11. Sirena
SIRENA
T he wind outside whispered through the trees like it carried secrets, like it knew what was wrong in this house. I sat cross-legged on the velvet chaise in the living room by the window, my hands fisted around the note Bryce had given me from Sin. I chewed the inside of my cheek until it stung. I had so many wild thoughts in my head. So many worries and fears. I’d lit some of the pillar candles earlier, and the flicker of candlelight threw moving shadows on the walls, and I imagined they were ghosts of my thoughts, too slippery to hold.
Upstairs, behind a locked door, I knew Cady was suffering. She still hadn’t come down. No amount of knocking and silently begging on my part seemed to do any good. It was killing me inside. While I knew what Adam had done to her and Sin was bad, I also knew what he’d done to me was probably a hell of a lot worse. At least I prayed it was. Then I considered maybe she wasn’t upset about being found naked and beaten with Sin. Maybe she hated me because I killed Adam, a guy she seemed to care for. Guilt continued its ugly dance inside my head.
So days later, not a word. Not a scream. Not even the sound of her pacing anymore. That was the worst part—how quiet it had become. Silence meant retreat, and darkness was crawling over her, just as it once had over me. I didn’t know how to pull her back because I could barely pull myself back most days.
I clenched my jaw to fight the sting behind my eyes, but the effort was wasted. My throat had been closed for days. The words, as always, jammed inside me, making me sick to my stomach. All I wanted to do was scream my frustrations into the world. But I couldn’t. I had nothing. It was odd that the words almost seemed to have a mind of their own. Maybe I wasn’t as in control of myself as I hoped. Perhaps the words I’d spoken recently were those of the monster who lived inside me—the one who was fed up and ready to fight at a moment’s notice. The killer I knew I was, because I had, after all, killed Adam. That took up residence with my confusion because I didn’t want my sister to hate me for what I’d done, but God help me, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Soft footsteps echoed behind me as I continued to stare out to the darkening night, Sin’s note still clenched in my hand as I rolled around how much I missed him and wanted to see him.
I didn’t have to look to know who it was.
His presence came with a signature gravity, like the room bent around him, but the faint smell of smoke and leather told me who my company was.
“Hey,” Ashes said gently. He stepped into the warm pool of light cast by the pillar candles near my chair. “You okay, heaven?”
I blinked at him and forced a tight nod. I didn’t trust my face to say more, and quite honestly, I didn’t think I had much more to say that wouldn’t end in me sobbing silently. I was tired of crying.
Ashes was truly beautiful. His hair was windswept and messy, his leather jacket in place. His blue eyes drank me in like he was a man lost in the desert, and I was the one thing to bring him back to life. I knew he’d been outside. He said he’d be around, but he hadn’t elaborated on where he was going, but I knew he wasn’t far. If I had to guess, he was staring out at Lake Superior just beyond the back patio. Sin loved to watch the lake. It was frozen now, and the snow made it nearly impossible to see, but I knew it didn’t matter. The lake was as much there as my monster was inside my body.
He approached slowly, cautiously, like he was approaching a wounded animal. That’s seemingly how many approached me recently.
“I figured you might be napping,” he murmured, lowering himself to sit beside me, keeping just enough space between us for me to breathe. I didn’t like that. I wanted to be suffocated by him. I liked it when he was close, just like all my other Watchers. And even…
I pushed the thoughts out of my head. I had way too many things going on to focus on the new men I couldn’t get out of my head. Bryce… my Shadow. Mirage, the one who has loved me since the first breath entered my lungs, and Asylum…the one who tried to kill me but did it out of his undying affection for me.
Now wasn’t the time for all that. Cady and Sin needed to be my biggest concern.
My gaze dropped to my hands. I pulled the sleeves of my sweater over my fingers and continued to hold Sin’s note.
Ashes sighed and leaned forward. “I know today was hard. You were barely with us today, at least mentally. Your mind has been elsewhere. With Sin in the hospital and Cady…” He trailed off, scrubbing his hand down his face.
I flinched when he said her name. I had to make this right. I couldn’t bring Adam back, but maybe I could do something else. But what? I was clueless, and therein lay my issue.
“I hate this,” he said. “I hate seeing you like this.”
I couldn’t look at him. Not yet.
Ashes reached over, careful and slow, and tucked a strand of my dark hair behind my ear. His fingertips brushed my cheek, warm and comforting, just like one of his fires.
“Talk to me,” he whispered.
But I couldn’t. My mouth opened, useless. The words were trapped like butterflies in a jar, wings beating, desperate—but I couldn’t let them out.
