Chapter 22
KIARA
Waking slowly in Raiden’s hospital bed, still warm and wrapped in sheets that hold the faint smell of him, I lie quietly, my heart heavy as I remain consumed by the aftermath of our conversation. I replayed his words over and over until the exhaustion finally took me.
He told me he was selfish enough to never let me go.
That he wanted it all. The fights and the craziness, right down to the raw fucking on the counter.
He said he didn’t have the strength to walk away, and yet our conversation felt like nothing more than a gut-wrenching goodbye.
Because he also said he’d never put me in a position where loving him meant danger.
That if it ever came down to it, he’d be the one to walk away.
It didn’t feel like a threat last night, but as my fingers skim across the cold, lonely mattress, and the truth settles heavily in my chest, I understand what it really was: a promise.
A promise that I would always come first. No matter the cost. No matter what it did to him. Even if keeping me safe meant walking away and breaking his own heart in the process.
And the worst part? He did it without hesitation.
He didn’t even say goodbye, just slipped out in the night while I slept, and that right there is what’s twisting the knife.
Deep and raw. I could feel it coming. The way he held me.
The way his voice went steady and quiet.
The way he looked at me was like he’d already made a decision.
But he told me the decision would be mine.
That if I decided to risk it all, then he would drop to his knees and be mine.
He didn’t care what he had to risk. So where the hell is he now?
Fuck. I know that I don’t know what I want, that I’ve not even been willing to admit that there was something more between us, but I never expected it to feel like this.
These past six weeks, I’ve done nothing but tell him how much I hated him, joked about taking him out, and that I wished he’d never moved in next door. But now that the idea of never seeing him again is settling in my chest, it doesn’t just hurt, it fucking aches.
He decided for both of us, but he doesn’t get to do that. If he thinks walking away is some delusional attempt at protecting me, then he doesn’t understand who the hell I am.
The sudden sound of the hospital curtain being torn back pulls me out of my inner turmoil, and as my gaze snaps toward the newcomer, I find Katie striding through Raiden’s partitioned area in the massive shared room.
She gives me a hard stare at finding me in the wrong bed, and I immediately cringe, not understanding why her disapproval affects me so much. Yet here we are.
Katie doesn’t say anything, just moves around the room and discreetly glides her hand toward my bed, silently telling me to get my ass back over to my side, and as I let out a heavy sigh and glance down at the empty space beside me, the deepest agony rips through my chest.
Is this what it feels like to have your heart broken?
Was I falling for him?
Fuck. He was more dangerous than I ever gave him credit for. I was protecting myself from him, but in doing that, I forgot to guard my heart and left myself wide open. And now . . . I don’t know.
He holds power over me in a way I’ve never experienced, and that makes him more dangerous than ever before.
Raiden being lethal? Expected.
Raiden being precise and controlled? Predictable.
Raiden being smug and untouchable? Infuriating.
But Raiden cracking open and exposing the deepest parts of his soul, while simultaneously shattering mine? That right there is nothing but raw power that I never realized a single human could possess. And he used it to kill me.
With tears in my eyes, I glance back up at Katie, attempting to sit up and reach for my IV pole. She meets my gaze, and I find a deep understanding in her kind eyes. “How long has he been gone?”
“A few hours,” she tells me, her heart on her sleeve, clearly realizing she’s breaking mine. “Discharged himself against our better judgment.”
I nod. Of course he did. It’s Raiden. It’s not as though he’s about to hang around in a hospital all day when his target narrowly escaped last night. Every minute that Alistair is not dead is another minute for him to go further underground, yet I know that’s not why he truly left.
The tears continue to fall, and as I attempt to pull myself out of bed, Katie walks over and puts her arm around me. “Come on, let me help,” she says, tightening her grip around my waist and helping me to my feet.
I stumble as I make my way back to my bed, and while my body physically feels fine after the explosion last night, I can barely manage to hold myself up.
Something is physically broken inside of me. “I . . . I don’t understand what’s wrong with me,” I tell Katie.
“It’s your heart, love,” she murmurs. “It’ll pass. It might take some time, but you will heal from this.”
