18. Asylum
ASYLUM
F uck, she tasted good.
I swept my tongue into her mouth, dragging her body roughly against mine as I did it. I was aware Shadow was watching. That was just what he always did. At some point, he’d have to grow a pair and join in, but judging by what I’d seen in my head on the way here, I’d say he gave it his best effort.
“What you do with me is our secret,” I whispered against her lips. “I’ll be joining you with the Watchers soon enough, so this is just a warm-up, firefly.” I pulled the strap of her bra down before moving my lips to her neck. To her shoulder. I nipped and sucked the delicate flesh, earning a shudder and rush of goosebumps from her.
I smiled at that.
Stop. You know the fucking rules. Shadow first.
The voice thundered through my head.
I let out an angry snarl and shoved it away, but it came rushing back, stronger than before. Screaming. SCREAMING at me.
ASYLUM! FUCKING STOP. CONTROL YOURSELF! IT’S NOT THE TIME! YOU’LL FUCKING RUIN EVERYTHING!
“Argh,” I shouted, forcing myself to break away from Sirena. I smacked myself in the head roughly as I squeezed my eyes closed.
“Fuck. FUCK!” I shouted, hating this fucking shit. “I cannot not touch what was always mine. Now is just not the fucking time. I want it so bad that I can taste you in my dreams, but alas, I must step aside because it’s not what it seems. Not yet. Not yet. NOT FUCKING YET!”
I pounded my head, completely losing myself in my anger and frustration.
You know better. You fucking know better. Don’t fuck this up like you did with the shovel. I swear, I’ll come out and take over. Not this again. CONTROL. YOURSELF.
I’m trying. Fuck. Leave me alone! Just one night! One night where it’s not forced!
No nights. Not right now. Walk it off. Walk away. FUCKING WALK, SYLAR!
I slammed my fist into the wall, crumbling the plaster beneath before backing away from both Shadow and Sirena, who wore matching looks of confusion and concern.
“I-I need some air,” I mumbled thickly before pushing past Shadow and leaving the room.
I grabbed my jacket and rushed out of the building, my hands on my knees as I sucked in mouthfuls of the cold night air.
“Fuck,” I choked out, looking up at the stars in the clear sky. “Fuck!”
My dick was still hard from kissing and touching her.
Breathe. It’s fine. Everything is fine now. The voice was soft and gentle.
I nodded. I’m fine. Everything is fine.
You can’t go back in there right now, Asylum. Stay outside. Walk for a bit. Cool off. Get your head sorted.
Right. I-I’ll walk.
I forced my feet to move, one in front of the other, until I was deep in the dark woods. In the clearing. I laid in the spot where Adam raped my forever girl and stared up at the stars, my head a fucking mess.
I always struggled with control. With going too far.
It was just like the fucking shovel and the box all over again.
It’s not.
It is. I almost fucked everything up.
But you didn’t.
Almost. I was going to fuck her on that counter.
Breathe. All is well now. When you go back inside, take it slow. Shadow is the focus right now.
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, my emotions frayed. I wasn’t so sure how long I could continue to hold out. I needed to get Shadow and my firefly together and with the Watchers so it could finally be my turn.
Our turn.
Right. Ours.
I lay in the spot for what felt like forever until my toes ached from the cold. Slowly, I got up and walked back to the dorm, hating myself for ruining what could have been a perfect evening.
When I got to the door to my place, I frowned. A phone call. I pulled my phone out and stared down at a missed call from Ashes. I had my phone on silent and had missed it.
I hit his name and listened as it rang.
“Hey,” he answered, sounding breathless.
“What’s wrong?” I demanded.
“Nothing. I mean, yeah, something, but we have it handled now. Cady had a fucking meltdown in the woods. She ran off. We just found her. She’s a fucking mess. We can’t let Sirena see her this way.” I heard a girl scream in the background, loud crying, and Stitches swearing.
“Where are you?” I asked.
“Still out in the woods. Once we get her ass calmed down, we’ll head back, but I was, uh, wondering if you’d be cool with Sirena staying with you tonight?—”
“Yes,” I said before he could even finish his sentence. “She’s always welcome with us.”
“Right.” Ashes cleared his throat. “Listen, man, I don’t have a lot of time to talk on account of Stitches currently fighting Cady, but I know you care about her?—”
“She is my entire world,” I corrected softly. “Everything begins and ends with her.”
He was quiet for a moment, and I heard Cady shriek again.
“Uh, yeah, man. Just… Church is having a hard time dealing with the whole Bryce thing right now. I guess all of us are. He’s not like us.”
