Chapter 18
Ryan
The rest of the drive passed astonishingly fast. Dominic spent the journey telling me stories from his army days, and I would never admit it, but I drank up every detail he gave me like a man dying of thirst. Maybe I had been.
Not knowing what Dom had been up to for all these years had almost killed me.
Finally learning about it…it nourished something in me.
“Oh,” Dom said as he followed me inside the cabin. “It’s bigger than I thought.”
“We don’t really do roughing it.” I flicked on various lights as I moved through the space. “We’ve been coming here for the past few summers. It’s nice.”
“It’s not summer now.” Dom rubbed his arms. “Please tell me this place is heated.”
“It’s Scotland, not Victorian times,” I said, rolling my eyes. “There’s central heating, and a fire.”
Dom’s eyes lit up when he located it. “Should I be jealous that you’ve been sharing such a romantic spot with my dad?”
“Be serious.” I moved past him with a scowl to fetch our luggage from the car. “It’s your dad.”
I waited until I was well beyond his reach to say, “Besides, it’s not like we could light a fire in July. We were more likely to walk around half-dressed than anything else.”
“That’s not funny,” Dom muttered as he joined me at the boot. “I go kind of crazy when I think about the two of you spending time together.”
“Why?” I shot him a curious look. “It’s not like there was anything weird going on. He’s your dad, for fuck’s sake. That’s just wrong.”
“Not like that,” Dom said, hefting a bag out of the boot. I huffed as I realised this was why Frank had insisted he put my luggage in himself. His battered suitcase was nowhere to be seen. “Just that he got to be a part of your life, that’s all.”
“No one was forcing you not to be part of it,” I said curtly, grabbing my own bags. “You made that decision.”
I felt Dom’s eyes burning into the back of my neck as we returned to the cabin. “That’s not true. As I remember it, you’re the one who told me not to contact you. You’re the one who ended it.”
It was right there on the tip of my tongue; the confession about what had followed. How I’d walked through the night and realised my error. The way I’d run home, ready to work things out with him.
Only to find he’d already left.
With Max.
“Here’s your room,” I said instead, opening the door to the one Frank usually crashed in. Dom pouted at the neatly made bed. Weirdly, it had the tension in me unravelling, my lips twitching at the fact that such a burly, built man could fucking pout like that. “What?”
“Thought we’d be sharing,” Dom muttered, chucking his bag on the floor. “An only-one-bed situation.”
“This isn’t a rom-com.” No, it really wasn’t.
Our story was a tragedy. I had to remember that.
“Maybe the heat will go out.” Dom waggled his brows at me. “We might have to…snuggle.”
“I’d rather freeze to death,” I said drily.
Dom leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest. My throat bobbed as I fought the urge to let my eyes dip down to his biceps.
“You’ll soon change your tune.”
“Whatever.” I took a step back, trying to calm my racing heart. “We’d better get everything sorted if we want to get some fishing in before dark.”
Dom stepped out into the corridor, uncertainty crossing his face. “Wait, we’re actually going to fish?”
I tilted my head. “What did you think we’d be doing?”
His eyes ran slowly over me as he raised his thumb to his mouth. I watched, hungrily, as he stroked his lower lip. “Not fishing, that’s for sure.”
My breathing hitched as our eyes met. It was like there was a physical rope going from Dom’s chest to mine, pulling me closer.
I stumbled back until I hit the wall.
Dom smirked arrogantly.
“We’re fishing,” I said, wincing internally at the hoarseness of my voice. “Just fishing, Dom.”
His eyes ran over me once more as his smirk widened. “Can’t wait to see what I catch.”
Three hours later, I was full-on belly laughing as Dom scowled at his empty hook. “How are you this bad at fishing?”
“I’m not,” Dom said. “You’re a bad teacher.”
“Judging by the number of times I had to show you how to cast, I’d have to agree.”
He grinned over his shoulder at me. “Nah, that was because I liked how you put your arms around me to do it.”
I cleared my throat to cover up the fact that I was blushing. “It’s a good thing I was here, otherwise you’d be going hungry tonight.”
“I’m used to it. I go hungry every night,” Dom said idly, casting his line once more. “Sadly, I don’t think you’re ready to satisfy me in the way I need.”
“Dom,” I sighed. “You can’t keep saying shit like that.”
His tongue darted out over his bottom lip, but he didn’t take his eyes off the spot where his lure bobbed. “Like what?”
“You know exactly what,” I grumbled, subtly rearranging myself. I might not approve of what he was doing, but sadly my dick did. Wholeheartedly. “All the innuendo. It’s cheesy and embarrassing.”
Dom hummed. “Is that what we’re calling turned on now? Because that’s the effect it really seems to be having on you.”
Shit. “I’m not turned on.”
“Sure, Shadow.”
I gritted my teeth. “One of these days, I’m going to snap and take out all my frustration on you.”
“Great,” he chirped. “Can you do it on my arse?”
My head fell back on a groan.
By the time we’d called it a night and returned to the cabin, I was completely wired. Dom’s constant innuendos and close proximity had me on edge. I’d never been more pissed off, turned on, or fucking frustrated in my entire life.
And I had a whole week of this ahead of me.
Finding a spot of signal, I tried to call Kate. I wasn’t surprised when it went to her voicemail again. At this point, I’d have been more shocked if she’d answered.
