Chapter 10
Ryan
Once Dom left, I wasted no time in calling Kate. When my third phone call went unanswered, I started to panic. Dom might think the worst of her, but that was because he didn’t know her like I did. She was a wonderful person. If she hadn’t been in touch, there had to be a good reason for it.
After my fourth attempt to get hold of her, my phone buzzed with a message.
KATE
Can’t answer now, sorry. Everything okay?
The initial relief I felt was quickly replaced by confusion.
RYAN
Haven’t heard from you since Monday so I panicked that something might be wrong, sorry.
KATE
I’ve just been busy.
Sorry.
Figured you wouldn’t mind since I haven’t heard from you either.
Okay, now I was irritated.
RYAN
Well that would’ve been difficult given I’ve been in bed with flu.
KATE
Oh my god.
I didn’t realise.
Why didn’t you tell me?
I actually had to scroll up to double-check that I had told her I was unwell. That I hadn’t imagined it in my feverish state. But there it was, just a few messages above. Proof that I had told her.
RYAN
I did say I was unwell.
But it’s okay.
KATE
I’m so fucking sorry, Ryan.
I should’ve been there for you.
Are you okay?
I hesitated before replying. I was okay…
because Dominic had made sure of it. His words about being there for your partner were ringing in my ears.
Part of me, a large part, knew he was right.
That I should be pissed at Kate and questioning whether this would be the norm in future—whether I’d be able to rely on her in times of need.
But it was the knowledge of who I had been able to rely on that kept my anger at bay. The guilt at how relieved I’d been to wake up and see Dom.
To know he hadn’t left me alone.
RYAN
I’m fine, don’t worry about it. Dinner tomorrow?
KATE
God, now I feel even worse.
I have to go to the Manchester office this afternoon for work.
I’ll be back on the 25th.
Normally, I didn’t begrudge Kate having time away, especially not for her career. But with Dominic living next door, distance from her wasn’t what I needed right now.
RYAN
But I’m going on my trip with Frank on the 24th.
I won’t be back until two days before the wedding.
And even then, you’ll be at the hotel.
Kate wasn’t having a traditional hen do, instead opting to spend the two nights prior to our wedding at the hotel where it was taking place, to make use of the spa facilities.
KATE
Oh, that’s true.
I’m sorry sweetie.
RYAN
So I won’t see you until the wedding?
KATE
I’m sorry.
But won’t that be more romantic anyway?
RYAN
I guess.
KATE
And Xander arrives today, right? You wouldn’t want me hanging around all the time.
Actually, what I wanted was to introduce my best friend to the person I’d be spending the rest of my life with. Guessed that’d have to wait until the wedding day too.
KATE
I really do think it’ll be romantic. A little break before we get married.
I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face. Wasn’t it more romantic to want to actually spend time with the person you were in love with?
You’re being a dick, I told myself firmly. She can’t help it if she has to work.
My traitorous heart had an immediate comeback. Dom had to work too, but he was still here for you.
Sighing, I typed out a response.
RYAN
It’s fine.
Don’t worry babe.
KATE
I might not have much signal either.
So don’t panic if you don’t hear from me!
RYAN
Same goes when I’m with Frank. It’s the middle of nowhere where we’re going.
Something about Kate’s message struck me as odd, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. It was only much later, when I was driving to the airport to collect Xander, that the realisation came to me.
I wouldn’t have any signal because I was going to be in a rural area. Kate was going to be at her office in Manchester.
Why wouldn’t she have signal?
Just then, I pulled into the pick-up zone at terminal three and spotted a familiar figure.
My chest tightened and my vision blurred at the sight of Xander.
He was leaning on the handle of his suitcase, his feet crossed at his ankles.
He hadn’t noticed me pull up, too busy scrolling through his phone.
His hair was buzzed short, just as it had been during each of his leave visits.
He’d always come home for those. Always made sure to meet up with me.
Amazing how easily Xander had found the time, but Dominic never had.
Xander lifted his head at the sound of the car door closing, and a broad grin spread over his handsome face. “Ryan!”
I crushed him in a hug, his arms wrapping around me just as tightly. “Fuck, I missed you, man.”
“I know. All men, women, and enbys of the UK have been mourning my loss. But fear not, everyone, for I have returned.”