“He’s more like you than you realize,” I murmured.
“Maybe.” Ashes sighed. “In the end, it doesn’t matter because it’s her choice. We want her to be happy. Church asks that it be taken slowly. No fucking.”
“That’s where the lines are drawn?” I raised my brows at that bit of information.
“Yeah. That’s the hard fucking line. So make sure that doesn’t happen. We want to make sure she knows what adding another person is going to be like. We want her to know that she’s absolutely committed to it because once someone is in, they’re in it for life. The only way out as a Watcher is death. Know what I mean?”
“I understand, but understand it’ll be more than Bryce. We are coming, too.”
Ashes sighed. “I know, man. You’ve won Stitches over already. And Sin.”
“Not you?”
Cady screamed in the background again.
“Damn it, I’m working on it. Church is ultimately the one to win over, and from what I understand, he doesn’t dislike you, but it's one bridge at a time. OK? I have to go. Cady just kicked Stitches in the nuts. I swear to god, Cadence. Get your shit together…” The line clicked off, leaving me in silence.
This was good news. No fucking. I could handle that. Based on Shadow’s nineteen-year dry spell, I was pretty sure he knew how to handle it, too.
I pushed the door open to find the pair watching TV together on the bed, neither touching. In fact, they looked like they weren’t even talking, which was rare for Shadow since he never shut the fuck up.
“You OK?” he asked, sitting forward as I stepped in and took off my winterwear. I hung everything up and turned to them.
Sirena took me in with those big fucking eyes of hers, and my heart clenched hard.
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just needed some air.” I moved to my bed and wordlessly began shoving it to Shadow’s bed.
“What are you doing?” he asked, watching me move my bed until it was right next to his. Now it just looked like one big ass mattress.
“Well, unless you plan on being my fucking cuddle monkey, I’d say we need more room. Besides, Ashes called. Sirena is staying with us tonight.”
Sirena widened her eyes at me. She was wearing Bryce’s sweatpants and t-shirt because he’d blown his load on her pretty dress. Fucking novice. He and I were going to have a talk about premature ejaculation as soon as she was gone because there was no way I was going to fuck a girl with him if he couldn’t last more than thirty fucking seconds. I’d have secondhand embarrassment, and it would take me right out of the mood.
Once I had sorted the bed situation, I returned to my small kitchen area, grabbed the popcorn, and placed it in the microwave. I leaned against the counter, watching the pair continue to stare at the TV. I sighed, knowing exactly what was happening.
He was so embarrassed by his actions earlier that he wasn’t going to touch her.
Well, fuck that. I couldn’t have my time with her until he got his shit sorted, so I’d make sure that was handled sooner rather than later. I knew what was at stake, and I had to control myself. I could do this.
The microwave dinged. I grabbed the popcorn and tore the bag open before emptying it into a bowl. I took a bottle of water and returned to my bed, flopping back on it and ensuring I was so close to my forever girl that we were touching.
She looked at me, a tiny smile playing on the corner of her lips. I gave her a wink and dropped a few fluffy pieces of popcorn into my mouth before I put one on my lips and raised my brow at her.
All her innocence left because she closed the distance between us and brushed her lips against mine, snagging the piece from me. I grinned at her and did it again. And once more, she returned. This time, I tangled my fingers in her hair and kept my lips on hers for a moment, offering her a taste of what life with me could be like before releasing her.
Her cheeks flushed pink as she looked back to the TV.
I caught Shadow’s eye, taking in the longing on his face. I nodded to him to kiss her. He gave a quick shake of his head and looked back at the TV.
For fuck’s sake.
Sighing, I placed the popcorn on the floor before grabbing Sirena and tugging her against me, her back to my front.
With my lips at her ear, I whispered to her like the devil on her shoulder.
“Shadow is embarrassed about his little incident from earlier. He’s scared to kiss you. Scared to touch you. Ashes told me about the deal with Church. You can do anything but fuck. You can even come on his big fucking cock by grinding against him again, firefly.”
Her small body shuddered against me, making me chuckle softly.
“Why don’t you go entice him so I can watch,” I continued softly. Shadow couldn’t hear us, but he kept glancing over, a frown on his face.
“Kiss him. Touch his dick for him. I don’t want this experience to make him take two steps back. The quicker you decide you are head over heels in love with the guy, the quicker Mirage and I get to come home to you. Don’t you want us to join the Watchers, my sweet forever girl?”
She let out a shaky exhale before shifting away from me. I watched her crawl to Shadow, who stared at her with wide, nervous eyes.
She carefully straddled his lap.
