Chapter 21
Ryan
Sometimes, in the dead of night, I liked to hope that there were endless alternate versions of the universe. And that in at least one of them, Dom and I never broke up. That he didn’t leave. That I found him in time. That we made things right.
Perhaps, in one of those others, there was also this version of me.
Maybe he’d do the right thing. He’d be the man he’d shaped himself into, and go into his room.
He’d wake early the next morning, hire a car, and drive himself home.
With every mile travelled, he’d remind himself of the woman he was to marry.
Of the damage that would have been done if he’d made a different decision.
He’d bask in the knowledge that he wasn’t shattering multiple lives.
He’d do the right thing.
But me? Here, in this universe?
I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
How could I when the sound of Dom’s sobs was tearing me in two? When the man I loved was hurting so desperately?
Because I did love him.
So fucking help me, but I did.
That didn’t mean I was going to run into his arms. In all honesty, I had no plan. No idea what was going to happen next.
But I wasn’t going to let him suffer. Not for a single second more.
The speaker caught my eye as I got up from the sofa. An idea came to me, and I didn’t allow myself to question it. Instead, I quickly grabbed my phone, syncing it and selecting the song.
Then I went to join Dom on the patio.
He had his back to me, almost doubled over, leaning on the railing. His shoulders shook with sobs.
I bit my lip, letting the pain centre me. If I let it take over again, I’d be in the same state as Dom. He didn’t need that right now.
One of us needed to be strong. I could do that.
For him.
When my hand touched his back, he tensed. He choked out two words between sobs. “Go inside.”
“No,” I said softly.
“Please, Shadow.”
I ran my hand up to cup the back of his neck and squeezed lightly. “Since when do I let you tell me what to do?”
He let out a wheeze that almost sounded like laughter.
“Come on,” I said gently, tugging on his arm. “You owe me a dance.”
Another wheeze followed by a sniff. Then Dom was finally facing me.
And that expression on his face?
I prayed I never saw it again. I recoiled as fresh pain lanced me.
“I must look a state.” Dom sniffed again, misreading my horror. “Sorry.”
“No, I’m the one who’s sorry.” I pulled him into my arms. I didn’t put us into a traditional hold, instead locking my hands behind his neck. His arms went around my waist, holding me tightly. Our foreheads touched as we shared breath. “I thought I was doing the right thing by telling you that.”
“You were.” Dom shuddered. “I’m glad, really.”
I smiled thinly. “Yeah, ‘glad’ is the emotion that’s just rolling off you right now.”
“It’s true,” he insisted. “I knew there was something you weren’t telling me. We couldn’t move past it if you didn’t tell me what it was. Now I know…”
His voice trailed off, so I finished the thought for him. “Now you know, you can suffer even more? Because that’s not what I want.”
“I wouldn’t blame you if you did want that.”
“It’s not,” I breathed. “It’s fucking killing me that you’re hurting, Dominic. I wish I’d kept my mouth shut.”
“I wish I’d never left.”
We shared a bittersweet smile.
“What is this song?” Dom asked as we turned in slow circles. “I don’t think I know it.”
“It’s called ‘Reckless Driving’ by Lizzy McAlpine and Ben Kessler. Kind of makes me think of you.”
He slowed his steps as he listened to the lyrics. “I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.”
I laughed softly. “It’s about two lovers who are different. One’s more careful, the other’s reckless. Their love meets a terrible end.”
Dom flinched. “Yeah, it’s definitely not a good thing.”
I hummed. “I’m not so sure about that. See, the careful driver insists that she’s worried. That she knows the end is coming. But she never gets out of the car.”
“You’re going to have to spell it out for me, Shadow,” Dom said ruefully. “English was never my strongest subject.”
I stroked the back of his neck as I breathed him in. “She knew it would end in disaster, but she went anyway. She couldn’t resist him, even though she knew that what they shared wasn’t healthy. Knowing what would inevitably happen wasn’t enough to deter her. Nothing was.”
The song came to an end and Dean Lewis took over. Dom was too caught up in what I’d just said to notice. “You thought we’d end badly when we got together back then?”
“No,” I whispered. “But I know that now.”
“Is that what’s holding you back?” Dom’s hands tightened on my waist. “You’re scared of getting hurt again?”
This was where I reminded us both of Kate. Of the woman I’d made a vow to.
But she didn’t belong here. Not in this moment. As much of a dick as it made me, this wasn’t about her.
It was about us. Me and Dom.