“I know,” he said quickly, seeing the panic in my face. “I know, I’m sorry. That was unfair. I didn’t mean with words, baby. Here.” He held his palm out to me. “Please. Tell me you’re OK. I worry about you.”
I blinked hard, grateful and guilty all at once. The last thing I wanted was to worry him. Ashes was a good guy. Sweet. Patient. Beautiful. He was everything a girl could want in her boyfriend.
“I just want to be here for you,” he continued, his voice softer now. “Talk to me.”
I reached out and lightly traced letters onto his palm.
I’m worried about Cady and Sin.
“I know you are, baby,” he said gently. “But Sin needs this time to get better, and Cady…
His voice trailed off for a long time before he finally spoke again. “She’s been through a lot. Some people take longer to get through trauma than others. I’m sure she feels guilty and hurt by everything. In time, she’ll get better. I promise.”
I sighed softly and accepted his answer because I knew he was right.
He gave me a sad smile and leaned back, arm resting across the back of the chaise behind me. “We could watch something together. Nothing scary. No blood or madness, promise. Just dumb movies with people pretending the world makes sense.”
That made a sound slip out of me—half breath, half laugh. I knew Ashes had a big supply of chick flicks. Stitches liked to make fun of him for it.
Ashes’s grin bloomed instantly. “There she is. There’s my heaven. Come on. Let’s sit on the couch.” He stood and offered me his hand. I took it and followed him to the leather wraparound where he wasted no time pulling me down beside him, his arm around my shoulders as he picked up the remote to the giant flatscreen.
Bright colors flooded the dim room, and he scrolled through the queue until he found something ridiculous—a teen comedy from the early 2000s that seemed more satire than actual plot.
“You're gonna love this,” he said. “Or hate it, which is just as fun.”
The intro music rolled in, and I leaned against his shoulder, drawing in his scent—leather and smoke. He didn’t say anything. Just exhaled and rested his cheek against my head.
The world outside the window was darker, the twilight seeping in like a slow bleed. I tried to focus on the screen, but the images blurred.
Sin in the hospital. My sister’s locked door. The way she’d looked at me the last time I’d seen her, wide-eyed and empty with tears streaking down her pale cheeks as she stood naked before me.
The weight of it all pressed into my chest, making my heart ache and beat faster.
“You’re somewhere else,” Ashes said softly. “What can I do to bring you back?”
I stiffened, hating that he was trying so hard to take my mind off everything, yet I couldn’t get my head to focus on it. I guess that’s what worry and stress do to someone. I didn’t like it.
“You don’t have to be anywhere but right here, in my arms,” he murmured, kissing my temple. “You can be right here with me where I can keep you safe and satisfied .” The low rumble of his last word made my breath catch.
He turned to face me, gently cupping my cheek and tilting my face to his. I saw the question in his eyes before he moved. Ashes was always gentle like that. He often let me decide things.
There was no question in my mind that I wanted him to kiss me. To touch me. To make me forget all the worries in my head.
His lips were warm as he worked them slowly against mine. He didn’t rush—he just kissed me like we had all the time in the world, like he was making a silent promise to me.
My hands moved on their own, fisting in his hoodie, clinging. I needed him. Needed something real to hold onto.
He broke the kiss just enough to whisper, “Let me take your mind off it, baby.”
I nodded again, helpless to do anything else. He kissed me harder, deeper, and the world finally faded a little. I lost myself in the slide of his mouth against mine, the way he tugged me onto his lap without ever breaking contact. How his hands held me at the waist as he helped to guide me along the hardness of his dick nestled away in his jeans.
With my fingers in his hair, I deepened the kiss, earning a soft groan from him. His hands tightened on my waist as he urged me to move faster. For a moment, I remembered I had a body, a self, not just a mind full of screams, shadows, and worries beyond things I could control.
“Damn,” a voice drawled behind us.
I jolted, nearly falling backward. Ashes was quick to grab me before I tumbled off him, a soft chuckle leaving his mouth.
Stitches leaned in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, one brow cocked. “If I’d known movie night was getting this steamy, I’d have brought popcorn.”
Ashes laughed, low and rough. “Get in here, asshole.”
“Don’t mind if I do.” Stitches moved like a cat—fluid, dangerous, all sin, violence, and charm. He slid onto the couch beside us and yanked me sideways into his lap without asking. I made a startled noise, but he only grinned.
“Hey, angel,” he murmured. “You looked like you could use two cocks inside your tight little pussy.”
My face heated at his crass words, my pulse pounding in my ears.
His hands settled on my hips, warm and solid.
“Tell me I’m wrong,” he continued as Ashes leaned over to unbutton my blouse.
I’d never tell such lies.
I crushed my lips against his, earning the deep, guttural groan from him that drove me wild. Within moments, he had us naked, Ashes wasting no time in joining.
