Chapter 38
Chapter Thirty-eight
Cormac
I was waiting for my coffee at the café when Javier slid up beside me.
“Morning.”
“Good morning.” He rested his elbow on the counter, glancing at his phone. “How is your week going?”
“Ah, it’s fine. I’m sure you know the Kellers are returning tomorrow.”
He chuckled. “Yes, I’m aware. Mrs. Keller has already scheduled herself on every hike and trail ride Zara is leading. She won’t go with anyone else.”
“Believe me, she let me know her preference as well.” The barista slid my coffee onto the counter, and I grabbed it, tipping it toward Javier. “Let me know if she gives you any trouble. I’ll try to redirect her.”
“I’m used to her, and we both know Zara can handle her.” His coffee arrived right after mine, and he fell in step with me as we made our way across the lobby. “I was hoping you would have a word with Zara, actually.”
“What kind of word?”
“I’m going to need an answer from her as soon as possible. If she’s not going to take the job, we’ll have to put a notice up soon so I’ll have time to train my replacement.”
I stopped in my tracks so suddenly Javier took two more steps before noticing.
“Wait. Back up. You’re leaving the ranch?”
He turned toward me, confusion flickering across his face. “Oh no. I assumed…you and Zara are friends.”
A cold prickle spread across the back of my neck.
“We are,” I said slowly. “What job?”
His expression collapsed into dawning horror. His mouth opened then shut.
“Oh.” He rubbed a hand roughly over his mouth. “I thought she’d told you.”
The words landed like a dropped stone in my chest.
“She hasn’t.”
“I’m sorry, Cormac.” He shifted his weight, suddenly restless, his gaze darting away like he was looking for an exit.
“HR is aware of my plans to depart at the end of the season. I approached Zara about taking over for me, but she hasn’t given me an answer yet.
I shouldn’t have said anything. Truly, it’s my mistake. ”
She hadn’t told me. Not on any of our early morning runs down to the river. Not when we ate dinner together. Not when I held her in my arms. Not when she told me she loved me. Not when I was screaming on the inside, begging her to just stay.
Not a single word.
My head was going in a whole other direction, like the fact that Zara was currently at home, interviewing for a job back in Portland.
I forced myself to take a deep breath and clapped a hand on Javier’s shoulder.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be incredibly sorry to see you go.”
“I will too. I’ve enjoyed my time at the ranch, but my knee is stopping me from being as hands-on as the job requires. I’ve found a more suitable position in Spain.”
I forced a smile. “Going back home, huh?”
“Yes. It will be nice to be near my family again.”
“Of course.”
Abruptly, I spun on my heels. “I just remembered something. I’ll talk to you later.”
I didn’t wait for a reply.
On my way out of the lobby, I dropped my untouched coffee into the trash without breaking stride. The glass doors slid open, and a rush of warm air hit me, but I barely felt it. My shoes struck the pavement faster and faster as the knot in my chest tightened.
By the time I reached the parking lot, I was half running.
I fumbled my keys out of my pocket and hit the unlock button before I reached the truck, the sharp chirp sounding too loud in the morning quiet. My hands felt clumsy, useless, as I yanked the door open and climbed in.
I turned the key, and the engine roared to life.
I needed to talk to Zara.
I pulled out of the lot faster than I should have, heading straight for her place. It didn’t take me long to get there. Not nearly enough time to gather my thoughts or plan out what I was going to say.
My blood was thrumming in my veins as I hopped out of the truck, slamming the door behind me.
Before I made it to her porch, she was there, in the doorway, one tan foot stacked on top of the other, her golden legs bare beneath one of the T-shirts she’d stolen from me.
A look of surprise flashed across her face. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
I didn’t stop when I got to her. My arm banded around her middle, lifting her right off her feet. She let out a yelp, but that was all the objection she made, melting against me as I carried her to the couch and dropped her on the cushions.
Falling onto my knees in front of her, I laid my head on her stomach and wrapped both arms around her back. Her fingers carved through my hair as her breath came in erratic spurts, matching my own.
“Don’t go,” I gritted out. “I need you to stay with me.”
I wasn’t supposed to ask for this. I’d given her the levelheaded option. Go long distance. Make it work with visits and phone calls like we used to. But that wasn’t even half of what I needed from her.
The thought of her driving away in a few weeks eviscerated me. Every day we got closer to the end was like walking over jagged glass, cutting me down to the quick. Every moment of beauty and pleasure was shadowed by dark washes of dread.
“Cormac,” she whispered carefully. “What’s going on?”
“Don’t go, Zara.” I squeezed my eyes shut, desperation riding me like a wraith.
God, I had to convince her. She needed to understand I’d do anything for her. I’d love her all the way to the end and beyond if she let me. It could be so good. We could have everything.
She just had to believe it.
“Zara, Zara, Zara.” I kissed her belly and rubbed my face against her. “Please, Zara.”
Gathering her shirt, I lifted it so I could get to her skin. She gasped as my lips moved across her abdomen and my teeth raked over her hipbones.
