Shadow Chapter 5
As I confessed my deepest desire, I saw the astonishment fill Aubrielle’s expression.
It was tinged with what looked like disbelief.
Finally, things were being revealed. I kept praying nothing would scare her away.
It was true, she was too good for me, but I was done fighting my feelings.
If she’d have me, I’d shield her from the shit that sometimes came into my life.
I’d keep her free of the ugliness and pain, all the things she hadn’t had to deal with.
“Y-you want me to be your old lady? Are you sure? Shadow, that means I’d…” Her voice faded to nothing.
“It means you’d live with me, in my new house, on the compound, surrounded by my club family, your friends. You’d be protected within the walls. It means our lives would become combined. We’d sleep in a bed together every night. You would know all of me, like I’d know all of you.
“We’d have no secret between us, except whatever was strictly club business. Sometimes, that happens, and we’re not permitted to speak of it, though it doesn’t happen often anymore. Reaper has loosened that up since he met Cheyenne, and the others have begun settling down.
“And, one day, if you want, we’ll have kids to add to the gang that’s taking over the compound, but only if you want some.
If you don’t, we have plenty to be honorary uncle and aunt to.
At the end of our days, we can look back and see what we’ve had together.
It might sound corny and foreign for a biker to want, but it’s what I want.
“Despite my Punisher membership, I was raised by loving parents, who taught my younger sister and me how a family should be. We had an idyllic childhood. We were loved, sheltered, given everything we needed and, within reason, some of what we wanted. We were taught manners, to work hard, and to defend those we love or call friends.”
I stopped. I hoped I wasn’t overwhelming her.
Her gaze dipped away from mine, then she softly replied, “Shadow, I would love all those things. And because I do, and I know we have to have no secrets, there are things I need to tell you. After you hear them, if you decide you don’t want all that with me, I’ll understand.
I just can’t hide it, and then have you find out later and leave me.
That would destroy me. If you choose to step away now, it’ll hurt, but I’ll survive. ”
My heart raced again. Unease slid down my spine, making me almost shiver.
Slowly, I eased back from hovering over her.
Aubrielle shifted her body into an upright seated position.
Her legs were drawn up to her chest, and her arms hugged them.
I dropped onto the loveseat cushion next to her.
I made sure there was only a scant inch or two between us.
I didn’t want to make her feel abandoned or intimidated.
Based on the pained expression on her face, I knew whatever she had to tell me was terrible for her. Aubrielle’s expression was filled with concern, or maybe it was terror that I wouldn’t understand what she was about to tell me. Before she could start, I tried to ease her stress.
“Before you tell me whatever it is you want me to know, I’d like to ask one thing.”
She blinked, then asked, “What?”
“In my world, when a biker claims his old lady, or old man, that person is given the whole person. As part of it, the biker’s real name is shared, and the old lady or old man is asked to use the biker’s real first name.
It’s something intimate, so that name is only spoken when they’re alone.
Not even the club is to hear it said, even though most know the name from when the guy prospected.
I’m Braxton Russo. I’d love it if you’d call me Braxton or Brax.
The only ones who say it these days are my parents and sister, though they call me Shadow whenever we’re around others. ”
Some of the tension on her face eased, and a faint smile peeked out. “I’d love to call you either of those, though I think I like Braxton a smidge more. It sounds more like you. Thank you for giving me that.”
I smiled. She took a deep inhale, then blew it out. Her gaze met mine.
“I’m not what you think I am, Braxton. You said I’m an angel, so innocent, pure, whatever. I’m not. I’ve crawled out of the boughs of hell. I lived in the filth, and though I work every day to distance myself from it, to become a better person, to appear cleaner, I can’t forget where I came from.”
“What do you mean?” It slipped out before I could stop it.
“I mean that I didn’t grow up with the perfect, loving parents and great siblings.
I never had what I needed, let alone what I wanted.
I spent every day trying to disappear, stay hidden, or escape.
When I got older, I plotted how to get away.
Even now, I watch over my shoulder, waiting to be dragged back into hell.
