23. Ryan
Ryan
“We did it!” I winced as Josh whooped in my ear. “Can you believe it?”
“Nope.” I chuckled, shoving at his chest lightly. “You’re throttling me, man.”
He howled ecstatically, not lessening his stranglehold on my neck one bit. I couldn’t help but laugh. His giddiness at the exams being done was infectious.
Suddenly a shadow loomed over us. The next thing I knew, Josh’s arms were being peeled away, his weight disappearing.
“Hey.” Josh glared at Dominic, who was casually moving between us, forcing Josh back a step. “Talk about being a buzzkill. We were just fucking around.”
“Nice. Now go fuck around with someone else. I need a word with Ry.”
“It’s fine,” I protested weakly, but Josh was already stalking away to jump on Craig’s back. “He didn’t mean any harm, Dom.”
“He was strangling you,” he said, turning to face me. His mouth was pinched, and from the way he was glancing over his shoulder at Josh, he was pissed off. “You asked him to get off and he didn’t.”
After checking the coast was clear, I looped my fingers through his belt loops and tugged him closer. “Aw, are you feeling all protective?”
“Fuck off.”
“Nah.” I grinned. “It’s cute. Never had anyone go all caveman over me before you. Kinda like it.”
Dominic’s ire dissolved as heat swept it away. “Yeah? How much?”
“Enough to repay you in bed tonight.” I smirked. I shouldn’t be talking about this here. Other students were weaving around us, but I couldn’t help myself. I was feeling reckless. Exams were done, and summer beckoned.
A summer with Dominic at my side.
Dom groaned, his eyes fluttering shut as his head fell backwards. “Shadow, you’re fucking killing me here.”
“Well don’t die just yet, you’ve got one more exam to get through.”
His hands brushed against my hips. Not a hold, just a promise of what would come later. “How about I skive and we go visit the storage cupboard again?”
“But then you’d fail, and that would be stupid.”
“Only if I cared about my grades.”
I cocked my head as my smile fell. “Wait, are you being serious?”
He shrugged. “Maybe. Like I said, I don’t need the grades. Seems a bit pointless even sitting the exam.”
I sighed. I really didn’t understand this mentality. Dominic claimed he didn’t need good grades, but he didn’t seem to grasp that they’d follow him everywhere. “What was the point of coming to sixth form just to throw it all away at the last minute? What happened to not being a quitter?”
“That only applies to things I actually care about. My philosophy A level isn’t one of them.”
“Can’t believe you took philosophy in the first place. You’re not one to really debate multiple points of view.” I started to laugh just picturing it.
“True.” He chuckled. “Didn’t really think about it at the time. Just picked what Max did.”
My laughter caught in my throat. Of course he had.
Max chose that moment to appear alongside us. I took my hands off Dominic hurriedly, praying Max hadn’t noticed.
“Ready?” he said to Dom, ignoring me completely. On the bright side, I guessed he hadn’t seen me touching his best friend in a very unplatonic way. “Last one, bro.”
“I suppose.” Dom sighed dramatically before looking back at me. “You’re going tonight, right? To the bonfire?”
My heart warmed. He knew I would be, but I fucking loved that he checked. That he wanted reassurance of my company. “Yeah, I’m going.”
I carried the grin he gave me in response for the rest of the day, letting it warm me from the inside out. And, in doing so, I managed to completely ignore the glare Max had given me when I’d told Dom I was going.
Almost completely.
Dom fell into step beside me as I reached the end of our street. “Fancy seeing you here.”
He smirked. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you walk into the dark, scary woods alone?”
“You do know I’m almost the same height as you, right?”
“True, but I’m much scarier.”
With no one around, I reached up to card my fingers through his hair. “You don’t scare me, Dom. Question is, do I scare you?”
He caught my hand as it descended, squeezing it lightly. “You terrify me.”
Something about the hoarseness of his voice had me stopping, grabbing his collar, and hauling him forwards until his lips met mine.
I didn’t know how long we kissed for, just that I was struggling to catch my breath when we finally broke apart. “Fuck, you do something to me, Dominic Walker.”
“Same goes, Shadow.”
He chucked his knuckles against my chin before taking my hand in his. “Come on. Best get there before Max starts to worry.”
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I didn’t give a shit if Max worried or not. But Dominic did.
If it made Dominic happy, I’d go along with whatever he liked.
“I’m surprised you didn’t head there with Max,” I said lightly. They’d been planning this piss-up since the first day of sixth form.
“I’d rather go with you.” Dominic squeezed my hand. “Plus, I wouldn’t be able to walk with you like this if Max were here.”
The joy of him choosing me was tainted by the knowledge that this was hidden.
Dominic could only hold my hand because no one was around.
In a few minutes, we’d have to let go. There’d be no more kisses.
No more touching. Not so much as a lingering glance until we were back behind my firmly closed bedroom door.
Which was what I wanted.
Right?
No. Not really. I didn’t want Max to know, but I was starting to resent hiding.
“It’ll be easier come October,” I said. “We won’t have to hide when I’m at uni.”
Dom hummed.
“I’m so excited,” I confessed. “I know you’ll be working or whatever, but in your time off, you can come and visit me. We won’t have to worry about being quiet at night.”
