Chapter 16
DONOVAN
Rosie was preoccupied the entire drive home, and I couldn’t blame her because my head was up my ass too.
It had been a day, and although it had started out just like any other, it had crashed and burned in a big way, and I’d crashed and burned right along with it.
There was so much shit swirling inside my head that I couldn’t deal with much more. I knew Rosie wanted to talk, but hand to God, I wasn’t sure I could do it. At least not tonight.
Rosie was great in so many ways. She was beautiful, fun, interesting, smart, and sexy as all hell, but she liked to go deep with the emotions.
I was more practical, and although I opened up to Ma and Callum when my da died, and when I found out about Imogen, it wasn’t something I’d ever been comfortable with.
Maybe it was the military man in me, but talking my problems to death only wound me up, and getting pissed about life shit wasn’t gonna solve anything.
I was more of a doer than a talker.
All I wanted to do was drop Rosie off, get my ass home, and call Colt.
Although I wasn’t up to Colt’s speed, I was handy with a computer and the internet and knew that with enough digging, I could uncover some information on the PI and the firm they worked for.
To be forewarned was to be forearmed, so the more shit I had in my arsenal, the better I’d feel about everything.
I turned up the dirt track to Rosie’s house and felt her squeeze my thigh.
“It may be a good thing that the kids are staying out, Donovan,” she said softly. “We need to check in with each other, especially after today. It’ll be good to have some alone time to talk.”
“Not staying, babe,” I told her, pulling the car to a stop next to the house. “Wanna get back home and talk to Colt. Then I need to get online and find out everything I can about this asshole PI that’s been taking pictures of my girl and me.”
The air in the truck turned cooler, and it compelled me to glance at Rosie’s face as I put the car into park. I immediately wished I hadn’t because she didn’t look happy at all.
“Donovan,” she said, her tone firmer. “We need to talk.”
“I don’t need to talk; I need to do something. Talking’s overrated, especially when my girl could be in danger.”
She turned in her seat to face me. “You’re not the only one who’s worried. I get it; I’m worried too, but we need to be in this together. That’s what being a couple is all about. We can’t plan if you won’t let me in.”
“You’re in,” I protested.
“No. I’m not.”
“Rosie, you’re in,” I insisted. “No woman’s ever been as deep in as you are except for my ma and my sister.”
“They’re not in either,” she murmured. “Nobody’s in. Not even Callum. You say they are, you may even believe it, but they’re not.”
I tipped my head back against the seat and muttered, “I dunno what you want from me, Rosie.”
“I want you to trust me,” she explained. “But I don’t think you’re ready.”
A flash of heat swept through my gut. “Seeing as you are in and I can’t give you any more than I already am, then maybe you’re right. Maybe this is too much.”
The pain that flashed across her face made my heart clench. “Right,” she whispered, turning to open the door.
“Ro,” I called out, suddenly desperate for her not to leave. “Wait.”
With her hand still on the door catch, she craned her neck until our eyes locked. “You’ve constantly got one hand up, holding me off.”
“I haven’t,” I denied.
“How long have we been doing this?” she asked.
My eyebrows pulled together. “About six weeks, or thereabouts.”
“So why haven’t we had sex?” she asked quietly.
“I wanted to take it slow,” I reasoned. “I always get accused of being a fuckboy, and I didn’t want you to think it was all I wanted from you.”
“I’ve known your intentions since the day I turned up at the court hearing, Donovan.
We’re in a relationship, and sex is meant to bring us closer, but you don’t want us to get closer, do you?
That’s why you always make excuses. It’s either work, or my kids, or Imogen, or your mom.
Tonight, we have an empty house and we are both kid-free, but still, it never even entered your head.
” She let out a brittle laugh. “I can’t believe I’m sitting in a truck with Donovan O’Shea, asking why he doesn’t want to fuck me.
It’s like I’ve been zapped through a wormhole into an alternate fucking universe. ”
I pushed out a humorless laugh. “Babe. I do wanna fuck you.”
“So come inside,” she murmured.
“I can’t, Posy. I gotta go do some research on this fucking PI.”
“It’s covered,” she cried. “Colt and Kennedy’s investigator are already doing what needs to be done.”
I thrust a hand through my hair. “I can’t sit idle while Imogen could be in danger.”
“Spending time together as a couple isn’t sitting idle,” she told me, her voice thick with hurt.
“Us being together is crucial if we want this to work. It can’t all be about kids, the family, or work.