Once the real devil has a hold of you, it’s almost impossible to escape. ”
I came up off the loveseat, and she shrank into herself. I hated that I made her do it. I bent down to her.
“Aubrielle, keep going. I’m not angry at you. I’m just releasing my tension. Tell me. Who’s the devil? What was done to you? What are you still trying to escape?”
Aubrielle sat there, silent for a few moments before she began speaking again.
“I’m trying to escape being trash, Braxton, from being born into a family full of immoral people who will do anything to anyone if it gains them money and what they desire. It doesn’t matter who gets hurt or even killed. It’s all about the family.
“In my family, that equates to whatever my dad and brothers say is law. Even for my cousin, it’s my father’s brother who determines everything, but only with Dad’s approval.
As a female, I have no real say. I’m there to serve them.
When I was young, I was the cook, housekeeper, and all-around drudge.
Before me, it was Mom. She died when I was ten, so someone had to take over, and since I was a female, it was my job.
“If I complained, hell, if I even breathed wrong, it earned me discipline. They had to keep me quelled. I was constantly told how lucky I was to have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and the ability to go to school. The only reason they permitted me to go to school was that they thought it would one day help me get a job that would earn them more money. When I graduated from high school, despite the obstacles they put in my way, the idea of college was almost shot down until I convinced my father that it would benefit the family in the long run. I’d get an even better job once I graduated, which meant more money for them.
“I stayed as long as I could, and then I had to leave. It was almost impossible, but again, I somehow convinced them that by allowing me to attend college and be closer to work, I would be able to give them more. I live in this little apartment, not because I can’t afford more.
I do it so I can pay for my schooling and give them money to leave me alone.
They’re counting the months until I graduate, then they’ll swoop in to claim what I have.
“And they believe I’ll do it, because I’ve always submitted.
What they don’t know is that I never planned to remain under their thumbs.
My education is my way out. As soon as I graduate, I’ll have what I need and disappear, moving somewhere they can never find me.
I’ve been doubling up on classes and lying to them about when I’ll graduate.
I’ll be done a full six months before they expect it.
I have seven months left. I plan to find a new place to live and be ready to leave as soon as I get my diploma. ”
The unwanted, scary thought entered my head. If I’d kept my mouth shut for another seven months, I would’ve lost any chance with her. My gut clenched. I felt slightly nauseous. However upsetting that thought was, I needed to get all the details about her family.
“You said your family is immoral. How? Is there more than your dad, brothers, and uncle involved?” I tried to keep my voice nonjudgmental. I had judgment for her family, but this moment wasn’t the time to show it.
“My dad is the head of their businesses, as they call them. His brother, my uncle, Jock, is a lesser partner for lack of a better word. My brothers, Jerome and Jace, are second in command to Dad, even over Uncle Jock, which I can say pisses him off. Dad started their first business, so he reminds Jock of that and that it’s his sons who’ll inherit, not his brother.
Jock has no sons, just a daughter. Remember Whitney, from my tryout at Eden?
The one who got so irate that I got a job and she didn’t? She’s Jock’s child.
“As much as Whitney and I don’t get along, she’s in the same boat as I am. The difference is that she doesn’t see anything wrong with what they do. And she’s willing to remain in that insanity. She does as she’s told.”
“What are the businesses?” I asked, since Aubrielle kept skipping over that part.
Her gaze left mine for a moment before she seemed to make herself meet it again.
“They run two of them. The lesser moneymaker, which happens to be the first one Dad started, is dogfighting. You know, the ones where you put those poor animals in together and bet on which one wins. In most cases, it’s whichever one isn’t dead.
It’s barbaric and makes me sick. They don’t care.
All they see are dollar signs from the people who pay to watch and gamble on the winner. ”
Aubrielle paused to take in a shaky breath.
Tears shone in her eyes. The thought of poor animals being trained and pitted against each other to kill made me sick.
I clenched my fists but sat back on the sofa with her.
When a tear escaped, I wiped it away with my thumb before it could get too far. She sniffed, then returned to speaking.