Chapter 19
Ryan
Thanks to the hours spent staring at my ceiling, I woke late. It took me a few minutes to place where I was before the memory came screaming back to me.
Fishing trip.
Cabin.
Dom.
Shower.
Naked.
I groaned, wondering if Dom would let me get away with hiding in here for the rest of the week.
Like he knew what I was thinking, there was a brisk rap on my door. “Rise and shine, Shadow. I made pancakes.”
Grumbling, I got out of bed and opened the door to glare at him. He was shirtless, my name dark against his skin. “Shadows don’t shine, Dom. It’s literally impossible.”
“Good thing you’re cute regardless,” Dom said, tweaking my nose. “Now hurry up before they get cold.”
Five minutes and a toilet break later, I slid onto the stool at the counter. Dom was whistling a cheery tune as he slid pancakes onto a plate.
“You didn’t need to cook me breakfast.”
“Let’s face it, if we’re relying on my fishing skills to feed us, we’ll starve.” Dom pushed a full plate in front of me. “Thankfully Frank packed lots of supplies.”
“He’s good like that.” I drizzled golden syrup over my pancake. “Always thinking ahead and making plans.”
I looked up to see Dom studying me with an odd expression. “What?”
He shook his head with a wry chuckle. “Just strange, that’s all. You know things about my dad that I don’t.”
“Does that bother you?”
Dom considered it as he slathered a thick layer of Nutella over his own pancake. “If it was anyone else? Yeah, probably. You don’t count though.”
“I don’t?”
“Nah.” He shrugged. “The way I see it, you’re an extension of me. If he couldn’t be there for me, I’m just happy he was there for you.”
I cut my pancake into small bites, buying myself time to consider what I said next. “The two of you are more alike than you realise.”
“We are?”
To anyone else, it might have seemed like Dom didn’t give a shit about the answer. He was methodically munching his way through his pancake. But I knew he cared. It was in the way he was keeping his gaze down. The fist his right hand had formed.
Dominic cared. He cared, and he hated that he did.
“You are. Both of you like to make sneaky plans because you think you know best. Did I tell you he booked and paid for my first driving lesson?”
Dom’s head snapped up at that, his brows rising. “He did?”
“Yup.” I laughed softly at the memory. “I didn’t learn until I was twenty. Got some weird hang-up in my head about it. Kept making excuses about not being able to afford it, but in reality, I was just scared.”
“And Frank knew that?”
“He guessed. Probably thanks to how much I bitched about having to take the bus or train everywhere. I came home for summer at the end of my second year and he informed me that he’d hired an instructor who’d be by in an hour.”
Dom’s lips twitched. “How did that go down?”
“Like a lead balloon. By the time I’d finished yelling at him for interfering, the bloke was knocking on the door for my lesson. And you know what Frank did?”
“What?”
“He cocked his head to the side, exactly like you would, and said, ‘So what’s it gonna be, kid? You going to stand here and bitch at me some more? Or are you going to stop wasting time and just get on with it?’”
Dom’s laughter was rich and warm. “Oh my god. He played you like a fiddle. I can just picture your face. There’s no way you would’ve backed down from that.”
“Exactly.” I smiled wistfully. “The Walker men know just how to push my buttons. Another way you’re alike.”
“I’m glad he was there for you. That you were there for each other.”
“Well it wasn’t like my own dad was there.” I scowled. “Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t put me through anything like your dad did with you. Just ghosted one day.”
“Neglect is just as bad,” Dom said, putting his fork down. “Looking back now, I can see how disconnected he was. It wasn’t just from Max. It was all of you.”
I nodded curtly. “Yeah. It hurt when him and Mum divorced, but it was for the best.”
“I know he hasn’t bothered to keep in touch with Max…I’m assuming he didn’t with you either.”
“Nope.” I traced lines through the syrup using my fork. “Didn’t even RSVP to the wedding.”
“Fuck,” Dom sighed. “As much as I don’t want to talk about that happening, I’m sorry, Shadow. No parent should willingly miss their child’s wedding.”
“It’s okay.” I shrugged. “Honestly. I have Mum and Xander. Frank’s there too, where it matters.”
Dom rolled his shoulders. “Wish you’d stop telling me shit like that.”
“You don’t like that I’ve had people here for me?”
He scoffed. “Fuck off. You know that’s not what I mean. As much as I hate that I wasn’t one of them, I’m glad you had people in your corner.”
“Then what did you mean?”
“I’m trying really hard to hold onto my anger at Frank.” He stared down at his plate. “Knowing he’s been there for you all that time…it makes it harder.”
I reached out to touch the back of his hand until he looked up at me. “You can’t hold on to anger for the sake of it. It’s not healthy. It’ll eat you from the inside out.”