Really, I wasn’t sure why I kept trying. Clearly she wasn’t missing me. And…if I was being honest, I wasn’t missing her either. If I’d had more available headspace, perhaps I’d have been worried about that.
But I didn’t. All I could think about was Dom. About how being here was pushing me to my limits. I needed Kate to remind me why I shouldn’t go there. I had my plans, and I’d made her a promise.
That should have been enough. I’d always been a faithful man. Loyal to a fault.
But this was Dominic.
He was right, I’d been his first. He’d meant something to me then.
And he did now. He shouldn’t have, but he did.
I stared down at my phone before powering it off. Fuck it. I didn’t need Kate to remind me. I was strong enough alone. I could do this. Dominic could tempt me however he wanted; I wasn’t going to break.
That resolve was steadfast as I stripped off and walked into my en suite. It held as I turned on the shower and let the hot water relax my tense shoulders.
It lasted as I washed my hair and lathered up my hands.
Right up until the moment the door to the bathroom opened.
And Dom walked in.
Naked.
There was enough steam in the bathroom to hide the details, but there was no mistaking the fact that he was very much nude. “What the fuck are you doing, Dom?”
“Don’t panic,” Dom drawled as he strolled over to the cubicle and stepped inside. “Hot water’s out in my bathroom.”
“That doesn’t mean you—” The words died on my tongue as the steam parted to reveal him.
Vaguely, I was aware of my mouth dropping open as my eyes hungrily devoured him.
It was a painful yet delicious reminder of the years that had passed since I’d last seen him like this.
The deep lines of his muscles, so much more defined now.
The thick dusting of hair over his taut thighs, darker than before.
Ink covering swathes of skin that had previously been blank.
But there was one spot my gaze fixed on. One particular tattoo. My voice came out far too high-pitched. “What is that?”
Dom didn’t glance down. He knew what I was referring to. It was probably why he’d had his chest waxed—to make sure there was no way I could miss it. “It’s your name, Ryan. Have you forgotten how to read?”
“That’s not what I mean and you know it.” I swiped water away from my eyes, as if that might change the fact that Dom somehow had ‘Ryan’ written in cursive, right over his heart. “Why the fuck do you have my name on your chest? You already have ‘Shadow’ on your arm.”
“This tattoo?” He thrust out his forearm. “This one is for me. A reminder that you’re always with me. That you’re my Shadow. That, no matter what, we can’t be parted. Not permanently.”
“And this one,” I said, unable to stop myself lightly touching his chest. “Who’s this one for if not you?”
“Anyone who shared my bed,” Dom said huskily. “I wanted them to know that, while they might have my body, they’d never have my heart. Because it’s yours. It belongs to you and always will.”
I snatched my hand back like I’d been burned. “I don’t want to hear about people you’ve fucked in the past.”
“Yet I have to listen to you talk about marrying someone else,” Dom said, his eyes glittering. “Hurts, doesn’t it?”
We glared at each other mutinously, neither of us backing down.
“Get out,” I said finally, jutting my chin towards the door. “You can shower after me.”
“You get out,” Dom retorted. “You’re the one who’s bothered. I’m perfectly happy in here with you.”
I should go. I knew that. Dom knew that. But I also knew that this was a challenge. Dom wanted me to back down. To know he was getting to me.
I couldn’t let that happen.
“I’m covered in soap,” I said, like that was a good enough reason to be naked in a shower with him.
He nodded towards the spray. “Turn around and I’ll get your back.”
“Fuck off,” I muttered. I did go to turn, but not because of that. To try and put some distance between us, even if just a few inches. But when I did, I was immediately reminded of something I should’ve considered.
The fact that I was hard.
And so was Dominic.
In an almost comedic error of timing, my erection smacked against his. We both froze.
For a few seconds, everything was in slow motion. We stared at each other in silence, no sound aside from the falling water and our ragged breathing.
Then, instead of returning to normal, time sped up. Dom’s hands were on my waist. My back hit the cold tile. His hard cock pressed firmly against mine. Wet skin against wet skin.
“Shadow,” he croaked, his lips so close. Too close. “Shadow.”
I sucked in a breath. In front of me there was a line. If I crossed it, there’d be no going back.
Ever.
“Stop,” I said suddenly, panic swelling in my chest. “Dom, stop.”
Another pause. Another moment frozen in time.
“Fuck,” he whispered, searching my face. His head was tilted in a mockery of a kiss. Like he couldn’t bear to move away just yet. Because doing so would mean accepting that this wasn’t happening. “Isn’t this killing you, Ry?”
My throat bobbed. It was, but I couldn’t tell him that. To do so would be a betrayal of all my values. Of the person I’d worked so hard to become.
“I need to shower,” I said quietly, looking away. “Let me rinse off and it’s all yours.”
I glanced at his face and immediately wished I hadn’t. Dom did nothing to hide the hurt in his eyes. Or the rejection.
He’s not yours to reject.
I wished it were that simple. I really did. It ripped a hole in my chest, all the same.
We didn’t say another word to each other that night, but as I lay awake staring at the ceiling, I thought about Dom doing the same. If I walked down the hallway and opened his door, I knew that was what I’d find.
It wasn’t all I’d find though. What Dominic was offering, what he was promising, it wasn’t his to give.
Or rather, it wasn’t mine to take. Not now. Not with everything that had happened in the intervening years.
Instead, I lay awake and wished for a different past. For anything that might allow me to open that door.
To see what a future with Dominic might hold.