Chapter Thirteen - MamanVanya
“WONDERING WHAT YOU got yourself into?”
Her voice was soft. Her accent a mix of a southern drawl and French lilt. When I looked up I came to face a woman who exemplified a colorists dream woman. She had a softly rounded face that made her look far younger than I knew she was. Skin that was a similar hue to mine minus the freckles with long black hair that was loosely curled. She had deep brown eyes the shape of which she’d given her son, and extremely long lashes. Her jewelry was tasteful but this woman screamed expensive. Like the grand dames of the Black elites. Frankie had me watch A Different World and Fresh Prince of Bel Air and this woman was definitely Marion Gilbert vibes. In short, she was absolutely stunning.
“Mrs. Cannon.” I jumped up from the sofa in my office because I was so lost in thought I hadn’t heard her come in.
I glanced behind her and saw Navi smirking, which meant her ass wanted to catch me unawares.
Her smile was gracious as she walked further into my office and gave me a brief embrace I wasn’t expecting. “Mahdavi-Cannon. Gotta give respect to the exemplary man I married.” Her smile even seemed cultured and I felt so awkward.
“That’s very sweet.”
“You did not answer the question.” There was mild censure in her tone and in her eyes but the smile on her face was welcoming so I didn’t feel like she was angry.
I bit my lip, wanting to be brave with my words but not sound disrespectful. “I know what I got myself into. Well, as much as I could know at this point.”
Softly arched, perfectly groomed brows rose in surprise as a pleased smile crept across her face. “And yet you have not run away.”
“No. I haven’t.” The smile deepened and she gave me a slight nod. She smoothed her hands down the silk of her dress before motioning toward the spot next to where I’d been sitting on the sofa. I scoot over to make more room for her and she elegantly glided down onto the spot next to me. I’d been relaxing with my shoes off and scrambled to put my heels back on.
Not the best first impression, Vanya.
“I wonder, Vanya, if I speak to you directly, would you harbor ill will toward me?” Her face was still very soft, but there was an edge of seriousness to her tone.
Damn, here I thought we were getting somewhere. Was I wrong about her acceptance? “I don’t understand.”
She looked thoughtful as her eyes studied me, but she kept her smile. “Well, there is a choice I have to make. One where I tell you what I see or one where I try to ease your fears. The direction I take depends on you.”
“So… the two are not mutually exclusive.”
Her laughter actually tinkled in the air, like the sound of metal hitting crystal. It was light and almost bubbled out of her. It was like the human version of wind chimes in the breeze her. This lady is some kind of fairy.
“Far from it. You have seen what my son can become when he’s angry. He is a very vengeful man. I take great pride in that.” Her smile was just as proud as her words said she was and I wondered if this life turned her into this or if this was just who she was.
“Do you?”
“Yes. Because that vehemence ensures that he stays the grounded, good man that we raised him to be.”
I was nodding because any time I saw Xerxes cut up; he was doing it for a good reason. “I can see that.”
She clasped her elegant fingers around my hands and gave them a squeeze. “I know you can. Which is why I won’t lie to you. Xerxes is a passionate man. One who is slow to anger but destructive when necessary. The difference between him and a madman is, his anger is targeted and he never goes after someone who doesn’t deserve it.”
“Again, I can see that.”
“Then what has you so conflicted?” She angled toward me and crossed her legs as though she were really intrigued.
“I mean, killing people is wrong.” It was my reason but I’d become desensitized to it. That was probably my biggest hesitation.
“So why is the government allowed to do it? The state as a punishment for a crime? Why has murder long been the tool of religion to gain compliance?” I could hear the righteous indignation in her voice and I didn’t want to offend her.
I had no choice but to sit with her words because they were too accurate to ignore. “You make very good points.”
Her posture was still perfect as she rest her arms daintily in her lap crossed at the wrists. “I know. It is an annoying habit of mine. Your husband to be doesn’t like it anymore than you do, despite him telling everyone who will listen how smart his mother is.” She tried to look demure but a haughty pride smile came over her face and it was then I knew I would adore this woman.
“He seems the type to want to be right all the time.”
“Only because he plans out his actions in such detail, weighing the outcomes that, when he’s wrong, it devastates him slightly. Another annoying habit he got from me.”
I nodded because the amount of times I’d seen him act proved that to be true. “I’m glad he takes that type of time with his decisions. It’s comforting.”
“The only thing he didn’t have to analyze was you.” Her smile was still in place but it was now teasing but I worried that again she was irritated with me.
“I’m sorry.”
