Chapter 39 There Goes My Membership
Calder
I stare slack-jawed at Dakota’s back as she storms out of the small room, leaving me standing here with a raging boner and
a fucking mess of anxiety swirling all around me. That anxiety manifests as a heaviness in my chest when I finally realize
something.
My kink is Dakota Schaefer.
I drop my head into my hands, my mind reeling with that new bit of information that I probably should have figured out fucking
days, hell maybe weeks, ago. And she’s not just my kink.
I’m in love with her.
Holy fuck, I’m in love with her. Holy fucking fuck.
All these years of looking for excitement, for a thrill, for new experiences to mask the old, are because I wasn’t with this
person.
She is my person.
My feet feel like they’re stuck in mud as I struggle to chase after her, hating the fact that she’s walking this place alone,
hating that she’s here at all. I’ve been a miserable asshole since we arrived because I can’t handle everyone looking at her
like she’s up for grabs. She’s not.
She’s mine.
And just as soon as I find her, I’m going to tell her that once and for all and stop dancing around the bullshit. She feels
it too. She has to. There’s no way I got here on my own. There’s no way she looked at me the way she did last night and didn’t
feel it. Right?
Finding my footing, I jog through the hallway and make my way down the long staircase, breathing a sigh of relief when I spot Dakota’s blond hair. Good, she’s still here. She didn’t jump in a cab and leave me with my heart on my sleeve and my dick in my hand.
My dick, however, deflates instantly when I see the person standing next to her. He has a man bun and a lame-ass fucking mustache,
and he goes by the name of Randal.
Dakota’s eyes find mine, looking cornered and desperate as I beeline straight for her, protectiveness vibrating through my
entire body. Randal must feel my approach because he turns around, and his eyes go wide when he spots me.
“What is this, a Boulder theme night?” Randal laughs as I move over and stand next to Dakota, putting my shoulder slightly
in front of her to create some space between her and this fuck-wit.
Randal’s face morphs from surprise to realization as he points between me and Dakota. “Wait, are you two here together?”
Dakota’s hand sneaks up, lacing her fingers with mine, and that’s all the answer Randal needs as he barks out a riotous laugh.
“Oh my gosh, I did not see that one coming.”
“There is nothing to see.” My jaw cracks as I clench my teeth, my muscles tightening all over my body. “Why don’t you just
go about your business and leave us alone.”
“No, no, this all makes more sense now.” Randle steeples his fingers in front of him, a positively tickled expression all
over his face. “I thought when I saw Dee here by herself, she was finally trying to get her freak on at last. But I should
have known it took a guy like you to break her out of her shell.”
Randal pokes me in the chest, and I swing my hand out, swatting him away. “Don’t touch me, Randal.”
He laughs again and turns his beady eyes back to Dakota. “This is kind of serendipitous, isn’t it?”
“What is?” Dakota asks, and I hate the emotion I hear in her voice. I don’t know if I put it there or Randal, but I hate it
with every bone in my body.
He turns a grotesque sneer from me to Dakota. “Well, you never liked him just like you never liked yourself, so you really are probably perfect for him.”
In one breath, I eliminate all space between us, so we’re nose to chin as I tower over his five foot ten height. Dakota grabs
my arm, trying to hold me back as I pitch my voice to be casual and controlled. “Have you ever been stabbed, Randal? Cuz I’d
like to show you what that’s like.”
“Oh, you don’t want to just give me a black eye again?” Randal holds his hand up, and I feel the blood in my veins run cold.
“We’ve upgraded to weapons now?”
Silence descends over us as I internally cringe at what he just revealed.
Dakota’s voice is soft as she asks, “ Again? What does he mean?”
Randal moves his attention to the woman beside me as he tsks. “You let a guy take you to a sex club, you should probably know
him a bit better, don’t you think, Dee?”
“What is he talking about, Calder?” Dakota snaps, yanking me around to look at her. She blinks back tears and shakes her head
as the puzzle pieces begin clicking together. “It was you who gave him the black eye he had at our wedding, wasn’t it?”
I drop my head in surrender.
“But why?”
I step closer to her, my heart racing as I try to grab her hands, but she yanks them away. “I was going to tell you the day
I saw you in your wedding dress. But you looked so beautiful and so happy. And I just couldn’t bring myself to hurt you like
that.”
