Chapter 9 - Ryan #2
There was no sign of the laundry now. The chair wasn’t big enough for Dom’s long limbs and wide frame, but he hadn’t let that stop him.
His head was reclined against the high back, his arms hanging limp over the sides.
His jaw, covered in more scruff than I’d seen on him before, hung loose as he snored lightly.
I used the opportunity to study him. Even in sleep, he didn’t seem relaxed. Deep lines were carved into his forehead, and his fingers twitching reflexively.
Had he been here this whole time?
I had no idea how long I’d been out of it for. My hand went to my chin, finding a few days’ worth of growth there.
My bladder refused to be ignored any longer. Getting to my feet, I was relieved to find I wasn’t wobbly. Looked like the worst of it had passed.
And Dom was here for all of it.
I didn’t let myself think about that as I used the toilet. My resolve wasn’t helped by another flicker of memory. One where Dominic had held me still while I relieved myself, quietly tucking me back into bed after.
I groaned internally. Please don’t let that have happened.
It wouldn’t matter if it had, I told myself as I shuffled out of the bathroom. It wasn’t like it was the first time he’d seen my dick.
First time in over a decade and you were too sick to even enjoy it.
I scowled before immediately berating myself. I wasn’t supposed to be mad about shit like that. I had a fiancée.
Entering the living room, I came to an abrupt halt. I rubbed my eyes once. Twice. But it changed nothing.
My flat was sparkling.
Not just tidy, but clean. Someone had spent hours scrubbing my place from top to bottom.
Not someone.
Dominic.
Why had he done that?
Taking a steadying breath, I made my way to the kitchen to find it had been given the same treatment. My jaw tensed as I filled the kettle, the sense of unease growing as I opened the fridge to grab the milk.
Only to find it full to the brim with food.
Several neatly stacked tubs on the top shelf caught my eye, and I pulled one out and peered at the label on the lid. Chicken Tikka Masala.
Despite the years that had passed, I recognised Dom’s handwriting immediately. I cracked open the lid and was hit with an aroma of spices that had my mouth watering.
Since when does Dominic cook?
I silently went through each tub. Risotto. Stew. Lasagna. Chilli. Bolognese. So many different dishes, and all I had to do was heat them up.
I flashed back to the meals I used to prepare, knowing Dom would be joining us. Was this his way of repaying me? Or was it simpler than that? Had he taken one look at my empty fridge and decided to…take care of me?
I closed the door on the food and that question. It was too dangerous to examine for long.
The kettle came to the boil and I filled two mugs. I paused over the sugar pot. How did Dom take his tea now? Fuck, I hated that I didn’t know.
You could. He’ll tell you anything you want to know.
He would. And, if I thought we could just be friends, maybe I’d ask.
But Dom wouldn’t settle for that. He’d want more. And I couldn’t give him that. I’d done it once, and still bore the scars to prove it.
Shovelling two sugars into his cup, I finished making the tea. If he didn’t like it, I could make him a fresh one. It was the least I could do given how he’d taken care of me.
I carried both mugs into the bedroom, put them on my small bookshelf, and cleared my throat. Dominic didn’t stir, too deeply asleep.
For a few seconds, I just watched him. Dominic’s beauty hadn’t lessened with age.
If anything, he was more breathtaking now than ever before.
Even covered in stubble and with bags under his eyes, there was no denying that.
I studied the lines of his face, my fingers twitching for a pencil so I could note down each and every difference.
No. I didn’t do that now, and for a very good reason. One I’d do well to remember.
I took a deep breath and touched his shoulder. “Dom?”
He jumped awake like I’d electrocuted him. He bolted upright, his eyes swinging wildly around the room before landing on me. “Shit, I fell asleep.”
“You didn’t need to stay,” I said quietly, handing him his cup.
“Don’t be stupid,” he said, grunting in thanks as he sipped his tea. From the small smile he gave me, I’d got the sugar right. The knowledge melted something in my chest. “You had the flu, Ry. You weren’t in any fit state to be left alone. Was worried I’d have to call a doctor at one point.”
I perched on the edge of my bed. The bed clad in sheets that I hadn’t put on. “I was that bad?”
Dom’s face darkened. “Yeah. Fucking scared me, to be honest. What would’ve happened if I hadn’t been here?”
“Guess we’ll never know,” I said lightly as my mind took me back to another night, when another Walker man had found me suffering and saved my life. “I imagine someone would’ve noticed at some point.”
“Hopefully it wouldn’t have taken four days.”
I froze. “I’ve been out of it for four days?” Dom nodded and I was on my feet in an instant. “Shit! Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.”
I tore around the room like a tornado while Dom watched in bemusement. “What’s the panic for, Shadow?”
“I need to let work know,” I snapped. “I had several big meetings. Oh fuck, I’m so fired.”
Suddenly, Dom was behind me, his hand squeezing the back of my neck. “Calm down, Shadow. I let them know.”
I whipped my head around. “You did? How?”
“Using the wonders of modern technology,” Dom said drily, handing me my phone. “I searched your email for ‘illness’ and contacted the person you messaged last time. Then I messaged the guy on Teams, just to be certain.”
A lump formed in my throat. “Thank you.”
“Can’t have you getting in trouble.” He smiled softly.
I found myself smiling back. “You never used to care about the rules.”
