Chapter Forty
T hat should’ve been the end… Right?
If we all just sailed off into the sunset after reuniting like the badass band of warriors we are.
Come on now… That’s just too easy. It doesn’t work that way… Not on this rock.
We’ve got a war to win, and unfortunately, it’s gonna get a hell of a lot bloodier.
The guards are on regroup and strategy . Seriously, if any of this seemed frivolous before, the way they’re behaving corrects that notion toot suite .
Velle is drawing some kind of map in the dirt with a stick, while Joy and Kemper huddle around him, nodding and discussing tactics .
Rook is organizing the artillery. Apparently, this little hut is stocked with enough firepower to take on the cartel. Oh, wait…
Jasper and Hancock are on the walkie, communicating with the others inside the prison.
The way the six of them are moving on instinct has me wondering if any of them actually have any formal military training.
Or if they’re just that sick of Manuel Blanco’s shit.
I know Rook was NYPD, and I think Jasper was a detective somewhere upstate.
Kemper was in the Academy. Peters and Linetti are ex-military—but they’re in the prison. I have no idea what Hancock used to do…
And our commanding officer, the former bouncer from Staten Island … Let’s just say, he must have had a lot of on-the-job training over the last ten-plus years, because damn.
Even though there are no guards and prisoners anymore, it does sorta feel like they’re the parents and we’re the kids. That’s not to say any of us are without skill…
Dr. Love is patching up those who need it, mostly Felix and Hancock, setting up a station with medical supplies in the event of further injury.
Dash is using his bank robber experience to help Rook with the weaponry—he and Ren are checking guns, loading magazines, taking inventory of ammunition, and making sure everything is easily accessible.
Luthor is working diligently on getting into the servers with his device—which he calls LOIS 2.
0 , though it really looks like the first Gameboy ever invented—in order to free the prisoners who are still stuck inside their cells.
Apparently, Velle’s plan to rally the prisoners to fight wasn’t without its challenges.
Regardless, with the inmates and guards still in the prison, we have a great deal more manpower.
Maybe not as robust as The Ivory’s… But I’m choosing not to dwell on that right now.
According to Luthor, he can also use that thing to get a message to the control room operators who are being held hostage, and he can fuck with certain aspects of The Ivory’s network inside the mansion.
Overall, Luthor’s part in all this is extremely important, and it’s hard to feel like anything I’m doing is helpful compared to that.
My best asset is my ability to fight, on the front lines or in the shadows.
The same goes for Felix, though he’s been ordered by his doctor boyfriend to rest his weapon for now.
Since the prison fell, Felix has been busting his ass harder than anyone— maybe even Velle .
The kid has been taking out the Warden’s guys left and right, giving our side a fighting chance and allowing Velle and his team to recover from the fall. The little psycho is beyond impressive.
It’s funny to think I hated him so much for so long… We’re actually a lot alike. Okay, he’s much sweeter than me.
Anyway, for now, I’m busying myself by tending to Velle’s bike, which was in serious need of a tune-up, and fighting to keep my mind off of things I can’t change.
Like the fear of The Ivory closing in on us… And the betrayal of my almost boyfriend .
“Need any help?”
Speaking of my new ally…
Felix is standing beside the Harley, holding out a bottle of water for me. I accept it with a grateful twitch of my lips, twisting it open and taking a few large gulps.
“You know anything about motorcycles?” My brow cocks, and he bites his lip.
“I know that people other than me look really cool riding them,” he mumbles. Chuckling, I wipe my hands on a rag. “I take it you had one?”
“I had a Kawasaki Ninja,” I reply, and his face scrunches like he doesn’t know what that means. It makes me smirk. “A street bike. Different from a Harley Davidson, but the mechanics are similar enough.”
He nods, though he seems distracted, finger running along the chrome handlebars.
I stand up, putting us face to face. “Something on your mind?”
Felix swallows visibly, wariness in his gray eyes. He still seems reticent around me, as if he thinks I might try to hit him again if he says the wrong thing.
But then he murmurs, “I heard about what happened… with you and Trevel.” My gut wrenches like the bolts I was just tightening. “That he found out Luthor and Ren weren’t really dead and didn’t tell you…”
“Okay…” I grumble, unable to keep the bite out of my tone. “I’m kinda not trying to think about that right now, bud…”
He blinks at me. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay…”
“Listen, this isn’t a fucking reality show,” I snap. “There’s life-and-death shit going on all around us, which is a hell of a lot more important than some relationship drama, you know?”