Her eyes swim with emotion as she frowns up at me, still not understanding. “But what were you going to tell me?”
“Yeah, Calder... what were you going to tell her?” Randal’s voice is like nails on a chalkboard, and I clench my fists
fighting the urge to knock him out.
“Randal, you need to back the fuck up, or I swear to God I will end you.” I turn back to Dakota, guilt slicing through every part of my body as I say the words that I’ve wanted to say for the past month.
“I saw Randal coming out of a bathroom with a woman at Pearl Street Pub two weeks before your wedding.”
She inhales sharply and her eyes move to Randal, but I continue. “I wanted to tell you to call off the wedding, but I didn’t
think I had the right, so I decided to fix the problem directly.”
“How?” she snaps, her voice cracking at the end as her eyes swerve back to me. “How did you fix my problem?”
I swallow the knot in my throat. “I was working in your bathroom later that week when Randal was moving his stuff in. He walked
past me to put stuff in the closet, so I took the opportunity to call him out on his shit. I told him if he ever fucked around
on you, I’d kill him. It got physical.”
Her eyes widen, and her lips twitch as she processes everything I’ve just said.
“You fucking sucker punched me,” Randal bellows, crossing his arms over his chest. “And with no proof that I actually cheated.
You are certifiable.”
“I didn’t know we damaged a pipe during the scuffle,” I say, hating the look of betrayal written all over Dakota’s face. “I
can’t believe that’s something I would have missed, but I know back then I wasn’t the best at details.”
Dakota’s hands run through her hair, her eyes swimming with so much emotion, she looks like she’s going to be sick. “You knew
he cheated on me and didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t have any proof, but it looked bad.” I shrug, having no good defense for my actions.
Her eyes move from me to Randal, her jaw tight with rage as she asks, “So did you cheat? We’re divorced now, so it really
doesn’t matter, but I have to know now once and for all. I’ve always wondered.”
My chest feels like it’s caving in, because I hate that she wants to know the answer to this question. It wounds me on some
level, and I don’t fully even understand why.
Randal’s expression is smug as he slides his hands into his pockets like this is just a casual Saturday night conversation. “I never cheated, but...”
“But what?” Dakota asks, hanging on his every word.
He cuts his eyes to me, and an evil smirk plays on his lips. “I did bust the pipe in the bathroom. I was pissed and took a
wrench to it after Calder had left. When it started gushing, I got the hell out of there and let him take the fall. He fucking
deserved it, and I would do it again—”
Randal’s body thumps to the ground as I pull my fist back and shake it out, the sting of hitting his cheekbone burning up
my fucking wrist.
“If I’m going to be accused of sucker punching someone, I’d better make it true,” I grumble, anger radiating through my entire
body. Not because he let me take the fall, but because he so callously ruined something that was important to Dakota. She
was the woman he was going to marry, and he sabotaged her house with no remorse? What kind of twisted fuck does something
like that?
Randal howls, rolling onto his back and clutching his face. “You goddamn animal!”
I look up to see Dakota running out of the club just as two security guards come barreling toward me.
“You’re done, Fletcher,” one thunders in my ear. “You’re banned for life.”
“Fine by me.” I hold my hands up, allowing them to yank my arms back behind me as they manhandle me in the same direction
as Dakota. I wouldn’t give a fuck if I never came back to this place again. Especially if a guy like Randal is allowed to
darken its doorstep.
They ram me out the door, slamming it closed behind me. I rub my shoulder where the glass framing hit, and the silence of
the outside feels ominous. The sound of a garbled cry turns my head, and I find Dakota leaning against the side of the building,
her face in her hands and her shoulders shaking.
I want to sucker punch myself now.
My feet crunch on the concrete as I move to embrace her. “Don’t cry, baby.”
“Don’t baby me!” she screams, her face blotchy with tears as she yanks away from my hands like I burned her. “Don’t touch me. Don’t even
look at me!”
“Dakota, please calm down.”
“How can I calm down?” she cries, breaking my heart. “I just found out my ex-husband possibly cheated on me, and you knew
and have been lying to me about it for the past seven years.”
I exhale a heavy breath. “It wasn’t any of my business.”
“Not your business?” she screams, her voice hoarse. “Human decency isn’t your business?”
