24. Ryan
Ryan
“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” I whispered, unable to stop the excitement bubbling up in my voice.
Dominic grinned from his seat beside me, his knee pressed against mine. “Believe it, baby. Couple of hours from now, we’ll be front row for Caffeine Daydreams.”
Dominic had surprised me with a ticket for the festival a few weeks back. I’d expected Max to protest, especially given how he’d reacted when Mum had brought it up all those months ago, but he hadn’t said a word. Didn’t even seem surprised when I opened it.
That had confused me more than Dominic inviting me on their trip.
With how much time the two of us spent together, I wasn’t surprised that Dom wanted me tagging along on their weekend.
I was surprised by Max’s lack of reaction though.
They’d been planning this for years. Why was he suddenly okay with me going?
And what had Dom said to make him okay with it?
My eyes fell on the couple snuggled opposite us. Amy had been gifted a ticket the same day as I had, almost like the two of them had planned it.
See, if Max knew what we were to each other, it’d make more sense. Instead of being a solo trip, it was now a couples one.
But Max didn’t know Dominic and I were a couple, so why was he okay with it?
I pushed that nagging thought away, determined not to let anything spoil this trip. I pressed my knee closer to Dom’s, wishing I could take his hand in mine instead. “Not sure we’ll get to the front, but that’s okay. We’re both tall, so it should be fine.”
“You want the front, I’ll get you to the front, Shadow.” He winked, chucking a grape in his mouth. “Leave it with me.”
Max asked Dominic a question about the latest Saints game. Not giving a shit about football, I tuned them out and focused on eating my blueberry muffin. Dom had turned up with it for me, just like always.
I’d never be able to eat one again without thinking of him. I kind of loved that.
Like you love him, you mean?
I swallowed hard, the cake seeming to expand in my throat. Those were words Dom and I hadn’t said to each other yet. Didn’t stop me thinking them. Feeling them.
Sometimes they almost slipped out, hanging in the air between us as we lay in bed together. The moment never felt quite right though.
Maybe this weekend would be the right moment.
For that, and something else. Something Dominic and I had been working towards for weeks now. A step we hadn’t taken thanks to my brother sleeping on the other side of a thin wall.
That wouldn’t be the case tonight. Dom had booked us into a different B & B, claiming there was no space in the one Max and Amy had chosen. A convenient lie to give us both the one thing we were craving.
A single night alone.
Before everything changed.
It was July. Exams were done, and our results weren’t due until August. Until then, we were in limbo, unsure exactly where we’d be come October.
One thing I was sure of was the course I was going to take. After many conversations with Dom, and yet more nude art sessions, I knew I couldn’t ignore my true calling.
I wanted to be an artist.
It was scary, not knowing if I’d ever find the financial security I craved. But the thought of giving it up was scarier still. Like Dom said, we were fighters. We didn’t quit.
So that was what I was going to do. Fight for my dreams, and never quit the pursuit.
As for Dominic? I had no idea where he was going to be.
Like she was reading my mind, Amy glanced up from her phone. “Dominic, where are you going in October?”
If I hadn’t been pressed against him, I wouldn’t have noticed how tense he suddenly became. “Well I won’t be at uni, if that’s what you mean.”
Amy rolled her eyes. “That much I know. But you can’t just do nothing. You must have some plans.”
I tried to pretend I wasn’t heavily invested in his answer. Dominic and I had been skating around the topic of his plans for weeks now, never fully broaching it.
“A little bit of this, a little bit of that,” Dominic drawled, his fingers tapping on the table between us. “I’m eighteen. I don’t need to have my whole life planned out right now.”
Amy shot me an eye-roll. “Why are they like this? Do they think it’s cute?”
My brows drew together, not understanding her. “Huh?”
“These two.” She gestured to Max and Dom, then leaned forwards co-conspiratorially, mischief sparking in her eyes. “They’re both the same. Do they think they’re being hot and mysterious by not sharing their plans?”
Their plans.
My heart dropped into my stomach. I couldn’t stop myself glancing at Dominic for reassurance. For him to let me know with a cocky grin that he didn’t have secret plans with Max. Plans they were intentionally keeping from me for some reason.
But Dominic wasn’t looking at me.
He was looking at Max.
The two of them seemed to be having some kind of silent conversation. Max’s brows were raised, his expression almost smug. Knowing.
Dominic’s was tense. Lips thinned and eyes dull.
Then he looked away and slumped back in his seat.
Resigned.
What the fuck is going on?
I couldn’t take it anymore. Ripping my gaze away, I turned to the window.
If my eyes were glassy, I’d blame it on the sun.
The topic of the future didn’t come up again. We were back in our bubble, and I wasn’t going to be the one to burst it. Not this weekend. Not with what we had planned. The words I wanted to say.
Nothing was going to get in the way of that.
Fine, maybe I was being a chickenshit, but so was Dominic. We both seemed content to pretend there wasn’t a shadow looming over us. We’d learn to love the shade of it, if it meant not ruining us.
We stepped into the festival grounds and a slow grin worked its way over my face.
There was so much to take in, and I loved it all immediately.
The noise and banter between different groups.
The smells wafting over from the various food stalls.
The colourful and humorous signs being waved over heads.
You could almost feel the excitement in the air.
Dominic’s mouth came close to my ear. “What do you think?”
“This is awesome.” I grinned at him. “Thank you for bringing me, Dom.”
He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, giving me a far-too-brief hug before letting it fall away. “Can’t go anywhere without my Shadow.”
I bit my lip to stop myself kissing him. Fuck, I loved this guy. It was amazing how much could change in just a few short months.
