Chapter 14
Caleb
“We don’t have to do this,” I said as I followed Jace down the dimly lit sidewalk. “I’m sorry I blew up at you like that.”
I felt my cheeks heat as I remembered the way I’d gone off on Jace that very morning.
I’d called him an overbearing jackass after he’d refused to let me go ashore with him to the local convenience store that also had a small laundry attached.
Between being confined to the boat for nearly two weeks and Jace’s distant attitude, I’d been at my breaking point and I’d just needed some kind of change in my routine.
When I’d insisted that no one would recognize me in the few minutes it took to toss our clothes into one of the half-dozen washing machines, Jace had calmly reminded me it wasn’t safe.
An argument that had held little water with me, since there was still no evidence that I’d been linked to the shooting outside Richard Jennings’ house.
Jace had insisted we still needed to be careful about anyone seeing me, but I hadn’t been so sure that was the reason he’d been unwilling to even consider the idea of me going ashore with him.
Maybe if he hadn’t spent the better part of a week avoiding me even when we were in the same room together, I would have believed it was just his overprotective nature kicking in.
From the moment Jace had lifted me off the floor and settled me on the bed after the epic blowjob he’d given me, I’d sensed a subtle shift in him. He’d suggested I get cleaned up, even though he’d been the one covered in the remnants of our cum. Then he’d left the room without another word.
And my insecurities had kicked in big-time.
I’d obsessed over the fact that I’d been too rough with him, especially by the end when I’d fucked his mouth without any kind of consideration.
I’d had that done to me more times than I wanted to admit, but when Jace had refused to let me pull out of his mouth, had even looked up at me with lust-filled eyes, I’d wanted to believe that he really was enjoying what was happening.
I’d lost control after that. Jace had come too, but maybe it had just been his body’s natural reaction to the stimulation.
My worry had continued to grow and grow as Jace had withdrawn from me both emotionally and physically over the subsequent hours, but when I’d tried to talk to him about it that night as we’d been getting ready for bed, he’d brushed off my query about whether he was okay or not with a comment about being tired.
He hadn’t held me that night.
Or any that had followed.
And a part of me had died each time he’d said goodnight and then turned his back on me.
During the days, he’d spent most of the time moving the boat around the bay.
We’d made several round trips over the same area, so even the scenery had started to feel stifling after a while.
Jace had gone ashore a couple of times to get us groceries in the past week and each time he’d brought me back some Sno Balls.
Every time I saw them now, I just wanted to cry. It was almost like they’d become a consolation prize.
I didn’t want the damn Sno Balls.
I wanted Jace.
“It’s fine,” Jace said. “It’ll be dark and since it’s a weeknight, there probably won’t be many people around. ”
The answer stung. Not because of what he’d actually said, but because he hadn’t responded to the hurt and confusion he must have been able to hear in my voice.
As bad as the last week had been, Jace had taken things to a whole new level of hurt. It wasn’t something I’d even noticed until I’d been getting dinner ready almost a full forty-eight hours after our sexual encounter.
Jace had removed all the knives and forks from the kitchen and replaced them with plastic utensils.
It had been like a slap to the face, and I’d ended up going into the bathroom and crying into a towel so Jace wouldn’t hear me above deck.
Then I’d dug my fingers into my arm until there’d been several small bruises on my skin.
It hadn’t been enough damage for the bruises to last long or be noticeable, but my heart felt like it had been torn from my body.
I hadn’t confronted Jace about the silverware.
I’d kept hoping something would change over the past week, but nothing did.
To make matters worse, Jace was spending every evening above deck while I read or watched TV in the bedroom.
On a few occasions, I’d heard him talking to someone on the phone.
Since he’d told me himself that the only person he was in communication with was Dalton, I’d known it was the handsome former soldier he’d been choosing to spend his time with instead of me.
My anxiety continued to build as we walked. Another five minutes passed before we reached our destination.
It was a small movie theater and Lord of the Rings was spelled out in red plastic letters on the marquee. I’d known we were going to the movies, but he hadn’t said which one.
“It’s a marathon,” Jace said. “I saw a sign in one of the stores that they were playing it all this week.”
I stared at the letters for a long time until they started to merge together and I realized it was because I was crying.
He’d remembered that I’d said it was my favorite movie.
