19. Sin
SIN
I groaned as I got to my feet. Church had helped dress me only moments before after I was cleared to leave the facility. He hadn’t spoken much. In fact, he seemed incredibly preoccupied. He kept looking at his phone.
“Sorry it took me so long,” I said, wincing as we stepped out of the facility and went to the front doors. Church had brought his Bronco, so I wouldn’t have to walk.
“Don’t worry about it,” he muttered, looking at his phone again and frowning.
“Is everything OK?” I asked as we got inside the truck.
“Sirena spent the night with Asylum and Bryce.”
I studied him as he sat with his hands on the wheel, a grim look on his face.
“You gave her permission, huh?” I murmured.
He nodded tightly. “In a manner of speaking. I told her not to fuck him. That she had to be sure he was what she wanted. I know that to do it, there have to be… certain things she would need to do. I just don’t want to fucking know about it.”
I stared out the window. “He’s a decent guy. I mean, he’s not like us, so maybe that’s a good thing. She could use someone like him.”
Church scoffed, a sour look on his face.
“He brought me her note while I was stuck in there,” I continued. “He cares about her. I think he’s trustworthy. He could be the one who watches over her while we do what we have to do.”
Church sighed but didn’t say anything.
“Besides, he might replace me,” I finished softly.
Church snapped his attention to me. “What?”
“Dante, man, about what happened that night at the mausoleum?—”
“You fucked Cady. I already know,” he said, his voice low and rough.
I blanched at his words but nodded because they were true.
“Tell me what happened,” he pressed. “I need to know because Cadence is in our fucking house right now. She kicked Stitches in the dick last night after she tried to get lost in the woods and freeze to death as a means to end whatever the fuck her issues are.”
I closed my eyes, my chest aching. I didn’t want to relive that night, but Church was right. He needed to know.
“Adam said if we did it, he’d leave her alone. I was fucking desperate. He knocked my ass out and dragged me into the mausoleum where he already had Cady. He drugged us. I-I was desperate and stupid. I kept hoping for something to give. A way to buy time. The last fucking thing I wanted was Sirena to be hurt again.” My throat tightened at my words. “I was trying to save her.”
Church said nothing, his eyes locked on me as the Bronco ran, the heat blowing out at us.
“I didn’t believe him, but I thought any amount of time was a good thing. That maybe that alone could save her.” I wiped my eyes. “I couldn’t even get my dick up at first. I-I had to finger her. Kiss her. She gagged in my mouth, her tears…” my voice trailed off. I could still taste her tears on my tongue. “She rubbed my dick for me, crying the entire time. She begged me to stall. To not do it. It’s my siren, you know? I’d fucking do anything for her. So I held Cady down and fucked her even as she screamed and begged me to stop. I fucked her while he watched, telling me I was good and saving Sirena’s life. That I should be proud of what I was willing to do. That it would keep Everett away longer.”
I cried softly, my heart aching at the awful memories.
“It was more than sex, Dante. I fucking forced her sister.” I wept, my entire body shaking. “I didn’t want to. Fuck, man. I didn’t want to, but Sirena… He knocked me out again after. More fucking drugs. I-I tried… I was so fucking scared for my siren.”
I couldn’t take it. I opened the door and heaved my guts into the snowy parking lot. I’d been sick over it. I didn’t know how I would deal with any of this. What it would even mean for me and Sirena. And I was worried about Cady and how that was going to work out.
I sat back up, grabbed the water bottle from the cup holder, and rinsed my mouth, spitting the fluid into the parking lot before gulping down a large swallow.
“I never force women,” I whispered. “But I forced her because I wanted to save Sirena. Cady was collateral damage. Sirena is going to hate me when she finds out. I’ll lose her.”
Church hadn’t said a damn word the entire time. I couldn’t even look at him. I was ashamed of myself, but I also knew I’d do it again because Sirena meant the world to me. Maybe had I not been so fucked up on whatever Adam had used to drug me, I’d have been able to think clearer. It didn’t matter now, though.
“I’m thinking about moving out. Maybe in with Asylum if he’ll let me,” I continued.
“Bryce is staying with him,” Church said, finally breaking his silence.
I nodded. I figured as much. It was fine. There were other places I could sleep. It didn’t matter where I was as long as Sirena was safe.
“Did you come?” Church asked after a moment of silence.
I stared down at my hands, sobbing softly again.
“Sinclair, did you come inside Cadence?”
I nodded wordlessly.
He let out a snarl before slamming his hands against the steering wheel. “That bitch isn’t on birth control.”
My guts plummeted, and I looked at him. “What? Ho-How do you know?”