“Which is good, because you’re terrible at it now.”
I scowled at him, but it just took a raise of his brow to have me shrugging. “Yeah, can’t really deny that. Sorry.”
He nudged me with his shoulder. “Don’t be sorry, Shadow. You not being able to control yourself when we’re in bed together is hot as fuck.”
I groaned, reaching down with my spare hand to rearrange myself. “Don’t say shit like that, Dom. I can’t walk into this thing with a boner.”
He pressed a laughing kiss to my temple. “My bad.”
As we walked a little further, I continued to prattle on about uni. The dates we could go on. What universities might have spots open for art during Clearing.
“There’s just so much to look forward to.” I sighed, swinging our clasped hands between us. “Imagine it, Dom. A few months from now, everything will be different.”
“Yeah, Shadow. It will be.”
I glanced over to see him staring at me wistfully. “Why are you looking at me like that? Aren’t you excited?”
Before he could respond, a loud catcall echoed through the trees. Dominic snatched his hand out of mine, shoving it into his pocket as he turned a grin in Max’s direction. “Max! We did it, man!”
I stepped back as my twin embraced Dominic in a massive bear hug. From how he was gently swaying, I had to imagine he was several drinks deep already. “We’re so fucking close, I can almost taste it.”
He must have been drunk. We weren’t close to finishing, we were finished. It was literally the reason we were doing this tonight.
Dominic cleared his throat, pulling out of Max’s embrace and smiling indulgently. “Time to celebrate. Let’s go find me and Ryan some drinks.”
Max’s eyes flicked over to me like he hadn’t realised I was there. Maybe he hadn’t. Wouldn’t be the first time he’d ignored me just because he was in Dominic’s orbit. “Do I look like your bitch? Get them yourselves.”
His words were light, but the glare he was giving me was anything but. I didn’t think Dominic saw it though. He just grabbed Max in a headlock and gave him a noogie. “Who’s a bitch now?”
Max shoved Dominic back until the two of them were wrestling on the ground.
I shifted my feet uncomfortably. It was a bit weird, just standing there while they rolled in the dirt.
Fuck it. Dominic could come find me when he was done. Striding off towards the already roaring bonfire, I greeted all of my friends one by one. There were many back-slapping hugs and smiles. People seemed genuinely happy to have me here.
It was funny. Months ago, I wouldn’t have had the confidence to come to this. I certainly wouldn’t have been joking around with Craig, or accepting a beer from Josh. So much had changed.
Dominic and Max finally joined us, their arms slung around each other’s shoulders, slightly out of breath. They wore matching Cheshire cat grins as they spoke in low voices.
Maybe not everything had changed.
Before I could spiral too much, Dominic’s gaze swept over the crowd. When he spotted me, his smile softened. He excused himself from Max and made his way straight to me. “Hey. Sorry about that. You okay?”
The silly jealousy melted away. See, Dominic did want me. After greeting Max, I’d been the first person he’d come to. “Yeah, I’m good. Josh gave me a beer and I saved it for you.”
This had become a bit of a running joke between Dom and me.
This wasn’t the first party we’d attended, and he was well aware of my dislike of beer and hard liquor.
When Dom had realised I wanted to drink, but didn’t actually like most alcohol, he’d made it his mission to find something I might find palatable.
“That reminds me.” He shrugged off the backpack he’d been carrying and produced a bottle of Rosé with a flourish. “Tonight’s offering.”
I took it from him dubiously. “Wine?”
“Fruity wine.” He smiled. “Go on. Try it.”
Rolling my eyes, I undid the screw top and took a swig straight from the bottle. Notes of strawberry and vanilla exploded on my tongue. “Huh. Not bad.”
“Yes!” Dom threw both his hands into the air. “I finally fucking did it.”
I took another sip and smirked. “My liver might not thank you, but I will.”
“I love that you like wine,” he said, catching my waist for a split second before letting go. “My sophisticated little Shadow.”
I barked a laugh. “Don’t think a three-quid bottle of Rosé from the corner shop makes me sophisticated, Dom, but I appreciate the sentiment.”
He leaned closer for a second, his mouth so close, before abruptly pulling away. “Fuck. I hate that I can’t kiss you right now.”
“Just a couple of months,” I promised. “Then we can be as free as we like.”
The bonfire cast shadows over Dominic’s face. He started to say something, but just like earlier, Max cut him off. “Let’s have a toast.”
With a sigh, Dom motioned for us to join the others. We all stood in a loose circle around the fire. I looked around at all the faces. Some I’d known since infants’ school. Others were new this year. One or two were only vaguely familiar.
But we were all there to celebrate the same milestone—finishing sixth form. We might not ever see each other again after this. Who knew what the future might hold?
There was only one thing I was certain of, and that was Dominic being at my side.
“To new adventures,” Max roared, lifting his beer in a toast. “Exploring new horizons and new beginnings.”
That was oddly…optimistic for Max.
People all around the circle chimed in with their wishes for the future. Only Dom and I stayed silent.
I knew it was for the same reason. The one thing we both wanted was something we couldn’t share. Not yet, anyway.
But one day, hopefully.
Come October, everything will be perfect.