Shâhzâdeh (The Consortium #8)

Xerxes

“Our parents said that we were the perfect match and the elders had discussed our fate and said we were to be married. And that was it.” She humped her shoulders like she felt the defeat of that day all over again.

“At seventeen.” I was speaking through clenched teeth again completely on the verge of losing my shit. Vanya turned her body, wrapping her arms around me as she faced the water.

“I’ve seen girls get married far younger than that. There had been some talk of me marrying some older man but Mr. Kennedy put a stop to it. He decided that my ex was better. Johnathan was pissed about it too.”

“What do you mean?”

I was hoping it was because he felt this shit was wrong too, but how their marriage went I could tell that wasn’t what she meant at all.

Her toe made circles in the sand giving her a brief reprieve from her mind. “He was angry and we would fight. It would get physical. He wanted to marry one of the other girls in the faith. Not because he loved them, but he saw their whiteness as his… reward I guess. For being obedient. He saw being with me as a punishment and was angry that I didn’t worship the ground he walked on because he felt he was so much better than I was.”

“How old was he?”

“He’s two years older than me so he had a choice. He just didn’t exercise it. Everything he had was because of them. His house, the money he made. They were all things they’d provided him to keep him in line. And it worked. He had no issue with being a kept son even though he was basically an indentured servant. His dependence kept him in line.” Her arms were folded in front of us and I gave her body a brief squeeze to remind her that I was here.

“I couldn’t call myself a man if I sat around and allowed zhe vorks of my fazer to become zhe only thing I had to brag on. My fazer is a man who gave up riches in order to make himself into a man independent of his family. My mozer carries on the family business, but we always grow and expand it in ways zhat ensure we’ve all left our mark. Maman was one of the first to design high grade weaponry that was lighter weight so zhat zhe women in zhe Consortium had more options in how zhey fulfilled zheir contracts. She developed zhe capsule at zhe end of our bullets to ensure zhat if zhe shot doesn’t take you out, zhe poison inside will.”

Her brows rose in delight, as it always did whenever anyone spoke about my mother. “That’s inventive.”

I chuckled because this couldn’t have been the same woman that thought we were all insane last summer. “She’s very thorough that Babette Cannon.”

“I like your mother. She’s the epitome of feminine but strong. It’s beautiful to see an example of how you can be both and one not override the other. It makes me feel hopeful.”

“My mozer might take it overboard. You can see amongst zhe mozers and even zhe wives of my friends zhat strengz comes in all forms. Yacouba’s mother was a librarian. A quiet woman who had her world flipped upside down one random night when she helped a stranger. And she became a mob wife. She’s still quiet, but all zhose books helped her carve out her space next to her husband. Exactly zhe way you will.”

“Thank you for your confidence. I didn’t have that before. My last wedding night was traumatizing. The wedding itself was something that seemed to be thrown together because it was like they knew I would run away. I was literally hustled in front of the Justice of the Peace and forced to sign. Our wedding night…Mr. Kennedy watched. Just stood there. Grunting and commanding, as though he had to ensure that we did the deed. It was humiliating to say the least. And then you factor in a husband that was disgusted to have to be there and yeah…I have issues I think.”

My heart stopped, and my vision blacked out from rage. Her ex was a piece of shit, but Mr. Kennedy was a monster. A man who wanted to believe he wasn’t a pervert because he had never touched his adoptive daughter. But this was an obsession with my wife that hadn’t abated and it made me wonder what he’d done to her that she just couldn’t remember.

“I will not put negative zhoughts into your head. But zheir deaths will be slow and torturous. We will have joy for a few weeks but zhen I will defeat every monster zhat ever dared to come for you.” I squeezed her as tightly as I could, crushing her to me. Feeling her was the only thing that gave me peace and she didn’t put up a fuss.

“I know. I knew that after the last encounter. I can’t stop you because they’re evil people and I see now there’s no saving them. I never wanted to save them, I just wanted them to leave me alone. Which again, they can’t seem to do.”

“I am shocked your ex didn’t stop him from staying.”

