10. Ryan
Ryan
I stared at him in disbelief. “Why do you care?”
His gaze cut away as he shrugged carelessly. “I don’t.”
“Bullshit. You wouldn’t have asked if you didn’t.”
“Maybe I’m just being a good friend and seeing how you got on.”
“Liar.” I got in his face, my bare chest rubbing against the cotton of his T-shirt. I barely registered it, too furious to take in what was happening. “You’ve never been a good friend. Not to me.”
His chest was rising and falling rapidly as he scowled back at me. “Fuck you, Ryan.”
“What’s the matter?” I taunted. “Can’t stand the truth?”
We’re so close. Too close. I could feel his breath mingling with mine.
I was in a similar position to this earlier, with Maya. Then, I felt nothing.
Now, I was feeling everything.
Dominic’s gaze dropped to my lips, and my breath caught in my throat as the entire world seemed to pause.
But then he stepped back. “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come.”
He tried to leave but I moved to the side, blocking his path. “Then why did you?”
“I don’t know,” he exploded. Now he was the one getting in my face. “You think I like acting like this, Ryan? I don’t. I fucking don’t, okay? I don’t understand it.”
I gaped at him in shock. I’d never seen him lose his cool before. Not like this.
“I’m so confused,” he whispered, tugging at his hair. “I don’t fucking understand any of this. What did you do to me, Shadow? Why does the thought of you kissing her make me fucking spiral? Can you explain that to me?”
I couldn’t. I was completely speechless. I just stood there, gawking at the stranger before me and wondering where the fuck Dominic had gone. Because the Dominic I knew would never be this vulnerable.
Not with me.
He went to say something else, but was stopped by a tentative knock on my door. “Ryan? Is everything alright?”
I stepped around Dominic with a sigh. Cracking the door open an inch, I smiled reassuringly at Mum. “Everything’s fine, I promise.”
Doubt was all over her face. “Are you sure? I thought I heard Dominic.”
She wouldn’t have an issue with him being in my room, not with how often he crashed with Max.
In his bed, apparently.
My stomach soured. I glanced back over my shoulder to see that Dominic was gone, the curtains blowing in the wind.
I opened the door wider, letting Mum see inside. “Nope, just me. I was rehearsing a debate for philosophy and I guess I got carried away. Sorry, Mum, I’ll try to keep it down.”
“No worries, pet.” She reached up to pat my cheek. “Seeing as we’re both awake, how about a cup of tea?”
Really, what I wanted to do was to chase after Dominic so we could finish our conversation. Instead, I gave Mum a smile and prayed she wouldn’t see through it. “Sounds great.”
I’d been turning my phone over in my hands for a solid hour. Flip. Flip. Flip. Mum had gone to bed ages ago, but I was wide awake, and it wasn’t the late-night caffeine or conversation.
It was what Dominic had said.
Why does the thought of you kissing her make me fucking spiral?
I had no idea how to answer him…but I could put his mind at ease.
The question was, should I?
It was what I’d been debating since coming back upstairs. I’d typed out so many messages they could make up an essay.
What if I answered him and he threw it back in my face? What if this was all some elaborate set-up so he could find out how much of a fucking failure my first ever date was? A ruse to humiliate me further?
But then I thought of Dominic’s anguished face. The tremble in his voice as he pleaded with me to make it make sense.
This wasn’t a set-up. That much I was sure of. It was pretty much the only certainty I had about this whole situation.
Eventually, I stopped flipping the phone and settled for a simple sentence.
RYAN
I didn’t kiss her.
His response took longer than I expected. I chewed on my lip as I waited. Was Dominic as unsure about all of this as I was?
Finally, my phone beeped.
DOMINIC
I don’t care.
I ground my teeth together. Why the fuck was he lying when we were both there tonight? When we both knew how he’d reacted?
RYAN
Fine. If you don’t care then you won’t mind if I take her out again.
There was no response to that. I didn’t know what had come over Dominic earlier, but obviously he was over it now.
