16. Dominic
Dominic
Fuck. I was kissing Ryan.
I’m kissing Shadow.
This wasn’t what I’d thought would happen when I followed him from the party. Honestly, I hadn’t been able to think past erasing the hurt on his face.
But here I was. Kissing him like I needed it to survive.
It’d be a lie to say I hadn’t thought about this. I had. Especially during all those nights when I’d lain across from Ryan, his soft lips parted with sleep. It would’ve been so easy to lean over and brush his mouth with mine.
I hadn’t. Obviously. That would have been fucking weird.
Hadn’t stopped me fantasising about it though.
I’d thought kissing a man wouldn’t be any different to kissing a woman.
On the surface, it wasn’t. Sure, there was the unusual sensation of stubble from where Ryan hadn’t shaved, aftershave filling my nose instead of perfume, and no real height difference, but the mechanics were all the same.
Two sets of lips yielding. Two tongues seeking.
But this felt different. I’d had a lot of kisses, but never one like this. One where everything suddenly seemed to centre on the other person. Where it felt simultaneously familiar yet somehow brand new. Like coming home after a long day and immediately bungee jumping out of a window.
I didn’t think it was because I was kissing a man though.
I thought it was because that man was Ryan.
He groaned against my mouth and I deepened the kiss. Fuck, I couldn’t get enough of his taste. Of how he was letting me take control. Of how right it felt to wrap my arms around him and pull him so close that not even air could come between us.
All the wrongness I’d felt dancing with Gabriella faded away. Suddenly my attempts at moving on felt laughable. Because how could I move on from this? I didn’t even know what this was.
Just that I wanted more of it.
My hand slid up underneath his shirt, pressing against the hard planes of his stomach. Ryan might not have thought he was all that, but he was wrong. His lean musculature reflected his quiet strength and resilience.
I couldn’t get enough.
The need to breathe had me pulling back, but I didn’t go far, resting my forehead against his as we both greedily guzzled down oxygen. “This okay?”
“Yes,” he rasped. “Keep going.”
I groaned, catching his lips once more. Moving on instinct, I pushed my knee between his thighs. As I felt his hardness against my hip, I couldn’t help but break away to moan. “Fuck, Shadow. What are you doing to me?”
He grinned against my lips as he rocked gently. “Think you’re the one doing it to me.”
Too fucking right I was. I held his gaze as I flicked open the button on his trousers, repeating the action with my own. “And I’m the only one doing it, right?”
I’d phrased it like a question, but it wasn’t. I’d never been possessive over my girlfriends, but Ryan was different. Everything was different with him.
It had been since the night he’d fallen to his knees just to call my bluff. Since he’d offered me comfort with no need for explanations.
I’d thought keeping my distance during the day was what Ryan wanted. What I needed to protect myself. To pretend that what was happening between us didn’t matter. It hadn’t been until he told Max to go fuck himself that I’d realised the mistake I’d made.
The hurt I’d inadvertently caused Ryan.
Because it did matter. Whatever was happening between us fucking mattered .
“Yes.” He smiled shyly, and the sight of it took my breath away. It was so different to the anger he usually showed me, but just as real. Just as addictive. “Until you get sick of me, anyway.”
“That won’t happen,” I said gruffly, my fingers still on the button of his trousers. I had to touch him. I’d die if I didn’t. “You’re it for me, Shadow.”
He was. I could feel it in my bones. I wasn’t sure of much in my life, or even what an ‘us’ would look like, not with the agreement I’d already made. I couldn’t even be certain there would be an ‘us’ come Autumn.
But I was sure of Ryan.
No one made me come alive like he did. No one excited me, frustrated me, captivated me like Shadow.
It had always been that way, even if I’d pretended otherwise.
Even if I’d lied to everyone, including myself, about how I really felt about him.
Tonight, I’d perpetuated that lie by trying to force myself to move on.
To forget that Ryan existed and lose myself in someone else.
As if such a thing were possible.
Ryan was my Shadow. The one I could never escape. If he was cut from me, I’d be half a man until I got him back.
It was why I never answered him fully when he asked about his nickname. How could I? If he learned the level of my obsession, he’d take out a restraining order. Even before this all started, I’d caught myself watching him. Noticing him. Seeking him out.
Ironic that Ryan believed I called him ‘Shadow’ because I thought that was where he belonged. Really it was because I’d got used to him always being there, in my periphery. My shadow.
Where he belonged.
“W-what are you doing?” Ryan whispered as I palmed his cock.
“Well, I was going to get you off, but if you don’t want to…”
From how his pupils dilated, he very much wanted that. “I didn’t know you liked men like that.”
“Neither did I,” I said. “But apparently I like you like that.”
Ryan cleared his throat, the darkness doing nothing to hide his flushed cheeks. “You don’t have to, not if you don’t want to.”
“Oh, I want to.” I leaned forward, my lips finding his neck.
I kissed my way up it, open-mouthed and desperate.
It was what I’d dreamed of doing every night while lying beside him.
Now I had the opportunity, I wasn’t letting it go.
When I reached his ear, I tugged on the lobe with my teeth.
The hiss he let out had my already hard cock twitching. “I want to. So fucking much, Shadow.”
His hips rolled against my thigh as he gave a breathy moan. “What if someone spots us?”
“They won’t.” I boxed him in tighter against the wall. “I won’t let them see you, Shadow. Trust me.”
