Chapter 15 #2
“Course I did.” Max frowned. “Just because I was a grade A twat didn’t stop me loving you. I just got…blinded by my own wants and beliefs. I became obsessed with the fact that I was losing Dominic to you. The one I thought had everything.”
“I never forced Dom to choose between us,” I said quietly. “In fact, I encouraged him to spend time with you.”
Max swallowed more of the amber liquid. “Like I said, you’re the better of two of us.”
I nudged my glass away. My stomach was turning too much for me to drink any more of it. Really, there was only one more question I needed Max to answer. Like he said, there was no changing the past.
But this…this I needed to know.
I took a deep breath. “Are you in love with Dominic?”
Max didn’t immediately answer, staring down into his glass.
“You know, that’s something I asked myself a lot in the first few years after we left.
I think…I think I was trying to rationalise what I’d put you through.
How much I’d hurt you both. Like maybe if I was in love with him, I could justify it in some fucked-up way? ”
“And?”
“I’m not.”
I studied him, looking for any hints that he was lying to me. There were none. “You’re sure?”
“Completely.” Max nodded firmly. “I’m straight. My feelings for Dominic are strictly platonic. There’s no excuse for my behaviour, other than me being a stubborn, idiotic, jealous, immature wanker.”
My lips twitched. “Are you saying you’re not those things now?”
Max blinked in surprise before barking out a laugh. “Oh fuck no, I’m all of those things and worse. But I like to think I’m better at recognising my mistakes. And communication. I’ve worked on that too.”
I shifted in my seat. “I’m sorry I never answered any of your messages over the years.”
“Didn’t expect you to. Just didn’t want you to think I’d gone away and forgotten about you. Nothing could be further from the truth.”
“At least one of you realised that,” I said darkly.
Max’s lips pinched together.
I frowned at him. “What?”
He folded his arms over his chest. “I said I was done interfering between you two.”
I laughed bitterly. “Well, you can’t make the situation worse, so be my guest.”
“Dominic did miss you,” Max said quickly. “It fucking killed him not getting in contact.”
“Then why didn’t he?”
“Because you ended things. He assumed that meant completely, that you wouldn’t want to hear from him. He knew how much he was hurting you. There was no way he was going to risk doing anything that prolonged that.”
I stared down at the table, dusty and marked with beer rings, willing the heat out of my eyes. “Turns out the silence didn’t help either.”
“I’m sorry, Ryan. For what it’s worth, Dominic doesn’t have feelings for me.
” I looked up at that to find my own sorrow mirrored back at me.
“He never did. The first few years we were gone, he could barely stand to look at me. I thought maybe it was because he was so pissed off at me, but it wasn’t just that. ”
“Then what was it?”
“It’s because I reminded him too much of you,” Max said. “He hated me for what I did to you, what we both did, but he hated that more. That he could never escape your face, but it was never quite right.”
“Enough,” I said roughly. “You’re not the one I want to hear this from.”
“That’s fair. Is there anything else you want me to explain? I’m an open book, Ryan. You can ask me whatever you like, and I’ll answer as honestly as I can.”
I sat back, studying him thoughtfully. “Why do you care about making things right? Is it just to salvage your friendship with Dom?”
His smile held no humour. “Amazingly, no. I can see why you’d think that, but this isn’t about him at all.”
“It isn’t?”
“Nope.” His expression turned pensive as he stared off into the distance.
“Being in active combat…it does something to you. To your brain. The endless hours on watch force you to reconsider everything you thought you knew about yourself. Witnessing the horrors people are subjected to…it makes you realise just how fucking easy you had it growing up.”
He paused, draining his glass before continuing. “But watching your friends die? Having to zip them into fucking body bags, knowing how many hearts will be breaking back home? That really does a number on you.”
I reached across the table to squeeze his wrist. “I’m sorry, Max. That must’ve been fucking awful.”
