14. Ryan
Ryan
That was the first night Dominic spent in my bed, but it wasn’t the last.
In fact, there wasn’t a night he hadn’t spent between my sheets since he’d crawled under them three weeks ago.
That wasn’t to say there was anything sexual happening. There wasn’t. Hell, most of the time we didn’t even speak. We just stared at each other, all the questions we didn’t dare ask hovering in the air between us.
Every morning when I woke up, he was gone.
Max seemed to have no idea about our new nightly routine. No clue that when Dominic left his room, he never went far. Just downstairs to climb up the porch, then in through my window.
I didn’t even bother to close it now. I told myself it was because of the warm spring nights we’d been having, even though I knew it was bullshit.
If Max thought it was odd that Dominic hadn’t crashed in his room for a while, he didn’t say anything. With all the time he spent with Amy, it was possible he hadn’t even noticed.
It wasn’t like anything had changed during the day.
Well, that wasn’t strictly true. Things had reverted to how they used to be, before Dominic had decided to insert himself into my world and turn it upside down.
He barely glanced at me now, let alone spoke to me.
Didn’t sit beside me on the bus. Didn’t chat with me at lunch.
He and Max were as codependent as always.
And once again, I was hovering on their periphery, waiting for whatever scraps they were willing to throw me.
Every night, I fell asleep at Dominic’s side, thinking things were changing. But then I’d wake up the next morning to an empty bed. To the sound of him downstairs, laughing with Max at some inside joke I’d never be part of.
The constant hot and cold was fucking with me. I’d told Dominic that my room was his safe space, and I’d meant it.
I hadn’t realised the price I’d pay for that would be my own sanity.
Three weeks later, and I didn’t know how much more I could take. If I were older and wiser, maybe I’d know how to give Dominic up.How to set boundaries. To protect myself while being there for him.
But I was neither of those things. I was treading water, unsure which wave would finally be the one to tug me under.
It was no surprise that everything was building to a head. With every inside joke that excluded me, every silent conversation they shared, every time Dominic ditched me the instant Max appeared, my temper climbed higher.
I was angry. Confused. And beyond fucking frustrated.
The sun beat down on the back of my neck as I stomped towards the smoking area. After Dominic had walked past me on the bus this morning without even acknowledging my existence, I honestly wanted to be almost anywhere else.
But more than that, I didn’t want Dominic to know I was affected.
He might have been lodged under my skin like a fucking splinter, but the feeling certainly wasn’t mutual.
Not with the way he ignored me during the day.
Apparently I was good enough to acknowledge when no one else was around, but not otherwise.
I knew why, too. It wasn’t because Dominic was ashamed of me, or whatever this was.
It was because of Max.
That was why he snuck in through my window instead of using the door. Why he had me check the hall if he needed to use the bathroom. Why he didn’t let his gaze linger for even a fraction too long.
Why he didn’t acknowledge me at all during the day.
Dominic didn’t want to upset Max.
That knowledge was what was fucking me up the most. Evidently, Dominic had no issue messing with my feelings. But Max? His were to be protected at all times.
It hurt. It really fucking hurt.
They were all in the smoking area already. Ignoring everyone who greeted me, I chucked my bag on the floor before hauling myself onto the railing. Thanks to the repeated practice, I didn’t need Dominic to steady me anymore.
He might have needed me to sleep at night, but I didn’t need him for anything. Not anymore.
“What’s got your goat?” Max asked, taking a long drag of his cigarette and blowing the smoke in my direction. “Did Mummy not say goodbye this morning?”
“Fuck off. Just…fuck off.” I gripped the cold metal, reminding myself that it wasn’t worth smacking him, even if it might make me feel better. The feeling would likely last less than a second before I got my arse handed to me.
By both him and Dominic.
Max just laughed. “Great comeback, Bro. Maybe come and play when you’ve grown some balls.”
Our entire group had fallen silent, their eyes darting between the two of us. It wasn’t like Max’s comments were new, but me responding to them?
That definitely was.
I didn’t acknowledge any of them. Dominic’s gaze burned into the side of my face, but I ignored him too. Let him see how it felt.
Suddenly, Dominic dropped to the floor, his tall frame looming over me. “Come on.”
I stared at him. From the corner of my eye, I could see Max doing the same. “What?”
