3. Ryan
Ryan
A week later and the bruises had faded to a gross yellow, only hurting if pressure was applied. I hadn’t pissed blood or had any symptoms that required a doctor.
Small mercies, I guessed.
No one noticed—thank fuck. I’d never bothered to pass on the intended message to Max. He wouldn’t give a shit. At this point, I was certain I didn’t even exist to him. He seemed to have been going out of his way to ignore me after his argument with Mum the other day.
I didn’t mind. The peace and quiet was better than his constant sniping.
We were sat at the table with Mum and Dad, making our way through a massiveSunday roastas we did every week.
And as always, Dominic was here too.
“We’re going to get the train up to Reading,” Max was saying, roast potato on his fork as he waved it around emphatically. “Then we’ll just walk to the campsite.”
“Walk?” Mum wasn’t best pleased about them going to a festival, but this might be the straw that broke the camel’s back. “Don’t be ridiculous. You can’t do that.”
“It’s just over a mile, Mrs.Davies.” I rolled my eyes at the smile Dominic gave her; the one he probably thought was charming. “About the same as the walk to our old secondary school.”
“Hmm.” Mum’s lips thinned, but I could tell she was softening. Unlike me, she couldn’t see through Dominic’s bullshit. “Well, so long as you’re sensible, I’m sure it’ll be okay.”
By the time she looked at me, her smile had returned. “I’m glad you’re going, Ryan. You’ve always been the more sensible one.”
Max’s nostrils flared at her words and I bit back a sigh. Here we go.
“Ryan isn’t coming,” he said icily, jabbing at his plate with vigour. “He’s not invited.”
“What?” Mum’s head swivelled between us. “Why not? Max, you need to include Ryan. It’s not kind to leave him out.”
“Give it a rest. We’re not seven, Mum,” Max muttered. “Ryan’s a big boy and can find his own friends.”
“Watch your tone,” Dad barked, glancing up from his plate. “Respect your mother, Max.”
“Sorry,” Max muttered.
Dad’s attention returned to his dinner. Like me, he was often a silent participant at these dinners, only speaking when required.
“Ryan doesn’t like festivals,” Dominic said, his dark eyes mocking as they met mine. “Isn’t that right, Ry?”
I knew what he was doing. This was always how it went. Dominic was baiting me into a reaction so Max could save face. It was his twisted way of protecting my twin.
I gritted my teeth and kept my head down. I wasn’t rising to it. Not this time. I was done taking shit for Max on just about every level.
I should’ve known Dominic wouldn’t leave it there.
“He wouldn’t enjoy it,” Dominic said smoothly, bringing out that smile once more. “None of Ryan’s favourite bands are playing, so it’d be pointless.”
The metal of my cutlery bit into both my palms. “Actually,Caffeine Daydreamsare performing.”
Mum clapped her hands together while Max did a great impression of someone who’d sucked on a lemon. “Fantastic news. That’s all worked out well then.”
“Ryan can’t come,” Max blurted out. “There’s no tickets left.”
“I’m sure we can find a resale one somewhere,” Mum said.
Dominic sat back in his chair, resting his arm on the back of Max’s chair. Like me, he’d spotted the warning signs that my twin was about to blow. The tinge of red at the top of his ears. The muscle jumping in his jaw.
For some reason, the sight of Dominic’s arm so close to my brother’s shoulders had my own temper flaring. Did he think he needed protection from the rest of us? Why was it that Max always got his unwavering support even when he was being a dick?
It was just another example of how fucking unfair everything was. Max was popular. Attractive. Never without a girlfriend. And to top it off, he had a best mate willing to die for him.
Dominic’s role was supposed to be mine. Once upon a time, it had been. I’d been the one Max had looked to. The one he wanted to spend time with.
But Dominic had changed all of that. He’d appeared and I’d been relegated to the shadows.
His cruel nickname had never seemed more apt that it did right now.
“We can look into it,” Dominic said slowly, his hair falling over his forehead as he tilted his head at me. “If Ryan really thinks it’s his scene, maybe he can tag along.”