I pulled back to punch him in the shoulder. “Humble as ever, I see.”
Xander’s brown eyes danced with humour. “Why mess with perfection?”
I tugged his case from his hand, leaving him to pick up the backpack that was the same size as him. “Still can’t get over you being able to pack your whole life into these things.”
“Why is that a surprise?”
I rolled my eyes at him as we hauled everything into the boot. “Because at uni, half your shit ended up in my room because you had no space for it in yours.”
“Well, I spent half my time in there anyway, so it made sense.”
“To you,” I said pointedly as we got into the car. “Because it was easier for you.”
Xander sighed dramatically as he slid into the passenger seat. “Listen, I can’t be completely perfect. That wouldn’t be fair to everyone else.”
I barked out a laugh as I merged smoothly with the traffic leaving the airport.
Just having my best friend next to me had some of the tension of the past few weeks lessening.
With Xander back, I’d finally have someone in my corner.
Someone I could be completely honest with and know that they’d tell me what I needed to hear, rather than what I might want.
Xander let out a low whistle as he tapped the dashboard. “You upgraded the Focus to this fancy beast?”
“It died on me,” I said gloomily. My old car had been well past its prime, but it had been my first car. I’d coaxed it through every wheeze and cough until it gave up entirely. “And this isn’t fancy—it’s a Volvo.”
“A fancy Volvo.”
“I think being on a ship for so long warped your perception.”
“Possibly true.” Xander stretched in his seat. “But that’s me done now.”
“And you’re definitely okay about it?”
Joining the navy had been his dream ever since I’d known him. He’d only bothered with uni to satisfy his parents’ demands.
“Yep,” he said breezily. Too breezily. “Time for a new challenge.”
I shot a sideways glance at him, noting how he was digging his fingers into his thighs. My lips thinned at the sight. I didn’t believe his decision not to re-up was as simple as he made out. “I’m here if you want to talk. You know that, right?”
“I do, Ryan.” He stared out the window, his knuckles white. “You’re a good friend, you know?”
I glanced at my mirror as I joined the motorway. “I’m your best friend, and don’t ever forget it.”
Unlike Dom, I’d never had to share Xander. We’d met the day we moved into halls and that had been it. The cocky, sarcastic, loud-mouthed little shit that was Xander had looked at me and gone ‘Yep. That one.’
Half of me wished I’d been able to fall in love with him. But by the time we met, someone else had already laid claim to my heart.
It wasn’t mine to give away anymore, and Dominic would never give it up.
The other half of me was glad of it. Because in truth, I knew no one would ever love me like Dominic did. Which was a good thing, because it meant no one would break me the same way either.
“No Kate?” Xander asked, bringing me back to the present. “I was half expecting her to come with you to pick me up.”
“She’s working,” I said, another rush of guilt coursing through me.
Kate was the one I was meant to love, not Dom.
And I did love her, just in a different way.
A healthy, manageable way. The love I had for her would never overwhelm me.
It wouldn’t cloud thoughts of everyone else.
It wouldn’t make it so I couldn’t think, couldn’t exist without her presence.
Which was exactly what I wanted.
“Fair. Is she coming over tonight?”
“No.” I scowled as a car cut me up. Xander flipped them off without missing a beat. “She’s in Manchester for work.”
“That sucks. When will I meet her?”
“You seem awfully keen,” I teased. “Do I need to be concerned?”
“Fuck no.” Xander laughed. “But I’ve got to make sure she’s good enough for my bestie.”
“Bestie,” I parroted back mockingly. “Are sailors known for talking like preteen girls?”
“Fuck off, you prick,” Xander said, demonstrating the speech sailors were truly known for. “You are my bestie, and anyone who has a problem with it can say it to my face.”
I turned to him briefly, deadpan. “I have a problem with it.”
“That’s not fair,” he protested. “I can’t smack you. It wouldn’t be right.”
I smirked. “Looks like those bestie privileges are coming in clutch.”
“Now who’s talking like a preteen girl?”
When our laughter faded away, Xander went back to our previous topic. “Seriously though, when do I get to meet her?”
“At the wedding.” I sighed. “It’s not how I wanted it to happen, but that’s how it’s worked out.”
“But that’s ages away.”
Something twanged in my chest at the reminder. “Yeah. Tell me about it.”