As though she could sense my hesitation again, she took my hands in hers again. “You heard me, papillon . He instantly knew you were the right decision and he went after you. But I can understand why you’re so afraid.”
“How can you know when even I don’t?” I don’t know what it was about these Consortium people but I swear they were walking truth serum. It started with Frankie, then Xerxes, Navi and now his mother. They had me showing emotions I had been too happy to keep bottled up for years.
“Because only you have ever picked you. And people that came before us told you that you weren’t worth it so often you started to believe it. And although you chose you, you still wonder if it was the right decision. So someone else choosing you confounds you. It makes you question that voice inside of you that you might have disobeyed, but you still somewhat believe. Starve that voice, Vanya. It only seeks to keep you small. To keep you sad. To prevent you from living the life you deserve. Don’t let the past you walked away from taint the future you’re walking into.”
She spoke so passionately, so honestly to my soul, I was convicted. Her words were true and I hated that I kept letting them control me even when they weren’t around. Xerxes could see it and so could his mother when she’d just met me.
“Thank you for that. That really is how I feel and I wonder when he’s going to wake up and realize I’m not the person he should want. That the voices I hear are right then where will I be when I get so used to all of this? To him. To the feeling his presence gives me? But I know I can’t go into this with fear, it’s just me trying to rationalize that I am making the right decision. And that he is too.”
Her slender fingers wrapped around my freckled ones and gave me a squeeze. “I don’t aim to be your mother-in-law. I want to be your maman . I will need a friend to talk to when Bijan is on my nerves. My friends have their daughters and soon I will have mine. I apologize in advance if I smother you. Please tell me so I do not intrude too often.” She looked all too pleased at the thought of me and I was so emotional about an older woman wanting to spend time with me. Wanting my company.
“I don’t know how to be a daughter—” My voice had come out as a whisper because I was so hopeful but scared at the same time.
“Nonsense. We will laugh and have spa days and get to know each other. I will not force my ideas on you or try to mold you into anything but the Vanya you want to be. My job is to support you as you take on the role that will lead Xerxes into his future. And your job is to be happy. To carve out your niche within this world because you are just as important, if not more so than Xerxes in all of this.”
I had to laugh despite how fiercely she was speaking. “No idea how that happens.”
“Because the man the outside world sees is dictated by the man he gets to be here. You control him and his actions in life, Vanya. I have been the woman in a man’s world and I can tell you that they might be the more brutal sex, but they are not the deadliest. That is what we are made for.” She tapped the tip of my nose making me smile widely.
“I feel like you may be disappointed in me on that front.”
“Nonsense, I will love you for how you are, but life and its changes, changes us. Never say never, papillon .” She sounded like she spoke from experience and I already knew she was right. I never thought I would be a violent person but I hadn’t batt an eye with beating that girl’s ass.
“What is that word?”
“French for butterfly. That is what I see when I lookout you.”
“A butterfly?”
She cupped my face in her hands a move so normal to her but foreign to me but melted me into a puddle. “Yes. Someone who started out in one way. They saw you as a caterpillar. Something that in their eyes held no value. Think of how many people see the value in worms despite all the hard work they do?”
“Very few.”
“Precisely. And they expected to keep you there. The worm in the dirt making their soil more fertile so they could be the bright and showy flowers. But they did not realize that once you had a taste of freedom you would change. You broke free, you went into your cocoon to solidify and change the parts of you that were necessary to your growth. And they tried to keep you hidden but you poked and poked and now you can break free. Into the beautiful creature I see now. You broke free. Standing here as the woman you are. And I take special pride in being able to witness the miracle of the butterfly. So spread your wings, Vanya. The unknown has not failed you yet.”
My emotions were bubbling over but the tears were thankfully still trapped in my eyes. “Thank you for that.”
“You do not need to thank me. And look at the colors you choose to wear. You know in your heart it is true. All florals, and bright colors and garden themes. All an expression of who you are instead of mundane fashion to fit into a box. I knew I would enjoy having a daughter.”
I wanted to believe she was a liar, but without even knowing this woman longer than five minutes, I could tell she was being honest.
“Did you want to view houses today?” That was the entire point of her coming by. I reached for my tablet to pull up the listings but she stopped me.
“That would be lovely, but would you mind if I took you to lunch?” She looked so eager for the outing that I couldn’t have refused her. I didn’t want to refuse her because lunch sounded wonderful.
“Navi and I—”
“Navi has already said she had things she can do. We will have my guards with us and Shoaib can meet up with Quentin, Bijan and my son.” She was already standing up like the matter was settled. She ran her hands over her hips smoothing out imaginary wrinkles.
“You’re a bit of a force.”
