5. Ashes
ASHES
I watched Sirena as she sat staring out the window in the living room. She’d tried to see Cady earlier, and it hadn’t gone well. Cady had cried and closed the door on her after whispering to her that she was sorry.
It was killing me to see this all unfold. Something awful had happened, and Sin was just as tight-lipped about it as Cady was. I knew it was bothering Sirena, too, because she’d been wanting to spend a lot of time alone the last few days. It was progressively getting worse as the days wore on. Worry was setting in.
“Heaven?” I knelt in front of her. She dragged her colorful eyes away from the outdoors to stare at me.
“Are you hungry, baby? I can make you something.”
She reached out and cradled my face for a moment before letting her gaze wander back outside.
I sighed, not knowing what to do but feeling like I had to do something. Church said Bryce was adamant about joining us. We all knew she had a thing for him. My jealousy was still simmering nearby, but in the end, it was her choice, not mine. I only wanted her happiness, in whatever form that was. So be it if it meant she added more to our group. We were headed into a war and needed all the help we could get. It was only a matter of time before shit went to hell. It worsened my anxiety when I considered the possibilities.
With my hand on her bare thigh, I stared up at her, wanting to say so much but not knowing the right words. She finally looked back at me before taking my hand in hers. Gently, she wrote on my palm.
“I’m sorry.”
I exhaled. “What are you sorry for, baby? There’s nothing for you to be sorry about.”
Her finger traced lightly along my skin.
“I’m not myself.”
I frowned at her words. That wasn’t a lie. A lot happened over the last few weeks. She’d killed someone, for fuck’s sake. Of course, she wasn’t herself.
“Do you want to talk about anything?” I ventured.
She bit along her plump bottom lip for a moment before nodding.
That was all I needed. I held my hand out to her, and she took it, allowing me to bring her to her feet before leading her to the couch.
I pulled her down onto my lap. She immediately curled into me, the smell of her apple shampoo filling my senses. I inhaled deeply, loving the way she smelled.
“Talk to me,” I murmured, tucking a lock of her dark hair behind her ear.
As always, she remained quiet. I let her, hoping she’d find the words she was looking for soon enough.
Her fingers trailed to my shirt pocket, where she felt my vape. I let her pull it out, my eyes glued to her as she brought it to her lips.
“Baby, no,” I started, but she put it to her lips and drew in a deep hit. A moment later, the scent of cherries surrounded us as she coughed on the hit, her small body trembling as the vape pen fell onto the couch cushion.
“It takes some getting used to,” I said, thumbing her bottom lip.
She nodded and let out another small cough.
I smoothed her hair away from her face again.
“I’m worried about you. What happened with Adam… with Cady and Sin?—”
She pressed a finger to my lips and shook her head, tears in her eyes.
I studied her silently, not sure if one thing bothered her more than the other or the entire situation in general.
“Is it because of what happened to Adam?” I whispered gently when her finger fell away.
She licked her lips before letting out a soft breath.
She parted her lips and spoke, her words so soft but so fierce. “I will never regret killing him.” She stared back at me, her colorful eyes wide and earnest.
I nodded. “I won’t regret it either. He deserved to die. If you hadn’t done it, then I know I would have.”
We were quiet again for a beat before she spoke.
“Do you think Sin a-and Cady…”
“I don’t know,” I answered back softly, my heart hurting. “I hope not. It’s fucked up.” I stared into her pretty face, taking in the torment blanketing it. “If it happened, you would still love Sin, right? You won’t… you won’t break up with him?”
She pulled away from me and got to her feet. My heart jumped into my throat as I sat forward and watched her wring her hands as she paced between the couch and the coffee table.
“Sirena?” I called out.
She stopped pacing, twisted her fingers into her long, black hair, and let out a soft sob. I jumped to my feet and caught her before she went to her ass. Carefully, I pulled her into my arms and held her as she cried.
“Baby, it’s OK,” I whispered on repeat as I held her tightly. “It’s OK.” I pressed a fierce kiss to the top of her forehead and rocked her against my body.
“I wish I could kill him again,” she choked out softly, her voice muffled in my neck as she cried. “I’m going to kill all of them.”
I swallowed hard at her words and continued to hold her. “I’ll help you,” I said, my voice soft and filled with dark promises. “All of them, heaven.”
“Swear it?”
“Yes.”
“I love you, Asher. So much.”
My heart filled at her words. She went silent after that and didn’t speak again. Instead, she finally fell asleep in my arms. And I stayed right there on that floor, holding her through the bad dreams and wishing I could get inside her head and fight the monsters for her. Because I would. Without a doubt, I would.
* * *
“How was she today?” Church asked as he flopped onto his chair in the living room and rubbed his eyes.
“Honestly? She’s different,” I said with a sigh.
“She’s changing.” Church fixed his green eyes on me.
I nodded. He was right about that.
“She’s been sleeping all evening. I was going to wake her, but I think she needs it.”
“She does,” he agreed, reaching into the drawer on the table next to his chair. He brought out a joint and lit it before taking a deep drag and blowing out the smoke.
“Are you going to relieve Stitches at the med facility?” I asked.
Church groaned but nodded. I knew he was exhausted.
“I’ll go,” I said, getting to my feet. “You stay with Sirena.”
“You don’t have to. I can do it?—”
“Stay,” I said firmly. “You spend a lot of time with Sin. Take tonight with her.”
He gave me a grateful look and nodded, settling back in his chair. I knew a lot of the reason he spent time with Sin was because he harbored guilt over all the shit that had happened. And if it wasn’t guilt, it was confusion because he didn’t know how to deal with the feelings he had.
I got to my feet, went to the door, and grabbed my jacket. “Sleep well, brother. Take care of our girl.”
“I will. And Ashes?”
“Yeah?” I adjusted my jacket and looked at him.
“Thanks.”
I smiled. “Anytime, brother.”
With those words, I walked out the door and headed in the direction of the medical facility, my mind on every little trouble in our world with the hope I could fix it all.