Chapter 21
Chapter
Twenty-One
August 3 rd
5:07 A.M.
“You took her from me,” Vinny screeched as he fired his weapon.
Cole’s reflexes were good enough that he was able to duck out of the way and back into the bathroom the second Vinny raised the weapon and pointed it in his direction.
Susanna was safe.
She’d trusted him.
He still couldn’t believe it.
While he knew that Cade and Jake were on the fire escape below them, that they wouldn't have any problem catching Susanna’s slim weight, and when they’d heard her scream and seen her on the fire escape that had been their back-up plan if they couldn’t convince Vinny to let her go, he hadn't really expected her to do it. Because she didn't know they were there.
If she didn't even trust him enough to share pieces of herself, how could she trust him enough to jump off a building believing that she was going to plummet three floors into concrete?
But she had.
And that left him feeling like he could conquer the world.
There might still be a lot of work he would have to put in to win Susanna’s trust and her heart, but they had made major progress tonight, and he believed this was a fight he was going to win.
“She’s not dead, Vinny,” he told the other man. Even though he was also armed they needed Vinny alive. Needed to learn what he knew about their mom’s death, so he was only going to use it if he absolutely had to.
“She jumped,” Vinny howled.
“My brothers caught her.”
“I'm okay, Vinny,” Susanna’s voice called up from below them and Vinny turned to look over the edge of the fire escape.
The other man must have caught sight of her because he sagged in relief and Cole carefully made his way back outside. They were dealing with a dangerous man, and he knew he had to tread carefully.
If he could earn Vinny’s trust, there was a chance they could bring him into Prey and keep him held there while he was interrogated and received the medical treatment he obviously needed. Once he got clean again, they should be able to get the answers needed and this would finally be over.
Their parents’ names would be cleared, and they’d all be set free.
Set free from the chains that had kept them tethered to the past for eighteen years.
Free to finally find the futures their parents would have wanted for them.
“See, Vinny. I told you they didn't send us. We came for Susanna. Because we care about her. Do you know who I am?”
Vinny looked over his shoulder, his weapon hanging limp by his side, so Cole also kept his lowered, but ready to aim and fire at a moment’s notice. Vinny studied him for a second before shaking his head.
“I’m Susanna’s boyfriend,” he said, it was a lie, but it didn't feel like one. Whoever had sent Vinny after Susanna had told him that she had a boyfriend, and even though he might not recognize him, Vinny had seen him both at the house where they’d found the photographs of Susanna and the farmhouse.
“Boyfriend?”
“Remember, the men you're scared of, the men who sent you after Susanna, they told you to tell her boyfriend to back off. Do you remember that, Vinny?”
After a long pause, the other man slowly nodded. “Said I had to make her make you back off or they’d kill her.”
Ignoring his heart and its erratic pumping at Vinny’s words, Cole kept his voice low and soothing, wanting to keep Vinny talking until he earned the man’s trust. “But you did what they said, kept her safe, protected her.” While he hated saying the words because Vinny had caused damage to Susanna that she would never fully recover from, he knew in the addict’s mind he had done what he did for Susanna.
“Have to keep her safe. They won't stop. Won’t stop. Can't. You can't know about the baby,” Vinny babbled.
Baby?
The one Susanna was carrying?
Why would the men who sent Vinny to hurt Susanna to threaten his family into backing off even care if the addict had created a baby while raping her?
“I'm not pregnant, Vinny,” Susanna said from behind him, and he did the one thing he should absolutely not do in this kind of situation. Cole took his eye off the threat and looked over his shoulder to see her standing in the bathroom dressed in one of his brother’s T-shirts. She was pale and , but there were no fresh injuries on her that he could see.
“You are. You have to be. We did what they did to make the baby,” Vinny garbled, clearly confused. “I’ll take care of the baby. I won't let them hurt it. I’ll do good. I swear, Susanna. I won't hurt you. Won't hurt the baby. I’ll take real good care of it. I got you the vitamins. The ones for pregnant ladies. And I read a lot. Research. Learned about babies. I’ll take good care of it. I promise.”
“I know you would, Vinny,” Susanna said as she came to step up beside him.
Every instinct Cole had screamed at him to get her out of there, away from danger. When they had Vinny contained, he was going to beat his brothers black and blue for allowing Susanna to walk right back into this situation he’d only just gotten her out of.
But beside him, Susanna was cool, calm, and collected, her body language and voice confident, and he realized that if he wanted her to trust him, he had to learn to trust her, too.
“I’m not pregnant, Vinny. I know you think I am because you did the same thing to me that they did to her, didn't you? You took something I didn't want to give you, just like they did,” Susanna continued.
Shame filled Vinny’s blue eyes, and he hung his head. “I’m sorry.”
“I believe that you are, Vinny. But I can assure you I'm not pregnant. She was, though, wasn't she? It was why they had to get rid of her, because the baby was proof of what they’d done, and she was going to expose them,” Susanna continued. “What was it? Twenty-five years ago? Twenty-five years since they made you hold her down while they hurt her?”
Twenty-five years?
They had to be talking about his mom’s rape.
Far too slowly the pieces clicked into place.