She winked as I stood up and put my feet in my shoes. I was thankful I’d dressed up slightly today in the white pants suit and hot pink sling backs.
“A gentle breeze that can nudge you along or a tempest. I never see the need to be a tempest with you. If anything Xerxes will wonder who this new person is that has inhabited his maman . You will get whatever you want from me. So, shall we eat?”
I could only nod because I truly wanted to have lunch with her. Not to pick her brain or to ask her questions, but to bask in the presence she had. Maybe it was selfish or dub or childish but her energy was soothing. It differed from her son’s but I appreciated it all the same.
“Mrs. Mahdavi, I have been told to accompany vou all.” Shoaib was at the doorway looking official in his suit. I’d realized that he and Quentin both wore flesh-colored ear pieces whenever I was around them so Xerxes could communicate with them and them with each other.
Ms. Babette locked her arm with mine as though we were presenting a united front to Shoaib. “My son, a gentleman to a fault. I’m surprised he isn’t here right now.”
Shoaib smiled briefly like he was keeping a secret but wanted to share. “He wanted to. Mr. Bijan vould not let him interfere.”
“Ugh, I love that man. I will need to remind him of how much when I see him.” She had a dreamy look of a woman in love even after so many years. I hoped that what we had would develop into something that deep and sustainable. “Come, doll, let us enjoy food while you show me a property that Bijan and I can stay in while we visit.”
Lunch had been an interesting affair. Ms. Babette had to be one of the happiest people I’d ever met. She was the type of woman who enjoyed every part of her day and wanted to live life fully. She’d made a call and rented out the Fig Tree for us to have lunch. This place wasn’t even open unless it was for dinner but that just showed the pull she had. We toasted over champagne, a twelve hundred dollar bottle of Jacques Selosse Premier Cru 2012. She ordered it like she was asking for a glass of water. She literally charmed every person in the building and the owner was trying hard to get her to come back for some brunch they were having in a few weeks.
We’d walked through an estate that couldn’t begin to be called understated. It was bold in its elegance and its opulence, which seemed to be right up her alley.
She had already started talking about the suite inside we would need for when we visited, like our house wasn’t within fifteen minutes of this place.
The home was part of a gated community that only had two other plots inside of it. They hadn’t been developed yet, but I could tell that they never would be, by the way Ms. Babette marveled over the house. They had already put in an offer and were discussing having a gathering there within the month since it was an all cash offer. The house was purely southern in its construction. The expansive double front porches held up by large columns and looked as though it were plucked straight out of the garden district in New Orleans. We had spent close to an hour marveling at the house before they were ready to leave.
And now we were at a bridal salon and I was surrounded by women and feeling like a fish out of water.
“You look contemplative. I know Babette’s happy-go-lucky self didn’t make you this way.” The curvy body didn’t waste a moment before she snuggled up next to me like we were the best of friends.
I looked at her beautiful, rounded face and could only shake my head by how easily I could see she was ready to cut up. I knew she’d been in town, but had been out to Carolina Falls and hadn’t made her way to the agency. This visit clearly piqued her interest, since she didn’t hesitate to come back.
“Jada… I don’t have the words to say how it feels to see you again.”
She grinned and then rest her head on my shoulder. Her locs were twisted up into a beautiful petal updo that made her look far more innocent than she actually was. “Probably like a hot poker to the brain but in a good way.”
I looked down at her head on my shoulder but couldn’t even be annoyed with her. “There’s a good way for that?”
She laughed at how ridiculous she sounded and I had to join in with her. “Beats me. Sounded good. So, Pippi —”
And just when I thought we were getting along. “For real?”
She sat up giggling and playfully bumped shoulders with me. “Babes, I thought we established this already. We red heads have to stick together. Stop being so uptight about a nickname. I gave one to Smoke as soon as I kidnapped him.”
I was so confused because what did she mean she kidnapped that man? “Wait, what?”
“Yeah. He wouldn’t tell me his name so I was calling him all kinds of random shit. Like Ember. It was a really great time.” She got this dreamy look on her face like she was reminiscing hard and loving every second of the flashback.
“Did you say you kidnapped your boyfriend?”
“Ewww that’s my man. Ain’t nothing boy about him.” She stuck her tongue out and started to make her booty cheeks bounce. I wondered if she would teach me how to do that without making fun of me. Hell nah, this is Jada.
“Okay your partner—”
“In crime, for sure. I like that. It sounds all dastardly.” She shimmied her hips and it was amazing how quickly I’d forgotten who I was dealing with.
“You are just as much in your own world as I originally thought you were.”
