Xerxes
XERXES
I UNDERSTOOD WHY my father and my friends were so happy to stay at home.
For years I had devoted my life to ensuring that everyone and everything else was good. Not that I didn’t take time for myself, but my focus had always been outward. Having Vanya here seemed to be the first time I stopped to think about what made me feel good inwardly. And not the simple eat right and exercise feel good. The type of feeling good that came from my heart. Vanya settled me. More than my soul reaching for hers when I met her, I felt a divine sense of peace and the promise of joy when I first saw her. She was my emotional soft place to fall. To be vulnerable and not worry about being seen as weak because my brute strength wasn’t my only appeal. It had been two days and she already made this place home.
I’d requested the chef to prepare dinner but to plate it so that we could enjoy a meal together. Business for the day was concluded and I’d already asked Vanya to join me. Last night had been the hardest I’d ever been in my entire life. And not just my dick. Although his unruly ass made it impossible to sleep because he was standing at attention each time I caught a whiff of Vanya’s scent.
Should’ve made a perfume that repelled men instead of luring them in.
We’d shared a bed. But in the platonic sense. We’d started off on opposite ends, but gravitated to one another as we spoke before bed. Like a good Chrislim, I prayed before I went to sleep and was pleased to see that Vanya did as well. She’d watched me with intellectual curiosity before asking me questions about how I balanced who I was. The conversation led to the likeness and differences of Christianity and Islam and she seemed to absorb the information like a sponge. It was a beautiful thing to witness a woman who had been taught to hate be so open and unassuming. I didn’t have any doubts, but I hadn’t realized that Vanya would genuinely be this interested in me.
That comfort almost fucked me up, though. She drifted off to sleep and our bodies had gravitated to one another. Her smooth, butter pecan colored leg that was smattered with freckles had the gall to rub against mine in her sleep. My dick bricked up and almost lost my hard fought discipline and jacked my shit to relieve the pressure. Instead, I prayed. I began to conjugate verbs in Spanish and French thinking of all the shit I had to get a handle on before I could truly enjoy this space I was in with Vanya. Around four this morning, I finally drifted off to sleep, but made sure I put a pillow in between us.
My friends would understand although they would clown the fuck outta me for a minute. I wasn’t Priest but I’d been selective as fuck about anyone that I slept with. Since repeats weren’t my thing I had never had a steady woman in my life. I was too busy and too hyper focused to have a roster because that shit seemed pointless to me. You kept a bunch of women around that you weren’t serious about only to cut them off when something better came along. That was the epitome of fuck boy behavior and none of us did that shit.
But my ass was now happily slowing down with this amazing blessing and I couldn’t be happier.
I walked through this house that still echoed from how empty it was. Despite the amount of money I had, I didn’t want to rush to just put things in the house. There were specific pieces that were being transferred from the loft I owned in Nashville. My parent’s estate was on the outskirts of Nashville, an area located for its business opportunities but its proximity to horse culture in Kentucky and Virginia. He could broker deals across every industry we dabbled in and mama had quick access to Charlotte when she needed to conduct Consortium business. Despite this place not being filled up yet, it already felt like home, because Vanya was in it.
The table in the kitchen was set intimately, the dishes and flatware pieces that Vanya had collected over the years suited her personality. Pieces that weren’t a perfectly matched set but all blended together beautifully. The patterns were eclectic but elegant, very similar to the woman who had gathered them together. She told me that she’d thrifted a lot of the items and some were valuable. I knew they were priceless to her because of what they represented: the ability for her to express herself in all forms and not be criticized for it. I’d had them placed in the built in china cabinet in the kitchen and her eyes lit up when she saw them. I couldn’t wait until she filled the two inside the formal dining room and took as much pride in them as she did in these.
She came in shortly after me with a smile on her face.
“How are you?”
I studied her closely. The cotton shorts she wore that were bright and floral with the oversized button down matching shirt. It wasn’t meant to be alluring but it still was despite being so innocent. Having her comfortable around me and in our space brought me peace.