I couldn’t think of any words that would be convincing enough. So I lowered her panties and drew patterns over her silky flesh with my tongue, pressing her thighs wide. She opened for me, her fingers never leaving my hair.
“Let me.” I drew my nose along her cleft. “Give me this.”
“Okay.” She petted my cheek, her thumb rubbing my lip. “Okay, Cormac.”
I was all need when I buried my face between her thighs, finding her wet for me. Wild, frantic thoughts made my head dizzy—thoughts I couldn’t grasp but understood were mournful and filled with fear.
She cooed my name as her hips lifted, riding my tongue. I slipped two fingers inside her, careful at first. When she welcomed me with no objection, I went harder, deep as she could take me, thrusting into her again and again, lapping at her clit and rolling my fingers along her sensitive walls.
Taking her ass in my hands, I dove deeper, eating her like this was my only chance. And maybe it was. Maybe she’d tell me she was leaving and we had to end this.
I couldn’t let that happen. This couldn’t be the end. We were so damn good. She had to see that. She couldn’t just tell me she loved me and think I’d be okay with her being out of reach. I could barely stand her sleeping under another roof. A thousand miles was incomprehensible.
“Cormac,” she breathed. “What…? Please, baby, what’s happening?”
If she was talking, I wasn’t convincing her enough. I curled my fingers, pressing against her inner wall, and wrapped my lips around her clit, giving it pulsing sucks. Her words cut off into moans, and her fingers made fists in my hair, tugging like reins.
Then she was coming, slicking my fingers and painting my lips with her pleasure.
It wasn’t enough.
Not even close.
I kept at her, lapping up her flavor and inhaling her scent, bathing my chin and lips and cheeks each time she released. She writhed beneath me, the sounds coming out of her throat less and less human. Her hands batted at my shoulders then dug in, gripping me urgently.
“Enough,” she panted, pulling on my shirt, forcing me up so she could yank it over my head. “Inside me. Please, please, please.”
She slid off the couch, landing on my lap, and I fell back, taking her with me. Her hair hung in ribbons over her shoulders, falling onto mine as she leaned forward and licked my lips.
“That’s you,” I said.
“And you.”
She reached between us, freeing my throbbing cock from my pants, and gave it a few hard pumps. Almost like she was angry.
Maybe she was.
Without warning, she positioned me at her entrance and sank down until she bottomed out.
I couldn’t breathe.
Couldn’t think.
Could barely move.
Zara sat back on her knees and rode me hard, her hair wild around her face. Wisps flying like tumbleweeds, inky waterfalls flowing over her bouncing breasts.
I held on to her waist and stared up at her flushed cheeks. Her bitten lips. The untamable wonder in her eyes.
“I love you,” burst out of me like a geyser, rising hot and high above us without warning.
Her blown-out gaze found mine, and her lips formed the words, “I love you too,” without sound. But I knew. It soaked into me like rain after a summer of drought. My cracked, parched heart drank up her love and stayed open, thirsting for more.
Always, always hoping for more from this woman.
Her inner walls were swollen and so wet, it was an easy, euphoric glide. Her ass hit my thighs, her breasts moved with the rest of her, and her eyes stayed on mine. It was all I could do to watch her, hold her up, take what she wanted to give.
“I’m so close,” I rasped. “Fuck, sweetheart, you gotta—”
She was off me and kneeling between my legs before I could finish my sentence. And when her hot mouth covered my cock, I couldn’t remember what I’d meant to say in the first place.
It didn’t take much. Oh god, only a few slides of her tongue along my shaft, her palm splayed on my belly, the other cupping my balls, and I hit the end of the road.
My hips arched off the ground as I rooted myself deep in her mouth.
She went still, drinking my release like she wanted it, humming around me, her eyes fluttering with pleasure.
A beautiful thing.
A sight I wanted for the rest of my life.
“Zara. C’mere.” I took her hands and pulled her onto my chest. “Gimme a kiss.”
Her lips were warm and soft on mine. I swept my tongue inside, tasting myself and sharing her flavor with her, passing it back and forth until we were breathless, panting into each other’s mouths.
She dropped her head on my shoulder, burrowing her face into my neck. As we lay there, any ounce of calm I’d gained inside her ground into the dust beneath the boot of the monster that was the desperate need to keep this woman.
“I need to talk to you.”
“Okay. I need to talk to you too.” She lifted her head, her eyes darting between mine. “Let’s put on our clothes first. I can’t concentrate when you’re naked.”
Despite myself, I laughed. “I figure you’re speaking English right now, but I can’t be sure when your tits are against me and my hands are on your ass.”
Laughing with me, she pushed off my chest and went in search of her clothes. By the time I’d yanked up my pants and pulled my shirt on, she was back in my tee, sitting cross-legged on the couch, looking like a picture.
Like the love of my life.
Taking a deep breath, I sat down beside her and put my heart in her hands.
“I want you to stay.”