“It’s why I did what I did in our room. That’s how you’re supposed to be a good wife. You lay down and don’t move. You take direction and you don’t enjoy it. I think Jonathan switched it up because he was disgusted at being stuck with me.”

“He sounds like a bitch.” It slipped out and she whipped around with wide brown eyes.

“Did you just cuss? Finally. I was wondering if you would ever feel comfortable around me. You did it once before but I didn’t make a big deal out of it. But you’re right, he is a bitch.” Vanya’s delight at my cursing lessened my guilt of having done it.

“It is a matter of respect not to. And hearing zhey said ugly zhings to you makes me want to be even kinder.”

“Well, I’m giving you all my ugly and I know you don’t respect me any less. One little swear never hurt anything. I know you’re not cussin’ at me.”

“Fine. I will be better. So zhe ex—”

“Jada calls him my brusband .”

I barked a laugh and Vanya joined in with me because as ridiculous as she was, Jada was on point. “Your brusband didn’t want to be married yet put up no fuss.”

“I think he felt like if he complained about me enough they’d let him out of it. He would run and complain to them and I received a lot of criticism for not being open to his affection. I was sure I hurt his feelings because I would cringe whenever he touched me. But nobody wants to be married to someone who openly hates them. And it was always so awkward. When I tried to have autonomy I started losing entire nights and that’s why I thought I was being drugged. It only happened a few times before I stopped fighting and just laid there.”

“Zhe number doesn’t matter. His behavior is disgusting. All of zheir behavior. Zhey hurt you. Wronged you and I wish I had done far more to zhem all than what I have. But zheir time is coming.”

She nodded and I was ready to end our honeymoon to be her Blarasian Avenger . None of this could stand.

“It’s the hypocrisy of their religion that always confused me and their actions. They will hold up these ideals of being better. Being pure. But they see people like me and you as dirty but they fall all over themselves to get closer. I guess because I was Black that I didn’t deserve the type of respect that other girls got. But even they were still not above being married off. The things I’ve seen… I’m jaded. About a lot. But my ex was worse. He couldn’t handle the fact that he was still seen as less than despite all he did.“

I let the silence settle between the two of us and didn’t want to interfere with however she was processing. My mind was running rampant on how I could completely destroy everything they held dear the same way they’d done to Vanya. They’d tried to strip her of her humanity and I would be happy to return the favor.

When the sun finally set I was drawn back to the present and my wife was completely relaxed in my arms. “How do you feel?”

“Better. I hate that my life has been a giant science experiment. I feel like I grew up in a zoo instead of a home. And his wife hated me.”

“Why?”

She sighed and I knew it was because she was worried how I would take her response. “Because of the attention he gave me. She thought it was unnatural but that I was the one asking for it. I wasn’t. I just wanted to have the family I thought I had when I was younger. Even when they were saying so much was wrong with me, at least out in public they were kind.”

“And zhey never gave you any clue about your birz family or where you came from?”

“No. They always made Jonathan feel like shit because they called him a crack baby. I don’t know how true it was but they never said anything about me. They would just talk about my looks and how it was sign of sin from God.”

“If you feel zhe need to talk to someone, my cousin has an on staff zherapist who will more zhan happily help you work zhrough zhings I can’t. Zhey would never break confidentiality.”

“That… that might not be a bad idea.” I was happy that even though she was hesitant, she seemed open to the idea.

“Yet you hesitate.”

“I feel bad because there’s so much that even Frankie doesn’t know but I’m willing to tell you or some man I don’t know.”

“She’s a she and again, she’s a professional. You’ve told Frankie enough for her to be proud of you. Enough for her to have your back no matter what happens. Details may not be necessary for any of us. Well not for me or for her. Zhey won’t change how much we love you. It won’t lessen zhe value that you bring to our lives by simply allowing us to be a part of yours. When Frankie needed a friend, you were zhere for her no questions asked. After one meeting in zhe grocery store. You have more zhan cemented your spot in her life by just being zhe person you are. We never need more zhan zhat, Vanya.”