“A little tired but nozing a good night’s sleep can’t cure.” I desired to get up and hug her but I smothered the feeling. It didn’t matter because she came over and pecked the side of my face. She tried to walk away but I held her near me, inhaling the scent of her skin and cotton before pecking her on her lips. “Not sure if I will be getting zhat soon.”
She looked guilty and the way she bit her lip made me want to slide my dick in between them. “I can always sleep elsewhere.”
“No. I enjoy having you close.” I pulled her to me, and she came willingly, which felt like a small victory.
She rest her chin on the top of my hair and we stood in the embrace like it was natural.
“Good. You were looking at the dishes. They haven’t grown on you yet?” Vanya sounded so unsure as though she thought I was about to toss all of her pieces out of the cabinet.
“I zhink zhey’re perfect. I was just zhinking about all the antique markets and zrift stores I will need to research so zhat we can continue to add to your collection.”
She pulled back from me her surprise clear. “You’d do that? Go thrifting with me I mean?”
“Is zhis not my home as well? I truly zhink a woman finding beauty and comfort in her home is paramount, but I would love to watch your process. And provide my input if it is requested.”
“I mean, it’s your house—”
“ Our . I dislike that word, your, unless it is regarding you. What’s yours is yours. What’s mine is ours. You act as zhough I will be requesting your money to pay zhe bills.”
A light went off in her eyes as though I’d reminded her of something she’d been meaning to talk to me about. “How are those getting split by the way?”
“You are surely joking.” I could only laugh in her face, however disrespectful she found it because my manhood had been completely insulted.
“No.”
I unwrapped her from my arms before crossing them over my chest. “Split what?”
“The bills, this place is gonna cost a lot to heat, cool. Maintain.” She was smiling and I didn’t want to wipe the grin off her face but I would have to.
Instead of saying a word, I pulled out my phone, dialed a number and placed it on speaker. Her face went from confident to nervous as she waited on the call to connect.
“ Salam pesar-am. Dovomin dalil baraye nafas keshidan-e man .”
I smiled at the effusive way my father always greeted me, despite Vanya looking confused and then uncomfortable. As always, he’d called me his second reason to breathe a title I was proud to hear each time he bestowed it on me.
“ Engilisi, baba . Azize delam injast pisham .” I requested that he speak in English because I had Vanya here with me.
“My apologies to Vanya. Hello, my dear. Congratulations are in order and ve cannot vait to meet you. My Babette is not here and she will be esurely be jealous she did not get to dote on you herself.”
“It’s a pleasure to speak to you and I cannot wait to meet the both of you as well.” Vanya nervously tucked a strand of her fiery red hair behind her ear.
“Baba, Vanya has stated she will be splitting the bills in some fashion in the house.”
“What?!”
His increased volume caused me to laugh but startled Vanya and I saw the stress enter into her eyes. I immediately put my hand on hers as my father began to curse me out.
“ Man to ro mard bar avardam! Mardi ke bayad nan-avar o panah-e azizash bashe. To rafti donbal-e in zan, ke azash bekhai zendegish-o ba to takmil kone? Marizi mage? Ba madaret harf mizanam, ye do’a-i, ye rishe-i barat migire. Motma’enam ye doone az mohat hanooz too khune hast! (I raised you to be a man! To provide for and to protect those you love. You have chased this woman only to ask her to supplement her life with you? Are you ill? I will speak to your mother and have her put a root on you. I am sure there is some of your hair in the house somewhere).”
“What is he saying?” Vanya tried to whisper but failed miserably. I was chuckling but I could tell she was worried that we’d disturbed him.
“He is telling me zhat he raised me better zhan zhat to ask a woman to spend a dime of her money in a household. He is saying he will cover all your expenses if I will not but he also says I am not worzy of you if I do not wish to treat you in the way zhat you deserve.”
Her face was getting redder with each sentence I translated as baba continued to berate me. “Mr. Cannon—”
“Mahdavi.”
