Chapter 26
Despite Biyu’s prior insistence—in her own mind—that she would only be with Nikator that one and only night, that idea didn’t come to fruition.
With Yat-sen’s plan pending while he scrambled to get things in order, Biyu couldn’t get enough of Nikator.
For the next week, at least twice, or three times, they spent their time tangled in bed sheets every day.
Moaning and whispering each other’s names.
The nights were the longest; they explored each other’s bodies tenderly, feverishly, slowly, quickly—whatever the mood was.
She knew that these moments would only last until it was time to break the wards, so she made sure to use them wisely. That just meant more time being in his embrace.
He was her enemy, but her lover too.
And she hated what she was going to do. How she would break them both. How these tender moments were limited.
Biyu’s nails dug into his shoulders, a gasp pulling from her parted lips as she reached the apex of her desire. Her limbs spasmed, her head dropped back and she whimpered. Wave after wave hit her, until she fell over the peak.
Nikator groaned and fell on top of her, his breathing heavy and sweat drenching his forehead. She wrapped her hands around his back and inhaled his sweet scent. She was becoming used to being like this—bare, sweaty, vulnerable.
The candlelight flickered in her dark bedchambers.
The sheets rustled as he propped himself up above her, smiling lazily as he caught her mouth in a gentle kiss.
He then flopped down beside her. They were a tangle of limbs.
He wrapped one strong arm around her midsection and yanked her flush against him, spooning her.
“If you keep enticing me like this, neither of us will ever sleep,” he said into her hair, inhaling her scent.
“I’m not enticing you.” Biyu sighed. “You keep coming onto me. Most of the time I don’t even do anything!”
“I can’t resist when you always look so … appetizing.” He nipped her ear, which earned a giggle from her. She elbowed his ribs playfully, and she felt his body quake with silent laughter behind her.
It was surprisingly nice being like this. Mischievous. Lighthearted. Peaceful.
It hurt more when she realized she would be ruining it all.
Nikator begrudgingly detangled himself from her and crossed the room to where her wash basin was.
She admired the strong muscles cording his back, stretching over his impressive frame.
When he returned, he had a washcloth in one hand.
He slid it over her thighs, cleaning her gently, before returning it to where he took it.
He also took the time to pull on some loose pants.
“Do you want your robes?” He motioned to the crumpled heap by his feet.
She nodded. She still wasn’t used to falling asleep completely naked; although her temperature always ran a tad high, she wasn’t accustomed to the feel of nothing between her but the sheets and blanket.
Once she had tied the front of her inner robes loosely, they both resumed their positions, her curled back pressed against his bare chest and his arm around her stomach.
His hand crept up her stomach toward her breasts. She giggled and swatted him away. “Keep this up and neither of us will ever sleep.”
“I don’t mind that at all.”
Biyu’s body trembled from laughter and after a moment, a lull fell over them. Her eyes began to drift shut.
“I’m going to be leaving soon.” He sighed against her neck, and all the hairs rose as those words registered to her. Sleep evaded her.
Leaving. As in the palace? Or as her guard? Or …?
Biyu twisted around until they were facing each other. “What do you mean you’ll be leaving?”
“Commander Bohai has a mission for me.” He cupped her face and dragged his thumb across the unexpected tears that threatened to spill.
She blinked them away, her lower lip trembling.
She didn’t mean to cry at the mere thought of him leaving, but an overwhelming sadness crashed into her as she was faced with reality—that they both were on opposite sides.
His mouth curled. “Are you crying for me, princess?”
She didn’t want to admit to it, even though it was obvious, and shook her head.
“Where are you going?” she asked, chest tightening. Would he still be here when Yat-sen’s plan unfolded?
He sighed, long and hard. “Bohai hasn’t been particularly thrilled at the prospect of me guarding you.
He thinks I have too much potential to simply be a bodyguard.
There are too many threats to the throne right now for me to always be by your side.
Though this is where I’d rather be all day.
” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, reverently, gently—and something cracked in her chest at the tenderness. “I’ll be up north.”
“North?” Biyu’s breath wrenched from deep inside her.