“I know you would never hurt me, Xerxes. Not because of your mother’s threats, but because of the man you are. Despite the darkness that your work causes you to operate in, I can see the good in you whenever you look at me. I don’t fear you and I never will.” She turned around and kissed the base of my neck which made some of my annoyance ebb.

“Zhose words are zhe greatest gift to me and provide me wiz much relief.”

“You make me feel…” she looked around the beach like she was too afraid to speak the words aloud.

“Not you being shy.”

“You make me feel sexy. I like when I see and feel that you desire me. It’s a weird kind of flattery and a power trip if that makes sense.” Vanya wasn’t nervous, but her voice shook slightly speaking things out loud she’d been told were bad.

“Never be shy about how I make you feel. A man wants feedback when he’s right and wrong. My correction is as important as zhe praise you might give. No fear, Vanya. And no shame. We are married and your pleasure is also my responsibility. When you’re ready for me to handle it, we will. Until zhen, we will wait. I am not a man who rushes any good zhing no matter how much I desire it. But please tell me if zhe proof of my desire offends you and I will do what I can to remedy it.”

“Not offensive, I just don’t know how to take it.”

“Take it as a sign zhat zhe sight of your face is enough to make me want you but I won’t act on it vizout your permission. You are an extraordinarily beautiful woman, Vanya, and anyone who made you believe ozerwise was a fool and a liar. My body reacts naturally, but I am still in control of myself not to act.”

She bit her lip which caused my dick to jump involuntarily. “But what if I want you to?”

“To act?”

“Yes. I, shit I’m not saying this right.” She went to move away again and I caught her in the crook of my arm which made her smile.

“Speak freely. I have enough trust in you that I selected the house that made you smile the most not just because it was perfect for me, but because I could see how much you loved it.”

“I still can’t believe you let me pick your house.” She looked so smug and instead of denying her hold over me, I acknowledged it.

“Our house. I am a man wiz a vision and I move accordingly. But back to zhis acting you want me to do.”

“I see how Liam is with Frankie. Not to compare but they are the only people I’ve ever seen up close who love each other so effortlessly. And she used to hate that man something deep.”

“Love and hate are fueled by zhe same passion.”

“True. But that is the type of life I want. What I’ve envisioned when I think about love. How I feel about you… warrants that type of affection.”

By the grace of Allah she feels something for me.

I took a step forward and when she didn’t flinch, it bolstered my confidence. It was easy to see her breathing faster through the thin fabric of her gown and I reached forward to caress her cheek slowly. Instead of shying away, she leaned into the feeling before opening up her neck to allow me to explore further.

My free hand grazed the side of her hip to pull her body closer to mine and she came willingly. The lack of hesitation caused the proof of my desire to lessen the distance between us. I went to move back but this time she was the one making the move. Her hands shot out to grip my sides ensuring I didn’t move.

“Vanya?”

“I like how it feels against me. Maybe it’s stupid but the desire you have for me fuels mine. It’s a heady feeling for someone like you to want me.”

She was blushing as she spoke but she didn’t look away and she sounded even more sure than before. The breeze off the ocean kept her gossamer thin gown pressed against her while we were talking, but now I didn’t shy away from looking.

“I’m only a man who sees zhe desires of his heart, mind and body in human form. So of course when zhe woman who supersedes all my senses could want is in front of me, I’m going to do what I can to claim her.”

“Can I touch you? I want to but then I get in my head thinking it might just be a tease and I don’t want—”

“I’m a grown ass man. I can more zhan handle zhe result of your touch wizout having to impose on you until you’re ready. I’ll take a zhousand cold showers and run a million miles. Zhere are solutions, eshgham .”

“So it is haram to masturbate.”

“It’s not in zhe Quran so much of it is up for debate. Some say it is, others say it is only makrooh . Although I may not consider myself truly muslim, zhere are aspects of zhe religion zhat resonate with me because of my upbringing. My household was non denominational but one zhat paid respects to both Christianity and islam. To me, zhe issue is addiction. My mind cannot function zhe way I need to if I’m constantly chasing instant gratification zhrough masturbation. I want to be focused on the pleasure that can be derived from zhe one that He has set aside for me. Am I perfect? No. Am I virgin? No. But zhere are certain principles I adhere to. Zhat happens to be one.”

