Chapter 5 #2
Shirley’s car smells like lavender and eucalyptus, and they have cute crystals hanging from the rearview mirror, plus the seats heat up, but none of that manages to soothe me.
The moment we make it to Kai’s campus, I peek out the window.
A row of trees and bushes frames the entrance of his department’s building, squirrels dashing across the branches while people sit on the grass.
Students walk in and out through a sleek set of glass doors, but none of them are Kai. Where is he? His class finished fifteen minutes ago. I can’t step out and fetch him because it would only cause more of a media frenzy.
“I’m sorry to drag you into this.” I turn to Shirley. “We were supposed to be working, and I made today all about me.”
“Shit happens. I asked if you needed a ride, remember?” Shirley looks out the window with a faraway look. “I guess it comes with the job. This is what it’s like … to be this famous.” Their expression wavers. “Can I ask you something personal? Is it worth it? This level of exposure.”
The question catches me by surprise. Is the centrifuge worth it? I mean, I’m doing what I love, and I don’t have to work a nine-to-five for the rest of my life. It’s just … you can’t turn it off. Ever.
Kai texts me a moment later. on my way out.
I exhale in relief, sinking back against my seat.
“Is Kai the guy?” Shirley questions, their eyes curious. “Did you write the album about him?”
“He’s not,” I say. “There’s no boyfriend.”
Shirley’s brow pinches into a frown, but they don’t look as surprised as I thought they’d be. “Is it PR?”
“No, just—people assumed my album was about a guy I dated. But it’s not. The entire album is dedicated to fictional characters or stories I love. I get inspiration from the books and shows I enjoy.”
I only hope the anxiety I feel does not show on my face.
Shirley’s the first person I’ve opened up to about this.
It’s different from Mia, who knew from the start, or Marissa, who kept asking me questions until I answered.
Shirley’s never pressured me, but they’re an essential part of my music. They deserve to know.
“For real?” Shirley’s mouth opens slightly in disbelief.
“You think I’m weird.” I turn away, unable to look them in the eye. I feel like I’ve just ripped out my heart and handed it to them. “If you’re mad that I didn’t tell you, I’m so—”
“No, I think that’s dope!” Shirley elbows me. “Sasha, you’re an amazing songwriter.”
The pressure in my chest eases. “Don’t you feel betrayed? We’ve been working together for a while, and I’ve only just told you.”
“So? I don’t tell you everything about me.”
“But it’s an album about love from someone who’s never been in love.”
“And?” Shirley says, then their face goes blank. “Wait, so you and Kai dated? But you … didn’t love each other?”
“I loved him, just not like that,” I admit. “I mean, I’m—”
Suddenly a cacophony of shouted questions fills the air outside. I can hardly catch a glimpse of Kai exiting the building before paparazzi surge forward and surround him.
“Oh, shit.” Shirley stiffens.
“Where’d they come from?” My heart races. They have materialized seemingly out of thin air, their camera flashes bursting like a barrage of fireworks.
This is my fault. Fame comes at a price, but I should be the one to pay it, not Kai.
“I’ll get him,” I say, but Shirley stops me before I can open the door.
“You’ll make it worse.” Their brow furrows as they look outside. It’s the first time I’ve seen them this serious, but they’re not wrong. If I get out, it will confirm the news. Why else would I be here?
It doesn’t matter if it isn’t true.
Shirley glances at an overnight bag sitting in the back of the car. “I have an idea.”
Shirley didn’t tell me much about their plan. They just grabbed the bag and told me to trust them, and to text Kai their number. It’s been thirty minutes and I have no news from them. The paparazzi are still stationed outside the building, and I’m stuck in the car.
Students my age whizz past the car on scooters. I fetch a mask from my backpack and tug it tight around my face, feeling invisible eyes on the back of my neck, but no one seems to recognize me through the dark windows.
I hate that I can’t do anything. That I didn’t see this coming. I should have just stayed at the meet and greet. I pull at the end of my ponytail until my scalp hurts. I don’t know how Shirley expects to sneak Kai past the press, but—
“We’re back in one piece!” Shirley gets back into the car with a camouflaged Kai behind them.
Well, camouflaged might be the wrong word. Kai’s wearing a shark onesie, his face concealed by a row of fluffy teeth and a mask.
“Ley, you’re a genius.”
“We got lucky. I had the shark onesie in here from a video my friends and I filmed a while ago. I figured no one would expect Kai to walk out in a ridiculous outfit, so they didn’t pay attention to us.”
“Thank you for the rescue.” Kai lowers his mask and the shark hoodie and breathes out a sigh of relief.