His throat bobbed. “Guess you’re the expert on that.”
I stiffened and withdrew my hand. “Guess I am.”
“Your pancakes are cold.” Dom nodded at them. “Want me to make you some fresh ones?”
“No, it’s fine,” I said, picking up my cutlery and stabbing a piece. Even cold, the flavour made me moan. “Fuck, you’re good at these.”
“I keep telling you I’m full of surprises.” Dom smiled softly as he watched me eat. “I’ve got another for you after breakfast.”
I went to glare at him, but my own words rang in my ears.
“You can’t hold on to anger for the sake of it. It’s not healthy. It’ll eat you up from the inside out.”
Instead, I took a deep breath and offered him a tentative smile. “You’d best eat up too, then.”
The surprised smile he gave me added kindling to the fire he’d started.
If I wasn’t careful, it was going to burn my entire life down.
Question was—did I even care if it did?
Dom covered my eyes as he led me down the hallway.
“What are you doing?”
“Just shush,” he said playfully. “Don’t spoil the surprise.”
“Is it a dead body?” I sighed. “Because we won’t get the security deposit back if it is.”
Teeth scraped against my earlobe, too fast for me to react before he pulled away. “God, your mind is fucked up sometimes.”
I shivered, my cock stiffening at the lingering feel of him. “How we started should’ve clued you in to that already.”
“That was stubbornness and your inability to resist me.” I didn’t need to see Dom’s face to know he was smirking. “Wait right here and don’t open your eyes.”
My lips twitched. “Okay.”
There were some rustling sounds and then Dom cleared his throat. “You can look now.”
I opened my eyes and sucked in a breath.
The small third bedroom had been transformed.
All the furniture had been pushed up against one wall, leaving an open space by the window.
There sat an easel, illuminated by the soft morning sunshine.
On a high table beside it, there were palettes of oil paints.
Tin of pencils—both graphite and coloured.
Charcoal. Tubes of watercolour. Countless brushes.
There was also a small stack of sketch-pads neatly arranged on the windowsill.
I didn’t need to get any closer to know they were the exact brand I’d preferred as a teenager.
“Dom, I…”
“Did I get it all right?” He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. “I know you preferred graphite pencils when we were younger, but I didn’t know if that was because that’s all you could afford at the time.”
Fierce heat burned behind my eyes at the accuracy of that statement.
“I wanted you to have options either way,” Dom continued. “This way, you can experiment and find what makes you happiest.”
I had to swallow a few times before I could get the words out. “I don’t…I don’t do this anymore.”
Dom crossed the room, touching my chin lightly. “Maybe you should. How can you know what truly makes you happy if you’re too scared to take the leap?”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. Not when we both knew he wasn’t talking about art.
“You won’t be alone, Shadow,” he whispered. “I’ll be right here with you.”
A wave of want passed through me. The strength of it threatened to tear down everything in its wake. “When did you even do this?”
“Got up early,” he murmured, gently stroking along my jawline. “Was half-afraid you’d hear me and spoil the surprise.”
“If it was before four a.m. I would have. I was awake until then.”
“Couldn’t sleep?”
“Nope.” I exhaled jerkily. “Too much on my mind.”
His eyes shone with understanding. “Me too, Shadow.”
I looked over his shoulder at everything he’d assembled. “How’d you even get all this here without me seeing?”
“Most of it was hidden in my luggage,” Dom said. “The easel was the tricky part. Frank helped me break it down into small pieces and we hid it under a blanket in the bottom of the boot.”
I laughed. “Can’t believe I didn’t notice. You two really are sneaky fuckers.” Looking around the room again, I shook my head slowly. “I can’t believe you did this for me.”
“Why not?” Dom stepped close, his head cocked to the side. “I’d do anything for you, Shadow. You should know that by now.”
I wanted to believe him. But truly, there was only one thing I’d ever wanted from him. Even before we started on this fucked-up journey, there’d only been one thing.
To be a part of his life.
He’d promised me that. Even made me think it was possible for a while. But it hadn’t lasted.
There was no reason it would this time either.
“So where are you going to start?” Dom turned away and walked over to the windowsill. He picked up a sketch-pad and wiggled his brows. “Want me to pose like I used to?”
Like he used to. Before he broke me. Before he took away this part of me he was now trying to give back. As if such a thing were possible. “I can’t. I’m sorry, Dom.”
“Can’t, or won’t?”
“They’re the same,” I whispered. “They have to be.”
His face crumpled. “Shadow…”
But I was already gone, fleeing the room. The cabin. Running from the place that held all of my old dreams.
If I ran far enough, maybe I’d remember why it was bad to want them.