“Is it wrong if I do it?”

“You want to provide me a release, azizam ?” I was enticed by the idea but she needed to verbalize how she was feeling.

“I mean in the future, I have looked up certain things and there’s too much that is conflicting.”

“I’m of the mindset zhat you do what you feel is right especially if it does not harm another. Like oral sex. I would never ask you to do somezing you would not want to. But zhe bond we have is one zhat has been blessed. Me providing you with oral pleasure exists within zhat blessing and isn’t forbidden. When allowed, I will take pleasure in tasting every inch of you. So think on what you truly want, Vanya. Your shyness will disappear once you open yourself up to me. Make no mistake about zhat.”

“I don’t want to wait.”

I took a step back and she took one forward keeping us pressed together. “We just talked about all zhis heavy—”

“But I feel lighter. I let it go. I don’t feel embarrassed with you. I guess that was why I blurted it out the way I did. I was okay with making that request to you because I knew you wouldn’t look at me funny.”

“I appreciate zhe comfort you have but are you sure?”

“Yeah. I didn’t taint the house with my words and their floating away on the water being cleansed. You make me feel beautiful—

I chuckled because I needed her to see herself through my eyes. “Zhat isn’t hard, Vanya, since you are.”

“See. I promise I will just feel all the goodness and shut off my mind. You would never lead me anywhere I wouldn’t want to go and you said we had a clean slate. I’m ready to fill it up and to be filled up.”

I ran a hand down my face because she was being flirtatious again and I didn’t want to make her feel unwanted, but I also didn’t want her to feel pressured to satisfy me. “You are really trying to get zhe dick.”

“It’s mine. I have papers on it. Now I would like to feel what I bound my soul to for the next few lifetimes.”

“Vanya—”

“You promised to build me a rocket so I could play among the stars. Tonight, I want your dick to be the rocket that launches me toward the heavens. Are you going to deny your wife, shahzadeh ?”

I scooped her up as she laughed and made my way back toward the house. We paused at the outdoor shower so that we could cleanse our feet and not track sand inside. She slipped her hand back into mine, the trust filling her eyes again. I hated when I looked at her before, she looked hesitant. Guarded despite baring herself for me. But she looked happy now. Eager to explore with me the way I was eager to explore her. There wasn’t much more that I could ask for with all that had been revealed tonight. I led us through the house, the doors automatically locking behind us. I’d programmed her fingerprint in the morning we’d arrived so she never had to worry about being locked out.

We made our way through to the bedroom we’d been occupying and I tried not to hesitate but it was near impossible. I didn’t want her to feel pressured into anything, but she leaned over and kissed me as though to prove she was fine.

“Open your eyes for me, zibā. I need you to hear wiz your ears and see wiz your eyes zhat zhere is no one here to hurt you. To judge you. I only want to love you zhe way zhat will please every part of you. Your mind, your heart, your soul. I want to entice each of your senses to zhe point of madness until you find zhe release and relief zhat brings you comfort and peace. My only desire is to make you happy as I am charged by God and by man. Find comfort instead of fear in my desire, Vanya. I won’t ever do more zhan you want.”

“I’m not afraid, I’m nervous.” I could see the truth in her words when I looked into her eyes and I gave her my honesty so she understood we were on the same page.

“So am I.” I continued to kiss around her ankle, watching how her blush reached different portions of her body.

“Why are you nervous?”

“Did you not hear all zhe weight I carry in zhis moment? I have to keep you safe, to please you. It is my honor to be in this position but it is the culmination of many monzs of desires. Desires to win your heart, your trust. So yes, as momentous for you as zhis is, it is zhe same for me. I do not take any of my blessings for granted. Especially not zhe biggest one.”

