Chapter Thirty-Six
L ife on this island is becoming stranger every day.
Every time I think maybe, just maybe , things are settling down, some new bizarre thing pops up. Another layer to the nightmare, like a bad trip you just can’t come down from. No end in sight.
It’s starting to feel like we’re doomed. All of us. No matter which side of this thing you’re on, the future is looking bleak. I don’t mean to be a negative Nancy, but hey… If the deadly collar fits.
Thinking about how unsteady things used to be, when it was just the prison, living each day shuffling through concrete hallways, eating bland food and fighting just to feel anything , I find myself yearning to go back .
Sure, I spent my days teetering between blinding fury and mind-numbing hopelessness, loathing my pathetic path of existence for leading me here; putting me in chains when all I’d wanted was to break free .
But if I’d known things would end up like this …
Well, for starters, I would’ve been less mopey about it.
It’s been days, and by some minor miracle, The Ivory hasn’t found out that Trevel killed his doctors.
He still thinks they’re working on Dr. Love down there in the tombs, with Trevel overseeing the whole project .
And Trevel’s been doing a decent job of keeping up the charade.
But we’re not na?ve enough to believe it’ll last. It’s only a matter of time until the truth comes to light, and the next wave of the fiasco begins.
I worry about what that means for Trevel…
and for me. We’re attached now, our lives entwined because of this relationship that neither of us fully understands.
The Ivory has already used my feelings for Trevel as blackmail—when he sent me to the prison.
What’s stopping him from using me as revenge for Trevel’s betrayal?
It’s all very fucked up. And to top it off, I recently found out that this boyfriend of mine— if that’s what we’re calling him —is way more broken than I could’ve anticipated.
I hate to seem ungrateful after he finally confided in me and shared what he’s been through; all the mayhem that led him here.
I mean, I was practically begging for it— okay, I was actually begging, a few times.
But when he was pouring his heart out, slicing himself open at the middle and letting his guts spill all over me, there was a brief moment where I was so overwhelmed, I seriously wanted to hit the rewind button and go back into the dark.
Things were much less complicated when I was blissfully unaware of his many, many issues.
I wonder if Dr. Love is open to holding a session down there in the dungeon… Because I think we could both use it.
I’m not talking about Trevel’s past , per se—though listening to everything he’s experienced, all at once, was a bit jarring. I mean, how is it even possible for one human being to endure so much hardship? It’s a wonder he’s even still alive, let alone as outwardly well-adjusted as he is.
I will say, learning the truth about his past made me infinitely more fascinated by him, shining a light on his strength and resilience. And cards on the table, I totally get his obsession with revenge now.
But then there’s the other part…
My boyfriend has an imaginary friend .
Yea. That’s what I’m dealing with… Hence the need for emergency therapy.
Believe it or not, Trevel is actually extremely self-aware when it comes to the whole Leo the talking Ninja Turtle-bear thing. He knows Leo isn’t real. So… that’s good, I guess.
But then he talks to him, out loud . He told me he sees him. And I can’t tell if it’s just a coping mechanism, or if it’s something more worrying.
The first thing that came to mind was Dash. How he used to behave when he was here, like he was seeing and hearing things no one else could.
We’ve since found out that it was part of his schizophrenia. But Dr. Love treated Trevel for years as a patient. If Trevel had schizophrenia, surely, he would’ve picked up on it and diagnosed him… Right?
Or maybe he just hid Leo… really well.
That’s what I’m itching to figure out. If Leo is a symptom of some untreated mental illness, or if he’s really just… Trevel’s imaginary friend. Controlled by him and used as a way to deal with his past trauma.
I can’t tell. And Trevel is no help… Because while he did tell me about his toy bear that he manifested into an anthropomorphized figment of his imagination, he refuses to talk about him any more than simply acknowledging his existence.
He won’t answer any of my questions about Leo, and gets defensive when I bring him up, accusing me of thinking he’s crazy.
Let’s just say, I don’t not think he’s crazy… But I care about him. If he’s crazy, I want to know about it, so I can prepare myself. Because honestly… it’s not a deal-breaker.
I know, I seem like a desperate hoe, but I swear, that’s not what it’s about. I can’t lie, though. Crazy on Trevel is… kinda cute. It’s a Leonardo teddy bear, for fuck’s sake! I don’t care who you ask; that’s adorable, and pretty awesome.
