17. Ryan
Ryan
I couldn’t believe what had just happened.
I’d had my first orgasm courtesy of another person. Not from a woman, like I’d always expected, but from a man.
From Dominic .
We’d returned to the party just long enough for Dominic to wash his hands. I hadn’t gone in with him. I’d waited in the shadows for him to return. It wasn’t that I was hiding from Max. Okay, maybe I was, but only because I didn’t want anyone ruining this for me. For us.
And if Max saw us leaving together? He’d definitely have something to say. He might’ve encouraged me to come here tonight and sort shit out with Dominic, but that was as far as his encouragement would go. There was no way he’d want Dominic and me growing closer.
Which was exactly what I was hoping was about to happen.
I scuffed my trainer on the ground as I waited on the low garden wall. It was going to happen, right? Everything Dominic had said suggested he had more plans for us. But what if that was just the heat of the moment? What if he hadn’t meant it?
His trainers appeared in my field of vision. “Shadow? You okay?”
My head snapped up as a smile bloomed over my face. He came back. He didn’t ditch me. “Yeah, definitely.”
Dominic grinned back and held out his hand. “Want to go somewhere quiet?”
“Sure.” I took his hand and let him help me up, expecting him to drop it when I was on my feet. To my surprise, he didn’t. No, he laced our fingers together as though it was the most natural thing in the world.
It certainly felt that way. Holding Dominic’s hand was nothing like holding Maya’s. His long fingers firmly entwined with mine felt…right.
We walked down the road in the direction of the woods. I didn’t think either of us had a destination in mind, we were just seeing where the road took us.
It was an apt metaphor.
I kept sneaking small glances at his profile. I couldn’t help myself. I needed the reminder that this was real. That this was happening.
Plus, Dominic was hot. I knew this already, obviously, but it was as though my mind had finally been given permission to acknowledge it.
To recognise the sheer masculine beauty of his facial structure.
The raw strength in his jawline. The perfect symmetry of his eyes.
The mischievous dimple that appeared when he smiled.
After a few minutes of silence, Dominic chuckled. “You can just stare, you know. You don’t need to keep sneaking looks.”
My cheeks flamed as I nudged him with my elbow. “Fuck off. You’re not supposed to draw attention to it.”
“Why not? I like that you find me hot.”
That had me rolling my eyes. “Surprise, surprise.”
“Ah, so you do find me attractive.”
“Obviously.” I wasn’t sneaking glances at him now. The embarrassment was too high for me to look anywhere other than at the trees now surrounding us. “Did you miss that when my tongue was in your mouth?”
“Hey.” A tug on my hand had me coming to a stop. Dominic was watching me intently, his head cocked to the side. “You know I think you’re hot too, don’t you?”
Was spontaneous combustion actually a thing? Because with how my whole body felt like it was suddenly aflame, I was starting to worry it was a real possibility. “I mean…sure? I guess you must if you got me off.”
“You guess?” Dominic’s eyes flashed as his hand went to my throat. It wasn’t a threatening gesture though, there was no pressure behind it. The way his thumb stroked my jaw was oddly comforting. “Shadow, you’re so fucking hot.”
My throat bobbed under his palm. “Really?”
“Really.” His eyes glittered with amusement. “You’re gorgeous. I don’t know how I never saw it before.”
Insecurity bubbled through me. “So I guess you find Max hot too, then?”
“What?” Dominic’s nose wrinkled. “Fuck no. Why would you think that?”
“Um, because we’re identical?”
“No, you’re not.” His hand slipped up to cover my mouth before I could argue with him. “Technically, I know you’re identical, but you’re not to me. Your frames are completely different, for a start.”
Well, yeah. Max looked like he’d actually set foot inside a gym, rather than just walking past it occasionally.
“I like that you’re smaller than me,” Dominic said softly. “That your limbs are toned and strong without being overly muscled. Makes me want to see if I can hold you up against a wall while I fuck you.”
My blood raced south as I imagined him doing just that. Guessed I wanted to see if he could too.
“And these eyes?” His hands were cupping my face now. “They hold looks I never see on anyone else. Ones that ask me what the fuck I think I’m doing while begging me never to stop. They challenge me. Dare me. Make me forget anything or anyone else even exists.”
I was frozen, unable to speak as Dominic silenced my insecurities one by one.
“These might be the same lips as Max has”—He thumbed over the lower one as he spoke—“but I’ve never dreamed about kissing his. I’ve not got myself off every day to the memory of how they felt around my cock. It’s you I think of that way, Shadow. It’s only ever been you. Never him.”
