Chapter 17 The Way Forward
~ DONAVYN ~
Watching Benji sit on Kgosi like he’d been born there was both satisfying and worrying. The boy was reckless with his own safety—utterly trusting that Kgosi would catch him if he fell and the strap didn’t do its job. I wasn’t sure whether to be impressed, or appalled.
He did fall when we landed, but he whooped as he bounced off Kgosi’s withers and swung on the safety strap, cackling with joy when we came to a stop, and I caught the pendulum of his strap to bring him to the mounting strap so he could unclip and dismount.
After circling high above at a distance where only Kgosi could see the ground clearly, it was determined that the dragons remained in the areas we’d last seen them.
Kgosi noted that he saw signs of other herds in the area as well, but they were under trees, so he wasn’t sure of numbers.
And we didn’t know if they were more dragons connected to Hanson’s herds, or just feral dragons in the area. Fyrehold seemed to have many.
I quickly filled Benji in as we climbed the hillside a mile or so away from the herd that Kgosi had selected for landing.
“If they speak to you, ask them if these other groups are part of their herds,” I said once we were safely on the ground.
We’d agreed that Benji should approach them alone, since they didn’t know me, and Kgosi wasn’t yet ready to interfere with their hierarchy.
When we reached the top of the hill, the ground rolled away at its other side into patchy woods and cleared areas, even a glittering creek in the small valley below.
“Please, take care, Benji,” I said solemnly as we selected a landmark to aid him in taking the shortest route to the dragons from this position.
“I know they’ve spoken to you already, but they’ll still require respect, and if you’re asking questions they find sensitive, they may get aggressive—particularly the males. ”
Benji nodded quickly, like he was just waiting for me to stop giving instructions so he could leave.
“Hey.” I took his shoulder and turned him to face me.
“You’ve done well on this mission, and we’re grateful.
You’re carrying a heavy load. I know that.
But listen. I give you instructions for your safety and the dragons’.
If you won’t listen for your own sake, do it for theirs.
You have much to learn yet, Benji. And while the dragons are usually forgiving of young folk, Kgosi says you’re on the cusp of becoming a man in their eyes.
Trust me, you don’t want to face dragon discipline as a man if it can be avoided. ”
Benji’s brows rose. “Kgosi said that? About me?”
I nodded. “And I can’t argue with him.” Except when you give me attitude because you’re bored, or tired. “Make sure that fact remains.”
His expression dropped and his cheeks heated, but he nodded quickly. “Yes, sir,” he said solemnly.
“Good man. Now, go. And reach for Kgosi as long as you can. Figure out where your limit lies so you know where to return to reach him again.”
Benji nodded again. “Can I go now?”
“Yes.”
Without another word, the boy took off running, straight down the hill and in the direction of the mountain peak we’d chosen as the landmark he could follow to make certain he reached the dragons directly.
To my surprise, Kgosi lumbered after him.
“Keg?” I asked.
‘I will keep my distance, but I believe it is wise to stay close enough to retrieve Lionheart quickly if he steps too hard or fast. I will stop where I can communicate with both of you.’
And so, I found myself sitting under a shade tree, while a child, and my dragon, did all the work.
It was an odd feeling to sit there and do nothing while sending others in to do the work, and one that turned my thoughts back to Bren.
She’d found her equilibrium again, and even faced Ruin down last night in the ballroom. I’d been immensely proud of her. But there was no denying that she was fragile in a way she hadn’t been when we arrived. Brittle since Ruin arrived.
On the one hand, I wasn’t surprised, and given how shockingly he’d entered our sphere, I applauded that she’d kept herself together enough to function in this shitshow of a court.
On the other… something simmered in her. And it wasn’t just fear.
A wound had reopened.
She hadn’t touched me since he’d arrived. And while I was happy to give her time, I feared that there was something much deeper here that we needed to face. Together.
‘Kgosi—’
‘Your mate was harmed in a way that stole from her, Donavyn. Until that space in her soul is refilled—with something healthy—she will remain unsteady.’
I frowned. ‘But how can it be refilled? How do I help her heal?’
Kgosi hesitated, measuring his words, which surprised me.
