Chapter 29 - Dominic
Dominic
Frank didn’t look surprised to see me when he opened the door. “Hullo, Dominic.”
I grunted a greeting, no energy to find the words.
My father’s gaze swept over me, no doubt taking in my unshaven face and dishevelled clothes. “You’d best come in. I’ll put the kettle on.”
It wasn’t until I was sat at the small kitchen table that I took in his appearance. The smartly tailored suit and shirt didn’t scream casual Saturday wear.
I glanced at the clock, mentally working out the travel time. “Shouldn’t you have left by now?”
I didn’t say what for. If I referenced what was happening today, I’d end up vomiting everywhere.
“Had a feeling I’d be needed here,” Frank said, placing a mug in front of me and taking a seat. “Didn’t feel right to leave.”
“But…it’s Ryan. You should be there for him.”
“I might consider Ryan my son, but you’re actually my son,” he said levelly. “And right now, you need me a lot more than he does.”
I swallowed my surprise. “That’s… Thank you.”
“Shit, don’t thank me,” he grumbled, shifting in his seat. “This is the bare minimum you should expect from me, Dominic. I’m your dad. I know I wasn’t there for you in the past, but I’ll always be there for you now.”
I went to thank him again before biting back the words. “Okay.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m fucking gutted he’s going through with it.” He shook his head tiredly. “There’s stubborn, and then there’s Ryan.”
I shoved my chair back abruptly. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t sit here and discuss this with him. With anyone. But I also couldn’t go back home.
There was a reason I came here though. If I hadn’t, I knew I’d go to that hotel.
To gatecrash a wedding I definitely wouldn’t be welcome at.
The old Dominic would’ve done just that. Especially knowing Ryan was in love with me. But I was trying to be a better person, dammit. For him.
So I was going to park my arse here at Frank’s and try not to think about what was happening thirty minutes down the road.
“Can I go upstairs?” I asked, gripping the back of my chair. “I’m sorry, I just need space.”
“Of course, Son,” Frank said kindly. “You don’t need to ask. This is still your home, even if you don’t think of it like that.”
I jerked my head, unable to say anything more. My feet led me along the familiar path down the hall and up the stairs.
It didn’t occur to me what to expect until I pushed open the door to my teenage bedroom. But whatever I might’ve imagined, it wouldn’t have been this.
Nothing had changed.
The Caffeine Daydreams poster I’d bought at Reading Festival still hung on the wall. My old college books were strewn haphazardly across the desk. A pair of jeans I’d forgotten to pack hung on the back of my desk chair. Even my bed was covered in the same duvet set.
I circled the room slowly, feeling like I’d stepped back in time. My fingers skimmed the edge of the desk and I looked down, expecting to see them covered in dust, but they came away clean.
The lump in my throat grew. Frank had kept this place spotless while still keeping my room in the state I’d left it in. Was it because he’d hoped I’d one day return? Or because he wanted to remember me as I’d been when I’d left?
Whatever the answer, it had me wanting to go downstairs and grab him in a hug. I hadn’t done that since I’d returned.
Longer, even. Since before we lost Mum. Before we lost each other.
That could wait. Right now, I had more pressing matters to attend to.
Namely, breaking down while I tried not to think about the love of my life marrying someone else.
I didn’t cry. There were no tears left. I’d spilled them all over the past couple of days.
They’d started to fall when I’d walked away from Ry and hadn’t stopped until a few hours ago.
Right around when I’d heard both Ryan and Xander leaving his flat.
Their hurried footsteps had passed my front door without faltering.
I knew then that I’d lost. That my Shadow was choosing someone else.
I’d stopped crying then. Numbness had taken over, hardening what was left of my heart.
That was fine. I could cope with being numb. It was better than the alternative.
Opening my wardrobe, I found a single T-shirt hanging there. I stared at it for a long while. It was what I’d been wearing the night Ryan and I first kissed. When we’d agreed to give things a go. When I’d promised to keep us a secret.