Felix nods, parting his lips. But before he can offer a response, I bark, “I’m just saying…
days of watching me grieve, knowing he could put an end to it.
That’s what it comes down to. He stood there while me and Dash fell apart!
And didn’t say a damn word! The dude must be a total psycho…
” I pause to take a breath, because suddenly I’m fuming.
Without even realizing it, I’m pacing, and Felix is watching me.
“Okay, so he has issues… Cool. Welcome to Earth . Everyone has issues! Sure, his are… pretty diesel. I mean, he’s been through more shit that I can even comprehend…” My voice trails.
Felix blinks. “Did he explain w—”
“I don’t want to hear excuses,” I cut him off with a hiss.
“I’m too pissed. He lied to my fucking face …
Issues or not, that’s not cool. I bet he knew Ren was in the East too…
Which is something I’d asked him about, point-blank, because he was being shady…
” I rub my eyes. “It’s just… petty. This jealousy thing…
I bet that’s what it is, too. Since day one, he’s been jealous of my relationship with Ren… Because he knew it was complicated.”
My mind is bristling with thoughts, stopping and lingering on the memories of how jealous I was over his crush on Dr. Love…
Like when we fucked in Felix’s bed… That whole thing started because I was jealous of him being jealous of Darcey.
Ew, why is this sounding so drama?! This is some Luthor and Ren shit!
I peek at Felix, a lot of my anger fading into confusion, guilt and gloom. Because I know Trevel’s not into Dr. Love like that anymore. And he knows I’m not still into Ren like that… Doesn’t he?
“Whatever. I just don’t want to be lied to, ya know?
We were supposed to be… headed somewhere.
I thought we were…” My voice dries up, and I swallow as Felix’s brow furrows.
I clear my throat and shake my head. “It doesn’t matter.
Because he’s too much , and clearly, I dodged a bullet.
So, I’m fine, if that was your question, honestly, I can’t remember… ”
Jesus. So much for not thinking about it.
“Hey…” Felix reaches out, like he might try to rub my shoulder or something for comfort, but I glare at him, and he pulls back. “I just… I understand where you’re coming from. When Lem and I first started fooling around, I didn’t know shit about him.”
My brow cocks.
“He was my doctor, and he was extremely aloof. I couldn’t get a read on him to save my life. He resisted it hard, and there was a major power shift in the beginning. It was pretty frustrating.”
Mulling over his words, I’m giving him my full attention.
“All I can say is, it’s not always about how it starts, or how it looks to the outside world. Where it ends up is what matters most. And how you feel about each other.” He tilts his head. “I saw some very obvious chemistry between you two. We both did. And when I saw him in the tombs—”
“You saw him?” My eyes widen.
He nods. “After Lem got out, I stayed back to let Trevel know what was going on and see if you guys needed help. I met up with him in the tombs… and he said he wanted to be with you. He said that was all he cares about. Word for word.”
I feel like I’m falling apart inside, while frantically fighting to stay together. I’m just so sick of being vulnerable when my heart keeps getting stomped.
“Maybe it’s not my place to get involved…” Felix says softly. “I just wanted to tell you what he said. He seemed sincere…”
“Yea, well… He’s a liar,” I grumble. “A pretty damn convincing one…”
My eyes fling to Ren like an instinct.
Felix catches on and whispers, “You know what broken looks like, Byron. So you know it’s not always that simple. Sometimes they’re hurting so bad, they end up hurting the ones they love by mistake.”
There’s a significant pang of remorse in my chest. I hate it. I hate that he fucked me over, and I feel bad…
But I think Felix is right. After everything Trevel’s been through in his life, he’s probably entitled to be a little fucked up— okay, a lot fucked up— and make more than a few mistakes.
I mean, shit. He grew up on the streets as an underage sex worker. The years when you’re supposed to be learning, developing and figuring yourself out, he was being assaulted, sent to juvie and institutions. He’s seen so much pain…
And I punched him in the face a bunch of times.
Fuck me… This is awful.
I don’t want to let him off the hook…. I’m not sure I can , despite how deeply I care for him. Because I do, clearly. I can’t help it. The feelings are there, and they’re strong as fuck, no matter how stupid they make me feel.