His mom had been gang raped by four men.
Vinny Vitoli had been there and helped hold her down while those men assaulted her.
Pregnant.
She’d gotten pregnant from the rape.
Which meant …
Nausea churned in his gut as he realized the bomb his family had been sitting on all this time and didn't even know it.
Cassandra.
His twenty-four-year-old sister was the product of the rape.
“Can you tell us their names, Vinny?” Susanna asked softly.
Snapping his gaze up to meet them again, Vinny shook his head violently. His entire body trembled and he lifted his weapon.
Cole lifted his, too, and aimed it at the man, but Vinny hadn't pointed his gun at them, he’d held it to his own temple.
“Don’t do that, Vinny. Don’t hurt yourself. Come with us, we can keep you safe, make sure they don’t get to you, that they can't hurt you. The only way for all of us to be safe is to work together. Otherwise, they won't stop coming after Cole’s family. They won't stop coming after me,” Susanna added. “I won't be safe, Vinny, not ever. Not unless we have their names, and they pay for what they did. That’s what you want, isn’t it? For everyone that hurt Carla Charleston to pay? That’s why you turned to drugs. It’s why you’ve been punishing yourself all these years. You have to pay. They all have to pay.”
For a moment, Cole thought she was getting through to him. The weapon Vinny held to his head was wavering, and if he just lowered it a little more, Cole could fire a non-lethal shot that would allow them to disarm the man without anyone getting hurt. They couldn’t lose this lead because Susanna was right. None of them would be safe until this was over.
“I’m sorry, Susanna. Sorry I wasn't stronger. Sorry I didn't say no all those years ago. Sorry I was a coward and never turned them in. Sorry I hurt you. Sorry for everything,” Vinny said with a weariness that told them all what he was going to do a split second before he did it.
“No!” Susanna screamed at the same time as the gun went off.
Vinny’s body fell backward, disappearing from view as it went over the edge of the fire escape railing.
There was no point in checking.
The man wasn't going to survive the fall, he was already dead before he went over.
Susanna wavered and he reached out an arm and snapped it around her waist, pulling her up against him.
She came without protest. Burying her face against his chest as she began to sob, huge, body-wracking cries. All he could do was hold her and pray that she wasn't going to shut him out, that she’d let him be there for her, fight with him as they battled their demons.
August 3 rd
6:14 P.M.
Why did she keep finding herself back there?
In the shower, surrounded by steam, with water a little hotter than she could comfortably bear pounding down on her, scrubbing.
Always scrubbing.
Trying desperately to get the feel of dirt off her skin.
In vain it seemed.
Because it ran so deep.
Deeper than she could get to with her body wash and scrub brush.
All her things had been taken as evidence since Vinny had brought them with him to the basement. But she had spares in her bathroom cabinet and the first thing she’d done when they finally got back home was excuse herself and go into her bathroom to climb into the shower.
It was running and hiding.
No way to sugarcoat that.
For the last twelve hours, Cole had been nothing short of perfect. He’d checked her out after she’d sobbed all over him. His brothers had called an ambulance, and Cole had insisted that she ride in it to the hospital to be properly examined. Arguing that she wasn't injured, that Vinny hadn't physically harmed her had proved pointless, so in the end, she’d gone along with it.
Path of least resistance.
What she hadn't expected was for Cole to climb in beside her. Or stay beside her in the emergency room while a doctor looked her over and confirmed that she was uninjured. Or stay by her side while she gave her statement and answered a million questions about what had happened to her and how it had all played out. Or insist on being the one to drive her home afterward.
Or tell her in no uncertain terms that he was going to stay in her apartment with her for the foreseeable future or anywhere else she chose to stay if she didn't want to remain there.
That was … the last thing she’d expected him to insist upon.
Especially given the revelation she’d learned about his mom and little sister.
Someone was going to have to inform Cassandra that she was the product of a rape, and Susanna would have assumed that the whole family wanted to do that together.
Only when she’d quietly mentioned that to Cole, he told her that he and his brothers had already broken the news, and Cassandra knew that he was going to stay with her and had agreed it was for the best.
When she’d stared at him in shock and then whispered a tortured why, Cole had given a simple answer.
Nobody should be left alone.
Cassandra had three of her brothers, both her stepbrothers, her niece, and Willow and Gabriella with her. She was okay, had her family, and was surrounded by those who loved her and cared about her. While she was hurting and sickened to learn of her true parentage, she had a support system.
According to Cole, she needed one too.
Which was why he was there and not going anywhere.
Which was why she should be out there right now telling how much she appreciated him giving up time with his family to be with her instead of hiding away scrubbing her skin raw in a vain attempt to finally feel clean.
A knock on the door caught her attention, but she didn't stop what she was doing.
Couldn’t.
She had to be clean.
Had to make the dirt go away.
“Susanna, I don’t want to intrude, don’t want to violate your privacy, but I'm a little concerned. You’ve been in there a while, and I just want to check that you're okay,” Cole’s voice called out from the other side of the shower curtain.
“I'm fine,” she choked the words out past the lump in her throat.
