Better Left Unsaid
Scarlett
I pull into the parking lot, like I’ve done a thousand times. But today, it feels so wrong.
I grab my bag and stare at the main campus building, mourning the person I once was. I used to seek comfort here, now those feelings are long gone.
Slowly, I begin my walk down the path, toward the brick building. My feet feel heavier the closer I get. I didn’t get an email about class being cancelled, so there must be a substitute for Elliot. Who will it be? While part of me is curious, the other part doesn’t want to find out.
I try to ground myself and look around at things that I can identify. The trees are bare. The leaves have long fallen. The grass is still a bit damp from the morning air. The sun is trying to come out through the clouds. At this time of year, rain or snow can be expected.
I approach the door and a student in front of me holds it open. I can’t do this today. I tightly clutch the strap of my bag and turn around, back toward the car, keeping my pace the same to avoid any attention.
I ease myself into the driver’s seat and check my phone. If I call Callum, I know he’ll come right away. He’s probably not far anyway.
I don’t want to worry Dad, and if I call him, I’d have to tell him what happened and I’m just not ready to.
I find Sophia’s name and hit call.
“Hey Scar, how are you doing?” Her voice sounds calm and comforting. I wonder if she knows.
“I don’t know. What are you up to? Do you want to do something?” I think that being around someone who isn’t involved will help. Sophia knows what it’s like.
“I’m free. Want to come here? We can have a couple of drinks then go for a dip in the hot tub.”
“That sounds like just what I need. I can be there in ten? Do you need me to get anything on the way?”
“Oh no. We have everything here. See you soon. Love you!”
“Love you.” I say back before I hang up.
Once, when we were younger, she told me you’re always supposed to tell someone you love them before you say goodbye. I feel the need to say it to her now.
I find immediate comfort knowing that I’ll spend tonight with Sophia. I pull out of the parking lot without looking into the rear-view mirror.
Sophia lives outside of town, in the same neighbourhood as Callum and Harrison.
Her house is nothing like mine—it’s not full of colour.
Sophia’s family doesn’t eat most meals around the table, and they don’t order takeout or watch movies on Saturday nights.
Her house feels like it was created for the purpose of looking nice, not making memories.
I pull in, alongside the six-car garage, and text Sophia that I’m here. I don’t like stepping inside without her.
The door opens. She pops her head out and waves for me to come in. I walk up the large granite steps to the two white pillars on each side of the front door.
“Hey,” I say and wrap my arms around her neck. There’s such warmth in her embrace.
“Come on in! Have you had lunch? I was just about to make something.”
She shuts the door behind me.
That’s the thing about best friends, they always know when something’s going on. They might not know what, they can just tell by what you say—or by what you don’t.
We walk through the foyer and into the kitchen.
I throw my bag on one of the high bar stools around the extravagant marble kitchen island.
Sophia goes to the fridge and grabs lettuce and meat with some condiments to make us sandwiches.
We talk about school and how her classes are going—she loves to tell me all the drama.
Sometimes her in-class debates get intense, and she says that there’s a lot of competition to get the Professor’s attention.
I’ve never had trouble getting a professor’s attention.
My good grades and love for the subjects always get me recognized.
Personally, I hate it, but I guess that’s something I won’t have to worry about as much with Elliot gone.
Once there’s a new permanent professor, it won’t be long before the year is over.
“Okay, now that we have some food, let’s make a drink.” Sophia says as she glances at the bar.
Drinking usually forces me to spill my guts, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.
We leave our plates on the island, and I follow her to the bar.
It takes about two minutes for her to convince me when she starts to make margaritas.
We make our way back to the kitchen with our drinks and sit down with our plates, just like we’ve been doing since middle school—but now, with alcohol.
“Thanks for lunch and having me over. I really needed this.”
She takes a bite of her sandwich. “I know you did, I did too.”
Her eyes meet mine, her look suggesting that she knows more than she’s saying.
“Scar, you know that you can tell me anything,” she says.
I don’t know how much I can tell her—how much I’m ready to tell her.
“I know, it’s just that so much has happened. So much has changed.” I grab my drink and take a sip.
“How are things with Callum through all of this?”
“I don’t know. Things are great but there’s… There are some things that will never change. I guess... I just need to figure out if the good outweighs the bad.”
She looks to me and smiles. “You love him.” It’s not a question.
“Yeah, I guess I do.”
“Scarlett, that’s huge!” She grabs my arm.
My face doesn’t match her excitement.
“What’s wrong?”
“There’s so much, Soph.”
I close my eyes to try and stop the tears, but I’m too late.
“Scarlett—” She moves her chair closer to mine. “I know.”
A weight lifts off my shoulders, and I can finally breathe. A cry escapes me, followed by a laugh.
“Of course, you know. If Harrison knows something that means Stirling does, and you do too.”
I’m not upset with her, but I am with Harrison and Stirling for telling her, making her also incriminated.
“Scarlett, you can talk to me about it.”
“No, Soph, I can’t! I can’t talk about the fact that I was almost raped twice by my professor. I can’t talk about the fact that Callum killed him, for me! I can’t talk about it because if I think about it, everything becomes real. And it can’t be real, Soph. Not yet.”
“Okay, Scar. We don’t have to talk about it, but I want you to know that when you are ready, I’m here.”
I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such amazing people in my life. I don’t know how to tell her how grateful I am for her, so instead, I have another sip of my drink, enjoying this moment before facing reality.
Time moves quickly after we eat and have a couple more drinks. It’s just after 7 p.m. I should check my phone to see if Callum texted me.
Instead, we throw on our bathing suits, getting ready for the hot tub. We’re met by the frigid air as we step out, onto the patio. With our drinks in hand, we head over and hop in. The warm water mixed with the cool air feels like another kind of therapy.
After a few hours of laughs and more drinks, we come back inside and change back into some comfy clothes. I belly flop onto Sophia’s king size bed.
“What movie should we watch tonight?’ She yells from the bathroom.
“A classic—maybe Pretty in Pink or Sixteen Candles?” I yell back. She doesn’t answer.
“Or whatever you had in mind?… Soph?” She still doesn’t answer. “You okay in there?” I get off the bed and walk to the bathroom door. I try the knob, but it’s locked.
“Sophia?” My sweaty palms fight with the doorknob as I try to open it. “Sophia, this isn't funny!”
Just then, something grabs me by the waist, and everything goes black.