Of all the promises I’d broken, that was the one I regretted the most.
I hadn’t taken it with me when I left for basic. It was too much of a reminder of what might’ve been. Of how I’d fucked up the best thing ever to happen to me.
I hadn’t been able to get rid of it either. Not that I’d ever expected to be back here, in this room. Or that Frank would’ve preserved my teenage memories in this way.
But I was, and he had.
Gently removing it from the hanger, I smoothed the material between my fingers. My eyes burned, but no tears fell. God, I could remember that night like it was yesterday. The smoke-filled room. A girl in my arms. Looking up to see Ryan.
The hurt on his face.
It hadn’t been the first time I’d put it there. It wasn’t the last either.
He’d forgiven me then. He’d forgiven me later.
But, unlike that night, he wasn’t choosing me now. He wasn’t prepared to risk everything by betting on us.
The worst part? I couldn’t even blame him for it. Not after everything I’d put him through. That didn’t mean I could accept it. I hadn’t lied when I told Ryan I’d wait for him forever.
Until that day arrived, I’d have the memories to keep me company.
Like that’ll be enough. How are you going to cope seeing Ryan day after day? Kate? Surely they’ll be living together. What if they move into Ryan’s place? What will you do then?
The material bunched in my hands. Honestly, I didn’t know the answer to any of those questions. Wasn’t like I’d bothered to ask Ryan about their plans. Why would I, when I’d been utterly convinced he’d choose me?
But he hadn’t.
God, he hadn’t.
Collapsing on the edge of my bed, I brought the T-shirt up to my face and inhaled deeply. Like that alone might take me back to that night. There was so much I’d do differently if I could.
Starting with putting Ryan first. That was what I should’ve done. That was what he deserved.
Instead I’d sidelined his feelings, and I’d been paying the price ever since.
A sob shuddered through me, disproving my theory that I had no more tears left to cry. I wept, unashamed, sat on the bed from my childhood, the shirt I’d once considered a trophy absorbing my heartbreak.
A tapping noise pierced my sorrow. I cleared my throat and forced myself to speak. “Not now, Frank.”
I might be receptive to letting him back into my life, but I couldn’t deal with him in this state.
The tapping came again. More insistent this time.
“Frank, fuck off.”
“Dom, love, let me in.”
My shoulders tensed. That wasn’t my father’s voice. Wasn’t coming from the doorway either.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I raised my head. Tears clouded my vision, but that was definitely Ryan Davies peering through my window. Concern battled with heartache on his face, deepening as he met my gaze. “Can you open the window, baby? Please?”
I got to my feet in a daze. My hand moved automatically to unlatch the window, and Ryan ducked out of the way as I swung it wide.
“I wanted to pop it open like you used to,” Ryan said breathlessly. “But Frank had them replaced a few years ago. Totally rained on my romance plans.”
My heart rate skyrocketed. “What do you mean?”
The smile he gave me had a new fire blazing. It sought out every crack in my heart, melting them until it was formed anew. “Thought that would’ve been obvious, Dom. I’m here to tell you that you’re right.”
I swallowed hard, struggling to keep up. Or perhaps, too afraid to. “I am?”
“Yep.” He reached through the window to cup my jaw. “Don’t look so shocked. You usually are.”
“I’m going to need you to be really fucking clear with me right now,” I said, sounding strangled. “What are you doing here, Shadow?”
“I’m here to tell you that I love you,” Ryan said hoarsely, his eyes shining.
“That I’ve always loved you. That I was wrong to walk away from you that night, just as I was wrong to let you walk away from me the other day.
Both times, I should’ve appreciated what I had in front of me.
Should’ve recognised that you were offering me a happiness I’d never share with anyone else. I’m sorry I didn’t, Dominic.”
“Shadow…” My voice cracked. “You’re choosing me?”
“I chose you a long time ago.” He pressed his forehead to mine. “Just needed a little while to remember it. That’s all.”
“And…you’re not married.”
“Not yet.” His lips curled up in a smile. “Waiting for the right person to ask me.”