He inclined his head, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Let’s go.”
No. I wasn’t following him.
Then why are you sliding off the rail? Why are you picking up your bag?
My body was a fucking traitor, I swear. Had Dominic put some kind of spell on me? It sure as fuck felt like it some days.
Dominic turned to walk away. My feet tried to follow him, but I used the tiny semblance of control I had left to stay where I was.
“Wait,” Max called. “You can’t seriously be ditching us for Ryan ?”
He said my name like it was an insult, venom dripping from every letter.
Dominic glanced back over his shoulder, first clocking where I was stood still, then the sneer on Max’s face.
Then he said the last thing I ever expected to hear from him. The one sentence that could get my feet moving.
“Like Ryan said, fuck off, Max.”
Catcalls rang in my ears as I scuttled after Dominic. I couldn’t help but look back. Just once.
Max’s cheeks were flaming, but it was his eyes that sent a chill running through me.
Dominic might’ve been the one to throw down the gauntlet, but Max would pick it up.
And I’d be the one who’d suffer the consequences.
I didn’t speak as Dominic led me to a room I’d never been in before. The smell hit me first—stale sweat and something that reminded me of the changing rooms at secondary school.
Dominic hit the lights and I blinked in the sudden brightness. The changing room smell made sense. We were in some kind of rudimentary gym. Tired machines stood quietly beside free weights. I couldn’t say I’d ever been inside a proper gym, but I had to believe they were better equipped than this.
“What are we doing in here?”
Dominic ignored the question as he strode for a cupboard by the wall. He rummaged around for a minute before pulling out a pair of red boxing gloves. “Here. Put these on.”
I wrinkled my nose. “No, thanks. I’m good.”
He rolled his eyes. “Quit being a baby and just do it.”
The flames of my temper licked at my skin again. “You do it.”
“I’m not the one who needs it.”
Confusion rose to join the fury. To be fair, it was usually present when Dominic was. “What do you mean?”
Dominic shoved the gloves into my hands before moving behind me. “I mean Max was right in his own way. Something’s got your goat.”
“Max doesn’t know shit.” The words lacked the heat I’d intended because I was having a hard time concentrating. It wasn’t my fault. It was Dominic’s. The instant he’d put his hands on my shoulders to steer me towards a large dusty bag, my ability to think about anything else had vanished.
“He might be wrong about the reason, but he’s right about the rest.” Was he…rubbing my shoulders? Did he even realise he was doing it? “Rather than punch him in the face, I thought you could do this instead.”
His touch dropped away and the anger returned. “Think I’d rather smack him, to be honest.”
Dominic just chuckled. “Fair, but at least the bag won’t hit back.”
“Wouldn’t have you joining in either, I guess.” I sighed dejectedly, shoving my hands into the gloves. “This is probably safer.”
“Hang on.” Dominic rounded on me, his gaze intense. “If you and Max got into it, I wouldn’t intervene.”
I snorted. “Yeah, right. Because you always stand back when Max gets into a fight.”
“Not with you.” The deep lines on his forehead had my fingers itching for a pencil. “I might step in, but only to stop you both. Why would I want you getting hurt?”
My throat was oddly thick as I swallowed. “You mean you wouldn’t want Max getting hurt.”
“No.” He took a step closer, his voice dropping to a low husk. His mouth was so close to mine. So fucking close. “I wouldn’t want either of you getting hurt.”
“Oh.” The tension between us was building. It was too much. I could barely draw a breath. I fidgeted with the gloves, checking the fit as an excuse not to look at him.
Dominic exhaled slowly, and then there was several feet of space between us. I lifted my head to see a muscle jumping in his jaw. He gestured at the bag. “Want me to hold it?”
I nodded mutely. I’d never punched something before. I doubted very much that I’d have enough strength to hit it hard, but knowing my luck it’d come back and thump me in the face anyway.
My eyes catalogued the way Dominic’s fingers spanned the leather, memorising the image for later. For when I was back in my room with my sketchpad in front of me.
Then for even later, when I was in the shower. With him in my bed, it was the only privacy I got these days. I’d given up the pretence of trying to think about anything other than him when I got myself off now.
Yeah. This situation was beyond fucked up.