I let my head fall back as Stitches impaled me with his thick cock and helped rock me along on his lap.
“Fuck, this pussy is good,” he groaned as he stared up at me with a dazed expression on his handsome face.
I reached out and ran my fingers lightly down the scar from when he’d cut one of his tattoos off his face.
He jutted his hips roughly upward at my touch, his dark eyes drinking me in. We stopped for a moment as Ashes drew my attention away and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck for a moment as his tongue swept against mine. Stitches wasted no time in sucking one of my nipples into his mouth. I cried out softly against Ashes’s lips at the intense feelings.
“Fuck, my turn,” Ashes husked out, dragging me off Stitches’s lap. Stitches let out a soft grunt of protest as Ashes laid on his back and shoved into my pussy as I straddled him. His blue eyes rolled back at how good it felt to be locked together.
“Oh, heaven, baby.” A contented smile blanketed his face. “Fuck, you feel good wrapped around my dick. It’s been too long.”
I rocked my hips slower on his cock, grinding myself down hard. He groaned, his eyes rolling back.
“Fuck, Stitches, man. Get in here and fuck her with me.”
It took no time before Stitches pressed me down against Ashes’s chest. I had no idea what he planned on doing, and maybe that made everything that much more exciting.
“I want both her ass and that little pussy of hers,” Stitches proclaimed as he lined his dick up next to Ashes’s in the same hole. I dug my nails into Ashes’s shoulders as Stitches worked slowly into my body, both dicks in my pussy.
My breathing came out ragged because the fit was so damn tight and painful, but there was something about that pain I couldn’t get enough of.
“You’re shaking,” Ashes murmured as I clung to him. “Do both our cocks hurt this pretty little cunt?”
I gripped him tighter as Stitches bottomed out.
“Oh, my sweet heaven. You take us so good, though, baby. I love that you do.” He kissed me fiercely, making me let go as Stitches pulled out and pushed back in with a soft, feral moan behind me.
“Fuck this shit is good,” Stitches said breathlessly as he picked up his pace. Ashes joined him, both rutting deep inside my body.
It was too much.
The heat swept through me, and I came hard and fast, dampening everything.
“There we go. Fuck, baby. I love when you come for us,” Ashes grunted, continuing to work me over with Stitches.
A tiny moan of pleasure left my lips, and that was all it took for them to lose their minds. They plowed into me over and over. Stitches probed at my ass with a damp finger, finally working his way in as he continued to fuck me with Ashes.
Abruptly, Stitches pulled free from my heat and ran his cock up my ass. He shifted slightly before his warm tongue met my puckered hole. Breathlessly, I clung to Ashes, knowing Stitches was telling the truth when he said he wanted to fuck both holes today.
He spit on me before pulling around and teasing my hole with the head of his dick. Then he pushed forward as Ashes stopped thrusting upward into me.
“Does it hurt?” Ashes husked out.
I nodded, my body tense. The guys never used more than my arousal or their spit and come to work into my body. They said they liked me at their mercy. That it made me have to trust them more. To trust they wouldn’t hurt me.
I liked it like this. I liked the bite of pain. The pleasure. The climb. The crash.
Stitches continued to work his way into my ass before finally bottoming out with a soft huff of pleasure. He ground his hips against my ass before landing a hard smack on it.
“Fuck her with me, brother,” he rasped, slowly picking up his pace. “Don’t go slow. If she screams, I want the fucking nuns to hear it.”
And that was it.
They plowed into me together, ravaging my body until I was bucking between them, not sure how to escape all the pleasure or if I even wanted to.
I came twice more before they finally emptied themselves deep inside me amid soft groans. Finally, we came to a stop, me sandwiched between the pair.
“We needed this,” Stitches murmured, turning my head so he could gently kiss me. “I’ve missed this.”
I nipped his bottom lip, making him chuckle softly.
“We need to clean her before I have to go back to the med facility,” Ashes said. “If I’m late, Church will blow a gasket.”
Stitches withdrew from me and pushed his release back into my ass before going down and nipping my ass cheek. I whimpered at the slight ache, but he smoothed it over quickly before helping me to sit up.
I made to stand, but he pushed me back onto the couch, a wicked glint in his dark eyes. Ashes handed him my panties, and Stitches quickly shimmied them up my legs before righting them where they belonged.
“I don’t want to clean you. I know Ashes said we should, but I want to see what Church does when he comes home to fuck you and notices we already did and left him a little surprise.” Stitches smirked at me. I let out a soft huff of laughter because I was sure Church would definitely have something to say about it.