He visibly swallowed, his hands trembling as he stared up at her. I slid closer, deciding I’d help the poor fool out.
I leaned in so my lips were now at his ear.
“You do every fucking thing I tell you to do,” I murmured. “Got it?”
He nodded wordlessly.
“Good boy. Put your hands on her waist and pull her down to kiss you. When she grinds that hot, tight pussy against your cock, you let her, and you don’t fucking come. I don’t care what you have to do to stop yourself, but you fucking do it. Understand? Even if you’re reaching out to me for help. I’ll help.”
He nodded again, clearly nervous out of his mind.
I watched him put his hands on her waist. She smiled sweetly at him as he pulled her down to kiss him. My forever girl was into it, and she kissed him back, her lips parting to let his tongue slip inside.
“Rock her against your cock,” I instructed softly to him. “Get her off.”
He did as I told him, moving her slowly on his lap. Her breathing picked up as he guided her along the bulge in his sweatpants.
It didn’t take long for him to break the kiss off, his chest heaving.
“A-Asylum,” he choked out.
That was my cue.
I grabbed her and dragged her off him, earning a soft whimper of protest from her, and placed her directly over my hard cock.
“Show him,” I husked out at her. “Let him see how you like it. He needs practice.”
She hesitated for a moment before I sat up and kissed her deeply, my hands cradling her face.
“He’s scared and embarrassed, firefly. He needs to know you’re OK. Come for him. Use me.” I pulled away from her and put my head back on my pillow.
She glanced at him, taking in his flaming red cheeks, before she slowly began to rock on my dick.
I closed my eyes and breathed out, relishing how having her like this felt. While I’d fucked her before, it killed me inside not to have her the way I wanted her. The next time I fucked her, I’d bury my cock into her fucking soul.
“There you go. Just like that,” I murmured, breathing hard at watching her. She turned me on in ways no one else ever had.
I held her by the waist, guiding her for a moment before letting my hands fall away. She was in complete control of the situation.
“The goal is to make her cry out. Make her scream. Preferably, your name,” I murmured to Shadow.
He nodded silently, his eyes locked on her.
She moved a little faster, making me groan softly. I breathed out and continued to speak to him.
“What’s it like to watch her?”
“Good,” he rasped.
“Yeah? Do you think you can come watching her ride me like this?”
He visibly swallowed. “Yes.”
“Well, don’t. Don’t fucking do it. Whatever you do, don’t blow it , Shadow. You need to build up a tolerance. The day she sinks onto your cock for real, you’re going to want to be able to control your shit.”
He nodded and adjusted his dick in his pants.
Her breathing became ragged as she moved faster on me.
“Fuck, firefly. There you go,” I encouraged her, staring into her eyes as she ground herself against me. “Come for me, pretty girl. Shadow wants to watch you.”
She twisted her fingers in my shirt and came, her body shaking as she cried out for me.
Fuck, what a pretty sight.
She collapsed against me, her body still trembling. I held her in my arms, her face buried in my neck. Glancing over to Shadow, I saw him wince.
He shot me an apologetic look. I widened my eyes at him.
Are you fucking serious? Again?
There was a burst of laughter in my head.
He needs work, Mirage. A lot of fucking work.
Well, there’s not a shortage of pussy on this campus. Best set him free on it.
I sighed and raked my fingers through my forever girl’s hair and nodded for him to go clean himself again.
With his face red, he stood and went into the bathroom.
I continued to cradle her against my body.
“Did you like it?” I whispered to her.
She nodded and sniffled. I frowned at that and tilted her chin so she was staring at me.
“No regrets. It’s not cheating. You have permission. I spoke to Ashes. Church doesn’t want to know about any of it, but he’s not going to lose it on you. This is your chance to figure your shit out and take what you want. If it’s Shadow, then we really need to make sure because once we join, there won’t be another dick we’ll allow in. Got it?” I gave her face a gentle shake.
She nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek.
“No tears,” I cooed at her. “None. What happens when you’re with me will always stay with me. If you don’t want anyone to know, then no one ever will. I swear that to you. Do you believe me?”
When she didn’t answer, I frowned.
“Sirena,” I whispered thickly. “You kept my secret for so many years. I hurt you so much. Please believe me when I tell you I will keep every fucking secret you have. I swear it. Tell me.”
She shifted so her lips were at my ear. “I believe you… Sylar .”
I closed my eyes and exhaled as I held her tightly to me.
There was no fucking way I was letting her go. The sooner I got her settled with Shadow, the better. I wasn’t so sure how long I could keep holding out.
Tonight had nearly killed me.