“You would not have taken that news from me well. You couldn’t stand me back then. You would have laughed in my face or punched
me, and then I would have had the black eye.”
“Better than me having wasted seven years of my life with a lying asshole.” She stares accusingly at me, like this is all
my fault when I know better.
I thrust my finger at her. “Hey... you picked him, not me.”
She shakes her head and wipes at the mascara running down her cheeks. “And in the past four weeks we’ve spent together, there
was never a time when I was pouring my heart out to you where you were like Hmm, maybe I should tell Dakota about that big, awful secret I’ve been keeping from her for almost a decade ?”
“You’re divorced! What does it matter? You’re not even with him anymore!” My head feels like it’s about to explode. She shouldn’t
care about Randal. She shouldn’t give a fuck about him. She’s so far past him that she shouldn’t even remember his name.
“I’m obviously still messed up over him. I mean... you found me at a sex club for Christ sake, Calder. A sex club!” She
lets out a maniacal laugh. “What the hell is wrong with me? Better yet, what the hell is wrong with you?”
“People look for connection in all sorts of places,” I argue, feeling her judgment pointed directly at me.
“Apparently even my ex-husband! God, what is wrong with men? Why do you guys do this shit?”
My nostrils flare as rage simmers in my veins over her lumping me into the same category as Randal. I’m nothing like that
fucking clown in there. “I’m sorry for not telling you what I saw, but you have to take some accountability for choosing that
ass fuck to begin with. That’s on you. You wanted to call that wedding off and you didn’t. That is something you have to live with... not me.”
“At least I actually got married,” she snaps, crossing her arms over her chest. “At least my relationship was real. You didn’t
even know a woman was pinning you against your brothers. You’re not exactly talented at picking winners either.”
My spine straightens at how casually she just weaponized my past against me. A past that I don’t talk about with anyone. Only
her. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, I do.” Her chin trembles as tears fall down her face. “I know you, Calder. I know that you just people-please and do
whatever everyone else wants you to do because you’re too afraid to do anything on your own in case you fail.”
“Oh, is that right?” I let out a dry laugh.
“Yep,” she chirps with an audible pop. “And your fear of failure has arrested your development, so now you’re stuck in a constant
state of never growing up. Going to sex clubs, living on a mountain with your brothers, working the same job that was handed
to you by your dad, never opening yourself up to relationships. I’m surprised one of your self-help books didn’t help you
see you’re just a passenger in your own damn life.”
Her words cut deep as she points a mirror at me, forcing me to see my life through her eyes. No wonder she can’t admit any
feelings toward me. I’m a joke to her, just like I am to everyone else in my family. She doesn’t see me as anything more than
a casual fuck, like everyone else.
My voice is grave and detached when I reply, “I must have missed that chapter.”
“Guess so.”
Silence grows between us as I watch her stand before me, her shoulders under her ears as she visibly turns back into the judgmental,
controlling Karen I knew her as before. “But what about you?”
“What about me?”
“What about that big, grand speech you gave last night about wearing your insecurity as a badge of fucking honor and allowing
people to lift you up? Was that all bullshit? Because from my perspective it just looks like you don’t know how to stand up
for what you want.”
“What do I want, Calder?” she screams, her eyes wild and manic. “Since you seem to know me so well, what the hell do I want?”
“Me!” I roar, my muscles tight over every part of my body as I say the quiet part out loud. The part that terrifies the fuck
out of me because the last time I put myself out there with a woman, I almost lost everything. My brothers, my family, my
work, my home. “You fucking want me, and you’re using this goddamn PowerPoint challenge as an excuse because you’re too insecure
to go for what you really want.”
She releases a haughty laugh and chews her lower lip. Her nostrils flare as she nods aggressively. “That may have been true
before, but I promise you it’s not true now.”
I expel a huge breath, feeling like I just got the wind knocked out of me. One bump in the road, and she’s done. Jesus fucking
Christ, she is crazy.
Dakota’s phone buzzes, and she glances at it before turning to make her way to the vehicle that’s approaching.
“So that’s it? You’re done?” I’m still unable to truly accept this as over.
She pauses at the car door and looks back at me. “Too much has changed now, Calder. Your mask came off... and what a coincidence...
it only took seven years to show the real you.”