Chapter 14
By the time we officially wrap up filming Friday three weeks later—it went longer than scheduled—I’m so exhausted I can hardly speak. Being on set means having to be Sassy twelve hours a day, five days a week nonstop.
My thoughts have become a jumbled mess, like there’s a puzzle between them and my tongue that I have to solve every time I want to put them into words. I feel like I’m running a marathon in my brain, so I pretend to be on vocal rest to get some time to reset.
Kai knows it’s best to leave me alone to recharge, so I spend our last few days in London cocooned in my hotel room while he hangs out with Asher.
Then, on our last day, Asher insists on taking us to the London Eye, a giant architectural Ferris wheel that overlooks the city.
It’s weird thinking I won’t get to see him every day.
I’ve grown so used to being around him that it feels natural.
These past weeks, the layers of his personality have been peeling back to finally show the real Asher, or a glimpse of him.
He pretends to be this mysterious, dreamy heartthrob in front of the press, and cocky and manipulative around those in the industry, like they’re these different masks he wears to protect himself.
But the real Asher is a nerdy, surprisingly clumsy, slightly shy guy whose idea of a wild night is crocheting clothes for Muse.
“Come on. Hurry up! I saved the best for last,” Asher urges.
He grins, steering us toward the London Eye.
We are ushered into a closed pod with enough room for each of us to stand in a different corner.
My sunglasses stay on as we start ascending, since the world has decided to become too bright for my brain to handle today.
Christmas lights decorate the streets in the distance, and snow dances in the air, bathing the sky in an ethereal glow.
I sit on the floor and press my hand against the smooth glass, feeling the cold seep through my fingers.
I take out Tito from my backpack—he’s now wearing a little sweater Asher made for him—and spend a few moments snapping pictures of him with Westminster Bridge in the background, spanning the river like an artery.
“Are we swaying?” Kai tightens his grip on the railing, staring at the people on the ground, growing tinier and tinier. “The other pods aren’t swaying.”
“Afraid of heights, I see,” Asher says, scooting closer to him.
“Me, nah,” Kai scoffs, but his hand remains steady on the railing. “I’m okay with heights.”
I share a look with Asher.
He’s afraid of some heights, but not roller coasters for some reason? I text him. Or bouldering.
“I’m not afraid of heights.” Kai shoots us a glare, catching a glimpse of the text exchange. “I’m just afraid of unsafe heights. This feels like one.” Asher stifles a puff of laughter behind his fist. “At least I’m not afraid of sheep and didn’t almost fall into a mud puddle when I saw one.”
“It wanted to bite me! You guys saw it,” Asher grunts.
Last weekend Asher took us to a small town where he spent part of his childhood.
Asher owns an estate in the area surrounded by greenery that his family restored.
He insisted that one of the sheep living in the fields nearby is out to murder him.
Kai convinced him that the sheep is probably the reincarnation of the person who built the property, and Asher got paranoid.
“I used to be afraid of heights, too, you know,” Asher says.
“Really?” Kai raises an eyebrow. “How did you get over it?”
“I went skydiving.”
“Of course you did.” Kai rolls his eyes.
“Want to know a trick?” Asher places a gentle hand on Kai’s shoulder. “Focus on something else.” He hooks his thumb under Kai’s chin and redirects his gaze to the snow, grazing the roof of the buildings. “We don’t usually get snow in December. Beautiful, right?”
Kai stiffens. “I guess.” His eyes remain on Asher before he turns around and clears his throat, shrugging him off. “Move. I need space.”
Kai’s been warming up to Asher, even if he won’t admit it.
He swings by our set every other day, claiming that the Wi-Fi is better in my trailer and he’d rather do his homework from there.
He’s been showing Asher some of his drawings, too.
It’s something he only does with the people he trusts.
And Asher’s been taking him on a lot of walks, ever since the doctor said it was safe to take off the boot and he could start strengthening his ankle again.
“I wanted to bring you two here before you left,” Asher says. His gaze is lost on the skyscrapers in the distance, a hint of sadness in his voice.
I’m going to miss you.
“It’s not like you’re never going to see us again. You can, I don’t know, visit us sometime,” Kai says. His eyes seem to dim as he watches Asher. “Got any plans for winter break?”