She swallowed and I’m sure she felt as though his sharpness was directed at her but really he was still pissed with me. Vanya balanced her hand on the Carrera marble counter like she was truly worried she’d upset my father. “I’m sorry. Mr. Mahdavi, it was my idea to help pay the bills.”
“Does she not know how much you are vorth, nafas-am ?”
I smiled again at him calling me his soul before I responded to him. “She does, baba.”
“Have you not told her that you vill support her in every vay?”
“I have, baba.”
My father seemed to calm down once he realized that I had done all he’d taught me throughout my life. “ Azizam , my son would not dare ask you to pay a bill because zhat is not your job,”
She almost looked offended and I wondered what baba had said that could’ve possibly offended her. “If you think I will cook and clean—”
Ohhhh that’s right. She has not met maman yet . I couldn’t even clear up her confusion because he was doing it for her.
“You own a business. Xerxes vill provide a cleaner and he already has a cook.”
I sat back and let my father gently rebuke Vanya in a way I couldn’t. I would end up pleading with her instead of making her see reason and that would have me giving in to her. If baba did it, she would receive it better.
“So I can’t do anything?” Now it seemed like she didn’t like not having anything to push back against and I knew it was her feeling as though she needed to be on the defense.
“Xerxes, vould you have paid zhe bills if Vanya vere not zhere?”
I nodded despite him not being able to see me. “Yes, sir.”
“Zhen he is more zhan capable of paying zhe bills now zhat you are. Paying bills . Your mother has more money zhan me and I would not hear of her paying a bill. Wallah . A man who cannot afford a wife does not take one.”
“I tink she understands now. Tell maman I vill call her in the morning.”
“ Ou hich chizi kam nakhahad dasht, Khashayarsha . (She is to want for nothing, Xerxes).”
I smiled at how adamantly he was defending Vanya, but I expected nothing less. She still sat across from me looking stunned at my father’s vehemence.
He spoke and I stood to get our plates together. I nodded my agreement and gave the both of them a promise. “ Hargiz nakhahad shod . (She never will).”
We said our goodbyes and when I hung up; I glanced across the island and watched concern flit across her face.
“Am I in trouble?”
I tucked my phone in my pocket smiling at her as I shook my head. “If anyzing, I am.”
That seemed to stress her out even more. “Why?”
I began to plate our food on the pieces I’d had laid out for us to dine on. “Because my father will wonder why you do not feel financially secure in my ability to provide. He might come here and start looking through my accounts to make sure I’m not messing up.”
“What? But you’re his son—”
I put a staying hand on hers, and she immediately stopped speaking. “And you’re a woman. One who is on her own. He would let no one, least of all me, take advantage of a woman and not treat her zhe way I am supposed to. I am more zhan willing and abundantly happy to spoil you, Vanya. I see it as one of the greatest pleasures of zhis life. I do not find joy in many zhings, but watching you sell houses? Seeing how your face lights when you acquire a property? I could live in those moments forever with you because zhere you express your rarest, purest joy.”
She blushed, the tint of skin deepening to match the copper hue of her freckles and her hair. She went back to tugging at her lip before she turned to the fridge to get some water, unable to meet my compliment with words of her own. I marveled at the silent way she absorbed the compliment and didn’t refute it this time. We moved silently to plate the lamb chop, couscous and grilled asparagus the chef had prepared. I’d asked Vanya to tell the chef if she had dietary restrictions, since she was aware there were certain things I didn’t eat.
“Why horses?”
I closed the door to the drawer microwave before I answered her. “Vhat do you mean?”
“With the… breadth of your other enterprises, I was wondering what made you land on horses as your lucrative endeavor.” Vanya looked comfortable, which was another point of pride for me. The house was nowhere fully furnished, but she looked at home. The brightly patterned Ankara print short set was a striking mix of pinks, blues, lime greens and purples in an aqua flowers pattern. The hint of midriff that was exposed showed that her freckles were indeed all over her body. Which had sent my mind reeling.