“It was,” he said hollowly. “Worst part was knowing that next time it might be me. Or Dom. It got me thinking about you.”
“About me?”
He jerked his head in a vague approximation of a nod. “About all the ways we’d both fucked up. About the relationship me and you missed out on. The relationship we might be able to have going forward.”
Max gave me a crooked smile. “I’d like one, Ryan. You might’ve been an annoying little shit, but you’ve always been my annoying little shit. Somewhere along the way, I forgot that fact. I’d give anything to remember it again.”
I wasn’t about to make any promises. Max had said all the right things, and he seemed to genuinely regret how things went down. But just like he was different now, so was I. The days of me blindly trusting people were long gone.
“How about another drink?” I gestured at his empty glass. “Maybe we should switch to beer though, unless we want to be rolled out of the pub.”
“Good point.” He chuckled. “Let me get this one though. You got the last one.”
He stood up and all the blood drained from his face as his gaze locked on something behind me. “Fuck.”
“What?” I craned my neck, but the crowd was too thick for me to see through it. “What is it?”
Max’s throat bobbed. “I didn’t tell him we’d be here, I swear. I didn’t plan this, or help him plan it, I promise.”
I sighed, getting to my feet. Sure enough, Dom was cutting a swathe through the crowd. “I get it. It’s fine. He has a knack for doing this.”
My gaze fell on the figure over his shoulder and I groaned. “Fuck. I think I need to apologise too.”
“Why?”
I nodded at Xander, who was approaching with a lazy grin. “See your interfering best friend? That bloke with him is mine.”
Max turned to me with a smile. “You have a best friend?”
I rolled my eyes. “Sounds so secondary school, right?”
“Nah, it makes me happy to know you’ve got someone.” Max grinned enthusiastically. “I can’t wait to meet him.”
He might regret saying that in about thirty seconds.
Dom reached us first. “Shadow. Max. Fancy seeing you here.”
“You weren’t invited.” Max glared at Dom.
He just shrugged, utterly unbothered by my twin’s ire. “Had to make sure Ry was okay.”
“Ry is right here.” I sighed. “And I’m fine, Dom. I don’t need you fighting my battles for me.”
He gave me an innocent smile that was designed to remind me that hadn’t always been the case. That he’d once made me go to my knees to earn the privilege.
And that was exactly what it did. My blood rushed south, making me casually tug my jacket closed to hide any evidence.
From Dom’s widening smirk, I failed.
“Sorry about that,” Xander said cheerfully as he joined us. “Saw someone I met the other night.”
I raised a brow. “Met, or fucked?”
“That’d be telling.” His grin sharpened as his gaze slid to Max. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?”
“No.” I took a deliberate step in front of Max. “Behave, Xander.”
His eyes glinted. He hadn’t looked away from my twin for a second. “Where’s the fun in that?”
“It’s great to meet you.” Max said politely from behind me. “Ryan tells me you’re his best friend.”
“I am.” I groaned inwardly at the dangerous note Xan’s voice had adopted. I’d seen this play out often enough to know what was coming. “He tells me everything.”
“Xander…” I said warningly. He didn’t so much as blink.
“That’s good.” Max was oblivious to the danger he was in. “I’m glad he’s got someone in his corner.”
Just then, Dom’s arm snaked out and he grabbed my wrist. A sharp tug had me falling against his chest, his strong arms encircling me.
“What the fuck?” I shoved against him, but he didn’t let go. Simply turned me so I was facing everyone else. “Let me go, Dom.”
“Sorry, Shadow,” Dom said. “But this is going to happen regardless. I’d rather not have you getting caught in the crossfire.”
Max frowned. “What’s going to happen?”
“Wait.” Xander carefully took the glass from Max’s fingers and put it on the table. “Let me take that from you.” He straightened up with a smirk. “Just like I said to Dominic, I’ve waited a long fucking time to do this.”
I closed my eyes just as Xander smashed his fist into my twin’s face.