Trevel Fenwick is under my skin. Deep , like where my bones are. At this point, I doubt something as endearing as him having an imaginary friend he argues with would drive me away. I’m not sure it could .
Maybe I’m losing my mind, too. Maybe this whole fall of Alabaster Isle has sent me into an emotional tailspin, and because of that, things that might have worried me in the past I’m now finding charming.
Like a welcomed distraction from the somber state of our existence… My own cuddly, unhinged ninja bear.
Or maybe that has nothing to do with it… And I just love him, because of his quirks and emotional baggage, not in spite of it.
Gulping down a mouthful of saliva and some nausea that’s making me dizzy, I grab onto the nearest piece of furniture.
Jesus Christ, did I just say that I love him in my mind?? Is that real??
It has to be, right? I mean, why else would I have thought it if it weren’t… true?
This is getting so far out of hand, it’s fucking levitating.
Turns out, I was clinging to the idea that I didn’t really know Trevel, because it allowed me to keep him at a distance.
And now that he’s told me all of his secrets, there’s nothing left for me to hide behind.
No more excuses to keep me safe and warm in denial…
God, I think he might really be my boyfriend.
Someone call an exterminator… I think I’ve caught the love bug.
Oh, God… barf times a million.
Taking a deep breath, I continue mulling around the study, because it’s safe and quiet and I need some alone time to gather my thoughts. Unfortunately, it’s not as secluded down here as I’d thought, because I hear sudden voices coming from the atrium.
They must hear me at the same time that I hear them, because two of The Ivory’s men swing around the corner, guns in hand. When they see that it’s me, they lower their weapons, and one of them rumbles, “It’s just Kang.”
Yup. Just me… The former inmate having a secret meltdown about the state of his prison marriage. Nothing to see here.
“Oh, good,” I hear Manuel Blanco murmur. “Send him in.”
“Wait… I wasn’t…” I start to protest, but give up noting their uninterested expressions and sigh, “Never mind.”
Wandering carefully onto the veranda that leads out to the garden’s patio, I balk at the first thing I see…
The Ivory sitting on a loveseat with someone kneeling at his feet.
It only takes a moment before I realize it’s Hancock—practically naked, and muzzled , with a leash connected to the collar around his neck.
“Holy balls…” I mutter under my breath, gawking at the former Alabaster Pen guard in a position I never would have expected to see him. And I’ve seen him in some pretty precarious positions. Mostly thanks to Ren.
“To what do I owe this pleasure, Byron?” the Warden says calmly, tugging the leash until Hancock stumbles. He seems out of it, but I think he’s registering my presence, eyes gleaming up at me from behind the thing covering his face.
Hancock was captured by The Ivory’s men a week or so back, after some shootout in the woods went sideways. He was treated for his gunshot wound, hence the gauze pad on his shoulder. In fact, that, the muzzle, a jockstrap, and a furry tail appear to be the only things he’s wearing.
Okay… Let’s look somewhere else.
From what I’ve heard, nabbing Simon Hancock was a win for The Ivory.
It forced Velle to retreat and regroup, in the interest of keeping Hancock alive.
I have no idea what any of that means for the outcome of this war, but I’m finding the state Hancock is in right now troubling.
He was always one of the good guys. Not innocent by any stretch of the imagination—none of them were—but much less of a bastard than some others.
Oh, Jesus. Jasper… He’s probably freaking out.
Recalling that The Ivory asked me a question when he cocks a light eyebrow at my awkward silence, I clear my throat. “Uh… Just checking in. Seeing if you… need anything.”
Who are you, the butler now??
The Ivory’s gaze narrows, but he’s still smirking, and it’s wringing my stomach like a wet dishcloth. “As of matter of fact, I do need something from you. Well, need is a strong word. You’ll do it, or you’ll be dead. Sound good?”
I just stare at him with my mouth agape. What am I supposed to say to that??
“I’m expecting company,” he goes on, watching me closely. “One visitor, and one… not. You know both of them. Anyway, I need you nearby when they arrive.”
My brows crush together in obvious confusion. “Why…?”
“That will become readily apparent very soon, my darling fighter.” His smirk spreads into a devilish grin, and he pats the seat next to him.
I don’t move right away, not until his dark eyes sparkle with threatening urgency. Reluctantly, I step over and I sit down on the loveseat with as much space between us as physically possible. I can’t stop my eyes from repeatedly flicking to Hancock, fingers curling into a fist.