I counted to ten in my head. He’d got me to rise once today; I wasn’t doing it again.
We all knew there was no fucking way either of them was letting me tag along on their little festival trip.
They’d been discussing it for months. Years, even.
Their last hurrah before they went off to uni.
Probably together. It wasn’t like they shared their future plans with me.
Why would they?
Regardless, I wouldn’t be going to the festival. We all knew it.
The only one who was oblivious to was Mum. She couldn’t understand why Dominic had come between the two of us. It pained her that the three of us couldn’t just be friends.
And, like always, it was my fault that we weren’t. At least, that was the way the two of them played it. Ryan doesn’t like to play football. Ryan would feel uncomfortable with this crowd. Oh, we invited him, but he doesn’t like action films.
What I said now wasn’t important. I wouldn’t be going and, if I pushed along with this little game, it’d be flipped back on me when I was least expecting it.
That didn’t mean I’d take the hit lying down. I didn’t know what had gotten into me. Was it when I’d taken yet another kicking from my twin? When Dominic had goaded me about my lack of a sex life?
Or was it how casually he had Max’s back? Max, who didn’t even need his protection or support, but could count on it always.
Whatever it was, it had me meeting Dominic’s gaze coolly. “He’s right. It’s not really my scene. Slumming it in a field for two days with a load of high and pissed-up twats? No thanks.”
Mum squeaked, her hand shooting up to her neck. “Alcohol? Drugs? Boys, tell me he’s joking.”
Mission accomplished.
I shovelled the last few mouthfuls of dinner into my mouth and chewed as fast as I could.
The fallout was happening already, with Mum turning puce at the mere idea of Max and Dominic being within five miles of anyone getting high.
Hilarious given the estate we lived on. Our home might be stable and drug free, but that wasn’t the norm in these parts.
Max, meanwhile, was arguing back, shooting a furtive look at Dad every few seconds, careful not to push it too far.
And Dominic? He was watching me. Probably planning some petty revenge. Like I gave a fuck. It’d hardly be worse than what I put up with from everyone else on a daily basis.
As soon as my plate was clear, I shoved my chair back. “Thanks, Mum. Can I be excused?”
Mum waved a hand at me, too caught up inMax to pay any attention.
I took the stairs two at a time, heading for the sanctuary of my bedroom. I’d just flopped back onto my bed when I heard heavy steps thudding up the stairs.
Great. I should’ve known Max would have something to say about me messing with his plans. Not that he needed to worry. He’d get his own way.
He always did.
But when my door was opened, it wasn’t Max standing there.
I propped myself up on my elbows and scowled at Dominic. “It’s rude to open a door without knocking.”
He leaned against the door-jamb, studying me intently. “That was a dick move mentioning the drugs thing.”
“So was how you and Max were acting about the mere idea of me going with you.”
“Do you have to ruin everything for Max?”
My jaw dropped. “What did you just say?”
“You heard me,” he drawled like he was bored. “You get the grades. The parental love. You have your whole future mapped out for you. You’re the golden boy. Why can’t you let Max have this?”
I gaped at him. He wasn’t serious. He couldn’t be.
When I finally found my voice, it was more furious than I’d ever heard it before. “Are you taking the fucking piss? That twat down there has it easy .”
For some reason I was on my feet stalking closer to him. I had no idea what I was doing. This wasn’t how I behaved. I didn’t stand up for myself.
But with Dominic, I was.
I jabbed my finger into his chest hard. “Max is popular. He swans through his days like it’s a breeze. Everyone loves Max. He gets all the friends, all the girls. He’s living a charmed fucking life as far as I’m concerned.”
Dominic’s lips twisted cruelly. “Of course that’s how you see it.”
“I see it that way because it’s the truth,” I hissed. “He constantly fucks up and never has to pay the price. You know who does? Me. That’s fucking who. Max has no idea what…”
Shit. My voice trailed off in horror as I realised what I’d inadvertently revealed. The shame and weakness I definitely didn’t want Dominic knowing about.