“I still don’t.” He was stroking the side of my neck with his thumb in a distracting manner. “But never ones that’ll have negative consequences for you.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that him interfering in my life was going to have negative consequences for me. But then I thought about the bags under his eyes. The tubs of food in my fridge. How clean and tidy my flat was.
And the words turned to ash.
“Thank you,” I said instead. “Seriously, you didn’t need to stay here this whole time. Or clean my flat…or cook for me. And since when do you cook?”
Dom’s laugh was throaty. “I’m a man of many talents now, Shadow. Maybe you’ll let me show you others some time.”
I ignored the innuendo. Gently detaching myself, I moved over to the bookshelf and picked up the book on top. “Been reading?”
“Couldn’t stare at you like a weird stalker the whole time.”
My lips twitched. “But you did that some of the time?”
Dom leaned back against the wall and put his hands in his pockets. “That would be telling.”
I lowered my head on the pretence of checking the blurb, but in reality, I was hiding my smile. From Dom, or myself, truly I didn’t know. “This is one of my favourites.”
“I could tell by the creases in the spine. It’s why I picked it. Figured if you liked it, it must be good.”
“You can borrow it.” I held the book out to him. “Can’t leave a story half-finished.”
He smiled softly. “I know. It’s why I’m here.”
I swallowed hard. This was where I reminded him that I was engaged. That I’d never let him back in, because I wouldn’t survive him leaving me again.
But I stayed silent.
A pang of guilt hit me as something else occurred to me. “Did you miss work too?”
He gestured at a laptop on the floor. “I fit in some hours from here.”
“God, I’m sorry.” I slapped a hand over my face. “What must Taff think?”
Gentle fingers pried it away. “Taff knows who you are to me. There isn’t a world where he would’ve made me leave you. He’s a good man.”
I fiddled with the string on my pyjama shorts. Didn’t remember putting them on, which meant Dom had probably done that too. He really had thought of everything.
Dom cleared his throat. “You had a few messages from Xander. I didn’t read them, but the notifications flashed up.”
“Thanks.” I nodded, but didn’t go to check them. “He’s back today, so it’s probably about that. Thank god I came to in time.”
“He is?” Dom’s face lit up. “Going to introduce us?”
“Fuck no.” I shivered. “Trust me, that’s not a meeting either of you would enjoy. I certainly wouldn’t.”
“Is he staying here?”
“Yeah.” I double-checked the time on my screen. “His plane lands in a few hours at Heathrow. I’d better get a move on.”
Dom frowned. “Shadow, you can’t drive.”
“I’m fine now.” I rolled my eyes. “I feel great…thanks to you.”
His fingers twitched at his sides. “Let me drive you? Please?”
“No.” I smiled to soften the rejection. “I mean it—you and Xander being in a confined space isn’t good for anyone.”
“Hmm.” I half expected him to push, but he didn’t. Maybe he really had changed. “You didn’t get any messages from Kate.”
I blinked in surprise. I hadn’t?
Dom’s tone didn’t match the hardness in his eyes. “Did she know you were sick?”
Yeah, there was no way I was answering that. “She was probably busy. Or something might’ve happened. Shit, I should ring her.”
I lifted my phone, but Dom’s hand covered it before I could do just that. “Have you heard of the poem ‘A Marriage’ by Michael Blumenthal?”
An incredulous laugh broke from me. “You read poetry now?”
“Sometimes. This one taught me a lot.”
For some reason, I decided to humour him. “Do share.”
Dom hummed. “It’s based around a metaphor about holding up a ceiling.
About how you can do it for so long alone, but after a while, your arms become tired.
That’s when your partner steps in and holds it for you.
When they grow tired, you take the weight back.
By working together, by being there for one another, you can keep the house standing. ”
“I don’t get what you’re saying,” I lied.
“Yes, you do.” Dom stroked my cheek with a finger. “Because I’m willing to bet you did tell Kate you were sick. Not only did she not drop everything to be here, she hasn’t bothered to check in on you. What kind of partner does that?”
Heat flashed through me before turning to ice. I stepped back from Dom’s touch. “You have no fucking right to judge her, Dom. You left me once too.”
“I did, but there wasn’t anything wrong then.”
“Nothing wrong?” My voice rose to a shout as my temper hit flashpoint.
Pain ripped at my throat—evidently I wasn’t completely better—but it didn’t stop me.
“Dominic, you broke my fucking heart. I was devastated. Trust me, you couldn’t have left me in a weaker or more painful moment. In fact, if it hadn’t been for—”
I cut myself off before I could reveal the night I was most ashamed of. When I’d tried to drink away my problems and landed myself in hospital.
Pain glimmered in Dom’s eyes. “If it hadn’t been for what?”
“Nothing,” I said quietly. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does if it still upsets you.”
I chuckled tiredly. “You can’t pick and choose when to be here for me, Dominic. That’s not what I want.”
“And you can’t hold the past against me forever.
I get why you’re doing it, I do. I wasn’t there for you.
I hurt you. Deeply. I don’t deserve your forgiveness and I know I’ve got a damned long path ahead of me before I earn back your trust. But I’m not leaving this time, Shadow.
I’m here for all the ups and downs. The highs and lows.
I’ll have your back through all of it because I love you.
That’s never changed, and it never will. ”
“And if I don’t want that?”
Dom smiled bleakly. “Then I’ll wait until you do.”