Chapter Thirteen
Braxton
“H ow’s Crumlin?” my brother Cole asks via a video chat as he places his phone in the middle of the table so I can see my niece Julia while we talk.
She waves to me. “Uncle Brax! Guess what I’m doing today? Guess!”
I loosen my tie and step out of my shoes. After a long day, returning to my hotel room feels good. So does seeing the face of a child who isn’t scared or in pain. “You’re driving everyone to school?”
She giggles at that. “I’m six. I can’t drive yet.”
“You’re staying home to teach your goldfish how to fly?”
A huge smile accompanies another giggle. “You’re silly, Uncle Brax.”
“Maybe, so help me out. What are you doing today?”
“Allen invited a girl to the park. I get to go with them. I’m their chaperone.”
“You’re not coming, Julia,” Allen says in a pained voice. “ Mom was joking.”
“She was not,” Julia protests.
“She was,” Allen argues. “Dad, tell Julia she’s not coming to the park today.”
Smoothly, Cole says, “Don’t worry. I’ll take Julia to the park, Allen. You and your friend can walk around on your own.”
“Wait,” Allen sputters. “You’re coming, too? Dad!”
“We talked about this, Allen.”
I hold back a smile more successfully than Julia does. She leans closer to the phone and stage whispers. “Allen thinks he’s old enough to have a girlfriend, but he’s still in puberty.”
A pancake flies out of nowhere and lands on her chest. She tosses it back across the table.
In the background, I hear Cole’s oldest, Henry, tell Allen to apologize.
Allen refuses.
Cole tells them all to calm down.
Julia speaks to me again, “Mom says puberty makes boys emotional so I should be nice, but I threw the pancake back anyway.”
I raise my voice. “Cole, I see taking over the morning shift with the kids is working out splendidly.”
He laughs. “I imagined breakfast being easier than picking them up from school. I was wrong—Don’t!” He barks in a military tone that would send chills through most people, but his kids smile and laugh in response to it. They know, with them at least, there is no bite. When he speaks again his tone is softer. “Everyone, eat or go get ready for school. I’m going to step away and talk to Uncle Braxton... and you will get along while I do.”
Henry is the first to agree, probably because they all wisely understand when their father gets quiet, the fun is over.
Julia makes a face then nods.
Allen doesn’t agree to anything, but he also doesn’t protest.
I wave to all of them just before being carried into the other room by Cole. Once alone, Cole sighs in exasperation. “I don’t know how Kelly does it. She says it’s important to allow Julia to choose her own clothing, but the outfits are supposed to be clean and match. Julia and I haven’t successfully achieved that, not once so far.”
“Have you asked Kelly to switch back?”
“No, she says she gets her best writing done in the morning and her book is nearly finished. She’s always supported me. I’m happy to do this for her. Even if I’m not yet doing as well as she would.”
“Have you asked her for tips or tricks?”
He chuckles. “And admit defeat? Never.”
I smile at that. Cole and Kelly have been together since high school. They bicker like their children do, but they’re happy and I love that for them. When I started making a lot of money, I offered to help them financially. They refused .
Teddy did as well.
I come from a proud, hardworking family. If they ever need anything from me, they know I’ll help them without hesitation. They’re the same with me. If I lost everything I’d never be homeless. They’d take me in, then kick my ass until I got back on my feet again.
That’s what family does.
Cole interrupts my thoughts. “You never answered me—how’s the trip?”
“It’s good. I’ve toured the renovations to the pediatric burn unit. They’re substantial and were really needed. While here, I’ve set up funding for an expansion of the on-site accommodations for parents. The HSE has agreed to match our contributions with additional funding. So far, the trip has been productive.”
“Kelly told me to tell you Irish women are known for being strong, witty, and resilient, but she doesn’t want you to meet one if that means you’ll move there.”
“No worries about that happening. Besides, you know I always keep things casual.”