That was all I needed to hear. I crushed my mouth to his. Ryan kissed me back feverishly. I wrapped my arms around him, needing him closer, not on the other side of the window.
It was a good thing I did, because there was an ominous cracking noise.
Ryan pulled back, horror dawning on his face. “Shit. Is that—”
That was the moment when my father’s ancient porch betrayed us the way Ryan had always feared his mother’s would.
“Fuck,” I barked, bracing my feet against the bottom of the wall. My back strained with the effort of keeping Ryan from falling. “Jesus, Shadow! Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he wheezed, laughing as his feet dangled in mid-air. “You can let me go, Dom. A six-foot fall won’t kill me.”
“What the fuck was that?” Frank bellowed from downstairs. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” I yelled back as I heaved Ryan over the windowsill and safely into my room. “Everything’s fine.”
Through the window, we heard the front door open. There was a heartbeat of shocked silence before—“What the fuck did you do to my porch?”
Ryan and I exchanged silly grins before he leaned out the window. “Frank, you can’t be mad at me. I was being romantic.”
Frank rubbed a hand over the side of his face. It wasn’t enough to conceal his smile. “Sure, but did you have to break my house in the process?”
“It’s worth it in the name of love,” Ryan said, grinning over his shoulder at me.
“We’ll pay to fix it,” I called back. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologise.” Frank wasn’t bothering to hide his happiness now. “You two sorted things out, then?”
Ryan and I exchanged another smile, but it was me who answered. “Yeah, I think we have.”
“Well I’m made up for you,” Frank said. “Seriously.”
“Thanks, Frank,” Ryan said. “But if you don’t want to be traumatised, I’d recommend making yourself scarce for an hour.”
“Two,” I said, tracing my hand along Ryan’s spine. God, I loved how he trembled for me.
Frank attempted to glare at us. He did. “Are you seriously kicking me out of my own house?”
“Yep,” Ryan said cheerfully. “Go and visit my mum. It can be your way of apologising to me for missing the fishing trip.”
Frank folded his arms. “You should be thanking me for that.”
“You really should,” I said under my breath, palming Ryan’s arse.
“Off you go,” Ryan said. “Mum’ll be back from the hotel now. Think how happy she’ll be to hear the good news.”
Frank straightened at that. “You’re right. June should know right away.”
After reaching over to slam the front door, he scampered off down the street. I watched him go, my lips twitching. “Is it just me, or is he a bit too excited to go and visit your mum?”
“Oh, don’t say that.” Ryan winced. “I can’t think of the two of them together. That’s gross and weird.”
“Imagine if they got married.” Laughter rumbled up from my gut. “We’d be stepbrothers. How’s that for kinky?”
Ryan laughed far harder than I’d been expecting. “Sorry,” he said, wiping his eyes when he saw me eyeing him curiously. “I’ll explain why that’s so funny later.”
I rubbed a hand over my head sheepishly. “I still can’t believe you’re here.”
“I can’t believe your porch held up for as long as it did. On reflection, not one of my brightest ideas.”
I tugged him into my arms. “You were right though. It was romantic as hell.”
“I’m just glad you let me in.”
“Shadow, there was never a chance of that not happening.”
He grinned, looking almost giddy with happiness. “Hi, by the way.”
“Hi.” I nuzzled his throat, the same joy fizzing through me. “Welcome to my bedroom.”
“Thanks.” He fiddled with a button on my shirt. “I’ve been in here a few times.”
“You have?” For obvious reasons, I’d never brought Ryan here when we were together.
He nodded, not meeting my eyes. “I hope you don’t mind. Made me feel closer to you.”
“Of course I don’t mind,” I said fiercely, winding my arms around his back like I could make us one body through will alone. “I promise I’ll never be away long enough for you to miss me again.”
He kissed my jaw. My cheek. My temple. “Thank you for never giving up on us.”
“We don’t quit, Shadow. That’s not what we do. We’re fighters, and we keep fighting.”