‘You are right to be patient. But, Akhane tells me she will need a new example. Not simple reassurance, because words cannot heal alone. She needs new experience to replace the old. Your language limits me,’ he added, frustrated.
‘It is, in essence, demonstrable rightness.’
I turned that over in my mind. We hit these moments sometimes where our language lacked while the dragon’s telepathic link, which shared experience and sensation, could offer a great deal more depth.
‘Rightness. You mean, the correct thing? The good?’
‘Yes.’
‘And ‘demonstrable.’ That’s the experience of it—the example?’
‘She needs to live it, Donavyn. It must be proven, not just to her mind—it must go beyond knowledge. She must experience the good and know its truth to her bones.’
I frowned, considering that, praying for wisdom. I wanted to help her. Wanted to be the demonstrable rightness in her life. But I’d gotten so many things wrong with her, I found myself wary of stepping forward in case I made it worse.
‘It is never the wrong thing to show love to your mate, Donavyn. In all its forms. Even when they do not invite it. Only… step carefully with her body. It is fear of the violation, not of you, that freezes her.’
I nodded. I knew that much. I’d seen her flinch for the first time in months during these days, and it broke my heart. But she’d also rushed into my arms to soothe the fear when it rose.
All was not wrong. But all was also not right.
As the sun rose to its zenith, I continued thinking and praying and speaking to Kgosi, but eventually, our attention had to turn to the dragons, and Benji.
Kgosi remained upwind, and distant enough from the dragons that they were unaware of his proximity. But he stayed in Benji’s range. And the picture the boy painted was a confusing one.
He approached the males first, but had little luck. They were suspicious, and though a few answered questions, none were forthcoming.
‘...He sees caution in them, and little more,’ Kgosi informed me with a sigh. ‘Either they have been warned against him, or their fears have overcome them in the intervening hours.’
But then, Benji, unwilling to admit defeat, walked over the hill in the direction Hanson had taken Bren, discovered the next little valley where the females were gathered, and found them more receptive.
He stayed an hour with them, and Kgosi chuckled that he was buoyant when the time came to leave. We didn’t want to stay out here too long, in case Ruin or Hanson, or anyone connected with them returned.
‘If the dragons won’t talk to him, can we trust them not to tell anyone else he’s been here?’ I asked Kgosi when he told me they were on the walk back to me.
‘It’s difficult to know. As I struggle to find your words to fit our senses, so he struggles to align their sensations with his language. It would be difficult for them to explain to another human. But to each other? Or another dragon? They will almost certainly speak of him.’
I didn’t like that if it meant Carnage would get wind of him. We were aided by Benji’s youth, and that he appeared with Hanson the first time. However, there was no way to be sure the dragons wouldn’t associate him with us, so I could only pray and hope.
Benji was hopping when they finally made it back to me at the top of the hill.
It was necessary to remind him we were soldiers, on a mission, and this wasn’t the time for celebration. He settled quickly, but his feet shifted and he kept looking back over his shoulder, obviously eager to return and try again.
“Tell me what you learned for certain,” I asked, after determining he would focus better if we debriefed before we flew.
“They don’t trust humans—any of us,” Benji said without hesitation. “They like me, but they’re scared.”
“Of you, or of Kgosi? Or someone else?”
Benji shook his head, his brow furrowing in frustration.
“That’s the hard part. They show me images, but they’re places I don’t know.
I just see dragons—so I suppose they're afraid of other dragons? Maybe that the other dragons won’t like them if they talk to us?
Or maybe that the dragons warned them away from talking to people? ”
It was a child’s perception, but I linked with Kgosi to get his measure of it.
‘He doesn’t have it, but he also isn’t wrong.
He’s shared some of the images with me, and the sensations of fear are associated with the other dragons…
but not pinpointed to them. I’m sorry, Donavyn.
Without reaching them myself, I cannot be certain.
Benji shares what he knows and is familiar with—it is filtered through his mind and senses. ’
Frustrating, but understandable. Even Bren and I had to work to share more than words in the link—it was much harder to give the fullness of the experience the dragons shared.
And Benji lacked both life experience, and time with the dragons to have learned how they perceived the world.
He’d never bonded with a dragon or experienced life alongside them.
Still, he’d gathered more than I could have.
“Did they offer any insight into why they stay so close together and don’t fly away?”