The cruel jibe had become a term of endearment. A reminder of just how much Dominic wanted me around.
Me.
He wanted me.
No matter how many times he said it, I never got tired of hearing it.
“Come on,” Max said, appearing beside us suddenly. “Amy wants to see Beyond Eden.”
Dominic took a careful step back, putting a few feet of distance between us. My throat felt thick again. I knew why he was doing it. Hell, he should be doing it.
I just wished it didn’t feel like rejection every time he did it. Logically, I knew it wasn’t, but logic had left the conversation a long time ago where Dominic was concerned.
“Actually, Ryan and I are going to see Caffeine Daydreams,” Dominic said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “We’ll meet up with you after, okay?”
Max turned his back to me slightly as he drew nearer to Dominic. He dropped his voice low, but I had no issue hearing the hissed words. “What about us spending time together, man? This trip was meant to be about us. The last celebration of our freedom before?—”
“Enough.” Dominic cut him off, glaring at him in a way that threatened murder.
Unease tickled at the back of my neck. Freedom? What the fuck was he on about? Getting a job, or whatever they were planning, didn’t mean they weren’t free anymore.
Max’s shoulders were tense, his hands in fists at his sides. The unease ticked up. I should’ve known better when I’d thought Max was okay with me being here.
He’d never be okay with it.
Just like he’d never be okay with me and Dom being together.
Dominic took a deep breath before squeezing Max’s shoulder and smiling at him. “We’ll have lots of time together, okay? Amy’s here as well as Ryan. You go enjoy her company, and we’ll catch up later.”
“Fine,” Max ground out. “But no ditching me, Dominic. I mean it.”
“Understood,” Dominic said.
We both watched my brother storm away. I turned to see an inscrutable expression on Dominic’s face, his fingers twitching at his sides like he was fighting to keep still.
“You can go after him,” I heard myself say. “Max is right—I’m totally gatecrashing. You shouldn’t ditch him.”
“I’m not,” he said, but there was reluctance in how he tugged his gaze away. “But I’m not letting you miss out on Caffeine Daydreams either.”
He shot one final glance in the direction Max had disappeared in before extending his hand to me with a smile. “Come on. We’ve got a barricade to find.”
What followed was, without a doubt, the best day of my life.
Dominic got us to the barricade as confidently as he’d claimed he would.
Surrounded by strangers, there was nothing stopping Dominic bracketing me in against the barrier.
His front was plastered to my back for the whole set as we sang and danced.
It took me a while to realise that he wasn’t just doing it to be close, but to stop anyone jostling me.
I swear, I fell more for Dominic with each hour that passed.
Our voices were hoarse by the time we found the others, but so were theirs. Amy and I fell into step as we made our way to one of the many food places, giving Max and Dom some alone time.
The two of us continued hanging out as the afternoon made its way to evening. By silent mutual agreement, we peeled off on our own, exploring the various vendors before catching another set from a band neither of us had heard of.
Hanging out with Amy was no hardship. With Max and Dom both being in relationships, I knew they were missing this time together. I thought Amy knew that too. And, as much as Max might have believed I wanted to come between them, I didn’t. That wasn’t me.
I just wanted Dom to be happy. For him to see that he could have us both in his life.
I’d never make him choose between us. It wasn’t necessary.
Max might if he finds out about the two of us.
I smiled at Amy wanly as she tried on a jester hat.
Yeah, he probably would, but that was why he wasn’t going to find out.
Not yet, anyway. Besides, if Dom and I were going to be long- distance come October, then it’d be easier to hide.
We wouldn’t be spending all our time together but restricted to nothing more than mere brushes.
I wouldn’t see him as often, but the time we’d have together would be ours . Best of all, we wouldn’t have to hide.
The unease from the train finally vanished. Whatever Dominic was planning didn’t need to affect us. We’d known all along that I’d be going away for uni, and I’d resigned myself to us being long-distance a while ago. Whatever happened, at least we’d be together.
And hopefully one day, we’d be together all the time again, living in a world where we didn’t have to hide. Where Dominic wasn’t being torn between Max and myself. Where perhaps I could even be friends with my twin again.
It seemed fantastical, but I could dream.
When evening came, Dominic finally appeared back at my side. “Hi. All okay?”
“Yep.” I smiled broadly, jiggling my head pointedly. “Like my hat?”
Dominic seemed to be fighting a laugh as he flicked a bell. “It’s…interesting.”
Max tugged Amy away, their mouths fusing together almost instantly. I watched wistfully, wishing I’d been able to greet Dominic the same way. He was two feet away from me, and somehow I could feel the heat of him. It was like there was a rope in my core, tugging me towards him.
But I couldn’t go.
“I like it,” I declared, tilting my chin, the bells merrily responding to the movement. “Maybe I’ll wear it for the rest of the weekend.”
Dom darted a quick glance at Max and Amy, checking they were occupied. Seeing they were, he took another step closer. “Really? The whole weekend?”
The rope tugged harder, begging me to touch. To feel. To hold. “Yep.”
“Hm.” He touched a bell again, but this time, his finger didn’t stop there. It trailed down to my temple, along my face and neck, until it found the dip between my collarbones. “Not sure it can make more noise than you do.”
I shifted the bag I was holding so it was in front of my crotch, hiding the evidence of what Dominic was doing to me. “I’ve always been quiet in the past.”
His finger moved along my collarbone, flirting with the collar of my shirt. “The pillow’s kept you quiet, Shadow.”
My tongue moistened my lip. “There won’t be a pillow tonight.”
Dom’s eyes darkened. “No, Ry. Damn fucking right there won’t be.”