10. Sin
SIN
I ate the bland pudding cup, hating how fucking terrible the food in the facility was. Doc said I wasn’t well enough to go home yet, but gave me a tentative release date of Saturday. If I ate. Since I hadn’t eaten, I’d lost more weight. Even Church commented on it. It was hard to hold food down when I had all these ugly fucking images and fears in my head.
Sirena calling me, and my freaking out at her, still plagued me. All I wanted to do was reach through the damn screen, kiss the pink from her soft lips, and tell her how fucking much I loved her. I wanted to apologize and ask if she was OK and if she needed me as much as I needed her.
I put the pudding cup down, my appetite gone. Stitches left for an early therapy session so he wouldn’t have to go tomorrow. It meant I was alone for the lunch hour. It felt strange being alone. The guys never left me like this. I was sure that if Church knew I was here by myself, he’d lose his shit, but when Stitches got the call to come in, I told him to go. He always looked like he was about to break whenever he was in this place, and honestly, I didn’t want that for him. The sooner he could get the hell out of here, the better. I still blamed myself for everything that happened to him and Sirena here. And even Asylum. Had I not fucked up…
I pushed the pudding cup away and groaned as I shoved at the table over my bed. It rolled away on its wheels, and I settled back. The creaking of my door opening had me looking over to see Bryce coming into my space.
“What’s wrong?” I asked gruffly, feeling a little breathless and tired. “Is Sirena OK?”
“She’s fine.” He stepped up to my bed and held his hand out to me. “She wanted you to have this.”
I stared at the note in his hand. My heart jumped into my throat, and my eyes misted over.
Fuck, baby…
With a tight throat, I murmured, “Thank you.”
I exhaled and clutched the note tightly as he searched his bag. He unearthed a notebook and pen and handed them to me.
“I expect she wants a reply. I’ll deliver it to her,” he said solemnly.
I gave him a tight nod and watched as he approached the window to look outside, allowing me some privacy. Carefully, I opened the note and stared down at her neat scrawl.
Sinful
I miss you so much, and I’m worried about you. There’s so much I want to say, but you’re not here. Please come back to me; I need you. We need you. This morning, I whispered a prayer to God, asking that you visit me in my dreams when I close my eyes tonight, that you would kiss me and tell me you love me. I can ’ t wait to sleep because God answers prayers, and I believe you ’ ll be waiting for me.
I love you.
Your Siren
I wiped my eyes before I grabbed the pen and put it on the paper.
Then nothing.
What could I say to her after everything? Everything was fucked now. Adam made sure of that. Fuck, I made sure of that. And Cady?
Bile burned my throat.
I dropped the pen onto the notebook. Bryce turned and came back to me.
“No note?” He frowned.
I shook my head. “No. I-I’m too tired.”
“Bullshit,” he said immediately. “What’s going on?”
“Man, don’t. I’m too tired for the hundred-question game. I’m exhausted. I hurt. I just want to sleep. Scamper off.”
“Don’t be a dick,” he snapped at me.
I blinked at his outburst. The Bryce I knew was a quiet guy, afraid of his shadow. Hearing him snap at me sent confusion spiraling through me.
“She’s worried about you. She loves you. Don’t fuck around with her heart,” he continued.
I stared at him for a moment before speaking.
“What happened between you two?”
He scoffed. “Not as much as I’d like. Write the damn letter.”
I sat up and ground my teeth. “Did you touch her?”
“If you’re not answering my questions, then I’m not answering yours. Write the damn letter.”
“I’ll write the damn letter if you tell me,” I said.
He sighed. “There’s nothing to tell. I want her. Church told me to fuck off and die. That’s it.”
“And Asylum?” I pressed, knowing him too well to know he didn’t offer his words of wisdom.
“Told me to be patient,” he finished. “Which is something I’m not going to be if you don’t write the fucking letter. So please, Sin, she needs to hear from you. Don’t fuck with her heart, man.”
I studied him for a moment, hating the feeling in my gut. The realization that he had it bad for my siren made me feel a whirlwind of emotions that caused my heart to pound.
He was right, however. We had both been through hell, and the last thing I wanted was for her to endure more.
Taking the pen in my hand, I began to write.
Siren,
I ’ m sorry if I upset you this morning; that wasn ’ t my intention. Things are tough for me right now. I ’ ll be home soon, and then we can talk. Stay safe, and I ’ ll see you in your dreams tonight.
Yours,
Sinful
I folded the note and handed it to Bryce. He stuffed it into his pocket and grabbed his notebook.
“Do you love her?” I whispered as he put everything back into his bag.
“You know I do, Sinclair. It’s never been a secret.”
“You’re better for her than I am,” I said softly.
He reached out and squeezed my hand, surprising me. “None of us is good enough for her, but she decides who to love. Let her. Accept her choices, even if you disagree with them.” He released my hand and pulled up the chair the guys always sat in.
“What are you doing?” I frowned at him.
“Well, Church will murder me if I walk up to him at lunch, so I’ll give your note to her in a few minutes when lunch ends. I’ll hang out with you. You look lonely, and I know this place is dangerous.”
“You think you can save me if Everett or any of the monsters come calling?” I raised a brow at him.
“I’d like to think I’m not the worst choice,” he said calmly, settling back in his chair.
“You’re different. What happened?”
“Asylum made me move in with him. I watched Sirena stab a man to death and dismantle his body. Gave me a whole new perspective on love and life.”
I licked my lips, his words making me sick to my stomach. “You saw what she did?”
“Saw. Helped. Cheer her on. Yeah, man. I did.”
I was quiet for a moment. “Is she really OK?”
“We all go mad here, Sinclair. You know that,” he murmured. “Her monster is really beautiful, though. It’s not like our monsters. It’s far worse. It’s destruction. It’s fucking perfection and unpredictable. There’s a certain kind of beauty in terror.”
My blood ran cold at his words, and he gave me a knowing smile.
“If you’re lucky enough to love her, do it. Stop thinking about the shit you can’t control. What happened with Adam? With Cady?” He stared me down. Bile burned my throat again beneath his knowing look. “Not your fault. Move on for her. She is the priority. Not the things that rot in the woods.”
“Where are you going?” I whispered as he stood.
“To deliver your message.” He walked to the door.
“Bryce?” I called out, my throat burning as I tried to contain my emotions.
He stopped and looked at me from over his shoulder.
“Don’t take her from me,” I choked out. “I just need some time. I’m not an idiot. I know she cares about you. I-I would rather you join us than take her. I meant what I said. You’re better for her, but please don’t fucking take her.”
“I would never,” he said solemnly. “She chooses.”
And with those words, he left the room, the door closing softly behind.
She chooses.
I wiped my eyes.
Fuck, baby, please continue to choose me after the truth comes out.
Fuck. Please.