Ashes chuckled too and dressed before helping me dress. Once properly clothed again, I lay my head on Ashes’s lap while Stitches rubbed my feet. I was happy at that moment. Content, even, but damn my thoughts were coming back to haunt me. For the time Ashes and Stitches took to make me forget, it didn’t last long once they weren’t inside my body.
We finished watching the movie in silence. Once it was over, Ashes stood, stretching his arms over his head. “Alright, I’ll make dinner. If you two can survive five minutes without climbing on each other. And if you can’t, I’m down for round two.”
Stitches winked. “We’ll try.”
He helped me to sit up and kissed my knuckles before letting me go. Ashes dropped a sweet kiss on my forehead before going to the kitchen to make dinner.
I sat in silence with Stitches, holding his hand. Lazily, he drew little circles on my hand with his thumb. I kissed his cheek gently. He didn’t waste any time finding my lips with his and sliding his tongue against mine.
“I love you,” he murmured against my lips. “So fucking much, angel.”
I kissed him again in reply, making him hum softly against my lips.
“Let’s set the table,” he said, giving me a quick peck. “Then maybe I can fuck you in Church’s spot.”
I laughed softly at that, making his dark eyes light up. I liked it when the guys smiled. It meant they were happy, and they deserved every ounce of happiness in the world. He helped me to my feet and led me into the kitchen.
The smell of garlic and herbs filled the house. Ashes was humming under his breath as he stirred something on the stove. Stitches and I set the table, stealing glances and bumping shoulders like kids. I liked it when Stitches was playful. It meant he wasn’t going to kill someone. Well, usually. I was still upset over him attacking Bryce, but it solidified my need to focus on Cady, Sin, and the here and now. Church was OK, but he really wasn’t. If this were to work, it would take time, and maybe even Bryce telling me about his past. I had the feeling he hadn’t shared it all with me.
When dinner was done, a pasta plate with a tangy sauce Ashes had made, the three of us ate together. I listened while Ashes and Stitches talked to one another. It was just chit chat about classes, one of the nuns, and Father Emerson and how there were rumors he was fucking a therapist named Henry and that one of the nuns he’d been caught with last week was mad. It was all rumors, but the guys seemed to find humor in it regardless.
The world felt far away, like maybe it was waiting outside the door, but couldn’t quite get in. I figured it was all my worries just causing more anxiety. They gave me meds for that, but I didn’t want to rely on meds constantly to keep me sane. I was at Chapel Crest, though, and the last thing I could be classified as was sane, considering I’d killed a guy and dismantled his body only nights before.
When the plates were cleared and the meal's warmth had settled in my stomach, I slipped upstairs with a plate of food covered in foil. The hallway was dark. I walked on tiptoe past the closed rooms until I reached hers.
Cady’s door was still locked.
I knocked softly, three times. No answer, just like I knew there would be. I frowned and stared at the dark mahogany door. Church kept the key on him. If she didn’t come down soon, I’d make him give me the key so I could go in. Eventually, she’d have to face me and let me try to fix things. I wasn’t sure how I would, but I’d damn well try. I didn’t want her to be sad or mad at me. I loved Cady. She was really the only family I had. We had our mom, but she seemed to be Jerry’s more than ours these days.
I set the plate down and crouched, pressing my hand to the wood like I could feel her on the other side before I knocked lightly.
Please eat, Cady. Come out and talk to me. Please…
No answer.
I closed my eyes, breathing in through my nose. The silence was a wall I was tired of being trapped behind. A tear slid down my cheek as I waited, hoping she’d open the door. But nothing. Just like every night before.
Quickly, I wiped at my tears and left the plate before I padded back down the hall, not to Church’s room, but downstairs to Sin’s. I needed his calm.
I crawled into his bed anyway—black sheets, warm and soft, still carrying his scent of cedar and rain. I pulled the covers up to my chin and lay on my side, staring at the shadows that painted the ceiling.
What was I doing?
I wanted to scream. I wanted to speak —to demand answers, to beg Cady to let me in, to tell the boys that I was drowning under the weight of being helpless again. But I couldn’t. I was locked in the same way she was. Just quieter.
I hated it.
Why now? Why had she shut down after all this time? After everything we’d survived?
The ugly thought of what Adam said he made Cady and Sin do together raced through me. As much as I kept trying to make the thought disappear, chalking it up as a fear tactic and Adam’s sickness, I felt there was more to it than that.
And that terrified me.
I curled tighter, pressing my face into the pillow. The tears came silently and furiously, but I let them. Let them soak into the darkness, unseen.
I didn’t know how to fix this. I didn’t know if I could .
I knew I wasn’t strong enough to do it alone.
But I didn’t have the words to ask for help. At least not yet.