It was funny thinking about that blowjob. How a game of chicken had kickstarted all of this. With anyone else, it never would’ve happened.
Only with Dominic.
“I know I’ve never been with a guy before, but I don’t care,” Dominic whispered, his lips hovering above mine. “I can’t stop thinking about you, Ryan. I want you all the time. I’ve never felt like this before. It’s like I’m dying of thirst, and you’re all that’s going to save me.”
He kissed me hungrily then, almost like he couldn’t believe what he’d confessed. Like if he kissed me long and hard enough, I might forget it.
But I never would. I could live to be a hundred, and this night would never leave me.
“I can’t stop thinking about you either,” I said as soon as our lips parted. “All the time, Dom. It’s embarrassing really. You should see my sketchbooks.”
He grinned. “I’d like that. More nude posing should definitely go on the list.”
I tilted my head, puzzled. “What list?”
“The list of what this is going to look like. What ‘us’ will look like.” Dominic grinned again before sliding his hand back into mine. “Come on. Let’s walk and talk.”
I tried to organise my thoughts for a few seconds before I finally just gave in and blurted out the most important question. “You want that? An ‘us’?”
He shot me a quizzical look. “I would’ve thought that was obvious given what happened earlier.”
The tips of my ears were burning again. “Well, it’s not like you end up in relationships with everyone you hook up with. Besides, it was my first time doing…well, that. It’s not like I know what comes next.”
“Sorry,” Dominic said, squeezing my hand lightly. “I keep forgetting that this is all new for you.”
“It’s kind of new for you too, isn’t it?”
He chuckled. “Yeah, I guess. Can’t say I ever thought I’d do anything with a guy before you.”
“It doesn’t…bother you?” From how confidently he was holding my hand, I suspected not, but I needed the reassurance. “Being with a bloke?”
“Nope. Not if the bloke is you.” He shrugged. “Like I said, it’s not something I’d considered before but recently, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”
“Same,” I replied honestly. “I don’t know what that means though. Are we, like, bisexual? Gay?”
“I’m not sure we need to label it. I like you, Ryan. I want to explore this with you, no one else. That’s good enough for me.”
When he put it like that, it seemed so simple. “It is for me too.”
We grinned at each other in the moonlight, like neither of us could quite believe this was happening. Our feet had carried us to the railway tracks, and despite the late hour, we both knew better than to walk along them. Instead, we made our way along one of the ditches on either side.
“So, what now?” I asked. Now that we’d started this conversation, I didn’t want it to stop until everything was out in the open. “What next?”
“The beauty of this is that it’s up to us. We can do whatever we like.”
“It’s that simple?”
“It is if we make it that way. So, Shadow, what do you want?”
“You,” I said instantly, not even caring about the speed at which I answered. “Us. I want that.”
The soft smile he gave me had my fingers itching for a pencil. “Good. Me too. Just us, though. I don’t want you with anyone else while we’re doing this.”
I snorted. “Like that’s going to happen, Dom. You’re the only person I’ve ever been with in any way.”
Dominic’s eyes took on a possessive gleam. “Damn right I am, and that’s how it’s going to stay until we decide otherwise. Got it?”
I used the hand not in his to rearrange myself with a muttered curse. Dominic’s possessiveness was evidently hitting all the right buttons. “Got it, and the same goes. I won’t share you, Dominic. Not like that.”
My heart ached even as I said it, because we both knew I would be sharing Dominic. Not in the same way, but he’d never be fully mine.
A part of him would always belong to Max.
“Of course,” he said. “Shadow, no one else exists for me right now. Believe me, I’ve tried.”
The image of Gabriella in his arms flashed through my mind. “I know.”
Cool lips pressed against my temple. “Forget about her. I already have. It’s just you for me now.”
I bit my lip to try and contain my smile. I failed. “Fuck, this is surreal, Dom. I can’t believe we’re doing this.”
“Me neither,” he confessed. “After the gym, I thought…”
His voice trailed off but his words lingered in the air regardless.
I thought this was over.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. I didn’t know where I got the confidence to kiss the spot where his dimple was hiding, but I did. “I was scared. I’ve never done this before.”
“I know. Believe it or not, neither have I.”
“You’ve had girlfriends.”
“None I’ve really cared about.”
It was hard to tell in the darkness, but I suspected Dominic was blushing. Between that and what his words implied, I wasn’t sure if my heart could get any bigger.
“I care about you too,” I whispered. “So much it scares me.”