That was where most of the rebel forces were—in the coldest part of the country, where the harsh climate made it harder to face them.
If he was going there, then that meant he would be in battle, fighting against the rebels.
She tasted ash on her tongue. Bitter and hard to swallow. “You’ll be going to fight?”
“Only for a bit.” He tucked her hair behind her ear.
“No. You have to refuse.”
His eyebrow lifted and amusement flashed over his face. “Worried about me?”
“Nikator, you’ll be going into battle.” She pushed herself into a sitting position. “It’s dangerous—”
“I’ve been in battle before.” He crossed his arms behind his head. All the scars littered over his body seemed to testify to that statement. In the dim, flickering lighting, they appeared silvery. “Biyu, I won’t be long, and when I’m back, I’ll be with you once more.”
“What if you—” Her voice cracked and she couldn’t finish the sentence. What if he never came back to her? What if he died while fighting against the rebels—the very people whose side she was supposed to be on?
“I’ve lived through the worst of it,” he said with a chuckle. “I’ll be fine.”
Yes, he had been through various battles—the battle for the throne, the usurpation, the fight against the rebels who wanted to put Yat-sen on the throne. But back then, she hadn’t cared if he lived or died. Now it was a different matter.
“What will you be doing there? Something dangerous?” Biyu’s throat constricted at the thought of him being in the thick of battle. Of the soldiers that would fight against him to the death. Of the bloodshed that would inevitably be spilled—his and theirs.
Nikator’s deeply blue eyes shifted from her to the ceiling of her bed. His muscles flexed as he closed his eyes, as if bracing for her reaction. “I can’t tell you that.”
Biyu flinched like he had struck her.
She didn’t know why it hurt so badly—especially since he was right, he couldn’t trust her with that—and yet it made everything between them feel less real.
She couldn’t hide between the pretty words, the connection between their bodies, and their passionate kisses.
All of it masked the truth that she had been trying to conceal from her heart.
They were enemies, and he wasn’t fooled by their lovemaking. He didn’t trust her.
They were still enemies and no amount of kissing would change that.
“You can’t tell me?” The backs of her eyes burned and she pulled the blanket up to her chest, no longer comfortable being so vulnerable and scantily clad in front of him. She was being unreasonable. She was going to betray him—she already had by giving Yat-sen the spell—but hearing the truth hurt.
She was a hypocrite. She could break his trust and betray him, but he couldn’t do the same? She realized the flaws in her logic, but it didn’t change the pain.
“Biyu …” He pushed himself upright and reached for her, but she scooted away, tears rolling down her cheeks.
“I’m worried about you and you—” Her words were hollow and she couldn’t stop from feeling like a fraud; she couldn’t get mad at him for rightly not trusting her.
“It’s not …” Nikator raked a hand through his hair. “It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like?”
“It’s all confidential. You should understand.”
She should understand, but she was being unreasonable.
Biyu sniffled and turned her back to him.
She brought her knees to her chest and wound her arms around them.
She hated the conflicting emotions warring inside her.
She was going to be hurting him much more in a few weeks when the plan came to fruition, so why make a big deal over something like this?
She didn’t trust him, so how could she expect him to do the same?
“Biyu.” Nikator’s fingers trailed up her spine and she shivered as he ran a soothing hand up and down. He played with her hair gently, distractedly. “Come here.”
“No.”
“Sit with me. Please?”
She cast a furtive glance over her shoulder. “What is it?”
He snaked a powerful arm around her waist and yanked her onto his lap. She yelped, her hands splaying on his chest at the unexpected contact. He wrapped his arms around her and tucked his chin over her head.
“What are you doing?” she mumbled, not disliking the action.
“Holding you.”
“Why?”
“I don’t wish for you to be angry at me.”
“And you think that holding me will absolve my anger?”
He thought about it for a moment, and she frowned. “I’m not that easy to please,” she said.
“How about we make a deal?”
Her curiosity piqued and she tilted her face up to stare at him. “What kind of deal?”
“Since I can’t tell you the details about my mission, how about you ask any other question you want and I’ll tell you the answer? Anything you’re curious about—ask away.”