She helps me into my bed before checking over all of my stats and letting me know that the doctor should be coming in a few hours to discharge me. I give her a forced smile and nod.
If it were any other situation, I would have discharged myself the moment I woke after being knocked out. The longer I stay here, the more I risk being found out. I would have gotten on my jet, taken my ass home, and recovered there, but nothing is moving me right now.
To hell with it all. I don’t even care. They can take me out if they want, as long as it puts an end to this agony in my chest.
I lie in bed for over an hour, my mind circling like a shark scenting blood, replaying every word he said last night.
Every look. Every pause. I turn it over and over until it’s raw, stuck on the fact that he walked away without giving me the respect of a goodbye.
No warning. No fight. Just gone. And if I know Raiden the way I think I do, he’s already back on the hunt, finishing the target I wanted, convincing himself he’s protecting me while he steals the choice right out of my hands.
The anger comes slowly, then all at once.
I’m fucking pathetic lying here. And this is what he made me.
It starts as a tight pull beneath my ribs and spreads until I can’t breathe without tasting it. He doesn’t get to make that call for me. He doesn’t get to walk away like some tragic hero and expect me to just pretend it never happened.
Throwing the blankets off, I pull the IV from my vein, hissing at the sharp sting that follows. Then, with a trail of blood carving a path down my arm, I march out to the nurses’ station, not prepared to sulk here a moment longer.
Katie gives me a hard stare, but reluctantly hands over the discharge papers. “I wondered how long it’d take for you to discharge yourself,” she says. “Just don’t do anything stupid. You still have a concussion.”
I sign the paperwork and give her a sad smile. “Thank you.”
An hour later, I’m striding across the tarmac, cool mid-morning wind whipping through my hair as I climb the steps of my private jet. The engines roar to life beneath me, and in the blink of an eye, we take off, leaving Austin behind.
It’s a little after two by the time I arrive back home, and as I make my way through the corridor toward my apartment, the hallway has never felt so lonely.
I pass Raiden’s door and hesitate, wanting to know what I’d find.
Are all his things still there? His bed still unmade and messy?
His toothbrush still tossed carelessly on the counter?
Fuck. Or would I walk in to find an empty shell, telling me what I already know: he’s not coming back.
He’s the fucking Iron Viper. He’s a legend in our world, and he didn’t become that way by getting caught up with a woman who could bring his whole empire down.
Hell, I know his name now, and that makes me a threat to him.
But he also knows mine, a small detail about myself that I have never trusted anybody with, not even Milan.
But Raiden . . . I know he will protect it with his life.
Even if he were strapped to a gurney, being tortured for information, he’d never give it up.
Damn it. Why’s it got to feel like this?
Ignoring the lure of his apartment, I continue on to mine, and as I push my key into the lock and twist, I hear my phone from deep within my apartment, and I hurry to finish unlocking the door before rushing inside and scrambling for the phone.
I don’t bother checking the caller ID before accepting the call and pressing the phone to my ear. “I know, I know,” I start, only to be shamelessly cut off.
“What the fuck is going on?” Milan demands, her tone suggesting that I better start spilling details before she figures out a way to bitch-slap me through the phone.
“Why did I get an alert that you were in a hospital in Austin? What the hell happened last night, and why the fuck are you only just now answering my call? I’ve been trying to get through to you for God knows how long. ”
My face twists with a cringe, guilt soaring through my chest. “I’m sorry, it’s been . . . fuck, Milan. It’s been a really shitty twenty-four hours.”
“What’s going on, Crims?”
I let out a heavy sigh. “That job I went on last night—”
“What job?” she questions. “You weren’t assigned anything.”
Fuck. I’ve already said too much.
“Umm . . . okay. You’re going to be really pissed, but I need you to trust that I know what I’m doing.”
There’s a heavy silence before she lets out a breath. “Does this have something to do with the abundance of bullshit jobs you’ve been accepting, and the jobs you’ve been completing that haven’t been on your roster?”
“You noticed that, huh?”
“How could I not? It’s literally my job to track your contracts and make sure you get paid.”