I brushed the silk up her thighs knowing that she was completely bare beneath it. With braveness through her timidity, Vanya sat up and pulled her gown over her head before tossing it on the floor. Her curls bounced around her head like a river of molten lava burning at its highest temperature. Seeing the freckles that covered every part of her body from her ankles to the crown of her head made me smile at how perfect she was.

“I know you gave me your permission to touch you—”

“I did and I do. Do I have the same from you?”

“Always. But I need you to understand zhis isn’t going to be a simple touch. I need you feverish wiz want of me. For your mind to forget anyzing and anyone else.”

I reached out caressing the base of her neck and squeezing slightly. The aggression I would normally bring to an encounter was tempered for a number of reasons. The last thing I wanted to do was something that would trigger her. Anything that made her think about the past. I was going to please her because I knew that was something she hadn’t experienced before.

My fingers trailed down the myriad of freckles over her chest her breath quickening as she tried to anticipate what I was going to do.

“Anyone who zhought your skin wasn’t zhe most beautiful sight zhey’d beheld has no concept of beauty. Every stroke of your flesh against mine makes me zhink praise be to God for such a gift.” My hands palmed her breast, her hips squirming, nipples pebbling even before I could make contact with them. “ Kamal .(Perfection).”

I toyed with her nipples, the color a deep caramel that perfectly accented her hair and eyes.

“I want you. Why are you teasing me?” She was squirming beneath me which had me wanting to give in, but

“Is it teasing or is it making sure you’re ready?”

“I am. See for yourself.” Vanya only hesitated briefly before reaching down and wrapping her fingers around me. My dick got even harder at the first feel of my wife stroking my flesh the way I would soon do her insides. She was watching me gauging my reaction as she applied more or less pressure and focused on the tip versus the shaft.

I hated that she’d learned how to please someone the way she had, but just like her, that thought would be a distant memory.

“You’re going to make me come like zhat zibā. I’m supposed to be pleasing you.”

“Then do it.” She rolled her palm over my dick and squeezed the tip in a way that had precum leaking out. I was gonna fuck this up if I didn’t take back control. I let her spread the droplets over the tip of my dick groaning as I bit my lip because that shit felt divine. My hair fell down into my face momentarily blocking my wife’s face from my sight.

Leaning back I eased my dick from her hands and she wrapped her legs around my waist. I rubbed the head of my dick through the wetness I was happy to see. Any man comfortable with having to lube up his dick before pleasing his woman had already failed. Unless there was a medical reason a man shouldn’t be allowed inside of a woman’s body before he’d made her cum.

“I don’t know, baby. She ain’t really talking to me like I need her to.”

I rubbed my dick over her center not even bothering to correct my lie. The head was damn near glistening with the first signs of her pleasure and I was trying to stay focused.

“I’m sorry.” Her eyes went to mine and I could see she wasn’t sorry for shit. She was desperate to say whatever she could so that I would slide in.

“Don’t be sorry, zhat means I ain’t done my job yet.”

“No you have. Please, you’re about to piss me off.” Her beautiful face frowned and the redness crept up her neck with her brows bunched.

“You got me tempted to put somezing in zhat pretty ass mouth of yours.”

“Not unless I put something in yours.”

“Oh you really trying to get fucked good tonight aren’t you.” I teasingly dipped my dick through her folds feeling the way her pussy was damn near blocking me from getting in. Her walls were gripping the head and I couldn’t tell if she was sucking me in or pushing me out.

I rubbed the head against her clit alternating between it and her lips. Each stroke elicited a gasp from Vanya’s lips like she was surprised and intrigued at the sensations she was feeling. Her body was flush and it wasn’t until I saw her thighs quivering and felt how engorged her clit was did I still my movements. I kept the head at the entrance of her body enjoying the slick wetness I could hear as I teased her. “Are you ready for me?”

“Yes. I need to feel you inside. It feels so good but I feel like I need more.”

“Zhis pussy is fighting to keep me out just like you were, Vanya. Is every part of you goin’ to be stubborn like zhis, baby?”

“No.”

She was talking and I was battling with her body to let me in. Short jabs to get her to open up to me the way she seemed so desperate to.