I powered down my phone in disgust. Fuck him. Just when I thought we were finally getting somewhere, he set us back by half a mile.
Whatever. I was done with him and the bullshit mind games he was playing.
As I lay down to sleep, I tried to think about Maya. About what it might’ve been like to close the distance between our lips, to feel her tongue against mine. Would she moan softly? Be gentle and pliant in my arms?
It was no use. None of those fantasies were doing anything for me. I punched my pillow in frustration, trying to get into a comfier position. If anything, it made it worse. Had Max actually filled it with rocks as a joke? Wouldn’t put it past him.
Then again, he’d been so obsessed with Amy recently that he hadn’t even looked twice at me.
It was a fucking relief.
When sleep finally did claim me, it wasn’t Maya or even Max on my mind.
It was Dominic.
The next morning, I found Max at the kitchen table, eating an enormous bowl of cereal. I bit back my sigh before going to the cupboard.
I was right. The box was there but completely empty.
A snarky quip was on the tip of my tongue, but I held it back. I was so tired of arguing with Max. Maybe it was time to try a different tack.
“Good night?” I asked as I sat beside him at the kitchen table.
“Better than yours,” he grunted, not looking up from his phone.
Well, I tried. Could probably try again, but I wasn’t that good of a person.
As I slowly ate my bowl of the high-fibre, low-taste cereal I’d found at the back of the cupboard, I thought back to what I’d said to Dominic last night.
I didn’t want to go out with Maya again. I thought it was obvious I wasn’t going to feel the same way towards her as she did me, and the last thing I wanted to do was lead her on.
Then again, if I didn’t go out with her, Dominic would no doubt make comments about it. Many of them.
A headache started to build at my temples. When the fuck had my life become so complicated?
Oh, that’s right. About when Dominic ordered me to my knees and I went willingly.
When I’d eaten as much of the cereal as I could stomach, I shoved the bowl to one side. With Max glued to his phone, I decided I might as well check mine. Maybe Craig or Josh had messaged about the gaming night we’d discussed.
When I powered it on, there was a single message waiting for me.
DOMINIC
Don’t take her out again. Please.
Part of me was tempted to reply telling him to mind his own fucking business. That I was going to continue to date her just out of spite. But I couldn’t move past that final entreaty. A word so rarely heard from Dominic.
Please.
My fingers were numb as I typed out a single word. One I refused to think about for too long. About what it meant. What it might mean for the future.
I just typed it and sealed my fate.
RYAN
Okay.
I trailed after Max to the bus stop. There was no point trying to keep up with him. We both knew he didn’t want to make small talk. Besides, usually Dominic was at his side. It was odd to see Max walking alone.
Not that he was alone for long. On the next street after ours, he paused at Amy’s house. Didn’t even go to the door, just texted her and waited for her to appear.
I rolled my eyes. A gentleman he wasn’t. We didn’t have the best male role model at home, but even I knew it was polite to actually knock on your girlfriend’s door.
Amy didn’t seem to care, throwing herself into Max’s arms with a squeal. My nose crinkled as I passed them. Did they really have to kiss so…audibly?
Thanks to their PDA, I beat them to the bus stop. Dominic wasn’t there yet. Not that I was looking for him. Not because I wanted to see him, anyway. It was just odd that he wasn’t waiting for us.
Not for us.
For Max.
Obviously.
Max and Amy finally caught up, speaking in whispers and giggles. I couldn’t help but watch them from the corner of my eye. I couldn’t deny that I was jealous. Not because I wanted Amy, but because it seemed so easy for Max.
Why couldn’t it be that easy for me? I couldn’t even make a move to kiss Maya, let alone start a relationship.
You managed to skip several steps by giving Dominic head.
That didn’t count. I hadn’t done that because I wanted to be with him. Fuck no. I’d done it to prove a point.To show him he couldn’t make me break.
Dominic didn’t arrive until the bus was turning the corner. With his hair sticking up in every direction, I’d bet money that he’d woken up late. I was surprised he was bothering to attend at all. He and Max had no shame when it came to ditching college.