I sat back to keep myself from continuing to stare but failed as I studied the curious look emanating from her eyes. “Oh, zhat’s simple. My fazer was involved and I zhink he’s one of zhe smartest men I know.”
“Explain.” A concise command that brought a smile to my face. She said it with ease and was completely unafraid of my reaction. I liked the lack of fear and was more than happy to discuss with her the legacy my father had begun.
“When he was back home, he wasn’t meant to be involved on zhe political side of zhings in his family. Meaning he wasn’t zhe heir or the spare, so they had no use for him. He was free to explore zhe endeavors zhat would make him money. Zhe family didn’t want to be involved because zhey didn’t want to put any money into it.”
We took our food that had been warmed in the counter oven and sat at the bar to eat. I held her chair out wanting her as close to me as possible.
When her brows furrowed, I could see her preparing to ask the obvious question. “If his family was wealthy, why would he need to worry about money?”
“Because of zhe type of person my grandfather was and is. My fazer knew zhat he would need to make his own way or be under the zhumb of someone who enjoyed control too much. Besides, zhey didn’t have nearly as much as zhey do now and even zhat is shaky.”
“Your father is smart. I know how that goes and it sucks.”
“You are very right, it does. And so he trained in a way zhat many zhought was unbecoming of his station. But vhen his horses began to win, his family wanted to have zheir hand in it.” My father had a keen eye for choosing horses that had desirable characteristics to pass down to their offspring. It had only taken him a few years to produce a champion bloodline, something that made him a near instant success in the equestrian world.
Vanya shook her head, the wild curls slightly frizzy from the last few days and even bigger around her face. I loved this version of her. The one that wasn’t perfectly coiffed or trying to fit into a narrow mold of what she should look like or be like. This Vanya felt the most authentic and was the one I hoped would continue to let her presence be known.
“That’s how it always goes. I went through the same stuff. I would sell a really nice house but when it came time to pay me, they would dock my commissions for all kinds of things. Told me I owed them for the care they provided me for all those years.”
My eyes darkened because I could only imagine what they were charging her for. It appeared they continued to bother her because they expected her to continue to pay them back Something I wouldn’t tolerate. “I will write zhem a check today so zhey never bozer you again.”
She scoffed waving off my suggestion as though she would prefer the alternative. “Don’t waste your money. I’d rather you take it outside and light it on fire than to give it to them. Send it to the kids who really need it.”
“I will have it handled immediately. But I assumed you would prefer zhis method to the one I originally wanted to employ.”
Her smile was slow and deliberate but held a bit of mischief. “More mayhem?”
“I’m almost offended at you zhinking I can’t be discreet. But to zhe story, my father traveled to America to attend school and broaden his business education. He is four years older zhan my mother and he met her on a whim.”
“What was the whim?”
“Zhat she had met him and they had talked I guess? And my mother and Auntie Safi were discussing work vhen his name came up as a target.”
She swallowed her drink instead of choking on it, another sign that she was becoming used to this lifestyle. “A target? Like, to get rid of?”
“Yes. Much like us, my parents had a quick union as well because of the necessity of ensuring he was protected.” I smiled softly at her watching as she absorbed my words.
“But so fast?”
I laughed because she looked truly concerned for my parents as though she were living it live instead of seeing the result after almost thirty-five years. “Oh trust me, he was vetted every way possible. He’d already started investing in real estate here and had made a name for himself with that. His father was furious because he couldn’t claim it or get a piece of it the way he could the horses. Remember, he had money from his horses so he was already a millionaire wizout his family’s money. With zhat added in, he was more zhan wealthy.”
“And so she had no reason to think he only wanted her for his money.” She was grinning at this part of the story and I knew it sounded like a fairytale to her.
“My fazer was even more persistent in his love for my mozer zhan I was wiz you. Vhen I hear how he acted I have comfort in knowing zhat my fever for my partner is genetic. She was just as besotted with him. Some people zhat were in the organization were wary, but it has proven to be a marriage and a partnership zhat has greatly benefitted everyone.”