“Thank you. I would tell you that it’s really fun here but I also have really crazy thoughts. They can be intrusive. Most are usually violent. So it’s best for you to stay on the outside looking in.” She pat my hand as though that was going to make me feel better.
“But Smoke could weather it?”
“A folie à deux . It’s really beautiful when someone just gets you, you know?” Jada looked vulnerable and dreamy whenever she spoke about Smoke.
“Sure, Jada.” Because this girl was unstable and had already said that her man was insane so did she really think I was going to refute shit she said?
“So, listen. I’m sure this has been a whirlwind of a wedding, kinda like all these shits are, but you’re in good hands.” She’d actually straightened up and was looking like she was putting her professional hat on. I had to brace myself because who even knew how long it would last?
“Were you sent over here to say that?”
She looked around the bridal salon before pointing to herself and staring at me. Her face was serious for the first time since I’d met her. “You think that I’m the one they would’ve sent to be sensical? I’m almost insulted by that.”
I chuckled and nodded my head because she made a good point. “Forgot who I was talking to for a minute.”
“Obviously!”
I laughed at her because she truly looked offended by being the voice of reason. “It won’t happen again. I think the fact that I’m not the same person I was when you met me in Frankie’s bridal suite says a lot.”
“You know what? You’re right. I gotta give you credit for that. Cause I really thought you were a scary bitch.” She nodded her head to emphasize just how scary she thought I was.
“Jada, if your best friend, the only person who you’d been able to depend on your entire life was getting ready to marry a dude that had her kidnapped, what would you do?”
“Blow up his house and have Smoke execute his family.” I hated how she seemed to have this pre-planned and Lord I didn’t want to ask questions but my intrusive thoughts wanted to interview her intrusive thoughts.
“So why in the world would I be any different?”
“Because it was Liam.” She spoke with so much emphasis on Liam like his name alone should’ve let me know Frankie was going to be fine. I mean, Jada wasn’t wrong, but how the hell was I supposed to know that then?
“Jada, I didn’t know that man from Adam and what I did know I didn’t like. So, no. I wasn’t a fan.”
“Damn I gotta remember that everyone doesn’t look at the world from my point of view. Life lessons. Thank you, Vanya.”
“You’re… welcome?” I hadn’t even understood what I’d said to give her an epiphany but I was done playing with fire for the day.
“Stop that. We’re friends now. Technically, we’re family. One big happy ball of destruction. There are layers to the madness, though. Like take Yacouba. He’s not at the core of the madness like some of them are. He orbits around it, dabbles when he needs to and dips. Like an electron. Some of us hang out in the center, like Priest and Xerxes. Those niggas are the insane ones. They let their madness simmer but it’s always there. You can be an electron, like Couba. He’s always around, but he doesn’t get bogged down in the crazy.”
“I didn’t realize I would be getting a science lesson with dress shopping today. I didn’t know I would be dress shopping today so there was that.” Because what else could I say to breakdown?
“Speaking of, are we looking at white dresses today?”
I was light, but I didn’t think I was light enough to limit what color dress I wore. “I have no clue, why do you ask?” Because there was a reason for the question and I was seventy-six percent sure I was going to hate it.
“You’re divorced. I mean I don’t buy into that bullshit but you’re all Mormony or whatever—”
“Former Mormon.” Frankie plopped down on the other side of me kissing my cheek. She’d been helping Ms. Babette pull gowns for me to try on. Because of the quick turnaround, we would be going with a more simple dress and customizing it. I was sure something off the rack would be fine, since I’d never had a wedding dress at all. However, the four women that had gathered together to help me weren’t letting me settle. Apparently, the thing Navi had to do later on was getting this appointment confirmed.
“Thank you for clarification. But I’m shocked you want to jump back into this. I mean the first one didn’t work out but you moving quick with Xerxes. These men know how to work their magic. A year ago you were going to run him through with his scimitar.” Jada again was laughing and Frankie had the nerve to be chuckling.
“People can change. Besides, the time you’ve known people doesn’t mean shit. My ex and I grew up together. I saw him day in and day out for decades and there was no indication I would’ve ended up with him the way I did.”
Jada’s head tilted like a bloodhound who’d caught a scent and wasn’t about to let it go. She was dressed in a light blue gauzy off the shoulder peasant style blouse and flowy pants. She looked like a goddess of spring. “How did you meet your ex? You talk about him the strangest way. “
“What do you mean? How do I talk about him?” I looked at Frankie trying to understand what I’d said.
“I don’t know. Like familiarly.” Her eyes narrowed, and her tone was of someone trying to discover information.