuffy? Too serious?”
“Oh, no!” I said with a giggle. “Well, yes, you are a little older than... well, than the boys I’ve known. You are quite serious. But you’re not stuffy.”
Major smiled slightly. “I’m 31.”
I was taken aback. “Only 31? You’re so accomplished, so put together.
I’m sorry, I thought you’d be older.” Funny, I suddenly realized.
I’d thought Damen was so mature... so much more than the boys from back home in Bath.
But Major Cooper... he made Damen look like a pubescent teen and Damen must be a few years older.
Major had class and there was an easy elegance about him.
“Truth is,” I said more soberly. “I’ve never really known a mature man. You have your place in Derbyshire, and you have this place, and you have your life in order... for heaven’s sake, you’re a patron of the arts, you’ve renovated the Theatre Royal. What else do you do?”
“I do like to keep busy.”
“So, tell me. Why hasn’t a catch of a man like you married yet?”
His smile faded, then he pressed a broad smile, but it was no longer amused.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “That’s none of my business.”
“How about we talk of this show of yours,” he said.
*****
THE NIGHT HAD COME, and I knew that I had only Major Cooper to thank.
Not only had he gone to the trouble of setting up this concert, but he’d spent so much time listening to me play my songs.
He gave me a few pointers, helped me change a lyric here and there, but most of all, he was simply there for me.
On the few occasions when I thought I’d never be ready, that I wouldn’t have enough songs completed, he supported me, encouraged me and kept me going.
And now, it was time to show everyone what I could do.
“You look wonderful,” Susan said as she came backstage to see me right before the show was to begin.
“Thank you for loaning me this dress,” I said, looking down at the deep red dress. It was simple, classic and perfect for the occasion.
She smiled. “Funny how matronly that dress looked on me, but on you... so pretty.”
“I must admit that I had it pulled in at the waist a bit, and I did have it hemmed up just an inch... or two.”
She laughed. “That explains it.” She grasped my hands. “I love you, little sister.”
“I know,” I whispered. “And I love you.”
“Break a leg.”
I nodded and she left me.
Alone, I breathed in deeply. I was ready.
Yes. This was my moment.
On the darkened stage, I walked to the piano and sat down. The curtain rose and a faint light lit my hands. My fingers trembled slightly, but when I pressed on the first keys, heard those first notes, the tremors disappeared.
I sang with the assurance of one who knew of what she sang, and I poured my heart into every note, every word.
The song came to an end, and I rose to face the audience who burst into applause. I wanted to cry for the elation. What a wonderful gift Major Cooper had given me.
The theatre was magnificent, renovated to be as good as new, but retaining the charm and elegance of a time long gone.
As a piano player came to take my seat, I picked up the microphone from the stand.
“Good evening to all of you who’ve come to listen to a few songs from the upcoming Keely Lee production of Sense and Sensibility.”
I smiled as I saw Mother and Susan in the front row, both looking at me with such pride. Next to them were Keely, Ayra and Abbie.
The piano player began the next song, and as I sang of love and hope and bright futures, I noticed Damen in the audience... just as I sang;
Romance is a mask that lovers wear to delude
Passion is the drink that provides a temporary fix
True love goes deep, creeps up on us slow
He fidgeted and seemed uncomfortable as my gaze swept over him, passing on to other members of the audience. To my surprise, I felt nothing. No pain, no heartache, no anger.
Nothing.
I smiled with the realization that it was truly over. My depression, my longing for him and the tiny voice in my heart that hoped to one day rekindle what we’d had. It was all gone.
As I neared the end of the song, I saw Major Cooper and my heart fluttered. A swell of emotions carried me to the final high notes.
His gaze was steady, his smile knowing. Had he realized long before I had how I felt about him?
All those days together. I was almost twenty-one years old, and I had never really sat down to get to know a man.
My relationships had always been superficial.
Having fun was the main objective, not a profound relationship.
I closed my eyes and smiled; I loved him. I’d fallen in love with him, true love, not just a teenage crush.
The remainder of my small concert went by without incident, but as I finished my second encore and walked off stage, I sought him.
Mother and Susan were there, eager to congratulate me, and I thanked them profusely, but when Major Cooper quietly joined the crowd, a fistful of roses in his hand, all were forgotten.
I ran to him, threw my arms around his neck and kissed him. There were no words. There was no need. His kiss said it all.