My dick was thick, Vanya’s body had been untouched for years and I thought for a minute we wouldn’t be able to get this together. I pushed forward again as she raised her hips allowing me to sink into her fully. She gasped and her tunnel collapsed around me her body going completely rigid. I felt the rapture wash over me the moment my body made intimate contact with hers. Her body was warm, but inside felt like it had been set to the perfect temperature for me. I joined us slowly, still wanting to show restraint and not lose myself incase she needed me to retreat. I wasn’t of any mind that my words were enough for her, but I would be happy if they were. Instead of her closing her eyes, I had to battle myself not to do so. The way she wrapped around me, suctioned me in, I felt the need to for only my sense of smell and touch to be engaged so I could savor this moment. Instead, I continued forward and instructed her to open up.

“Look down, my love. At how we are now one in every way. It is a holy sight to see.” My dick felt like it was playing tug of war when I pulled back to see the evidence of her arousal glazing me. To see and feel her experience joy beneath me had me biting my lip so I could continue to pleasure her. This was the first time I’d had sex in months, had abstained since before I met Vanya. I’d blamed it on being too busy to link up with anyone, but God was preparing my mind body and heart for her.

Her walls clenched around me and as I struggled to retreat, there was even more of her creamy pleasure covering me.

I tried to be gentle, trying to remember she had never been treated the way I knew she deserved. But she squeezed around me again and I buried myself deeply inside of her with one thrust my dick trembling as I caught my fuck up and chastised myself to be gentle. I was going to apologize, but her words stopped me from doing so.

“Yes. That. Please.” Her hands went to each side of my face pulling me closer and shoving her tongue in my mouth. Vanya’s hands went through my hair her hips circling as best they could with my body over hers.

“Here I was trying to make love to my wife. To hold back.” I pulled back gripping my hands into the sheets because of how good she felt.

“Don’t hold back. I want us to be us. To do what feels good. That felt so good.”

I eased back lifting her legs slowly placing them on my shoulders so I had control. Vanya thought she could handle this, but I didn’t need her running away when she became overwhelmed. She was going to have to put on her big girl pussy and take what she asked for. I leaned forward pressing my weight into the backs of Vanya’s thighs so she had no choice but to open up fully for me and take me in. Her hands went to my chest, her fingers brushing the still healing spot where her name was inked. Her ass was flexible as hell and I was going to take full advantage of that.

“Why does it feel like this?” She was trying to touch something on me and I laced our fingers together delivering long deep strokes that had her jerking our bound arms with each thrust.

“Feel like what?”

“Feel so good?”

“Because I love you. Because we were made for one anozer. Zhere is no one else on zhis earz who will care about pleasing you as much as I do.”

I released her hands, wrapping my arms beneath her and shoulders so my fingers could grip them from below. Vanya’s arms and legs were wrapped around me, her nails digging into my back as I stroked her into the mattress.

“Please, Xerxe—ughhh!” I could tell she was surprised at her reaction by the way she shouted as her walls started to drain my dick. There was no way for me to hold out as her orgasm pulled one out of me. I grunted my way through my release filling her up without a care in the world. I felt as though I’d reached the peak of what was heaven on earth because nothing could’ve felt better than Vanya right now.

“ Har che Khoda bekhad .”

I prayed for God’s will to be done as my dick finally stopped pulsing deep inside of Vanya.

“Are you going to stay?”

The question was asked quietly as though she wasn’t sure how to behave afterward and I simply leaned back and looked into her eyes.

Her hair was damp on her forehead, her eyes low and dreamy. My dick pulsed again and I felt the mix of us as I stayed surrounded by her walls. “Zhere is nowhere in zhis world I want to be but looking at you, our bodies joined as you wear this look of complete satisfaction. This moment is perfection to me. I pray you feel zhe same.”

She smiled broadly, her full lips spreading from one side of her face to the other. She looked relieved at my words, at my presence and it made me fall even more in love with her than I was before.

“I feel perfect. Everything with you feels perfect.”