“Are you okay?” I ask, leaning into the back seat to hug him. I give Shirley a quick squeeze, too. “Thank you.”
“I’m okay,” Kai says. “If it came down to it, I could have jumped out a window—”
I huff. “Don’t pull a Mr. Rodriguez again.”
“You still remember that?”
“Wait, what’s a Mr. Rodriguez?” Shirley asks.
“Our friend Mia took this baking class, and Kai wanted to try one of the cinnamon rolls she made, so he tried to climb up the window while our teacher, Mr. Rodriguez, went to the bathroom.”
“The plan was for Mia to hand me one, then I was going to jump out the window before our teacher could come back, but…” Kai looks down in embarrassment.
“His foot got caught on the curtains, which swung him back into the room, and he crashed onto the counter. It sent everyone’s cinnamon rolls flying.”
My expression threatens to waver. I still remember those hazy evenings after school—the weight of my backpack bumping against my waist as Kai, Mia, and I walked home, sharing whatever Mia had baked, the sky turning into a blend of soft blue and pink.
“Those cinnamon rolls were worth the rolled ankle.” Kai throws me a challenging look, but he smiles, as if caught in the memory as well.
“I can see why you two are friends,” Shirley says, before turning to Kai. “I’m Shirley, by the way. I work with Sasha.”
“They’re my producer. Literally the best in the world.”
“Kai.” He shakes their hand as best he can in the shark onesie, then looks between us, relaxing against the heated seat. “Sash, can you please catch me the fuck up?”
Marissa and Kai sit on opposite ends of my kitchen table, engrossed in their phones. I text Shirley to thank them for driving us and to apologize again for having to cancel our session.
“Would you like something to drink?” I ask Kai and Marissa. Silence spreads like specks of dust in the air. I hate it. I feel like I’ve done something wrong, and I’m about to get scolded. “I’m going to make some tea.”
“Let me help,” Kai says, getting up to rummage through my cabinets. I give him a look. “I still know where everything is. I can help.”
“What if I rearranged my cabinets?”
He smirks. “As if you’d get rid of the system.”
“The system?” Marissa raises an eyebrow.
“Sasha likes to stack her favorite cups in a specific order, right?” he says, looking at me for confirmation. “She chooses a different cup depending on her mood.”
He remembered. I give him a small smile.
Right now my nerves are shot, so I reach for the sturdiest cups—they conserve heat better, so I can warm up my hands. They also have less of a chance of breaking. It makes me feel more in control of my surroundings somehow.
“Anyway.” Marissa clears her throat and places an iPad on the table. “So, here’s the tea. The paps took some pictures of you, and the press must have done some digging. They’re running a story about how Sasha’s first album is about you, Kai.”
“It’s not though.” The urgency in my voice makes me sound pathetic, but that’s where we’re at. I don’t know if Kai has even listened to my album.
“I know it’s not about me. It’s so obvious they’re songs about your favorite stories,” he says, tilting his head at me.
“You act like I don’t know your favorite movies.
Or like we didn’t watch half of those shows together.
Take ‘Birds of the Same Sky.’ That song is a Pride and Prejudice modern AU.
” He winces. “I still remember when you and Mia both dressed up as Darcy for Halloween and your wig fell into the toilet.”
“Wait, you’ve listened to my album?”
“Of course.” His voice softens. His gaze shifts, a flicker of realization crossing his face. “I mean, it was playing everywhere. It’s not like I could escape it.”
“The thing is, you two dated,” Marissa says.
“And the press has proof. They’ve found some old pictures of you.
” She types something on her iPad and hands it to us.
There’s another article with pictures of Kai, Mia, and me building props for our theater class.
Kai’s sitting behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist.
“Who leaked that?” He bristles, and something blazes over his face, as if he’s remembering the moment in the picture.
Marissa shrugs. “It could be that one of your classmates posted it a while ago, and they just found it. They knew where to look.”
“Hmm. So this is what it feels like to be doxed.” Kai’s voice is laced with humor, but the slight arch of his eyebrows betrays his unease.
“I’m so sorry.” I’m starting to sound like a broken record, but I can’t help it. Yesterday was a mistake. If I had just come back to the meet and greet and done my job, none of this would have happened.
“Sasha, it’s not your fault,” he says. “You didn’t leak the pictures.”
“We can’t go back in time, either,” Marissa says. “But this could be an opportunity for both of you. If we play our cards right.”
“If we play our cards right … how?” I frown. There’s a look on Marissa’s face that I can’t read.