There has to be an us too, or there won’t be a foundation to fall back on when things get tough.
How can we be close if there’s no closeness? ”
My throat clenched as a stab of heat blazed through my chest, and before I could stop myself, I exploded. “For fuck’s sake, Rosie, stop pressuring me. I’ll fuck you when I’m ready, alright? Jesus, when did you turn into this fucking person? It’s not all about you, babe.”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them, especially when a blank look hit Rosie’s eyes and she tilted her chin defiantly.
“Fuck you,” she spat, her eyes glittering. “Don’t you dare try and gaslight me into thinking I’m being too demanding because I want to feel close to you.”
“Babe,” I croaked. “I’m sorry, but sometimes, you’re a lot for me to cope with.”
Her face blanked, and her lip curled. “Then go and find yourself someone who’s less.” And with that parting shot, she threw the door open, hauled ass, and left me sitting there staring after her with my mouth hanging open.
I watched her stomp down the path, her juicy ass wiggling as she went, and my mouth watered.
Fuck.
Why was I such a dick?
Every word that just left my mouth was nothing like how I really felt.
Rosie was a lot, but not in a way where she was too much.
I just wasn’t used to being around somebody I had feelings for, and getting things right was a lot for me to navigate.
I’d never had a relationship; never had to think about somebody else, so it was alien to me.
Sometimes I felt like I was walking on eggshells around her. She was so beautiful and so fucking together, when most of the time, I was holding on by my goddamned fingertips, terrified that somehow, I’d fuck everything up.
That wasn’t me.
I’d always been a gung-ho motherfucker, a daredevil, a man who more often than not sought forgiveness because asking for permission wasn’t in my remit. These days, I was so scared of putting a foot wrong with Rosie, and also with Imogen, that somehow, I’d turned into a fucking sap.
I pushed my door open and shouted, “Rosie!” just as her front door opened and she disappeared into her house.
Jumping down from the truck, I prowled down the path and stormed the porch steps before hammering on the door.
“Open up!” I shouted.
All I got back was a shrieked, “Fuck off.”
My head reared back in shock.
Where had my level-headed, understanding Posy disappeared to?
“Ro,” I shouted again. “Let me apologize.”
“How about you eat shit and die,” she screamed through the door.
Well. That was a bit harsh.
“Come on, baby,” I crooned. “We both know you don’t really want me to die.”
“Yeah, I do,” she shot back. “I’m fucking sick of men who blame their insecurities on me. I’ll have you know, Donovan O’Shea, that I’m not too fucking much. Maybe the problem is that you’re not enough.”
Well damn.
That told me.
“I’m sorry, baby. I was out of order. I’ll go now and give you some space, but I’ll come back tomorrow and we can have that talk.” I touched the door with my fingertips.
“Don’t bother,” she yelled. “I’m washing my hair.”
Grinning to myself, I shot back, “The day after, then.”
“I’m getting my pussy waxed, she snapped. “Call me next year.”
I grimaced.
Maybe she just needed a day or two to calm down, and I needed to go home and grab a shower, seeing as all that talk of getting her pussy waxed had given me a half-chub.
Suddenly, a thought hit me. Why hadn’t I been throwing Rosie all around the bedroom for all these weeks, while also throwing her eight inches of solid dick? It wasn’t like I didn’t want to tag her ass; I mean, just the thought of her juicy tits got me hard as a rock.
Jesus Christ, what was the matter with me?
Since when had I been asexual? How could it be that a man who not so long ago couldn’t walk past a hot chick without trying to charm her into bed, had the promise of Rosie ‘spank bank’ Woods whenever he wanted her, but instead, left her thoroughly unfucked?
Was there something wrong with me?
I turned toward my truck and stumbled to it, my brain short-circuiting at my epiphany. What if my dick had stopped working? What if some bitch with a grudge had put some kind of voodoo curse on me, and I’d never get the urge to fuck again?
In that moment, I did a complete one-eighty and went from not wanting to talk to suddenly being desperate for a deep ol’ chat, and there was one person in my life I knew I could go to.
Not only that, but I trusted him above all others because he’d always been honest with me, even though he could be an asshole.
The only problem was, he’d just got home after traveling back from Ireland with his pregnant wife for the last twenty hours, and he might not feel like being very receptive to my ass darkening his doorstep with my drama.
But fuck it.
What else were brothers for?
—————
Callum’s eyes narrowed as he took me in. “What’s happened now?”
“What?” I exclaimed. “I haven’t said a word yet.”