Chapter 14 #3
“No. We met up at the motel on the edge of Greenview. He said he lived in town there. I didn’t take it off in the room. Like I said, I’m not even sure I lost it there.”
All of the detective pretenses flew right out the window. “Jesus, Elijah, the roach motel? You met some random dude there? Have you been trying to get yourself murdered?”
I shrugged. “I mean no, not really, but at the same time I didn’t really care either.”
His face was ashen. “Why?”
I threw my hands up in the air. “Why? What’s my life, Mason?
All I ever do is pick assholes who hurt me one way or another.
I have a couple of good friends but they have their own lives.
I see my mom sometimes, but she’s still busy a lot.
The only other thing I can depend on is my cat.
Rory would take her if something happened to me.
So when it does, just know that I’m okay.
I don’t want you worrying about me or having more guilt than you already do. ”
Mason sighed and scrubbed his hands down his face.
“Okay, as much as I want to scold you for saying all that, I get it. I do. I know the feeling, because I haven’t been careful either.
Hell, I took a bunch of pills trying to end it at one point.
I made myself throw them up. That’s the part I mentioned before that no one knows, so please .
. .” He looked at me and I wasn’t quite sure what to say.
He went on. “Then I was reckless with you. I just didn’t care about much.
Until lately. Lately things started to matter again. ”
At first I thought he was talking about hooking up with me.
Really, he had been pretty reckless, and so had I.
I said, “I used condoms when I hooked up with randos, every time. I was tested recently. The only times I didn’t use them were with Brandon, and a couple of times with Brock.
The test was after them, but I’ll get another one if you want me to. ”
He leaned forward and touched my face. “That’s not what I meant,” he said softly.
“I meant I was reckless with you. With your feelings. We didn’t even really talk, I just snatched you up when you were drunk and basically had my way with you.
I know you keep letting me, but sometimes I feel like it’s just who you are.
Like you think you deserve to be used, and that’s not what I want from you.
You are what matters. You are what made things different for me. ”
Guilt and pain were radiating off him in waves, and my heart started to truly let go of all the things I’d been holding onto.
Maybe we could start over. Maybe we could start back where we’d left off when I realized I loved him way back in school.
And oh, fuck, I’d never actually stopped.
I’d been wounded bitterly, I’d been angry and spiteful, but I’d never forgotten the Mason he used to be.
I’d never stopped mourning the person I thought was gone forever.
I’d never stopped loving him even when I couldn’t forgive him.
With that realization, though, reality came crashing in on me.
Mason wasn’t home forever, and apparently, neither was I.
Someone was trying to frame me for murder and I’d been warned repeatedly of my own demise.
Mason couldn’t stop it. Becoming acutely aware that I’d never stopped loving him made it so much harder.
It also meant that whatever fucked-up list they had really would get a little longer. I panicked.
I stood up off the couch. “Fuck, Mason, we can’t do this. You can’t be here. Whoever this is cannot know you’re with me. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Fear gripped my chest. We’d already been through it this morning, but it was even clearer now.
He stood up beside me. “Hey. Listen to me. I’m not afraid of them. I know you probably think that’s just reckless, but I’ve dealt with a lot of bad people. I’ve fucked up bad in my life, but I’m not going to do it again. I’m armed, and I’ll be damned if I let them hurt either one of us. Alright?”
I nodded. I knew he couldn’t truly protect me, but if he could protect himself, that was enough. He hugged me again. “Let’s go out to Brandon’s. We have to. I’ll be right beside you, and if you see something you don’t like, we’ll leave, no questions asked. Okay?”
I didn’t want to, but we had to figure it out before Mason made it onto that list. If we figured it out, they would panic, and their list would go down to just me, their main target. “Okay,” I said. “Let me change clothes and we’ll go.”
He sat back down on the couch and I headed to my room.
I’d just put on jeans and was pulling on a T-shirt when I heard an odd sound.
Almost like . . . bells. I looked around the room trying to find the source, but I knew I didn’t have anything that would make that sound, and I hadn’t heard any alerts on Mason’s phone that sounded like it either.
I crept over to my window and unlocked it, sliding it open and peering out the screen.
The sound was louder. It was outside, and it sounded distinctly like church bells.
One, two, three times. Slow and somber, like a death toll.
The main issue I was having with comprehending it was that there was no church anywhere near me.
The nearest one was at the edge of town, much too far for me to hear the bells.
It was distant but clear, definitely not a recording someone was trying to scare me with.
They were real bells, and it was not something I’d ever heard for as long as I’d lived in my house. They rang again. And again.
I was still transfixed at my window when my bedroom door opened. “What are you doing?” Mason’s voice washed over me, pulling me out of my daze.
I looked over at him. “Do you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
But I didn’t hear them anymore either. I shook my head.
I didn’t feel like going into it or trying to analyze the reasons I might hear a death toll from bells that didn’t exist. “I don’t know what it was.
” I shut the window and locked it back up, letting him take my hand and guide me out to his car.