“I can’t believe they were going to take out your father.”
“Comes with zhe territory.”
Her eyes lowered and I considered that maybe my flippancy was a misstep. I was used to this, Vanya wasn’t and having just dodged bullets a few weeks ago which necessitated her being a fiancée, I should’ve picked my words more carefully.
“How do you not live your life in fear?”
I toyed with the water glass’s stem mulling over whether to be honest with her or to be arrogant. The depression era glass was green and textured and I could understand why she enjoyed collecting the pieces. Watching her face begin to crease with worry, I decided honesty was better over arrogance.
“Because I know how valuable I am to them. Despite how they like to kid themselves. If they ended my life they would be doing the ultimate harm to themselves than I ever could with my life so I see it as the perfect karma. They don’t have control over nearly as much as they let the world believe. Many things done and owned in the Mahdavi name are owned by this branch of the Mahdavi family.”
“And y’all don’t really mess with them like that.”
“No, we do not.”
“I can appreciate your feelings about respect when it comes to me, Xerxes. But I don’t mind cursing. It’s just cursing at me not calling me out my name—”
My hand went to the knife on the table out of habit and her eyes widened but a smile danced on her face. “And zhey did this? Zhe people you lived with? I will not call zhem family, zhey vere simply placeholders. That thing a sorry substitute for me your true husband, and zhose ozer two standing and not filling the shoes of my maman and baba before we could meet. But zhey vould do that? Call you names I mean?”
Her eyes were downcast and I barely caught the gentle nod of her head. “Yeah. They would tease me. A lot.”
“About what zhings?”
She sighed and picked up her fork before pushing it into her couscous. “About my features. My hair…my freckles. Not being Black enough to be Black but not white enough to be white. They used racial slurs with all of us when they’d get angry. Called me a bitch—”
I chuckled darkly imagining how they would look when their souls escaped their body. “I hope you know zhe only reason zhey live is because I won’t spill zheir blood until I can avenge you as your husband. Call it selfish but zhat is the only way I can act wiz as much vengeance as I want.”
She swallowed her couscous letting the fork linger before she pulled it out slowly. I knew she was giving herself the time to put her words together. “Oh. I didn’t think we were still on…you know. Crazy that we are discussing ending them all over dinner like it was no big deal.”
“We are discussing it over dinner so I can hear your zhoughts and potential protests. If zhere are any.”
“Maybe it’s their voices in my head that are still talking but I had always hoped they would just leave me alone.”
“I have to be honest with you, zibā , I feel as zhough my connection to you will have zhem becoming more out of hand and not less.”
“Why is that? Because of how they lost the chance to work with you? They would’ve just shoved the very first piece of property at you that was the most expensive. And probably over-inflated the cost. They did that so often with people from out of town. I hated it and would try to help buyers out but I always got in trouble. Or they would have a friend trying to sell something, buy it for cheap and then flip it to a client with a premium on top.”
“Sounds shady.”
“They preached piety but were so crooked in most of what they did.” She was laughing, but I knew she didn’t find any of it funny.
“Zhem calling you names is unacceptable, but becoming your husband and starting our life together is far more important than handling them. At least for now. We will know when it becomes necessary to act. Zhey won’t stop coming after you because zhey crave the control they lost. And their jealousy is pushing them forward. Zhey see your success and zhey want it. Feel as zhough zhey are owed the results of your labor. Your closing on zhis house is public record. I’m glad you haven’t changed your paperwork to this address, because I would advise you to keep it as the penthouse.”
“Are you worried they’re going to do something?”
“I wish they would try. With Smoke and Jada there, it will be funny to see how they handle those two.”