“My parents and I have a few appearances scheduled.” Asher smiles, but it feels empty.
“Appearances?” Kai asks.
“Fundraisers.” He shrugs. “Our assistants are trying to make it work.”
“Your parents are going to make you spend your holidays doing photo ops?”
“It’s not all I’ll do. And it’s not like my parents are forcing me to.
I don’t mind—in fact, I want to. My mum is on set for a few more weeks, and my dad has a foundation.
It does a lot of good, but it’s a lot of work,” he says.
“They’re good people, and they’re normal in private.
They’re just busy. I’m busy, too. I have some scripts to read through, so I’ll probably do that while I hang out with Muse.
Then, as soon as Mum is off, we’ll bake together and watch holiday movies, and we’ll go skiing with Dad, if we all have a day off. ”
If we all have a day off, not when. My heart sinks. Asher’s always in the centrifuge—he’s been spinning since he was born. He doesn’t know what it’s like to get a break from it.
I don’t know his parents, or how much of the real him he allows himself to show them, although he did say they know he’s queer and support him. But his admission from the other night still hangs in my mind. I was a PR baby.
I’m sure he doesn’t want to disappoint them—his parents are both so perfect in public all the time, but it’s a lot of pressure to live up to.
“What are your plans? What’s Christmas like in Los Angeles? Must be sad not to have snow. I could never.”
“Well, Sash has this massive tree in her yard,” Kai says. “Her sister and I have plans for it. We’re going to decorate it with Legos and Playmobil instead of ornaments.”
“Sounds nice.”
I expect Asher to taunt Kai, since he’s good at building model kits, but he doesn’t.
“You could come with us,” I blurt out. Asher turns to me, probably startled since this is the most I’ve spoken today. “Spend the holidays in LA until your parents’ schedule opens up. No cameras. If you want to.”
Asher blinks. “I … Sounds like I’d be imposing.”
I stare at him, trying to decipher his reaction. Is he trying to turn me down politely or does he actually think he would impose on us? Maybe he doesn’t want to come. I wish he’d just say what he meant.
“You won’t,” Kai says, an urgency in his voice. “You can stay in my basement. We have an extra room.”
Asher grimaces. “In your basement? As in, the place that’s underneath your house?”
“What’s wrong with it? I sleep down there all the time.”
“If you want us to share a bed, just say so.” Asher smirks.
Kai grunts. “Fine. Book yourself a fancy hotel then.”
“Of course I will. Who do you take me for?”
“Does that mean you’re in?” I say, a tinge of excitement bubbling up in my chest.
Asher’s response is a warm smile. “Can I bring Muse?”
“Merry almost Christmas, Sasha,” Marissa says on the other end of the phone. “We’re finally in the same time zone. Good riddance. Did you miss LA?”
“I have, except all the traffic.” I walk the length of my hallway. In the living room, Kai is putting together one of Sonia’s Lego sets while she and Asher glide across the kitchen, the smell of gingerbread cookies wafting through the air.
I was a little nervous to introduce my sister to Asher. She can sniff people’s bullshit from a mile away, and Asher is, well, Asher. I already knew he’s good with kids, but his default charm didn’t work on Sonia, so he’s trying to earn her respect with baked goods.
“I heard everyone on set loved you,” Marissa says. “The producers are already talking about having you back for another cameo. Great job.”
“Thanks, I—”
“I’ve sent you a present. It should arrive sometime today.”
“Girl, let me finish a sentence,” I huff.
“Thought you were on vocal rest.”
“I’m feeling fine now.” My soul is still exhausted, but it gets better when I’m home.
Everything’s familiar, from the way my pillow feels under my head to the amount of light I let into my room or the way my plushies are lined up along my window.
My moms cook amazing food without me having to figure out when or what I’m hungry for, and I can revert back to a routine where life feels simpler.
My eyes flick toward the living room, soaking in the scene. Kai’s concentration face, surrounded by Legos. My sister yelling at Asher, throwing flour everywhere. It’s chaos, but it feels peaceful.
“So, any holiday plans?” Marissa asks.
“Asher, Kai, and I are going to decorate a tree with my sister.”
“Oh, cool.” I can hear her irritation through the phone. She doesn’t like how the press has been focusing on the friendship between Kai, Asher, and me rather than my relationship. “Okay, but remember—”