“You don’t think I don’t know shit like this? The moment I saw you both naked in the mausoleum, I got her file and looked up her meds. Guess what? Birth control isn’t one of them. She’s on some anxiety bullshit, and that’s it. Nothing else.”
My cry came out in a sputter this time. Fuck. FUCK .
“I’m not going to withhold that information from you. There’s no point in it. We may as well lay it all out on the table. I don’t know if she’s knocked up or not. I’ll be sure to get her tested, though.” He tightened his hands on the steering wheel.
“And then what?” I whispered. “I-I can’t lose another kid, man?—”
Church shook his head, a muscle thrumming along his jaw. “We don’t know anything yet. I just wanted you to be aware of the situation.”
“Fuck.” I held my head in my hands. “Goddamnit!” I rocked in my seat, my heart completely shredded. I wanted my next baby to be with Sirena. I dreamed of our little boy carrying Bill around the house and giggling as his tail tickled his chubby cheek.
And it may all be blown to pieces before I get it because the last thing I wanted was to have a kid with her sister.
But I would. I’d own up and be a father.
I fucking would because I owed it to Cady for what I’d done in a bid to save my siren.
* * *
We walked into the house later that afternoon after we’d gotten high in Church’s Bronco as a means to calm me the fuck down. I was still a little blitzed out of my head as we entered the house.
Ashes and Stitches got to their feet and greeted me. I darted my gaze around, looking for Sirena.
“She’s with Asylum and Bryce,” Ashes said.
I breathed out. Good. I wasn’t sure I could face her anyway.
“Cady is upstairs,” Stitches added. “Being an asshole.”
Church let out a discontented sigh, allowing his gaze to wander to the stairway, a sour look on his face.
“How are you feeling?” Ashes asked as I sat on the couch. They all took up their spots, Church going to his chair.
“Not good,” I choked out, wiping my eyes. “I fucked up.”
“Sinclair, you were in a shitty situation. You didn’t know what to do, so you did what you could,” Ashes said gently, sliding over to sit next to me. He rubbed my back. “We understand.”
“He forced Cady to do it,” Church said from across the room. “Adam said he’d leave Sirena alone. He wouldn’t kill her. Cady and Sin were drugged. Sin was willing to do anything to try to save her. He tried to buy time, and it wasn’t working. So he fucked Cady.”
My stomach twisted painfully at his words. The last thing I wanted to do was fuck Cadence. I wasn’t that sort of guy who made girls take my dick, but this had been a dire situation.
“I just wanted to save Sirena. I wasn’t in my right head. The drugs…” my voice trailed off. “I wasn’t myself. I could barely fight him off, and I know I could have taken that little prick with one arm. My head wasn’t working right. Everything was heavy and cloudy….and so fucked up. I-I wasn’t myself.”
“Did you feel like you were in a dream?” Stitches whispered, his voice shaking. I looked at him to see his dark eyes shining. “Like it wasn’t your body and you weren’t in control?”
I nodded miserably.
“It’s what they used on me, too, in the facility. He must not have given you as much as they gave me, but that’s exactly how I felt. I was me, but I wasn’t. I’d have dropped to my knees and sucked anyone’s dick even though I’m not into that stuff. It was like I had no control. In my head, I knew what was happening. What I was doing to an extent, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t fucking stop any of it.”
“I’m just so sorry. Sirena is going to hate me. And Cady…” my voice shook. “I’m sorry. Please. Know I am.”
“We know,” Ashes murmured. “It’s going to be OK?—”
“How?” I demanded. “How the fuck is it going to be OK? How can I even look at Sirena? At Cady? I-I can’t?—”
The front door opened, and Sirena came into the room with Asylum and Bryce at her side. She zeroed in on me immediately. She barely got her boots off before she was barreling across the room at me.
I slowly got up and wiped my eyes once more as she threw her arms around me. I held her back for a moment, doing everything I could to avoid losing it and becoming a blubbering mess.
She went up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to mine.
I couldn’t. I just fucking couldn’t.
I broke the kiss off, the tears freely rolling, and pushed her away. Ashes was right there to grab her when she reached for me, her brows crinkled and hurt written all over her pretty face.
“I-I’m sorry. I-I…” I didn’t know what else to say. I’m sorry. I love you. I’m a piece of shit. I need time. I want to die. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.
I didn’t wait for anyone to speak. I booked it to my bedroom and slammed the door behind me before going to my knees on the hardwood floor and pulling my rosary out. I ran the beads through my fingers as I wept softly, my prayers rolling off my tongue in a whisper.
If I couldn’t be with her, then I could still pray for her.
I’d always pray for her.