I turned, giving him my back. “Just piss off, Dominic. I don’t know who the fuck you think you are to lecture me about Max, and I don’t really give a shit. Maybe you should consider the idea that you’re not the one seeing things how they really are.”
Strong fingers wrapped around my biceps and hauled me around. The abrupt movement had the bruised muscles in my back protesting.
I tried to hide my wince, but I don’t think I managed it. Fuck it. Wasn’t like Dominic would care even if he knew the truth.
“What’s that supposed to mean, Shadow?”
I laughed hollowly. “See, you say I’m the problem, and you’re the one calling me that shitty nickname.”
He frowned in confusion. “How is it shitty?”
Was he for real? Why the fuck did I need to spell it out for him? “Because it’s you reminding me of my place—in the shadows.”
“That’s not why I call you Shadow.” Now I was the one confused, but he barrelled on before I could question him. “And that’s not what I was asking about. What did you mean when you said you pay the price for his fuck-ups?”
“Get off, Dominic.” I tried to shrug off his grip, but he was holding me too tightly. “Let me go. I’m fucking serious.”
“So am I.”
There was a storm in his eyes. Seeing that on anyone else would send me running.
Why was it that, on Dominic, it made my own storm rise? One of fury. Determination. Fucking recklessness. It swarmed through me like a tornado, destroying everything else in its path.
“There’s nothing to tell you,” I said hotly. “Nothing you’d care about, anyway.”
“Try me.”
We were toe to toe but not eye to eye. Even with my growth spurt, Dominic still had a couple of inches on me. From how he glowered down, it may as well have been feet.
Well, he could tower over me all he wanted. I was fucking tired of letting everyone walk all over me. Suddenly, waiting for university to start afresh wasn’t enough. This life was choking me. Asphyxiating me slowly until I was on my knees, desperately trying to drag in air. No more.
I needed to fucking breathe. To take back the control.
Telling Dominic where to go seemed like a fairly solid place to start.
“Go fuck yourself, Dominic,” I said slowly, making sure to enunciate every syllable. “I don’t have to explain shit to you. Now, why don’t you run along back to Max and give your attention to someone who actually wants it.”
Arrogance dripped off his smirk. “Oh, I think you want it too, Ry. That’s what this is about, isn’t it? You hate that I’m his best friend and not yours.”
I gave him a withering look. “I’d rather die than willingly spend time with you.”
There was no logical explanation for the joy that lit Dominic’s face. “Sure about that?”
Enough. I was fucking tired of this and more than ready for him to leave me alone. “Get. Out.”
I tried to yank my arm out of his grip, but he was too strong. All that happened was more pain lashing along my back.
“Shit,” I hissed. That one was bad.
Dominic immediately released my arm. Any relief I might’ve felt was erased by the curious way his gaze homed in on my shirt.
I stepped back from him warily. “Leave, Dominic.”
He followed me, eyes flashing. “No.”
His hands shot out and grabbed the bottom of my T-shirt. I tried to push him away but he was too fast.
Dominic shoved my top up my chest, frowning at the unmarked skin there.
“See?” I smirked defiantly. “Nothing there.”
For a split second, I thought I’d won.
I should’ve known better.
Still holding my shirt up, he grabbed my arm and yanked so my back was to him. There was a second of silence while he took in the state of what I’d been hiding. “What the fuck?”
I wrestled out of his grip, letting my T-shirt cover my shame. I didn’t face him. I couldn’t. “Okay, so now you know. Now fuck off and leave me alone.”
There was a heartbeat of silence. “You said this was to do with Max?”
All the fight left me. Of course that was where his mind went. How to protect Max.
My head slumped between my shoulders. “He fucked someone’s girlfriend. That someone decided to send him a message by kicking the shit out of me. Don’t worry though. They made it damn clear they won’t go after him directly.”
I waited for him to say something. Anything. Eventually I couldn’t stand the tension anymore. I glanced back over my shoulder.
Dominic was gone.