When Vanya said she didn’t want something that was long and drawn out, I jumped at the chance. Midas’ Charlotte hotel was going to be the location and within a few days, my parents would be meeting Vanya and touring properties to purchase. Frankie would come back and forth because of her business and the babies, but I already knew she would be Vanya’s Matron of Honor. Despite how much I loved my brothers, they already knew that Midas would be my Best Man. Even though he robbed me of the honor when he got married in a damn 24 hour Vegas wedding chapel and only Adam was there. I didn’t trip since he’d talked about Nev obsessively in the year they’d been apart.
“You must not want to get this revenge you seek. Those two don’t seem to have an off switch.”
“Zhey wouldn’t make it past the front desk. You’ve improved the security since I could—”
“Murder someone in my living room?” She said it so playfully, without an ounce of concern it made me smile. Yes, I’d corrupted her, but not in a bad way. Not really.
“I was going to say save your life, but frame it however it makes you happy.”
The sides of her mouth quirked several times as the smile she was battling to hide finally won. It forced me to do the same and we sat there grinning at one another while it felt like something else fell into place between us. Another tear in the fabric she used to cover her true self like a niqāb . Her unveiling was as tantalizing as the dance of the seven veils and I was sure to behead someone when everything was revealed to me.
“Okay, well do me a favor.”
I nodded because I knew already how she felt. “I won’t tell you—”
“That’s not what I meant. I mean, depending on if they keep being crazy I might want to know the details.” She looked at me hesitantly as though she wanted to gage how I felt.
“And I will grant zhem for you.”
Her eyes got slightly watery and I was worried about what she was going to ask me. “Don’t be so flippant when you talk about death, okay? You said your family has been trying to kill you and it would… the thought of you not being here. I don’t like it. So don’t talk like that. Okay?” She wiped a stray tear that had fallen down her cheek and I didn’t trust myself to speak. I nodded at her and she nodded back. “Good. Besides, I’m sure Sho and Quentin are annoyed if you’re out here talking about dying like they’d slack on their jobs.”
“I would never hear the end of it. But trust me, I do not speak about it so uncaringly. Especially since God has shown me zhe reason I have for living.”
“Surely not me.”
I reached over and caressed her cheek with a soft smile. Vanya had a gentle spirit so being tender with her was a necessity. “Most assuredly yes. You and all zhe beauty we will create in this world together.”
“I have this thing about cooking.” She blurted it out like she was trying to give me a chance to run away.
“What is this thing?” I went back to eating because nothing she would say would deter me from her.
“I don’t do it.”
I shrugged and looked pointedly down at my plate before looking at her. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
She seemed genuinely stunned at my response, and I wasn’t sure what she expected. “Wait, you wouldn’t want your wife to cook you food?”
“Of course I would want my wife to want to cook me food. But my want does not supersede your feelings on the subject.” I had to ensure she understood the only wife I would ever have was her.
“And it’s just… okay?” She was thoroughly confused at my easy agreement and again I had to exercise patience because I understood her life. From what I’d gathered, her childhood had been completely patriarchal so I was sure the idea of service wasn’t something she was interested in.
“Yes. What else would it be?”
“You don’t have questions?” She was wringing her hands now as she tried to understand why I wasn’t angry.
“Of course zhere are questions. I want to know who bothered you so much in your life with preparing food that you now see it as a punishment instead of life skill. A yoke around your neck instead of a simple tool of survival. And when zhe meal is good — comfort and pleasure. But your tone says zhat you see zhe task as a means of subjugation.”
Her chin notched up and I couldn’t see the fire of defiance reignite. “You don’t think that women being told they need to learn how to cook in order to feed their families is just the slightest bit ridiculous?”
“No.” My concise answer seemed to be off putting to her.
Vanya looked completely disappointed in my response and sat her fork down. “No?”
“My mother taught me to cook. She taught my father to cook because he had been a spoiled prince his entire life. I grew up watching him learn a skill he never zhought he would need and then finding joy in it. We never saw it as her job, it was a task zhe family enjoyed. I know how to cook, very well I might add.” I glanced off thoughtfully before muttering to myself about the different ways I was going to kill her ex husband. “Maybe zhat would have been a better activity for today. Preparing a meal for you. We will have to do zhat next time.”