For whatever reason, Dominic seemed determined to make it today, breaking into a jog. Tapping his pass as he boarded, his eyes sought us out.
No, not us.
Max.
His gaze passed right over me as though I didn’t exist.
Jaw clenched, I tore my gaze away. It was fine. I didn’t need his attention. Didn’t fucking want it, either.
The bus rumbled to life, and Dominic gripped onto the bars as he made his way down the aisle. With my peripheral vision, I saw him reach Max. He was beside Amy, an arm slung over her shoulders. “Not sitting at the back today?”
That was what they’d been doing ever since Max had started dating Amy. Five people could fit there with ease.
Plenty of room, for example, for an erstwhile twin. I never bothered trying to join them, always choosing a seat right near the front.
“Nah,” Max said.
I glanced back to see the seats were free. Dominic was doing the same, a crinkle between his brows.
“You should sit with Ryan,” Max said coldly. “Seeing as you’ve been spending so much time together.”
I rolled my eyes, turning to face the window more fully.
God, Max was a petty fucker when he wanted to be.
This was his way of punishing Dominic for including me at lunch.
Didn’t matter that he spent every spare minute sucking face with his girlfriend.
Apparently Dominic was meant to just sit in silence, not talking to anyone else.
That wasn’t fair. Max wouldn’t have an issue with Dominic spending time with anyone else.
Just me.
I didn’t look around as Dominic dropped into the seat next to me. He didn’t speak either, but I could almost feel the ire rolling off him.
Max had drawn a line in the sand. He should have known better.
Dominic didn’t like being controlled any more than Max did.
My stomach dipped as I wondered what this would mean for me. I doubted Max had influenced anything that had happened between us so far, but if he was going to take a stand…
Things would change.
The question wasn’t if, but how.
I tried to pretend Dominic wasn’t next to me, but it was too difficult.
Bus seats aren’t exactly spacious. Add two teenage boys, both of whom were over six foot, and you found yourself closer than expected.
It wasn’t just his proximity either, it was his scent.
His aftershave smelled stronger than usual—probably because it wasn’t intertwined with the acrid odour of cigarette smoke that normally followed him everywhere—and it filled the air around us, making it impossible to so much as breathe without thinking of him.
I glanced sideways at him. I couldn’t help it; my eyes didn’t appear to be under my control.
His lips were thin and tight, his eyes fixed pointedly forwards.
There was a light dusting of stubble over his jaw, suggesting he’d not had time to shave as he usually did.
Add that to the dark circles under his eyes, and I was willing to bet he hadn’t slept well.
But why? Was it because he’d lain awake thinking about the weird showdown we’d had? Was he thinking about it now? Wondering why he’d asked me not to take Maya out again? Wondering what it meant that I’d agreed?
Because I was. It was all I could think about.
And I had no idea what that meant.
Suddenly, the bus took a corner too fast. I was thrown against Dominic before going the other way.
Straight towards the glass, face first.
I winced, my muscles tensing as I waited for the collision. But when it happened, I didn’t hit the glass.
I hit Dominic’s hand.
Not only had he managed to get between my head and the window, but his other hand was on my thigh, pinning me in place.
I exhaled shakily as my brain tried to process the near miss.
Loud laughter and catcalls filled the bus as everyone else reacted the same way they always did to this sort of thing. I barely heard them over the pounding of my pulse in my ears.
Piercing green eyes searched my face. “You okay?”
Unable to speak, I nodded.
“Good.” His arm moved from around me as he glared at the driver. “Twat needs to pay more attention.”
Our knees were pressed together now, the heat almost tangible as it passed between us. That was the least of my concerns.
Not when Dominic’s hand was still on my thigh.
He didn’t remove it for the rest of the journey.
And I didn’t tell him to.
We just sat in silence, both of us refusing to acknowledge it.
Just as we were refusing to acknowledge everything else between us.