Chapter 13 #2
He only puts up a token resistance. Teresa tells us to use the kids’ room, and she’ll clean it up in the morning after we leave.
There’s no discussion from anyone about our sleeping in separate rooms. Ben follows me into a room with two small beds and closes the door behind him.
We stand in the middle of the floor and stare at each other.
“Y’okay?” he asks at last.
I shrug. “It’s a relief, really.”
“I know.”
“There was no fixing our relationship.”
“I know.”
“I didn’t even really know her.”
“I know.”
Emotion is lodged hard in my throat, making it hard to breathe. I cross my arms tightly, squeezing my chest with them. I breathe loud and ragged.
“Was she out of it the whole time?” Ben asks after a minute.
“Mostly.”
“Did she say anything to you?”
“Yeah. She said—” I can’t get it out. I try to suck in more air around the ache in my throat.
He’s been standing perfectly still, his hands curled loosely at his sides. But now he clenches them. I see it. “What did she say?” he asks, soft and thick.
I blurt it out. “She said I’m a disgrace. That I’m a disloyal daughter. That I selfishly put everyone else in danger.”
Something almost imperceptible—a shudder, a tension, a wave of energy—runs through him. Both his hands are still clenched into fists. “And what did you say?” he asks in a hoarse whisper.
I shrug. “I said… I said I’m sorry she felt that way.”
“Nothing else?”
“It didn’t seem worth it. It would feel like… like punching a stone wall. It doesn’t matter. She doesn’t matter to me. Nothing she said… matters.”
Ben finally unclenches his fingers. His mouth twists, and he makes a summoning motion and murmurs, “I’m so sorry, baby. Come here to me.”
I go to him with a weird choked sound, and he wraps his arms around me. I shake against his big body, burying my face in his chest.
I don’t sob. I almost never do. But I shake for a long time, and if there are any tears, they’re absorbed by the fabric of his shirt.
He holds me for a long time, and I’m the one who finally ends the embrace. I pull away, sniffing and brushing back loose strands of hair from my face. “Okay. It wasn’t good, but it’s over now. I think I might be able to sleep a little.”
“Good. You have three hours.”
“You’re going to rest too.”
“I don’t need—”
“I don’t care what you think you need. I’m not going to get in bed unless you get in bed too. No one knows we’re here. No one suspects our real identity. We’ll leave at dawn, and it will be like we were never here at all. So stop stalling and get in the damn bed.”
My tone is more forceful than I intend at the final sentence. I blink in surprise.
Ben just chuckles and sits down on the edge of the bed in the corner of the room. As he’s unbuckling his belt, he drawls, “Yes, ma’am.”
We sleep in most of our clothes, and I climb in the same bed as Ben. Maybe it’s silly to be crowded like this since there are two beds in the room. But it feels like I need it, and Ben appears relieved by my choice.
I lie against him, wrapped in his arms, and I feel better than I have since I got here. My mind is spinning so wildly I don’t think I can sleep, so I’m surprised when I drift off in only a few minutes.
Whether Ben sleeps or not is a mystery, but we’re still tangled together in bed when I open my eyes a few hours later.
“Is it time?” I ask groggily, lifting my head.
He’s awake. Maybe he’s been awake all the while. “Yeah. It’s time.”
There are Central Cities guards at the main gate of the village.
It’s not unusual. Definitely not a sign of something bad. The president sends his guards out everywhere within the borders to maintain order and remind citizens of who’s in charge, ensuring no city or village or individual is thinking rebellious thoughts.
There are any number of reasons why there could be uniformed guards at the gate right now, and almost zero of those reasons have to do with me and Ben.
“It’s fine,” Ben murmurs, sliding an arm around me protectively, as if I’m the little wife I’m pretending to be. “It’s gonna be fine.”
“Yeah. Could be anything. Let’s not hesitate.”
We approach the gate, all smiles and a wave from me. “Good morning,” I say, giving them my sweetest, most innocent look. All this fake red hair and blue eyes and small figure really do work on a lot of men, so there’s no reason not to use them right now.
“You two are off early.” That’s one of the villagers who staff the gate, the pleasant and not particularly intelligent man who let us in yesterday.
“Got our business wrapped up early and didn’t want to intrude since the administrator is having a tough time.” Ben’s tone is exactly right—friendly but like he’s trying to be sensitive and isn’t particularly good at it.
“Makes sense. Safe travels to you.”
The villager is about to unlock the gate when one of the Central Cities guards comes over. “Who do we have here?”
Fuck. I have to bite back the word before I say it out loud. This guard isn’t suspicious. At least, he doesn’t appear to be. He’s a youngish man, and he’s leering at me in open appreciation while at the same time putting on a self-important, pretentious air.
Thinking he’ll impress me with his vital role in the running of the Central Cities.
“Just some traders leaving early.” The village guard looks impatient and a bit offended, as if the other man is questioning his ability to do his job.
“Everything’s in order with their papers?” The guard is definitely liking the looks of me. I wish I wasn’t wearing this silly short dress because the way he’s staring at my bare legs makes me feel naked.
“Yes. I checked them yesterday. They’re all good.”
The guard holds out a hand toward Ben. “Let me see them.”
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Ben doesn’t hesitate in reaching into his pack and pulling out our forged papers.
They were professionally done. We paid a high price to obtain them because only high-level administrators are likely to recognize them as fake.
But still…
They’re not real. And there’s a chance someone else might catch on too.
I’m holding my breath internally while I giggle and rub my cheek against Ben’s sleeve. “It’s nice to know there are real guards around. Makes me feel safer traveling like this.”
This man is as clichéd as it gets. He puffs up visibly as he studies the papers. “That’s what we’re here for, young lady.” He hands Ben back the papers. “If you’re worried, I’m happy to escort you wherever you’re going. Where are you heading, by the way?”
Shit. This fool needs to give up and go away.
Ben handles the question. “We’re headed home. We’re not in a hurry, and we enjoy a walk. But I sure appreciate the offer.”
The guard gives Ben the kind of once-over I often see between men—as if he’s assessing the strength and skill of a rival. He clearly doesn’t care for his conclusions. “You’ll be safer with me as an escort.”
“Oh, we couldn’t take you that far out of your way. Thank you so much.” I turn to the villager. “Is it all right if we start off now?”
“Sure.” The villager is annoyed with the officious guard and doesn’t wait for his permission to open the gate.
I wave and smile and wave and smile as Ben and I walk through the gate and onto the road.
When the gate has closed behind us and we’re far enough away, I let out my breath with a groan. “Shit, that was annoyingly nerve-wracking.”
“That’s your fault for being so gorgeous.” Ben’s relaxed and almost smiling now, giving me a teasing look. “Gets exhausting having to swat away all these besotted fools.”
I giggle and squeeze his arm before I release it to walk at our normal distance from each other. “I really thought he was going to insist he escort us all the way in the hopes of wooing me with his power and authority.”
Ben makes a face, although his eyes are laughing. “Doofus.”
A laugh bursts out of me. “What did you call him?”
“Doofus.” He gives me a curious look. “Have you not heard that word before?”
“No. Is it something they say in the wilderness?”
“Yeah. I thought it was a normal word, but I guess it’s regional now. It means—”
“I can tell what it means by the sound of it and the context. A not-so-bright person.”
“Exactly that.” He glances over his shoulder, although the village is now out of sight. “Perfect word for that guy. As if he had a chance of ever getting a second glance from you.”
I’m smiling as I look ahead at the road before us.