“Caleb?” Jace asked in concern when I stopped following him. “Are you okay?”
I let out a watery laugh, then shook my head. “God, Jace, you’re such a fucking asshole,” I whispered, then I turned on my heel. I wiped at my face as I began walking.
“Wait, what’s wrong?” Jace asked as he caught up to me and grabbed my arm.
“Lord of the Rings?” I asked. “You gonna fuck me again now too, Jace?” I bit out.
“What—”
“Is this how it’s going to be?” I practically spat as I began walking again. “You treat me like shit, then you do something nice and I’m supposed to forget that you can’t even bring yourself to look at me? Maybe I blow you or let you fuck me and then it starts all over again?”
“Caleb—”
“Fuck you, Jace,” I muttered, my voice breaking. “I get it. You don’t do relationships, you don’t fuck the same guy twice, you get off and you go. Shame on me to think I was the exception to the rule.”
I quickened my pace. I knew Jace was still behind me, but he didn’t say anything.
It took only a few minutes to get back to the marina.
Once on board the boat, I went to the bedroom and searched out the second burner phone Dalton had bought for Jace.
We hadn’t made use of it, but Jace had explained it was activated and that I should use it to call him or Dalton if there was any kind of emergency while Jace was on shore.
Since I didn’t have anything else that was truly mine on the boat, I turned to leave.
Not surprisingly, Jace was standing in the doorway.
Blocking it.
“You’re not leaving,” he said quietly.
Too quietly.
If he’d been any other man, I would have been scared. But he wasn’t any man.
“What are you going to do to stop me, Jace?” I asked as I came to a halt not more than a foot from him. “You may not give a shit about hurting me here,” – I pointed at my chest – “but we both know you won’t lay a hand on me in anger.”
His jaw ticked, but as expected, he didn’t make a move toward me. But when I went to push past him, he grabbed my arm and propelled me back into the room. He slammed the door shut behind him.
“I never lied to you—”
“Yes, you did!” I snapped. “Every time you kissed me! Every time you shared some part of yourself with me, every time you—” – I hated that my voice cracked – “—every time you looked at me like I was the only person who existed for you!” I wiped at a stray tear that slipped unbidden from my eyes.
“But you warned me, didn’t you?” I whispered, my anger deflating as pain began to spiral throughout my chest. “You told me not to give you everything. So shame on me for that too,” I murmured.
“It isn’t like that, Caleb,” Jace said in frustration as he thrust his hand into his hair. “I just… I just…”
When he didn’t say anything, I pushed past him, saying, “Go tell it to Dalton” as I did so.
Jace grabbed my arm and dragged me back to him, then walked me backward until I hit the bed.
His heavy weight pushed me onto the mattress and he instantly pinned my hands beside my head.
“I don’t fucking want Dalton!” he snapped.
“Don’t you get it, Caleb? It’s you!” he practically snarled.
“It’s only ever been you! You’re all I’ve ever wanted from the moment I met you. ”
Before I could even respond, his mouth closed over mine. The kiss was harsh, but my body welcomed it anyway. But it ended way too soon.
“You were seventeen fucking years old,” Jace said, his voice quieter now. “You’d been brutalized in the worst way and I just wanted… I just wanted…”
“What?” I asked softly, some of my pain easing as I watched the helplessness flash in his eyes.
“I had to stay away,” he said hoarsely. “Don’t you understand?”
He didn’t give me a chance to answer. Instead, he shook his head violently. “I couldn’t go through that. Not again. Not with you.”
“Go through what?” I asked. His body was shaking on top of mine .
“I couldn’t love you and lose you like all the others. I just couldn’t… I can’t… I won’t.”
I held my breath. Had he just admitted he loved me? I knew the others he was talking about were the family members who’d all been stolen away from him.
I forced some oxygen into my lungs. “You wouldn’t talk to me,” I murmured. “We had that amazing moment when you… when we…” I cursed inwardly because tears began slipping down my face and with my hands pinned, I couldn’t do anything about that.
Jace released one of my hands and skimmed his thumb over my right cheek, then my left. I let out a watery laugh because it was just like him to do something like that.
“When we had sex,” Jace finished for me. “That’s what it was, Caleb. And it was perfect.”
“Then why didn’t you speak to me afterwards? I thought I’d hurt you – that I’d treated you like my father and Rush had—”