Chapter 23
Shadow
“I’m so glad that went okay,” Fawnie sighs as soon as she starts the car and pulls out of her dad’s driveway.
“I mean, not that I thought it wouldn’t go okay.
I trust my dad with my heart. And Rita too.
When I sat down with my dad the first time, the answer was never no.
It was ‘I love you and I love Shadow. Take care of each other.’ Basically. ”
My heart flops and I get such an overwhelming wave of gratitude that I grasp the edge of my seat.
I think again about being ruined by those sweet words and the even sweeter evening we just had.
A few weeks ago, I would have shut down.
Now, being ruined doesn’t seem like such a bad option.
Hurting doesn’t mean you’ll hurt forever, and caring?
Loving? Appreciating life with those around you while you’re in it?
That’s living. Complicated. Wonderful. Painful. Beautiful.
Another best day of my life.
A few weeks ago, I would have also been worried about saying too much, but not now. I’m not fearless, but I know that I don’t have to be. Fawnie is a safe person. She’s my person. “I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to be sitting across from you after we did this.”
We talked about what we’d say ahead of time. She didn’t want to use the word dating. She thought it sounded so immature and silly. It said really nothing at all, when we already meant so much to each other.
And if that didn’t break my damn heart right in half and also heal it completely.
“Why?” She heads down the street, leaving Preacher’s house in the distance. “You were just nervous. You weren’t actually worried.”
“Yeah. I—” I leave it there, not knowing how to finish. “I’m really glad that no one is angry or hurt about this.”
Fawnie steers with her left hand and sets the other on my knee.
“It’s crazy that ever since coming to Hart, my life has changed so much, but everyone else’s has too.
This place is magic. My mom and dad don’t hate each other.
Rita and my dad and the kids all found a new beginning here. I’m the luckiest, though.”
“Oh god, please don’t say it’s because you found me,” I joke.
“Oh. Oh god, no.” She leaves it at that until she gets to the first red light, then turns and expands on that with a shit-eating grin.
“It’s because Willa has the best antique store I’ve ever been to.
Those clothes? That was crazy! I got a whole new wardrobe.
It was the best vintage I’ve ever seen in my life.
And the club! Can’t forget that. I’ve never met nicer people than the guys at the club, and their women.
” She bursts out laughing. “Jesus Christ, Finn. It’s you.
It’s very obviously, one hundred percent, absolutely, without a doubt, you.
” She starts driving when the light changes, but takes one look at my face and bursts out laughing all over again. “Babe. Seriously.”
“Babe?” I choke. “If we weren’t moving, I’d open this door and pitch myself out immediately. That’s a hard no. The hardest no. No babe or sweetheart or honey. We need biker terms of endearment.”
Fawnie’s still laughing. She gets going even harder. I’m half worried about her ability to see the road, and she clearly is too. She veers off down a turn into a subdivision I’ve never even been in before, finds a side street, and parks.
“There you go,” she gasps between peals of the most gorgeous laughter.
She brushes tears from the corners of her eyes.
She grasps the wheel with both hands and bursts into another fit of giggles.
“Like what? Pumping piston? Helmet honey?” She turns to me, trying to be serious, but her face is flushed from laughing so hard and she can’t even halfway pretend to be in control of herself.
“Sexy sprocket?” She laughs so hard she snorts.
Her face is adorably scrunched up and startlingly red.
Tears trickle from the corners of her eyes.
She can’t even keep them open she’s laughing so hard.
She’s practically wheezing now. She has to wave her hand right by her face to try and get any oxygen in.
She’s beautiful. Full stop. Even red and snorting. Especially red and snorting.
Without warning, she twists in her seat and throws her arms around me. She pretty much climbs over the middle console in her car, tugging my face to hers. She kisses me so hard that her red lipstick should be smeared all over, but when she pulls back, it’s still perfect.
I wouldn’t mind if it was all over my face. Just saying.
“If you start that, we’re not going to be able to go for a ride.
” I promised her that I’d take her for her first bike ride tonight, now that no one will freak out about her being on the back of my bike if they spot us.
“I’m going to take you straight inside, kiss you senseless, strip all your clothes off, and spend the entire night worshipping you. ”
“Mmmm,” she sighs “Can’t you ride with a hard-on? It would be fun. Edging. Like the butt plug but not a butt plug.”
“That should be our matching tattoo right there.”
It pushes her over the edge. She laughs so hard that she can’t breathe again. “We should maybe go for something a little more subtle,” she wheezes when she’s able. “But I think going for a half hour ride wouldn’t kill us, even if you’re incredibly horny.”