“You're not fine, babe,” Cole contradicted, his voice closer this time. “Tell me to go if that’s what you want.”
Her mouth opened.
No words came out.
She couldn’t tell him to leave because, despite everything that had happened between them, she craved his presence like an addict craving their next hit.
“I’m pulling back the curtain, sprinkles. Tell me not to if it’s what you want.”
Again, Susanna opened her mouth, intending to tell him to please leave her alone for a while. She appreciated his desire to be there for her but needed some space.
Only again nothing came out.
When the shower curtain was pulled back, she looked up to find Cole’s concerned brown eyes watching her. Watching as she scrubbed manically at her skin, which she knew was red and raw, maybe even bleeding in a few places where she’d pressed too hard with the scrub brush.
“What are you doing, baby?” he asked, so impossibly gently that tears flooded her eyes.
“Trying to get clean,” she whispered brokenly.
“Oh, sprinkles. You are clean, honey. Nothing he did to you can change that. He’s the monster, delusional or not, you haven’t done anything wrong, you're not dirty.”
She was.
It was so much more than Vinny. It was everything. Her entire life. She’d always been made to feel like she was nothing, unworthy, unnecessary, and unwanted and she’d never known why. She’d tried so hard to be a good girl, a good daughter, a good student, a good person, but it wasn't enough.
It was never enough.
“Sprinkles, I’m going to stop you now, okay? I'm worried you're going to hurt yourself,” Cole told her, his large hands closing over hers, stilling her frenetic scrubbing. “There you go, babe. We’ll make it okay, all right? Somehow, together, we’ll make everything okay.”
Something in her snapped at his words.
A surge of anger, all the emotions she’d stuffed down deep inside her over a lifetime suddenly burst out all at once, in a rage she couldn’t control.
Yanking herself free, she scooted toward the other end of the tub away from him. “You left,” she screamed. “You gave me an ultimatum and left.”
“I know, honey. I'm so sorry. I messed up and I owe you a lifetime of apologies.”
If he thought his guilty eyes and easy apology were going to fix this, he was wrong.
So very wrong.
Susanna had never been this angry in her entire life.
Guess this was what happened when you never allowed yourself to feel your emotions, just stuffed them all down. Sooner or later, too many of them to contain any longer came bursting out.
“You taunted me and mocked me and insulted me for years ,” she seethed.
“I'm so sorry, Susanna. I will keep saying it every day for the rest of my life because I won't ever forgive myself for that.”
“I don’t even know where it came from,” she continued, unable to stop herself. “I mean, okay, I can get you thinking I'm a trust fund baby given who I am. But a prostitute? I mean, I know you explained about your ex so I get it now, but do you know what it’s like to have someone call you that when you’ve had two sexual partners in your whole life? Two.”
Her breathing was growing erratic, and she was well aware that she was having a breakdown, but it was like she was watching herself from the outside.
“And then you tell me that I either trust you with all my secrets, things I haven’t told anyone in twenty years, or else you won't be with me. Do you get how ludicrous that is? Why would I trust you? I don’t trust anyone, but you more than most have given me zero reason to believe you deserved my trust. How could you do that to me? I told you that I didn't think I could do it not that I didn't want to. I did want to. For the first time since I was nine years old, I actually did want to share, and you just left. You left,” she screeched at the top of her lungs, uncaring if she bothered the neighbors and someone wound up calling the cops.
“I know, babe. I know. I hate myself for leaving you. I was so busy trying to protect myself that I didn't protect you. It’s my fault that Vinny got you, I'm so sorry,” Cole said so earnestly that she barked a laugh.
“That’s ridiculous. The only one to blame for Vinny kidnapping me is Vinny himself. But I'm so angry with you, Cole. I thought … I felt … I believed you might be different even after how you treated me for three years. Three years. I should be committed for even thinking of giving you a chance after that, but something was drawing me closer to you, and I let it. Even that admission that I didn't think I could trust was more than I've ever given another person, and you just threw it back in my face. Just like everybody else always does.”
“I'm so sorry, sprinkles.” Cole stepped into the bath, fully clothed, seemingly oblivious to the showerhead beating down water upon him. “I’ve messed up over and over again with you, and I don’t know how to make it up to you, I don’t know how to make it right, to fix it. All I know is that I want to. More than I want to take my next breath, I want to fix this with you.”
That was the problem.
Susanna wasn't sure it was fixable.
Despite the pull she felt toward him, she didn't know if they could fix this and build something sturdy between them. Something that could withstand both of their issues.
“Please, babe.” Cole sat in the water beside her and lifted a hand, palming her cheek and feathering his fingertips beneath the healing lump on her temple. “Please give me a chance. Let me try, let me show you who I can be. Please.”
The whispered word tugged at her heartstrings.
She didn't want to.
Plain and simple.
It was so much easier to hide herself away and protect her heart at all costs. But these last few weeks had shown her that all these years she hadn't been living, merely existing.
Right now, she didn't know if Cole was the kind of man she could trust, but there was one way to find out.
One way to know for sure.
So, she blurted the words out before she could stop herself and prayed that, for once, she would get a different reaction. “My father abused me my entire childhood.”