Chapter Five #3
The words I’m grumbling into my palms are cut short when she takes my hands in hers and pulls them away. I peek at her, sincerely bewildered by the way she’s gazing at me, holding my hands tight. She’s not running away… In fact, she’s leaning in closer.
“My beautiful stranger…” she sighs over my mouth, her forehead dropping to rest on mine. “Thank you for telling me.”
She’s not afraid.
I can’t believe it. She’s not scared of me…
“She should be…”
I’m about to shoot him a glare when the door flings open. Alice and I pull apart as her brother stomps inside, followed by a guy I think I’ve seen before.
“Look at these two lovebirds,” Andres snorts, an air of hostility about him. He always has it, and I’m unclear if it’s just part of who he is, or if it’s something reserved for me.
Giving me a look I can’t read, he cocks his head to the side. Then he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small ball of plastic filled with light brown powder. “I’ve got what you want.”
It’s odd how fast my mouth is watering, the tremble in my limbs changing from something pure to something mischievously sinister in seconds flat.
Eyes following the friend, I watch as he slumps down on the adjacent chair, dumping out a different-looking substance onto the coffee table. He begins fiddling with it, cutting it up into lines with what looks like his driver’s license.
Andres snaps his fingers in front of my face. “So whaddya think, loverboy? Want me to sort you out?”
He smirks, much more devilish than his sister, though it’s painfully apparent that they’re twins.
Not identical, but still. The resemblance is there for sure, despite Alice’s femininity in her angles and Andres’s ruggedness.
Honestly, he’s a bit scary. Aggressive and brash, with a darkness in his eyes, unlike his sister, who’s all light.
Andres is just such a man . I wish I didn’t find it as attractive as I do…
Either way, that doesn’t matter. I just want the drugs. That’s it.
Despite how good it feels to have Alice, someone beautiful, smart and kind, who loves me… I’m still broken. Overflowing with bad things she doesn’t know about. Things I don’t want to feel anymore.
I need to shut it up… All the noise.
I want to be numb again.
“Andres.” Alice says his name admonishingly. She seems like the older sibling, though they’re the exact same age. “It’s not a good time.”
“It’s always a good time to get high,” the friend says, sticking a rolled-up bill into his nose and leaning forward to snort a line of whatever he’s doing. Whipping his head back, he sniffs and wipes his nose before turning to Alice. “Want some?”
What’s he doing…? I might want some of that…
“I’m all set. Thanks,” she mutters, clearly annoyed.
“Come on, Sis,” Andres goads. “Live a little.”
She aims an irritated glare up at him before turning to me, still showing me that empathy and care she was giving me moments ago, before the dope fiends showed up. “Baby, I’m not sure it’s a good idea…” Her brows lift, like she wants me to understand the point she’s trying to get across.
Of course she’s right. Getting high is a crutch, and a dangerous one, at that. But I’m in a downward spiral that feels too good to ruin with rational thinking or consequences.
“It won’t help,” Alice says softly, only to me.
“I have to agree with the bird on this one,” Leo meddles.
My eyes flick to him before returning to my girlfriend. I pinch her chin between my fingers. “I think it will.” Placing a chaste kiss on her frown, I stand up. “Don’t worry, gorgeous. I’ll be fine. I always am.”
The last thing I see is her sad smile. My angel…
Unfortunately, the devil is much more tempting.
I follow Andres into the loo. I’m not really sure why… I assume it’s because we’re going to shoot it, and this is where he prefers to do that. But I’m behaving like such a raving junkie, I’m sure I’d follow him out onto a ledge at this point.
Inside, with the door closed, he turns to face me. But says nothing.
I lift a questioning brow. “Well?”
“ Well yourself,” he snaps, gently. “I’m assuming you have no money…” I swallow hard. “So… you know how this works.”
I sigh and roll my eyes. “ Fine. But remember our deal…” I drop to my knees and start opening his pants. “She never finds out.”
“You’re such a good boyfriend to my sister,” he croons sarcastically, grinning down at me while I pull his dick out.
“Fuck off,” I grunt. And then I’m sucking.
But it’s fine . It doesn’t mean anything.
I love Alice; I know that. This is just something I do, usually as a form of currency. I suppose I can admit that it also happens because I’m a terribly destructive person who can’t seem to resist hot, toxic fuckboy dick.
What can I say? I have a deeply rooted need to self-sabotage.
I was raised keeping secrets. And despite knowing how good it feels to tell the truth from time to time, I find myself chasing it down… The high that comes from hiding things. Doing fucked-up shit and keeping it from people on purpose.
I wish I wasn’t like this, but I can’t help it. It’s an addiction, stronger than any of my others.
Knowing that my girlfriend—someone who loves and cares for me—is on the other side of that door, while I’m in here with her brother’s fist in my hair and his cock jamming at my tonsils… It’s a delectable ache, and the more I try to thwart it, the more I crave it.
Even Dr. Love, as much as he used to advocate for me, knew that I was incapable of truly changing who I am. I could pretend I was getting better all I wanted, but deep down, I always knew it was pointless.
I’m a monster. Plain and simple.
I don’t believe I would hurt Alice physically . But clearly, I am more than capable of slaughtering her emotionally.
Regret weaves through my extremities, but it’s too late for all that. Because her twin brother is coming in my mouth, holding my head in place so I have no choice but to swallow.
When he’s done, I stand up on shaky legs, and he sighs, tucking himself away. “Fuck yea… That mouth is fucking lethal.”
Pushing me up against the sink, he kisses me, and I’m a little confused.
I’ve been under the impression that Andres is straight, and he simply learned from a few minor stints in prison that when it comes to getting off, all mouths essentially feel the same.
But now he’s biting on my lips and tonguing my tongue, and it feels… different.
Worse , because I’m certain that if it keeps growing like this, Alice will eventually find out. And she’ll be crushed.
I have to put my obsessing on pause, though, because Andres has stopped kissing me and is now taking out needles and tying up my arm.
The devil twin shoots me up, whispering wicked words in my ear… Touching me all over while my eyes roll back.
And I fall, willingly, into the depths of evil.