She slow blinked again and I knew I’d shocked her again. “You’re serious?”
I laughed, not to insult her but so that she understood how small of an issue this was to me. “Yes. A certain gender is not a prerequisite to being able to cook. Everyone has to eat.”
“You don’t cook.” It was an accusation. One she levied as though she were attempting to uncover my true feelings.
“I do not. Rarely, because I can afford zhe luxury of having someone to do it for me while I’m attempting to balance zhe multiple billion dollar enterprises I run. It is a business expense. I’m often in between time zones and the last thing I can do when I come home jet lagged and exhausted is zhink about dirtying a kitchen. So my chef does it for me. I understand it is a luxury item, but one I could not function wizout. But if you needed to work late and our babies needed to eat, zhey would not starve. Zheir fazer is more zhan capable of filling zheir tummies, zibā .”
“You’re really jumping the gun aren’t you?” Her face blushed deeply and I could see her discomfort.
“Absolutely not. I see the future with you. And it is bright and filled with the laughter of little voices. I’ll not say and say that I do not want children. I do.”
“You say that like you want a lot. What if I can’t—”
“I grew up an only child. My mozer… she had complications with me that prevented anymore children from being possible. Because of our business, adoption was out of zhe question.” I needed her to understand my position on her and whatever her body could or couldn’t do.
“Because you needed blood relatives?”
“No. Because having a government agency in your business is heavily frowned upon.”
A smile of understanding crossed her face but I could still see the sympathy in her eyes. “Ah. I see. That doesn’t answer the question of how many you want.”
“I want zhe number zhat Allah has in store for me. My desires are one zhing, but His will is another. I do not take zhat lightly.”
“Not the great Xerxes Cannon realizing that there is something out there even bigger than him.” Her full lips were stretched broadly across her face in a smile as she teased me.
I put my hand over my heart and bowed slightly. “I’m a man of many talents, but that talent, that power, comes from knowing that greater is He than me.”
“I hear your multi-religious household peeking out to play.”
“It happens. And it freaks people out. Especially when my cadence changes and I sound less Persian and more like my friends.”
“A man of many faces.” She spoke as though she were completely enthralled with me. Her eyes were softer, glowing as she looked at me.
“I’m a complex yet very simple man, love. If you give me a fair chance, I zhink you will enjoy discovering zhat.” Her face flushed again and I confess it gave me great joy to see her blush. “And I love seeing zhat as well.”
“You like seeing me flustered?”
I tucked a hair behind her ear marveling at how we got to this point so quickly. “I like seeing you less poised, yes.”
“Why is that?” Her question seemed to come from genuine curiosity to my thought process and now that she was defensive.
“Because…”
“Don’t do that. Don’t think of the right thing to say. I want to hear your thoughts.”
“Okay. Often I wonder how I’m coming off to you. You are not hard to read at all when you know what to look for, but there are moments where I wonder if I’m fooling myself. When you are knocked out of zhe frame of perfection you pour yourself into, I feel able to breaze.”
“You think I’m perfect.” I hated how she questioned the praise I gave her, but it reminded me to do it more often.
“No one is perfect, but I zhink you feel zhe need to be. As an atonement, but I’m not sure what for.” I didn’t want my perception of her to taint the enjoyment of our evening.
She worried her top lip with her teeth almost as though she needed a minute to review the reasons behind her actions. “Not atone, but I don’t want anyone to find fault in me. That makes me nervous that I’m failing.”
“Here is an ugly truz you have to face, azizam .”
“What does that mean?” I could admit my Vanya’s curiosity made me happy because I loved the interest she took in me and my cultures.
“ Azizam ? My beloved.”
“Oh.” Her blush deepened again but instead of letting her stay embarrassed I continued.
“Zhe zhing you need to understand is zhat people can and will always find fault in you. Especially if you are doing better than them. Silence zhe haters in your head and prohibit zhem from your space. And zhen you move on and live a beautiful life.”