“I do.” He gave a disbelieving laugh. “Fuck, I do trust you. If this comes back to bite me then I’m going to be pissed. Don’t make me regret it, Dom.”
“I won’t,” I said, but there was an itch at the back of my neck—the reminder that I wasn’t being fully honest with him. That wasn’t the same as a lie though, right? “I’ll look after you.”
At least that I could do. Even if my plans changed things, I’d still do that.
I was many things, but above all, I was loyal and protective, and these past couple of weeks had shown me that there was no one I wanted to use those traits for more than Ryan.
It’d fucking killed me, going back to how we’d been before.
Not seeing him at lunch. Not sneaking into his room at night.
Having to keep a smile on my face following hard times at home, knowing I couldn’t let my guard slip around anyone.
Only Ryan made me feel safe enough to do that.
I’d thought I could move on. Brush off whatever had been happening and be done with it.
I should’ve known Ryan would haunt me. That’s what shadows do.
You can’t escape them.
My hand shook as I eased his cock out of his trousers. I might have been acting confident, but really this was as new to me as it was to Ryan. I could honestly say I’d never imagined doing anything with a guy before him.
Now I couldn’t imagine doing anything with anyone but him.
Didn’t mean I knew what I was doing though.
It’s just a dick, I told myself as I steadied my hand. You have one. You know how to do this.
True, but it was a bit different than doing it to myself. The angle was all wrong, and what if Ryan didn’t like the pressure? We didn’t have lube. Would his precum be enough?
My mind was racing. Maybe I couldn’t do this. It was too big a step.
But then Ryan’s eyes fluttered closed.
His head fell back against the wall.
And he made the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard.
It was just my name. Dominic . I’d heard it a million times before, but never like this. It was a murmur. A plea. A prayer. A promise.
I had to hear it again. I had to.
My confidence returned as I tightened my grip. “That’s right, Shadow. Just relax. Let me take care of you.”
I’d take care of him the way he had me. Ryan might not have known what those silent nights in his bedroom had meant to me, but I did.
These past few weeks with Dad had been the worst of my life.
I thought it was knowing that my time in that house was coming to an end.
That the future I’d yearned for was in sight.
Perhaps Dad knew it too, and was determined to make this final stretch the most miserable yet.
Ryan was all that had kept me sane. Knowing I could escape to his space made the hours I had to spend at home more bearable. That the judgement my father heaped on me would never be present with Ryan.
Giving that up had been brutal, but I’d done it. I’d done it because I’d believed it was what Ryan wanted.
I’d never been happier to be wrong.
I let him go briefly, and his eyes flew open. “Why’d you stop?”
His eagerness hit me square in the chest. I couldn’t stop my grin as I licked my palm before returning it to his cock. “Relax, Shadow. I won’t leave you wanting.”
No, I was going to touch him until he came. I was going to be the first person to make him come.
Suddenly, my hand froze again. Ryan whimpered. “Seriously? Is this some kind of kink? Edging me until I’m insane?”
“No. Well, not at the moment.” Edging Ryan until he was delirious did sound mighty appealing, but I couldn’t focus on that right now. Not with the realisation I’d just had. “Ry, was that your first kiss?”
He groaned, sinking back against the wall like he was hoping he could vanish into it. “Was I that bad?”
“No, of course not.” Was he kidding? Did he not realise that kiss had fucking changed me forever? “Baby, it was everything.”
His face softened. “Baby?”
I grinned, my hand sliding to his base. “Felt right. Do you mind?”
“If you keep stroking me like that, you can call me whatever you like.”
I caught his mouth so he didn’t see my face and the sheer flood of pleasure that had washed over me at his words. Fuck, why had him saying that made me feel so…powerful?
I kept kissing him, unable to get enough. My hand continued to move, and it didn’t take me long to find the exact rhythm that had Ryan moaning into my mouth.
I caught each of his whimpers on my tongue, swallowing them down. Taking them for myself. Making them mine.
I could’ve kissed him forever, but I didn’t want to miss seeing his face as he came. I’d imagined it more times than I could count. Certainly more than I’d ever admit to.
I needed to know if my imagination was right.
“I’m your first kiss,” I growled, twisting my hand on the upstroke. “The first one to make you come. How many other firsts will you give me, baby?”
“All of them,” Ryan panted, his hips jerking forwards as he chased his release. “You can take them all.”
“Fuck yes,” I moaned. My cock was throbbing in my jeans, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was to make Ryan come. And fuck, how I needed it. I didn’t think I’d ever wanted anything more in my whole life.
“I’ll make it so good for you, baby.”I didn’t stop talking as I coaxed him closer to the edge. It was more for my sake than his. Something to focus on other than the fact that this encounter was changing something fundamental in me. “Come for me. Come on, Shadow. You know you want to.”
My fist was flying over him now. His head was pressed against the wall, hands wound into my T-shirt. A T-shirt I was never getting rid of after this.
It would be my trophy. A reminder of the first time I made Ryan Davies come.
The first of many.
“Let go, baby,” I urged, my thumb catching on the sensitive notch of skin under the head of his cock. “Let go, Shadow.”
Ryan let out an inarticulate cry as he spilled over my hand. I kept working him until he slumped onto my shoulder with a rough laugh. “Fuck. That was so good.”
I swallowed around the sudden lump in my throat. This felt more than good.
It felt right.
More right than anything ever had before.