“I promised your dad I wouldn’t ride recklessly. That would be a crazy distraction.”
“Would it? Me running my hands all over you while I’m supposed to be hanging on?”
“Stop.” The nerves and fear of getting a hardon in Preacher’s house have passed. Clearly. My cock is gonna tear out of my jeans if Fawnie keeps going with that.
“It wouldn’t be distracting at all if my hand trailed lower and cupped your hard cock. Maybe your balls too. Do you think I could reach them from that angle?”
“Fawnie.”
She gives me an innocent smile, all while she looks absolutely destroyed from all that laughter.
Her abs are going to hurt tomorrow morning.
“Shadow.” She grows a little more serious when she rests her thumb on my bottom lip and runs it slowly along, tracing the shape like she wants to memorize it.
“I’d really like to go home and go to bed with you.
Or wherever we’d like to start. The kitchen counter, the piano bench, the floor, the shower—those are all attractive options too.
But I’d really, really love to see you. If you want to keep some clothes on, that’s okay, but I want to be face to face.
I want to kiss you. I want to breathe the same air.
I want to watch all that pleasure play over your face and let you see how good it is for me too. ”
Fuck. We still haven’t done that. Get naked. In every other way, maybe, but not in the true clothes off sense.
I wasn’t ready before. I wait for that same shivery, disgusted sense of panic that usually rocks me, but nothing happens. Nothing. That lack of panic is absolutely glorious. “I’d like that.”
She grins. “You sound so happy.”
“I’m learning. Growing. Getting there.”
“It’s been basically no time at all. But seriously. You’re amazing. I’m so proud of you. I’m so happy that you’re here with me and that I get to be with you. We’ve accomplished all of this in such a short time. Imagine how good the future will be.”
“What about Bubby?” I know that she left food and water, because she’d planned on being at my place late after a long ride. If we change our plan, I want to check in about it.
“I’ll leave early. Really early. I’ll be back way in time to get her breakfast for her. We could go for a ride tomorrow night. Before you go to work, if you want.”
“I think it might devolve into the same edging.”
“It would be good torture though, wouldn’t it? Or we could save the ride for after.”
“And after the ride too.”
Her smile grows even wider. “Sandwich it in between. Sure. That sounds even better than peanut butter banana.”
“It’s definitely better than the plastic chocolate cake.”
Her mouth widens in mock horror, and her eyes quickly follow. She pulls the face, then wiggles her brows comically. “You loved that cake.”
“Whatever.” Fine. Okay. Whatever. I’ll give her this one. “It wasn’t horrible.”
“I liked tasting it off of your lips.”
I groan. “I can see how that would have some appeal.”
“Can you?”
“Yes. I can.”
“We should probably get another one. I’m not sure I’m remembering correctly. I think we should repeat the experiment. Isn’t that the only way to get a true sense of results? Keep repeating it?”
I can’t imagine anything better than feeding Fawnie some cake, watching her eyes close in pleasure as she licks it off the fork, and hearing her little sigh and whimper of pleasure at the taste.
Actually I can. I can indeed. Some with the cake. Some without.
I’m now so hard that I have to grind my teeth together to keep from whimpering at the pleasure that hasn’t even happened yet.
“Should we keep driving?” I don’t mean to sound like I’m pleading, but whatever. “Please?”
Fawnie kisses me. A little too hard. A little too long.
I want to pull her all the way across the console, seat her in my lap, undo just enough layers, and put us both out of our misery.
I control myself. Barely. She was right about a certain amount of edging not being the worst thing in the world. I can survive this.
Probably.
“Let me get my shit together and get us back to the house.”
She maneuvers herself back into her seat, smooths her hair, runs a finger over her lips, and brushes away the remaining tears she cried from laughing so hard. She takes a deep breath, gives me a sidelong look, and bites the inside of her cheek to keep from getting herself going all over again.
“Okay.” She starts the car, puts it in drive, and gets us back on the road.
She carefully keeps her eyes locked forward the whole rest of the way, and I do nothing to distract her.
When we round my block, I try to smother my sigh of relief, but it still comes out as one of the hugest, longest, most drawn-out ones of my life.
Yeah.
I was pumped about our first ride together, but now I’m far too excited about a different kind of ride. I’m going to take Fawnie straight into the house, tear my clothes off as fast as ripping off the most painful bandage, and let her see all of me.
It’s past time. Long, long past. I’ve never been able to hide a thing from her anyway. She’s always seen every part of me, and I’ve never been more thankful.