“You’re getting up there in years. You sure you don’t want to reconsider that policy?”
I imagine Lauren’s smiling face. “I would for the right woman.”
“If you haven’t met her yet, I’d say the problem is you and not the available selection.” When I don’t respond, Cole continues, “Unless you’ve already met her. Have you? ”
“Maybe.”
“Who?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Sure, not to you, but wait until I tell Kelly what you said and she demands a name.”
I laugh at that. “You could not tell her.”
“Sure. If I tried to keep something like that from her, all she’d have to do is look me in the eye and she’ll know. Then we’ll both be in trouble.”
“Both? Why me?”
“Because I’d rat you out and say it’s your fault I couldn’t say anything.”
He would too. “You could tell her there is nothing substantial enough to discuss, but if there ever is, I’ll call her first.”
Cole makes a face. “That may hold her off. Not sure. Is this woman you won’t name someone we know?”
“I’ve spoken about her.”
“You never talk about the women you date.” He gasps. “The only woman you’ve ever told me about is the one you haven’t dated. The one Teddy used to think would be perfect for you. What was her name? Laura? Leonore?”
“Lauren. Her name is Lauren.”
“The EMT who helped Teddy.”
“She’s a doctor now.”
“So, she’s smart. Is she married?”
“No. ”
“Then what are you waiting for?”
“When I first met her, she was with someone.”
“Twenty years ago?”
“A bit more than that, but yes.”
“And then?”
“Then I had my accident. You know I wasn’t in a good place for a long time after that.”
“That’s the truth.”
“By the time I looked her up again, she was a doctor with no interest in me or any other man.”
“She’s a lesbian?”
I shake my head. “I don’t believe so. I’ve never seen her with anyone.”
“Then why don’t you shoot your shot?”
“I have. About a million times. She always turns me down.”
“You need to move on, buddy. Find someone who’s into you.”
“Don’t you think I’ve tried to? There’s just something about her. I’d rather be a small part of her life than a large part of anyone else’s.”
“Holy shit, you love her.”
I shrug. “I guess I do.”
He’s stunned into silence for a blissful moment. “Have you ever told her how you feel?”
“No.”
“Then you haven’t really shot your shot. ”
I look away for a moment. My brothers and I give each other a lot of shit, but we keep things honest. “She’s already not interested. Imagine if she saw how I look below the neck.”
Cole whistles. “She’s a doctor. Do you really think she’ll judge you for your burns?”
Women have—many of them over the years. Some have been willing to pretend it didn’t bother them, but there’s a reason I don’t swim shirtless at the campground with my family. Despite many skin grafts and reconstructive surgeries, the best way to describe my chest and abdomen is... painful to look at .
That doesn’t stop me from having sex with women, but I’ve learned to keep a T-shirt on when I do. There’s nothing romantic about the unnatural feel and folds of the skin my suits conceal.
Do I think Lauren will be repulsed by them? “I don’t want to know.”
Neither of us speaks for a moment, then he says, “I get it. What happened to you sucks, and not everyone can deal with that. Maybe you’re right. Maybe she’ll take one look at your sorry ass of a body and run screaming.”
“Cole—”
“Or, hear me out; maybe you’ll discover you’ve been a pussy all these years and thank me for pushing you to step up and tell her how you feel.”
“Dad, what’s a pussy?” Julia asks .
“Shit, I have to go. Think about what I said, Braxton.” With that, he ends the call, and I’m left in silence. For years, I’ve told myself I held back from telling Lauren how I feel about her because I didn’t want to pressure her. Was it also about me?
What happened to me did suck, but Cole has scars as well, both mental and physical, and Kelly hasn’t left him yet. I need to stop making excuses.
If Cole survives Kelly finding out he taught Julia a new bad word, I will hopefully have to thank him for pushing me to finally do something about how I feel about Lauren.
It’s time to be honest with her.
In person.
As soon as I get back from this trip.