Dominic raised his chin, giving me a small smile. “Maybe having my face here will help too.”
“What do you mean?”
He shrugged. “Just seems like you might have some tension you want to release where I’m concerned.”
I grunted, not denying it. “Seems I don’t like the idea of you getting hurt either.”
His gaze met mine and suddenly that sensation was back—the one in my throat that made it near impossible to breathe. The smile he gave me had the feeling spreading to my chest. I’d never seen him smile like that at anyone before. Not at any of the girls he touted around. Not even at Max.
It was new. Fragile.
Beautiful.
Clearing my throat, I raised my hands. I hadn’t ever thrown a punch, but I knew how to. God knew I’d been on the receiving end often enough. “Okay, let’s do this.”
My bravado lasted approximately ten punches. Muscles screaming and sweat pouring, I braced my hands on my knees. “Holy shit.”
“Come on, Ry,” Dominic said. “You can do better than that.”
“Nope,” I wheezed. “Can’t.”
Dominic raised a brow. “You don’t quit, Shadow. That’s not what we do. We’re fighters, and we keep fighting.”
Somehow, I didn’t think he was talking about the punchbag. But it was enough to get my fists swinging again. I lost count of how many hits I landed before I was back, braced on my knees, sweat running into my eyes. “Fuck.”
“Give me a few more,” Dominic coaxed. “You can do this.”
“Don’t think I can.”
“Well I know you can. You have more stamina than this.”
Ignoring the aches, I forced myself upright. “I have stamina where it matters.”
Heat flared in his eyes. “I remember.”
I froze. “I thought we weren’t talking about that.”
“Maybe we should.”
I searched his face for some sign that he was messing with me, but there was just a quiet certainty.
Fuck.
Oh fuck.
He was serious.
“You want to…talk about this? Whatever it is?”
Dominic shrugged. “If we want it to carry on, sure. I thought maybe ignoring it was the way to go, but I don’t think it’s working. Not if it’s making you feel this way.”
I didn’t say anything, just glared down at my trainers.
“I don’t…” Dominic’s frustrated sigh had me lifting my head. A muscle was jumping in his jaw as he seemingly searched for the right words. “I feel like I’m hurting you, Shadow, and that’s the last thing I want to do.”
If that was true, then he had a funny way of showing it. “And ignoring me during the day isn’t hurting me?”
His throat bobbed. “Until today I hadn’t realised it was. I thought it was for the best. I thought…”
His voice trailed off.
I toyed with the cuff of the glove. “Hadn’t realised you’d been thinking about it so much.”
I thought it had been just me.
“Course I have.” He scowled at the bag, lightly tapping it with his hands. “I’m not heartless, Ryan, even if you think I am.”
“I don’t.”
“This isn’t working,” Dominic muttered. “I don’t even know what it is, but whatever it is, ignoring it isn’t making it go away.”
He was right. It wasn’t.
“So what I propose is this,” Dominic said, his chest expanding as his serious eyes met mine. He gave the bag another few taps, punctuating his words. “We talk about it. We figure shit out and decide where to go from here.”
“You seriously want to do that?”
“If you do.” He shrugged again, as though he had no investment in this.
But he was lying. I didn’t always used to be able to spot when he was, but I could now.
It was in the tension in his jaw. The increasing power behind his hits on the bag.
“Whatever. I don’t care. We can talk about it, or we can just agree that everything stops now and we return to how shit was before.
You can go back to punching the bag and it’ll be like the past few weeks never happened. ”
I swallowed hard as Dominic stepped back and gestured at the bag. He was putting the ball in my court. Letting me decide what would happen next.
Which would have been awesome if I’d had the first fucking clue as to what I wanted to do. Did I want to talk to Dominic? How would I even start?
You drive me fucking crazy, but I can’t stop getting off to the thought of you. I can’t decide whether I hate you or not. I’m obsessed with you, but not in a healthy way. I’m jealous as fuck of your relationship with Max, but not because I want to spend time with him.
Because I want to spend time with you.
I had the words. They were all right there, but what would they change?
Did I even want them to change anything?
I pulled back my arm and let my fist fly. This was better. Easier.
For now, anyway.
I pretended not to see the flash of disappointment on Dominic’s face.
Even though I knew I’d be drawing it later.