“Yes,” I said. “I can’t risk it. I wouldn’t survive it again.”
His lips thinned. Then he was stepping back. My breath caught in my throat as I realised that the message had finally sunk in. He’d heard me. He was giving up.
But I was wrong.
There, in the frigid night air, Dominic sank to his knees.
I gaped as he stared up at me. “What are you doing?”
“You didn’t expect us to end the first time,” he said hoarsely. “So I’m reminding you of that moment. Of how we started. But this time, I’m on my knees for you.”
I felt a hysterical urge to laugh. “A blowjob isn’t going to fix fuck all, Dom.”
He gave me a half-smile. “You and your dirty mind, Shadow. That’s not what I’m offering. Not right now, anyway.”
“Oh,” I said, chagrined. “Then what are you doing?”
“I’m asking you for a chance.” He slid his hands up the backs of my thighs. They stopped a few tantalising inches away from where I secretly wanted them. “Begging. Please. Give me this week, Shadow.”
“To do what?”
“To show you what we can be,” Dom said. “I want us to ignore the existence of everything and everyone else. Here, we can just be us.”
God, I was tempted. More so than any decent person should have been. “We can’t do that, Dom. It’s not just our happiness at stake.”
“I don’t give a fuck about anyone but us,” he croaked. “And I know that makes me selfish, but I’ve never pretended to be anything else. I want you, Ry. Just you. All to myself.”
It was a heady thing, to be wanted so.
“Please. I’ll do anything you want, Ry. I know you’re scared. I understand why, especially given…”
His words trailed off and his fingers tightened on my thighs. Once again, I questioned the wisdom of having told him the truth. Should I have kept my mouth shut?
That right there was the issue with Dom and me. Small decisions that had far reaching consequences.
We couldn’t take them back; we could only move forward. There were two paths in front of me. The end of one was bright and clear. I knew what lay there. A comfortable marriage. A house. Maybe a few kids.
But the brightness was also cold. I might be content, but would I be happy?
The other path was hidden in shadows. I had no idea what was waiting for me there. I could hear a fire roaring, the crackling inviting me closer. I’d be warm there. I might even be happy.
There was no guarantee though. The fire was as likely to destroy me as it was to give me warmth.
I exhaled slowly, trying to make a choice. I didn’t need anyone to tell me this was another of those moments. One where the entire trajectory of my life changed. I already knew.
Honestly…I thought I’d known as soon as I followed him out here.
“Please,” Dom repeated. His eyes shone with a desperation I’d only seen once before. On the night I’d walked away from him. “Please, Shadow.”
Just like that, the decision was made for me. Oh, who was I kidding? I’d never had a say. Not when it came to Dominic.
I might’ve changed, but not in this regard. I’d been a fool to think I could stay away from him.
“Get up,” I said roughly. “Now, Dom.”
Warily, he pushed to his feet. “Shadow, I—”
He didn’t get a chance to finish. Grabbing his shirt roughly, I hauled him towards me.
And then I kissed him.
A thousand sensations hit me all at once. My entire nervous system came alive, centred on the man before me.
God. I had to fight not to whimper. Memories I’d fought so hard to suppress came racing back to the forefront as I reminded myself of his taste. Of the shape of him. My knees shook so hard that I had to cling to him to remain standing.
Dom didn’t react immediately. He was frozen under my touch, not even his chest moving.
But as my tongue urgently tasted the seam of his lips, he came to life.
One of his hands went to my hair as the other gripped the back of my neck. A desperate groan rumbled from his chest as our tongues met.
As we kissed under the moonlight, there was a single word ricocheting around my mind.
Finally.
One of us groaned. I wasn’t even sure who. Maybe it was both of us. But it had the heat licking higher. Dom’s knee pushed between my legs as his hands cupped my arse. I moaned as he pulled me closer, my cock twitching as it met his.
“Not enough,” he murmured into my mouth. “Need more.”
“Yes,” I gasped, my hands already scrabbling at the bottom of his shirt. “More.”
He found my lips again with a small growl.
I didn’t know which of us moved first, but suddenly we were stumbling back towards the cabin.
Refusing to stop kissing, we hit more than one hard surface.
I paid no attention to the various stinging body parts.
I didn’t give a shit about anything other than getting Dominic naked.
The dam I’d so carefully constructed over the past few years had finally broken.
The ensuing wave was going to drown me.
And I wasn’t going to do a thing to stop it.
Worse, I didn’t want to.
Dom’s T-shirt hit the floor first.