“Ah.” Xander caught on to something in my tone. “So I’m guessing you won’t be seeing her either…and you’re not happy about it.”
“It’s not that I’m annoyed or anything, it’s just…” I trailed off as I wrestled with how much to reveal.
“Hey.” A finger poked my cheek. “This is me. Safe space, remember? Spill your shit.”
Xander was right. There was no judgement here.
“I feel like I’ve barely seen her the last few weeks.
When I have seen her, it hasn’t been alone.
And yeah, we’re both busy with work, but aren’t we meant to want to spend time together?
It’s one thing to not sleep together before the wedding, but to not even see each other? Isn’t that fucked up?”
“Does Kate see it that way? Is she bothered by it?”
“No.” I laughed bitterly. “The opposite. She thinks it’ll be ‘romantic.’ ‘A little break before we get married.’” Xander was silent. I glanced over at him to see him studying me closely. “It’s weird, right?”
“I mean, yeah. If I was about to get married to my soulmate, wild horses couldn’t keep me away from them.”
I winced as he said ‘soulmate.’ Please don’t let him have noticed that.
Naturally, I wasn’t that lucky. “Ryan, please tell me she’s your soulmate.”
“Do people have soulmates?” I said vaguely. “I’m not sure I believe in those. One person for you out of the billions of people in the world? Nah. The odds suggest the opposite.”
“Ryan.” He poked me in the bicep this time. Hard. “Tell me you’re head over heels in love with Kate.”
“Of course I am,” I said, flustered.
“Do you love her like you loved Dominic?”
My fingers tightened on the steering wheel. “That’s irrelevant.”
“Why?”
“Because it is.”
“But why?”
“Because what I felt for him wasn’t healthy,” I shouted. Fuck. I winced again, this time at the lingering soreness in my throat. “The two can’t be compared.”
“They can, and they should be. But we’ll get to Dominic in a minute. First, what’s wrong with your voice?”
“Nothing. And I’m not talking about him.” I said sullenly, regretting how I’d forgotten this little detail about Xander. He was like a dog with a bone when it came to getting the truth.
Just like someone else I knew.
“Have you been sick?” Xander leaned towards me, ignoring the fact that I was trying to drive as he prodded and peered at my skin. “You have. You’re all pale, except for the end of your nose, which looks like a clown’s.”
“I’m fine,” I admitted. “I was sick, but I’m better now.”
Xander sat back in his chair with a tut. “You should’ve said. I would’ve taken a taxi.”
“I’m fine,” I repeated. “It was just the flu.”
“People die from the flu all the time.”
“Not healthy twenty-eight-year-olds.”
“Hang on,” Xander said suddenly. “You just said you’ve barely seen Kate in weeks…does that mean she didn’t look after you?”
I wanted to protest that I hadn’t needed to be looked after, but given what had happened, I couldn’t bring myself to do so. “No. She didn’t.”
“Did she know you were sick?”
I didn’t answer, but my silence did it for me.
Xander sighed. “I’m trying very hard not to judge here.”
“First time for everything.”
Xander didn’t laugh like I’d expected. “So you’ve just been sick in bed this whole time with no one taking care of you?”
“Not…exactly,” I said slowly. I fidgeted in my seat, wondering if I could hide this from him. If I should hide it. But fuck, I needed someone to talk to. “Dominic was there.”
I didn’t need to look at Xander to know his eyebrows were hitting his hairline.
“Okaaay,” Xander said, “let me get this straight. Your fiancée knew you were sick, but instead of looking after you, she suggested taking a break from both sleeping together and seeing each other until the wedding.”
“Not quite like that, no.”
Xander waved a hand. “Semantics. I’ll take this moment to point out that part of your vows include ‘in sickness and in health.’ Kind of feels like she’s dropped the ball a bit.”
“We aren’t married yet. And I wasn’t dying—it was just the flu.”
“Were you able to get out of bed unaided? Make it to the toilet without help? Cook food? Do anything?”
I thumped my head against the headrest. “No, okay? I wasn’t. I needed help.”
“Which Dominic, your ex, provided.”
I grunted. “Wasn’t like I was in a fit state to tell him to jog on.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Xander said. “But I think it’s time you tell me what’s been going on with him. Tell me about Dominic.”