Then mine.
Our shoes were kicked off.
Socks followed.
How we managed it all, I had no idea. Our mouths barely parted, hands roving freely over whatever skin was uncovered. We were being led by an ancient, carnal need. A desperation that neither of us was able to resist.
I opened one eye just enough to figure out where we were. The living room. My bedroom was closest. I twisted Dom so we were heading in that direction.
His teeth found my jaw, nipping along it as he moaned. “You taste even better than I remember. How is that possible?”
Yeah, we weren’t making it to the bedroom.
The air left Dom’s lungs in an oof as I shoved him back against the wall.
“I need you.”
“Yes,” he rasped, holding my waist possessively. “Take it. Whatever you need.”
“You shouldn’t say things like that to me.” I squeezed his throat lightly.
Dom smirked. “Why not?”
“Because I’ll take everything.”
The haze in his eyes cleared. “Shadow, you already have.”
I caught his lips again before I could say more than I should. Dom wanted us to live in this moment, and so did I. There was no one else. No past. No future. Just us. Here and now.
My hand shook as I fumbled with the button on his jeans. I broke away from Dom’s mouth with a curse. “Is this glued shut?”
“Let me,” he murmured. I watched, enraptured, as his deft fingers flicked the button open with ease. He did mine too, before returning his hand to my waist. “There.”
My throat tightened. Even with all of his pushing and scheming, Dom was giving me a choice.
Or maybe he was just arrogant enough to know I’d always choose this. Choose him.
I shoved both our jeans down just enough to free our cocks. I was too impatient for anything else. Slow could come later. Right now, we needed release.
We groaned simultaneously as I wrapped my hand around our cocks. The feel of his silken shaft against mine… God. Shivers raced up my spine, and we’d barely even started.
I wasn’t the only one trembling. The first stroke had Dom’s head hitting the wall with a thud. “Fuck, Shadow. Feels so good.”
I grunted in agreement. It did. Could feel better though. “Spit.”
Dom lifted his head. “What?”
“You heard me,” I said, licking up the column of his throat until I reached his ear. “What’s the matter, Dom? You never had a problem with this before.”
He sucked in a breath, and then he was pulling out of my hold. Before I could blink, I was the one against the wall. Dom’s hand was clasping my throat—not threateningly, but possessively. “I don’t have a problem with it now either, Shadow.”
I raised a brow in challenge. “Then what’s the problem?”
“There isn’t one,” Dom said smoothly, the few inches he had on me somehow seeming like far more as he towered over me. “Just adjusting to this new side of you.”
I smirked. “What new side?”
“You know exactly what I fucking mean,” Dom growled. He spat down on us without breaking my gaze, and I shuddered as he took us both in hand. My cock was throbbing, demanding satisfaction as Dominic rubbed us together. “You were never this…dominant in bed. Not like this.”
My smirk faded as uncertainty crept in. “Do you not like it?”
His eyes were dark as his hand flexed around my throat. “Oh, I fucking love it, Shadow. Can’t wait to see what other surprises you have up your sleeve.”
“Then what’s wrong?” I said, touching his jaw. Because there was something wrong; it was written all over his face.
“I don’t like thinking about how you got this way,” he growled. “Thinking of you being with anyone else…”
A surge of possessive energy washed through me. “Same goes, Dom. And I sure as shit don’t want to talk about that. Not now. Not ever. It’s just you and me here, got it?”
Honestly, I had a fucking cheek given that someone else was walking around with the ring I’d put on their finger. But, in this moment, I fucking meant it.
Dom was mine. I was his.
No one else existed.
“Good,” Dom growled, stroking us faster. “Because it’s me you’re going to come for, right, Shadow?”
“Yes,” I gasped. Dom twisted his hand on the upstroke, making me rise up onto my toes. “Just you.”
“Because you’re mine.” He gripped my chin possessively and stroked us harder. Faster. All of my nerve endings were alight. It was building. Higher. And higher. “Say it, Shadow. Say you’re mine.”
“I’m yours.” I cried out as the dam broke. My cum flooded his hand, slicking our cocks as he continued to stroke us. “Fuck, Dom!”
Dom’s lips crashed into mine as he moaned his release into my mouth.
I came down to earth slowly, eased back by Dom’s kisses. They were gentler now, unhurried. Like we had all the time in the world.
Like we once had.
But now…now things were different. I wasn’t thinking about that yet though. Dom had asked for this week, and I was going to give it to him.
More than that, I was going to make the most of every second.